Discrimination at FedEx - apparently not a policy, but still a problematic incident

[Circe]

Gwendolyn - thanks.

We have an interesting history, to say the least ... when I met the hubs, we were both dating other people, and he was doing the LD thing with two weeks in CA, and two weeks in NY. We really hit it off, and were best friends for two years until we both would up single at the same time and thought, hey, why not? So then we got to do the LD thing as romantic partners rather than friends (makes it much harder, unsurprisingly!) for 6 months, until I got a job out in CA. We figured our problems were solved for the short-term, though we worried about the long term (we''re both academics, and while my spot out here is TT, his wasn''t). So, he went on the market this, looking for a little more permanency ... and one of the companies he interviewed with LOVED him. The only thing was, their LA office wasn''t hiring this year ....

But their Houston office was, and the opportunity was just too good to pass up. So, for the indefinite future, we''re doing the LD thing: he''ll fly home on weekends, and once in a while when my workload isn''t too bad, I''ll return the favor. And, once he''s gained some experience in this field, he''ll have the option of transferring back to LA (or, alternately, once I''ve established myself a little more firmly in my field, I suppose I''ll have the option of seeking employment elsewhere ... though, this one is pretty firmly in 2nd place for me, since I love my university). We''ll make it work, one way or another.

And, *Lindsey,* thank you - couldn''t have said it better myself on "Is it a pain? Yes. Is there a reason for it? Yes. Should companies come up with a way to accommodate families in which members have different names? Yes!" Yes, indeed! The thing that irks me about this, specifically - and I''d say it is a case of individual discrimination on the part of the agent, though not company-wide discrimination as policy - is that the system basically operates on trust. They have no way of verifying identity over the phone: if I had said I was his wife with no additional info., or lied about my name, or, heck, said, yes, I''m the recipient, my parents gave me a male family name, hahaha, isn''t it *funny,* it would have gone over just fine. It''s the kind of a system that will only bite honest people or complete idiots. If they really want to be safe, they should use a specific identifier, like, say ... their tracking number. And, yes, definitely calling to follow through on this!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I have to say, that person''s behavior is disgusting! When you have time, I am sure there is a way to know who it way... they make notes in your file when things change, and I bet there is a signature of who made the comment. But they may close ranks on you and deny deny deny.

I had a similar, if opposite, experience. I''m a PhD working in a university academic setting, and after 8 months of deliberation post-wedding decided to take my husbands name. I called HR to tell them about this, and the woman said, "You''re taking his name???" She sounded very incredulous. And I said, "Yes." And she said, "Wow, ummmm... huh." And I said, "Is there a problem?" and she said, "Well, it''s just that most educated women keep their own names!"

You can''t win.

 

[ljmorgan]

Date: 5/9/2008 8:40:02 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
I have to say, that person''s behavior is disgusting! When you have time, I am sure there is a way to know who it way... they make notes in your file when things change, and I bet there is a signature of who made the comment. But they may close ranks on you and deny deny deny.

I had a similar, if opposite, experience. I''m a PhD working in a university academic setting, and after 8 months of deliberation post-wedding decided to take my husbands name. I called HR to tell them about this, and the woman said, ''You''re taking his name???'' She sounded very incredulous. And I said, ''Yes.'' And she said, ''Wow, ummmm... huh.'' And I said, ''Is there a problem?'' and she said, ''Well, it''s just that most educated women keep their own names!''

You can''t win.

It is amazing how much judgement women receive in regard to whether they keep their maiden name or choose to take their husband''s name. It sounds like you were similiar to me in that we both had long periods of non-decision -- I was so torn. But when people realized I hadn''t taken his name right away I got grief, when I decided that I would hyphenate, I got grief. So annoying. Then having my degree in computer science and working where I do, I have received a dose of name changing snobbery since I took my husband''s last name. You''re right, you really can''t win.

I think it''s important for everyone to simply brush all of this off. Circe, don''t let this woman offend you (besides the fact of her terrible manners.) We will always be judged for our choices and I refuse to be upset by it. People can call me Mrs. Jones for all I care -- what''s important is that I''m happily married and I am perfectly happy with the choice I made about my last name. People will always be rude and offer their unwanted comments -- just know that you have a great husband, and what people call you doesn''t mean a thing.

 

[Elmorton]

Circe, I''m so glad your beautiful ring finally came!!

I don''t know why people think they have the right to make value judgments about complete strangers - last year when I was purchasing some centerpieces for my wedding, the cashier at Hobby Lobby (which is a Christian-run company, but still I don''t think that excuses invasive behavior) said "Oh, you''re getting married?" and I said yes, figuring the next step would be "Congratulations" and then some sily questions about where, when, what my colors were....nope.

"Do you and your fiance live together?"

 

[Circe]

Date: 5/9/2008 8:40:02 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

I had a similar, if opposite, experience. I'm a PhD working in a university academic setting, and after 8 months of deliberation post-wedding decided to take my husbands name. I called HR to tell them about this, and the woman said, 'You're taking his name???' She sounded very incredulous. And I said, 'Yes.' And she said, 'Wow, ummmm... huh.' And I said, 'Is there a problem?' and she said, 'Well, it's just that most educated women keep their own names!'

You can't win.

Oh, dear gods. What a ridiculous, presumptuous statement! In the grand scheme of things that's what kills me about the whole name thing. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't - and even in the rare cases where the man chooses to take the woman's name, most of the reactions that I've seen have a nasty tinge of either "whipped" or other issues. The entire thing seems to fall on women's shoulders. Thanks, patriarchy!

Lindsey, I couldn't agree more. Her reaction irked me because she apparently felt like it gave her the option to interfere with my life/provide worse service ... but I'm not going to let it have any power beyond that. I called FedEx yesterday and lodged a formal complaint: the second Customer Advocate I spoke to was very apologetic, and promised to get back to me once she'd tracked our conversation down in the records.

And, Elmorton, thank you! Your case makes me wonder what ever happened to boundaries ....

I am *thrilled* with the ring. And, in what's either a stroke of luck or a case of the universe providing a little compensation ... the estate ring, ordered as a size 6.5, isn't a 6.5. I'd been thinking that I could wear it on my middle finger, but worrying that it might look like a bit "much" (in addition to my wedding set, I also wear a ring that my parents gave me on the middle finger of my other hand). But, lo and behold - it's a 5.75, otherwise known as the exact right size to stack with my wedding set or wear on my opposite ring finger. Yay!