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Divorce lawyers in NY

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chiapet

chiapet

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This is a weird topic to post on a forum with such people but I''m desperate for information. My marriage has been disintegrating and my husband keeps threatening to file for divorce. I feel like I should consult a divorce lawyer to see what my rights are and what the divorce laws are in New York (I own my apt and earn considerably more $$$ than him). I spoke to a lawyer today and he asked for $350 just for the initial consultation. Does this amount seem high for just an initial meeting? I''ve never consulted a lawyer before so I''m not sure what they charge. Does anyone have any idea? Or any suggestions/advise about divorce laws and procedures in NYC? Feel free to PM me if you''d like. I''m looking for ANY advise! Thanks all!
 
I do not know what to say as I am not in NYC. I know some lawyers charge that per hour, so it really depends on what a consult entails.

PLEASE get to a lawyer so you know your rights. Things like, if you leave your apartment it can be viewed as abandonment and he could use that. (I know this from a friend''s divorce in L.A. so it might not apply but better to find out)

I am so sorry. I hope things work out for you. Sending you empathy vibes.
 
Get an attorney ASAP. My dad is a divorce/family law attorney and all the attorneys in his office charge at least $200 for a hour consult. For NYC, I''d say that''s pretty cheap.

For reference I''m in NM. And there aren''t PM on pricescope.
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I''m sorry you''re going through this.
 
I''m afraid NYC isn''t an area I know, but you should see a lawyer soon. I know where I am and a few other states, if the party with less money is not working at the time of the divorce they may be entitled to a lot more money so make sure he is working.

To make the most out of your meeting with your lawyer, lay out the reasons you are considering a divorce. For a number of reasons there is a big difference between "irreconcilable differences" which usually is the simple catch all and say, infadelity. The more specific the reasons, the better although a good lawyer will work with you on this. Be honest with them, hiding things will only bite you and make your lawyer mad when he/she is caught off guard with it.
Also, as there is a financial aspect, so consider these things. What is owned in your name, his name and joint? How is the money split, mostly into your seperate accounts or a joint account? Do you fill taxes seperately? How much did each of you have coming into the wedding? Was there any kind of pre-nuptial agreement?

I am afriad neither of my parent''s are in divorce law so I don''t know as much about it, but know that you have the love and support of this community to get you through your troubles and let us know how its going.
 
Thank you all for your replies. I''ll definitely consult a lawyer as soon as I can. It sucks being in this situation and what''s worse is that I''m not American and have no family in this country. I''ll follow your advise and get my butt to a lawyer this week. Thanks again!!
 
If you aren''t currently a U.S. citizen you may also want to talk to someone who specializes in immigration law.

Best wishes and *** HUGS ***.
 
I''ve known a few gals in my area (Chicagoland) who''ve gotten FREE consultations from divorce lawyers...so $350 just for a consultation seems high to me. That said, I really hope you and your husband are able to work things out if possible. If not, of course, get a lawyer involved ASAP. Big hugs to you and so sorry to hear this news.
 
I should add that while the consult fee is $200, say that your retainer fee is $5,000, the consult fee gets taken out of that in the end. At least that''s how they do it at his office. So you don''t pay $5,200+ any other expenses, but just the $5,000+ expenses. You see?

My dad always has told me to be wary of attorneys who don''t charge for consults because he says that you''ll either get what you pay for from the start or they''ll take advantage of you and charge you more $$$ than the consult was worth later with all the bills coming in. And he told me this in private, not trying to talk me into paying for a consultation. That''d be hard being that I''m not married!

Also if you take a look at this website Martindale Hubbell and look for attorneys who are AV rated, you know that they''ve been around for a long time and are widely regarded by their peers, which says a lot because attorneys are very critical of their peers.

And if possible you should try to find an attorney who knows something about international/immigration law as MINIMS said. And you should also take as much paperwork, (mortgage, recent bills, account statements, car paperwork-although may not be applicable being in NYC-anything that you have that shows your finances) as you can find. And I''d start thinking about separating your joint accounts if you think it''s possible he could clear them out and try to leave you with nothing.

If you have any more questions, we''re all here to help.
 
Date: 2/26/2008 11:54:21 PM
Author: FrekeChild

My dad always has told me to be wary of attorneys who don't charge for consults
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That has not been my experience with divorce lawyers. In Connecticut the usual used to be that a divorce lawyer gave one free consultation. I have been living in Virginia for almost four years now, so I haven't sent anyone to a lawyer recently, though.

Deborah
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Date: 2/26/2008 11:54:21 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I should add that while the consult fee is $200, say that your retainer fee is $5,000, the consult fee gets taken out of that in the end. At least that''s how they do it at his office. So you don''t pay $5,200+ any other expenses, but just the $5,000+ expenses. You see?

My dad always has told me to be wary of attorneys who don''t charge for consults because he says that you''ll either get what you pay for from the start or they''ll take advantage of you and charge you more $$$ than the consult was worth later with all the bills coming in. And he told me this in private, not trying to talk me into paying for a consultation. That''d be hard being that I''m not married!

Also if you take a look at this website Martindale Hubbell and look for attorneys who are AV rated, you know that they''ve been around for a long time and are widely regarded by their peers, which says a lot because attorneys are very critical of their peers.

And if possible you should try to find an attorney who knows something about international/immigration law as MINIMS said. And you should also take as much paperwork, (mortgage, recent bills, account statements, car paperwork-although may not be applicable being in NYC-anything that you have that shows your finances) as you can find. And I''d start thinking about separating your joint accounts if you think it''s possible he could clear them out and try to leave you with nothing.

If you have any more questions, we''re all here to help.
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I absolutely agree with Frekechild. You get what you pay for, and $350 /hr in NY is not our of reason at all!

Martindale Hubbell is a good resource. Sign a retainer agreement, so you know how you pay and what you get.

Brintg in all your paperwork. The more organized you are, the less time the lawyer needs to spend, which saves you money.
 
Thanks to all of you!! And thanks for the HUGS! I really need them. So just to give all you wonderful people an update: I spoke to 2 lawyers from the same firm, one specializing in divorce and the other specializing in immigration. I''m going to fork over the $350 and meet them on Friday. They''re not the nicest people I''ve spoken to but my friends tell me that most lawyers are abrupt and kinda rude
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So now my question is for those of you who have already gone through a divorce: What questions should I have ready for my meeting? My friends are all either happily married or single so they have no idea what questions I should ask.
Of course, I''m still hoping that hubby and I can work things out.
Again, THANK YOU all SOOO MUCH!
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I love this forum!
 
Ooo...no idea. Totally out of my experience. Hopefully someone else will answer.
 
Date: 2/27/2008 8:35:53 PM
Author: chiapet
Thanks to all of you!! And thanks for the HUGS! I really need them. So just to give all you wonderful people an update: I spoke to 2 lawyers from the same firm, one specializing in divorce and the other specializing in immigration. I''m going to fork over the $350 and meet them on Friday. They''re not the nicest people I''ve spoken to but my friends tell me that most lawyers are abrupt and kinda rude
38.gif

So now my question is for those of you who have already gone through a divorce: What questions should I have ready for my meeting? My friends are all either happily married or single so they have no idea what questions I should ask.
Of course, I''m still hoping that hubby and I can work things out.
Again, THANK YOU all SOOO MUCH!
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I love this forum!
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Your comment above concerns me. First, stereotypes about any group aren''t cool, even if it is lawyers. I am a lawyer, and I like to think I am very nice, and not at all rude!!! The majority of lawyers I know are nice people too. So my second concern is that these lawyers are rude to you - the client!!! Warning sign, in my view. You can be good and nice. You might want to reconsider these folks.

I am not a divorce lawyer, but I would be ready with your expectations - what do you want out of this? What do you expect of the lawyers? In that regard, they can tell you what they can offer to you and how much it will cost. If you just want to "protect" yourself in case things don''t work out, which you are hoping they will, you need to tell the lawyers that so they can discuss a strategy and plan with you around that.

In Canada, divorce laywers need to recommend attempts at reconcilliation. You might discuss that.
 
Date: 2/27/2008 8:35:53 PM
Author: chiapet
Thanks to all of you!! And thanks for the HUGS! I really need them. So just to give all you wonderful people an update: I spoke to 2 lawyers from the same firm, one specializing in divorce and the other specializing in immigration. I''m going to fork over the $350 and meet them on Friday. They''re not the nicest people I''ve spoken to but my friends tell me that most lawyers are abrupt and kinda rude
38.gif

So now my question is for those of you who have already gone through a divorce: What questions should I have ready for my meeting? My friends are all either happily married or single so they have no idea what questions I should ask.
Of course, I''m still hoping that hubby and I can work things out.
Again, THANK YOU all SOOO MUCH!
36.gif
I love this forum!
Click to expand...
You may want to check out this page http://www.megalaw.com/ny/top/nyfamily.php. Some information is very general and some very technical but it''s good start to help come up with questions for your attorney.
 
chiapet, marriage can be tough these days, especially with all the different things that we have around us that pulls people''s focus off of their home life, but if you love this man, don''t give in so easily. There is a group very similiar to Marriage Encounter that has been saving troubled marriages on the brink of divorce for a few decades now. That group is called Retrouvaille. You can visit the International Retrouvaille website at http://www.retrouvaille.org for more information. My husband and I know a LOT of people who''s marriages were saved with the help of this wonderful program.

On the topic of divorce lawyers in NY, I just spent the last eight months helping a friend who was sued by her husband for a divorce. I made calls for her and went to attornies with her to keep her company. Almost all attornies will give you an hour consultation for free. Most attornies will demand at least a $5000.- to $7500.- retainer for their services before they do a thing for you, and sadly, most attornies charge individuals a minimum of $35,000.- for representation in a divorce proceeding. Many charge as much as $75,000.- and I know people who''s legal fees top $100,000.- It depends on if there are children and custody issues to be worked out and if you own anything in common.

As LitigatorChick mentioned, a few discussions about the possibility of rebuilding your marriage should happen first. People drift apart because they LET it happen. With a little effort on both your parts, you can create something even more beautiful than what you had when you were first married. Believe me, I know. We went through it. BTW, the Retrouvaille program was born in Canada in the 70''s, hence the French name meaning "rebirth" or "renewal". My husband and I have been a team couple for the last eight years!
 
One more thought. People think of litigation as adversarial. That is the expensive litigation. If you want LC here to fight every single inch along the way, I will, but it will cost you a pile of dough - dough that could be spent on bling.

It is more cost effective and more "healing" to work collabortively. Maybe you and hubby, if divorce is the way you are heading, can settle with the help of lawyers. Maybe you have a few points that need more help, and you might consider mediation to get a third party to help solve things. Working things out without court proceedings is way cheaper, more empowering, and less stressful. In my opinion, any good lawyer will encourage these routes, unless the circumstances make them unrealistic (which are the rare cases).
 
Chia, I am not here to judge you at all. It takes two to make a marriage work, and if your hubby is just not there, you must protect yourself. Of course no one wants to get divorced, but trying to reconcile is not a one way street. Maybe you HAVE tried and it seems like while you see the issues in your marriage, he is the one using this against you. If he is holding this over your head, you have to be proactive, esp. if you make more money and have the apartment. I do not know either of you, of course, but things can spiral downward quickly so please take care of YOU. IF reconciling is in the cards, he has to be there 100% too...and I just did not get from your post that he is in that mindset, though I could be wrong. You can be open to the idea, but I would certainly also cover myself so I was not in a dangerous spot.
 
Litigatorchick, I do apologize for the remark. I wrote that right after I received a very rude e-mail and three abrupt phone calls from 2 different lawyers. I''m not American but my American friends told me that lawyers are known for being rude. I know that it doesn''t mean that ALL lawyers are rude. As a matter of fact, I''ve worked with some nice ones. So I called the rude lawyer and told him that I don''t appreciate his tone and that I won''t work with him if he won''t be civil and he immediately apologized. I''m meeting him tomorrow so we''ll see how it goes. Thanks for all your suggestions and thoughts. I''ve written down the questions you suggested.

Diamondfan, thanks for your kind words! The hubby is refusing to go to marriage counselor even though I said I would pay. He sits at home all day, doesn''t work, doesn''t look for a job, and smokes pot. Thank goodness we don''t have kids. I really hope to save our marriage but he doesn''t seem remotely interested to work on it. I''m not filing for divorce right now... but I feel like I need some answers about the US legal system. Any suggestions on how to convince a guy to go to marriage counseling?
 
Chia, unfortunately this is like any situation in which someone needs something, they have to want to do so. You can maybe make him go there physically but it is unlikely to do much without desire on his part. You know the saying you can lead a horse to water...has he given you any indication as to why he is behaving this way, and why he is not interested in saving the marriage? How long have you two been together? I really feel for you. It sounds sad and unhealthy and I wish that there was something magical I could tell you, but it has to come from within. One party wanting it and the other not wanting it does not usually work. If you have no kids, and he is firm, maybe it is for the best. He does not sound like someone you can spend your life with, not the way he is acting. Maybe he is experiencing some sort of mental issue, a depression or something. Maybe he should explore therapy. Again, he must be willing, and it may not be about just your marriage but about getting him help. If these are new behaviors especially I would at least try to get him some help. Do you have a good rapport with his family? I have a friend who's hubby started acting odd, not motivated, very low, and it turned out he had suffered depression during college and gotten treatment. She had not know this, and knowing it at that point from his family she was able to help him. He had not ever really talked about it with her, so she was unaware, but was then able to help him. I am not saying this is the case with your hubby, but a change in their normal demeanor can sometimes be the sign of something chemical.
Just please protect yourself, both physically and emotionally. And though sometimes lawyers can as a profession have a bad reputation, there are wonderful lawyers out there who will help you. As in any profession, there are good and bad people, but do not let a couple bad experiences color you. Divorce law can be very tough, it is emotionally laden and can be so viscious, usually when there are kids involved. I am sure you can find someone great who will answer all of your concerns and questions and support you in this process if it becomes necessary to go this route.
 
Ok, listen to DiamondFan and LitigatorChick because they know what''s up. Also, any divorce attorney worth his two cents (or $100,000!) with want you to try to reconcile first. If they''re especially good at what they do, they''ll ask a bunch of questions and be able to determine themselves if reconciliation is an option even if you may not think it is. My dad got started in divorce law because he got screwed over big time in his divorce, and he wanted to save other people the pain he went through, and he ALWAYS wants his consults to try reconciliation if it''s a possibility.

Also, rudeness from attorneys is like rudeness from anyone else. He could have been having a bad day, or he could have not meant it to sound rude. You know? From my experience with attorneys is that they are very very busy people, and have a tendency to be a bit abrupt if there isn''t a looming deadline, and even if there is. And you have to remember that they have to charge a certain number of hours per week, and time that cuts into that is time lost. So when dealing with them, expect to pay for their time, or be very brief, and expect briefness back.

I actually worked at his firm while his old receptionist was on maternity leave, filled in for her then and then filled in the second time until they found a replacement because she wanted to be a stay at home mom(the replacement is AWFUL BTW). So I got to know other attorneys over the phone and they can totally be rude to you, doesn''t matter who you are, unless, and this is the only exception, you''re a judge. Well maybe a judge''s secretary too because they work so closely together. However, all the jokes about lawyers-in general, they are bunk and attorneys don''t appreciate the humor or the insulting reputation they''ve been given because of a few different specialties.

Overall, most of the attorneys I''ve met are pretty decent people, and they are trying to get the best deal possible for their clients. For you, it sounds as though you just want to get out of the relationship or fix it and he''s not being a real partner or putting in any effort. And that really really sucks. Let us know how it goes tomorrow.
 
Just an update to all you nice people who cares so much
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I met with both immigration and divorce lawyers today and they were very nice. They patiently answered all my questions and I did not feel rushed at all. One of the lawyers even said "Contrary to popular belief, Rob (the immigration lawyer) and I actually have blood running through our veins and not white-out". I thought that was pretty funny.
So, thank you ALL for all your advise and support. I''m still trying (hoping!) to fix this marriage but if it doesn''t work, at least now I know who to call.
 
Chiapet, I am glad your meeting went well. See, lawyers are people too!!!!
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Date: 2/28/2008 11:00:23 AM
Author: gemgirl
chiapet, marriage can be tough these days, especially with all the different things that we have around us that pulls people''s focus off of their home life, but if you love this man, don''t give in so easily. There is a group very similiar to Marriage Encounter that has been saving troubled marriages on the brink of divorce for a few decades now. That group is called Retrouvaille. You can visit the International Retrouvaille website at http://www.retrouvaille.org for more information. My husband and I know a LOT of people who''s marriages were saved with the help of this wonderful program.

On the topic of divorce lawyers in NY, I just spent the last eight months helping a friend who was sued by her husband for a divorce. I made calls for her and went to attornies with her to keep her company. Almost all attornies will give you an hour consultation for free. Most attornies will demand at least a $5000.- to $7500.- retainer for their services before they do a thing for you, and sadly, most attornies charge individuals a minimum of $35,000.- for representation in a divorce proceeding. Many charge as much as $75,000.- and I know people who''s legal fees top $100,000.- It depends on if there are children and custody issues to be worked out and if you own anything in common.

As LitigatorChick mentioned, a few discussions about the possibility of rebuilding your marriage should happen first. People drift apart because they LET it happen. With a little effort on both your parts, you can create something even more beautiful than what you had when you were first married. Believe me, I know. We went through it. BTW, the Retrouvaille program was born in Canada in the 70''s, hence the French name meaning ''rebirth'' or ''renewal''. My husband and I have been a team couple for the last eight years!
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Hi gemgirl, thanks for th link. My husband is Jewish and he won''t have anything to do with anything that even remotely feels "Christian". I''m a Catholic girl so I would have signed up for the program immediately. Sigh, still trying to convince him that counseling is necessary
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There is a Jewish Marriage Encounter...My parents did it back in the 70''s when it was all the rage...And then there''s good old fashioned marriage counseling, no matter what one''s religion, as long as you find a good counselor.
 
Chia, he married you knowing you were not Jewish. Is this emerging as an issue now for some reason?

Has he given you any clues as to WHY he is in the mode currently?

I am all for trying to make it work, but sometimes it is not an option anymore. It takes two people, whatever the situation, to want to make things work. You alone cannot be doing it. He has to be open to the possibility.

I am glad you are at least checking things out so you have some knowledge of your rights.
 
Date: 2/28/2008 8:34:06 PM
Author: chiapet
Litigatorchick, I do apologize for the remark. I wrote that right after I received a very rude e-mail and three abrupt phone calls from 2 different lawyers. I''m not American but my American friends told me that lawyers are known for being rude. I know that it doesn''t mean that ALL lawyers are rude. As a matter of fact, I''ve worked with some nice ones. So I called the rude lawyer and told him that I don''t appreciate his tone and that I won''t work with him if he won''t be civil and he immediately apologized. I''m meeting him tomorrow so we''ll see how it goes. Thanks for all your suggestions and thoughts. I''ve written down the questions you suggested.

Diamondfan, thanks for your kind words! The hubby is refusing to go to marriage counselor even though I said I would pay. He sits at home all day, doesn''t work, doesn''t look for a job, and smokes pot. Thank goodness we don''t have kids. I really hope to save our marriage but he doesn''t seem remotely interested to work on it. I''m not filing for divorce right now... but I feel like I need some answers about the US legal system. Any suggestions on how to convince a guy to go to marriage counseling?
Click to expand...
chiapet, I came back to the Hangout to check on how you were doing. I''m glad you gave us a little more information.
Forgive me; my husband and I have been trying to help couples put their lives back together again for many years now, but it still amazes me when I hear a story like yours. Your husband doesn''t work and sits around all day smoking pot? Where in heaven''s name does he get the money for pot? And HE''S the one who wants to drag you into an expensive NY city divorce proceeding? HIM? The one with no income?

Sweetie, if he won''t go to a weekend marriage healing retreat, then you guys need marriage counselling asap. Hopefully, the marriage counselor will see that your husband''s frame of mind is being influenced and to some extent controlled by a chemical substance. No one addicted to any substance or any behavior is in any shape to make a decision that might affect the rest of your lives, and certainly the rest of your life together.

I''m going to take a stab at this........ he doesn''t think he has a problem, right? You might do just as well in an "anonymous" group for starters. They''re free and they WORK! He can go to the anonymous group and you can go to the sister "anon" group, but you have to do something. I wouldn''t cash in my life and my plans and dreams for someone who hasn''t been thinking clearly for some time. Just something to think about.....
 
Hi gemgirl,
Thanks for checking back! Are you a marriage counselor? If so, any suggestions on how to convince my DH to go to counseling?
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I for one, KNOW that we desperately need counseling. Since he''s refused to go to counseling, I''ve been buying self-help books. It''s not the same though. And yes, he does not think he has a problem at all. He kept saying "Everyone smokes pot in America". Really????
To answer some of your questions: DH had a trust fund that he drained to support his unemployed pothead lifestyle. When he needs more money, he calls his mom who always gives him money. Apparently that''s how it works in his family because his 30-year-old sister do the same. Very confusing for me because I haven''t asked my parents for money since I started working.
Sorry, I''m starting to vent. On the positive side, he claims that he''s been sober for 3 weeks and he''s been sending out resumes to look for jobs. I''m taking it one day at a time and not allowing myself to plan for our future (e.g., kids, vacations, etc..), which is kinda sad.
Everyone here has been so nice and supportive... sending out a big HUGE Thank you!!!





 
Chia, there is nothing you can do to change his mind about wanting/not wanting to counseling; you could give him an ultimatum, but if his heart and head aren't in it, attending will probably do little good for either one of you or your marriage. You can seek counseling for yourself, and let him know it's because of the problems in your marriage that you are doing so. Perhaps if he sees you going, growing stronger, changing, he'll want to do so as well.

Best of luck to you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
 
Date: 3/8/2008 10:57:05 AM
Author: chiapet

Hi gemgirl,
Thanks for checking back! Are you a marriage counselor? If so, any suggestions on how to convince my DH to go to counseling?
33.gif
I for one, KNOW that we desperately need counseling. Since he''s refused to go to counseling, I''ve been buying self-help books. It''s not the same though. And yes, he does not think he has a problem at all. He kept saying ''Everyone smokes pot in America''. Really????
To answer some of your questions: DH had a trust fund that he drained to support his unemployed pothead lifestyle. When he needs more money, he calls his mom who always gives him money. Apparently that''s how it works in his family because his 30-year-old sister do the same. Very confusing for me because I haven''t asked my parents for money since I started working.
Sorry, I''m starting to vent. On the positive side, he claims that he''s been sober for 3 weeks and he''s been sending out resumes to look for jobs. I''m taking it one day at a time and not allowing myself to plan for our future (e.g., kids, vacations, etc..), which is kinda sad.
Everyone here has been so nice and supportive... sending out a big HUGE Thank you!!!






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Hi chiapet,

No, I''m not a marriage counselor. I''m the wife half of a team couple from Retrouvaille, but we sit with cpuples for hours at a time and talk to them on the phone, email back and forth and basically partner with them as they journey towards restoring their marriages to a healthy state. We''ve also been in charge of the monthly meetings for years and have had many guest speakers that have spoken on the issues of immaturity and addiction, so I am all too familiar with your situation. Some men have a VERY hard time growing up and making that situation worse, some families have a hard time realizing they are enabling their immature adult children.

Remember one thing, the people who need a therapist the most, are the ones most reluctant and argumentative about going because they have something to hide. The half that is well, is the person always willing to go. That should help you feel better, even if just for the moment.

There are all types of outlets for help and I wouldn''t give up on trying to find some place he will go where he won''t feel threatened. Even if you go with him to speak to a Rabbi, that would help. Just remember that all it takes is a belief in a Higher Power. It doesn''t matter that the man is a Rabbi, he''s still a man of the cloth. Go anywhere he agrees to go. Ask him for suggestions of people who wouldn''t rub him the wrong way!
 
Sweetie, I really feel for you in your situation. You can bring a horse to water, but you can't force him to drink. I know this may come across as harsh, but from your posts, it doesn't seem like your husband wants to change his lifestyle or attempt to resolve the issues in your marriage.

A very close friend of mind has spent over 8 years with someone who sounds like the twin of your husband. 11 years ago, he left high school, and he has NEVER worked a day in his life. He sits around all day, plays video games and smokes pot. He too refuses to look for a job, give up the dope or see a counsellor. A year ago, he proposed, and she accepted as he promised to clean up his act and get a job, she has since threatened to leave him if he doesn't get a job. Several months later (over 6 months) he still hasn't even applied for a job, let alone got one. To me, this just shows a total and utter lack of comittment to their relationship, and absolutely no respect for my friend. It breaks my heart to see her treated like this. After years of standing by and watching this happen, I actually sent her a letter explaining how upset we are to see her in this situation, being used and totally disrespected. We are no longer talking now, as she is understandably mad and defensive of her partner.

I guess what I am trying to say, it that, from the outside looking in, it seems like there is no way to fix this situation. Only promises that will be broken and lives torn apart. That said, you need to do what's best for you, but I really hope if you decide to, that you have the strength to stand up and move on from this. You can be a strong independant woman, and you don't need someone sponging off of you like this.

My sincere apologies if this post is harsh. I feel so strongly about this I guess as I have seen the hurt and pain firsthand with my friend.

Someone else has this on the bottom of her posts, I think it's Frekechild, I really like it, it's empowering:

Women are either godesses or doormats.

ETA I wanted to add that my SO and I have been through counselling and although we weren't even ready to break up or anything, we wanted to sort a few issues out. It was the best thing we have ever done, but it's not easy, you really have to work at it. And both of you need to be 110% comitted to finding a resolution. It worries me that he won't even try.

 
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