Divorce Rates Decline

[dmamsquared]

...but so did the marriage rates. The number of couples who have decided to live together rather than marry has been on a steady incline. Do you live with the person you plan to marry?

 

[aprilcait]

Yep! We moved in together after we got engaged.

 

[hikerchick]

Yup, we have lived together for about 1 year and 8 months and been together about 2 years and 8 months. For myself personally, I wouldn''t ever consider marrying someone with whom I had not already shared a residence. I completely respect opinions to the contrary but for my own personal peace of mind, this was a prerequisite to getting married.

 

[janinegirly]

so if marriage rates declined, and people living together declined, then what are people doing?

 

[Gypsy]

We''ve lived together for years. 6 months after we met actually. We''re going to get married-- eventually.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/11/2007 1:22:43 PM
Author: janinegirly
so if marriage rates declined, and people living together declined, then what are people doing?

People living together is on the rise janine "incline."

 

[janinegirly]

ahhh my bad!
i also lived with FI before marrying--for 1 yr. i think it can delay things so i had to be on top of him before things got too comfortable..
i think society will look so different in generation or 2. aren''t traditional married households now below 50% of all US households (first time ever i think)?

 

[Pandora II]

Yes, we moved in 3 months after we met.

Now been together nearly 3 years and getting married next year.

I would never agree to marry anyone I hadn't lived with. My sister did this and had she lived with her husband they would have realised how incompatible they are and never have married.

However there is a difference between living together just because and living together with an eye to marriage! I lived with several men who I had no intention of marrying because it was fun at the time.

 

[neatfreak]

Yup. We''ve been living together for a year and just got engaged a few weeks ago.

 

[decodelighted]

I read about this last night too .... the US divorce rate is at the lowest its been since 1970!! Since almost before I was BORN!

I told DH (whom I''ve been married to for just 7 months) and he said "Great timing, babe, now we really have a shot!" HAHAHAHAHA

But then I saw Marie Osmond on Larry King Live ... divorcing after 20+ years & 8 kids. She said - "We seperated 7 years ago & reconciled -- I wished we''d just gotten divorced THEN".

Yikes! Then Larry asked - don''t you miss the company of men? And she said "NO!" Mormon Marie Osmond!

My head about exploded.

MOST people aren''t getting divorced anymore ... but MARIE OSMOND is ... it''s a weird world these days.

 

[dmamsquared]

Wasn''t Marie married to a basketball player before this one? I guess she is still a Mormon. Had she been Catholic, she''d be excommunicated. I think it is harder for celebrities to stay married. She start missing a man''s company; just give her time.

 

[Jas12]

I too live with FI (for a couple of years now)...i persoanlly think it is a smart move. If you are going to live with someone your entire life, I would think you may want to see if you actually enjoy living with each other first? But just M2C...

 

[firebirdgold]

We lived together after getting engaged for about 6 months before we got married. I have to admit the whole thing felt like it should have been scarier than it was because fi and I don''t believe in divorce. Well, you know what I mean. I''d certainly never say anything against a divorced friend since it was usually the right move.
I think people are being more cautious about getting married. They don''t want to get divorced so they aren''t getting married unless they''re really really sure.

 

[Jaders731]

Hubby and I moved in together 6 months after we started dating.. we got engaged three years after that.. and got married 8 months after that!!!

Its certainly not exactly what either of us had envisioned.. but it WORKED so well for us!!

 

[peridot83]

I agree that people are more cautious about getting married (in general). I mean it used to be you couldn''t live together or have sex unless you were married, so I feel people jumped into it a lot more. Now, if you don''t want to live together or have sex until marriage, that''s a personal powerful choice instead of being forced and therefore maybe resented or regretted later.

 

[robbie3982]

FI and I moved in together after dating for about 11 months, but only after discussing that we were heading towards marriage. We got engaged about a month later. For us, we pretty much had to live together to take that next step. We were living in different states and only seeing eachother on the weekends. Even though I was sure that we were meant to be together, there was the voice of reason in the back of my head saying "you can''t possibly know this when you only see eachother 2 days a week!"

 

[goldenstar]

FI and I don''t live together. I''m a student living at home to cut down on expenses. He lives in his own house. Theoretically I suppose I could move in with him, but I still need financial support from my family and I feel like they shouldn''t be supporting me if I''m living on my own. Maybe when I graduate next May I could move in, but then again, staying at home would help me save money until the wedding, which will be a year after graduation. The current arrangement is working fine and I''m happy. It''s likely we''ll be living separately until after the wedding.

 

[anchor31]

We just moved in together last April 29th, after almost 4 years together and almost 1 year of engagement. We''re getting married in 14 months. In our case, that''s just how things naturally progressed because of my school, some LD, money, etc.

But yeah, this phenomenon has been observed for the last ten years in Qc. Couple just don''t get married, especially not just out of school at 23, like I''m doing. But there is nothing more important to us than marriage and children, so we''re not following the crowd.

 

[E B]

We lived together after 6 months of dating, mainly because he was moving to a new state 3 months after his lease was up and had no place to live. After I moved to the state he was living in (after a 6 month long-distance relationship) I moved in with him, and we''ve been living together ever since.

 

[sumbride]

We moved in together after 2 and a half years of dating and got engaged after 1 year of living together. We will have been living together a little over 2 years when we marry this fall. It has worked very well for us!

 

[zoebartlett]

My FI and I have been together for just about 3 1/2 years. We moved in together two days before Christmas 2005 and it''s been almost 1 1/2 years since then. I don''t think I could have married someone without having lived with him first. A few of my friends did this though and for them, it was the right choice.

 

[So_happy]

We progressed very slowly because I needed so much time just being friends with him before I allowed it to progress. Of course, we were nothing like friends

but gaining that new label (boyfriend/girlfriend) held me back for a good 2 years. Anyhow, we were together for 2 years as "friends", 1 year technically as bf/gf and then I needed to move away to go to grad school. We decided at that time that we should take the next step and move in together so he came out here with me

It''ll be 4 years almost to the day when we are married that we will have been living together. I feel so lucky to know as much as I do about him as there should be no surprises. I guess 7 years together will do that for ya

 

[basil]

We lived together for 3 separate months. It''s not really the same as moving in together since we obviously didn''t move all our stuff, etc., for just a month. But I think it''s given me enough of a chance to know what he''s like on a day-to-day basis and his good and bad habits, etc., to know what I''m getting into. And in the months we did live together, we spent a LOT of time together since we only had a studio apartment, a twin bed, one car, and were working together every day.

Unfortunately it''s another 2 years before we get to officially move in together for good, which sucks. But I know it''ll be worth it.

 

[monarch64]

We lived together for 9 months before he proposed...when we moved in together we both had already made a commitment to spend our lives together though, it was only a matter of timing before the actual engagement took place. If we''d thought there was any doubt or if it was just a "let''s try living together to see how we really get along" neither of us would''ve signed a lease together.

 

[akw94]

We dated for about 2 1/2 years, he proposed in Dec, we''re moving in together at the end of the month (yay!!) and getting married in Sept.

I am so excited about all the upcoming changes!

 

[xapora]

Together 6 years, living together for 1 year, engaged for 6 months. We probably would have moved in together sooner but were doing the long-distance thing for a while, so it wasn''t possible. I wouldn''t have had it any other way though. I like that I know all of his little crazy habits ahead of time, it''s given me a chance to develop coping skills for the years ahead.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/11/2007 1:22:29 PM
Author: hikerchick
For myself personally, I wouldn't ever consider marrying someone with whom I had not already shared a residence. I completely respect opinions to the contrary but for my own personal peace of mind, this was a prerequisite to getting married.

Ditto (lived together 1 year--2.5 when we get married--, been together 3 years 4 months--nearly 5 when we get married).

From the beginning, I knew I didn't want him to want to marry me for xx reason (something I was holding out on that he wanted) like moving in, etc. (not that he would, anyway, but still). I gave him all the milk for free and he still wants to buy the cow

hahaha

Ditto this, too:

Date: 5/11/2007 9:18:55 PM
Author: monarch64
when we moved in together we both had already made a commitment to spend our lives together though, it was only a matter of timing before the actual engagement took place. If we'd thought there was any doubt or if it was just a 'let's try living together to see how we really get along' neither of us would've signed a lease together.

This is apparently the least successful form of cohabitation (as far as relationship longevity) according to the sociology class I took last fall (based around marriage & family changes as affected by cohabitation).

 

[fisherofmengirly]

We didn''t live together prior to marriage, and while it''s an adjustment, neither of us would have it any other way! It''s exciting to have it all be new, we learn and grow more every day, and we have the joy of knowing this is a life we share now unlike any life experience we shared prior to marriage. There''s also the whole thing about getting to wake up together each morning that I''m sort of enjoying, too!

Of those who do marry, divorce is down, without regard to the fact there is a rising in the number of people who opt to live together without being married. I think in large part that is due to the fact that *now* is the time so many people are married who had to deal with the *BOOM* of divorces that occurred in our parents'' generation. It''s hard on kids, relatives, everyone. I think because of that, people in general work harder to make marriage be a joy instead of just something you endure until you give up.

Just my thoughts!!

 

[therighttime]

I''m actually surprised at the number of people who have posted that they lived together before marriage. Maybe it''s my part of the country, or even my age, but I only know one couple that lived together before marriage. For me, before my first marriage I was young, and finishing up college before the marriage and there was no way my parents would''ve continued to pay my tuition if I had moved in with him before I graduated and got married. Now, I have been dating FI for 3 or more years and although it would''ve been a great move financially to live together, it''s just not a decision I would be comfortable with. Nor would FI. Plus, I have an 8 year old son and, to me, things are different when kids are involved. Actually, my divorce agreement even says that no one of the opposite sex, unless related to me, can spend the night in the home with my child there.

I KNOW living together is an adjustment. I have lived with just my son for 7 years and FI has lived alone 6. So we know lots of changes and adjustments are coming up. We are both excited yet realistic about learning to live together.

 

[cara]

Some of the really interesting stuff in the study ties marriage/divorce rates to socioeconomic status. Basically saying that marriage is turning into a more upper-class/higher-income institution. The divorce rate for well-off couples is lower, as they generally marry later and have their financial situation more under control. Lower-income folks (who typically marry younger and have higher divorce rates) are not marrying at historic levels - they are choosing NOT to marry thus the overall divorce rate and marriage rates are declining.