Divorce - What happens to the ering?

[kenny]

Sad subject but I'm just curious.
What usually happens with the ering, especially if it had a big expensive stone?

Does she give it back?
Keep it?
Sell it and let the proceeds go into the kitty to split per the divorce settlement?

Is it owned jointly?
Or because she owned it PRIOR to the wedding is it hers to keep?

 

[Kaleigh]

I''m not sure what the law is on this, but you can bet I''m keeping it!!!!!

 

[FD21Bride]

I think it''s considered a gift and since it was aquired before the wedding it can''t be taken from her.

You can, however, be your butt that if I ever get divorced...I''m keeping the ring to have it made into a big, gaudy nose ring!

 

[kenny]

Shouldn''t you give it back?

I mean it was given in love.
If the love is over. . .

 

[ame]

depends. I think if there is infidelity it goes with the party that got cheated on. If its a divorce aside from that i think it''s decided onin the settlement.

I think if I ever end up divorced, not that I figure that''ll ever happen, itll depend on the circumstances whether or not ill keep the ring. He probably doesn''t want it.

 

[mrssalvo]

my philosophy...girls breaks engagement, she should give the ring back. In the case of a divorce I think the woman keeps it regardless. it''s her ring. Some keep them to pass down to children if there are any. others sell them or reset the stones into something else.

 

[laney]

I would give it back.

However, I think the law varies state by state. It is usually not considered a gift if given on just a normal day. If it''s a birthday or xmas.. then certain states can/do consider it a gift.

However, I think jewelery is considered an asset - so it would be considered just as any other asset is. It''s kind of hard - but isn''t the whole process?

I''m sure through mediation or the legal process a lawyer would advise on how to handle it..

 

[Blue824]

You give the ering to your daughter so she can make herself something new out of it

At least that's what my mom did. Not even sure if my dad knows that. I don't think he'd care. What would he want with the ring anyway?

ETA: I just quickly asked a couple of my friends, all of their moms kept their ering. I know that my moms ering wasn't even listed among the assets on the documents, but then, neither was her glass collection. Maybe it depends on what people are fighting over? Maybe it depends how much money is on the line. When alimony payments can get you a nicer diamond than your ering every month, what good is fighting over the one that is already owned and given as a gift when there is a lot more at stake...unless people want to get really petty about it (which a lot of people do). That was sort of how it went with my parents, but then again, her ring wasn't like $40k. Oh well, I'd still think that the woman is entitled to the ring. Breaking off an engagement is a different story.

 

[Mara]

Probably depends on the state but an e-ring is a promise/committment to marry. So if you do marry, that committment has been kept.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 8/22/2005 9:03:32 PM
Author: kenny
Shouldn''t you give it back?

I mean it was given in love.
If the love is over. . .

Actually, it''s given as a token of a promise to be fulfilled - marriage.

Once that has happened, it belongs to her.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 8/22/2005 9:01:49 PM
Author: FD21Bride
I think it''s considered a gift and since it was aquired before the wedding it can''t be taken from her.

You can, however, be your butt that if I ever get divorced...I''m keeping the ring to have it made into a big, gaudy nose ring!

so.....i guess the guy gets the w-band back

since it''s after she said "i do"

 

[moremoremore]

LOL...
and ditto to what is said above. It's a conditional gift given in consideration of marriage in this State. Once that happens, the ring is hers I believe...

My husband has expressed his opinion on this matter to me and his response was basically
"Yeah, keep the ring, off with you, if only it was that easy to get rid of you"

 

[Diamonds4Me]

Date: 8/22/2005 9:03:32 PM
Author: kenny
Shouldn''t you give it back?

I mean it was given in love.
If the love is over. . .

I think it depends on several factors and I think its the same for ending an engagement. If there was cheating involved..then whoever did the cheating loses the ring. Or, if the woman asks for a divorce, I think she has to return it. If the man asks for a divorce, I think she gets to keep it. I''ve never been divorced but when I ended my previous engagement I did return the ring. But then again I''m not a lawyer so it may be like what FD21Bride said in that its considered a gift before the marriage.

Now I''ve just confused myself with all this thinking...I just hope I never run into that situation.

 

[IrishEyes]

You can bet your a** that if I ever get divorced, that sucker is MINE! I keep it. I would probably take it apart and use the diamonds to make something like a pendant or something. But I will definitely keep it - it wasn''t a "gift", it was a symbol of marriage and committment. If that ends, why should the ring end up back in a store and on someone else''s finger? Or taken apart by someone else? Yep, I keep it!

My parents got divorced 11 years ago after 16 years of marriage. My mom kept the ring - a 1 carat marquise in a yellow gold band. She sometimes wore it on her right hand, sometimes kept it in a box for a few years before running into some financial difficulties. She ended up selling the marquise for money that she really needed. She still has the band with empty prongs on top of it. Someday when I''m rich (LOL!) I am going to replace that stone for her!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 8/23/2005 9:28:44 AM
Author: moremoremore
LOL...
and ditto to what is said above. It''s a conditional gift given in consideration of marriage in this State. Once that happens, the ring is hers I believe...

My husband has expressed his opinion on this matter to me and his response was basically
''Yeah, keep the ring, off with you, if only it was that easy to get rid of you''

not only that but,some men would also buy his EX a big divorce ring, just to get rid of her.

 

[pearcrazy]

According to Judge Judy, an engagement ring is given as a token of a promise of marriage. Once the promise is fullfilled (the couple is married) then the ring becomes the property of the wife. It is not subject to being counted as marital property. It could be a sticky situation if the ring was a family heirloom.

 

[bar01]

I seem to remember I made "a suggestion" on what my ex should do with hers.

 

[partgypsy]

If it is before the marriage, courtesy and common sense dictates that the woman return the ring.

If it is after marriage, then its hers. It may not be law, but I''ve never heard otherwise. From friends and acquantices, I''ve heard of various creative things women have done with the ring after the divorce, such as sell that sucker to start a new life, melt down the gold make into another piece of jewelry, keep it to pass down to children. I have never heard of a women giving the ring back, even in situation where she cheated. It may not be fair, but that''s just the way things are.

I can see if it is an expensive family heirloom things might get sticky. If anyone has any stories to share about that situation it would be interesting hear what is done.

 

[IrishEyes]

Date: 8/23/2005 3:11:02 PM
Author: pearcrazy
According to Judge Judy, an engagement ring is given as a token of a promise of marriage. Once the promise is fullfilled (the couple is married) then the ring becomes the property of the wife. It is not subject to being counted as marital property. It could be a sticky situation if the ring was a family heirloom.

Jude Judy rules!!!

 

[IrishEyes]

Date: 8/23/2005 4:46:00 PM
Author: IrishEyes

Date: 8/23/2005 3:11:02 PM
Author: pearcrazy
According to Judge Judy, an engagement ring is given as a token of a promise of marriage. Once the promise is fullfilled (the couple is married) then the ring becomes the property of the wife. It is not subject to being counted as marital property. It could be a sticky situation if the ring was a family heirloom.

Jude Judy rules!!!

and I can''t spell.........

 

[yellowfan]

My lawyer pal says that the man keeps his wedding ring and the woman keeps hers. I have never heard of a woman asking for a mans ring back. I have seen guys with diamond bands. My dh has two.


If an engagement is broken a guy can sue to get a ring back.


Kenny,

are you getting a divorce? why the question?

 

[sxn675]

Actually, whether or not a guy can sue to get the engagement ring back depends on the state. If I were engaged and my fiance cheated on me or something, I would keep the ring (note: I am happily married, so this is all conjecture). If I were engaged and I broke off the engagement, then I would certainly return the ring.

If for some reason we were to divorce, I would keep the ring. It''s from Whiteflash, which has a trade-in policy, so I''d probably trade in the diamond for another one and wear it as a RHR or pendant or something. If we had kids, I would keep it for my daughter and use the credit towards a graduation gift for her. I suppose if I had a son, I would let him use the credit towards a ring for his fiancee. Now, if I had two daughters or two sons, then I would have to keep it for myself to spare feelings OR I''d have to do something with Whiteflash to split the credit.

I can''t believe I just thought all of that out - what is wrong with me????

 

[yellowfan]

Nothing!!! I thought it out as well!!! I am obsessed with diamonds like many others here......

 

[sxn675]

LOL Yellowfan! My husband is on call tonight so maybe it''s his absence that''s making me think about this in such detail

 

[yellowfan]

Ha ha! I doubt it! Any diamond loving gal could rattle that off in 5 sec flat! I''m kidding you I love how you threw in the kids that was great! Next I thought it would be every other year claims on tax returns!

 

[michela002]

I totally think it depends on the circumstances. Leaving aside who legally "owns" the wrong - as far as etiquette go I think there are variations.

I think it depends on who is at "fault" ... wow, way to open a can of worms

If (e.g.) the woman cheats - I think she should have to give it back. Even if its "hers"

If (e.g.) the man cheats - I''d bloody keep it! And if I couldn''t stand to look at it, I''d either remake it into another piece of jewelery or sell it!

But if it''s a family heirloom, I think you should return it regardless of fault.

Depends on the circumstances and the couple, I think ...

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I knew of a couple who divorced over the wife''s infidelity. I believe she gave back the rings because she no longer wanted to be married. In any case, he has them. Another friend kept her rings, and he kept his. Of course, they are still amicable, so I''m not sure what a bitter divorce would have done to those rings. My MIL twice divorced my husband''s father; she kept the rings both times, and in fact, got a new ring for the second marriage.

 

[mepearl53]

Date: 8/23/2005 7:59:58 AM
Author: Feydakin
It depends on who has the better lawyer and just how ugly the divorce gets..

This is the correct answer. And this seems in the majority of cases to be the final blow. We are forever asked to do a fair market appraisal on these rings for one side or the other considers this community property. It was the symbol of the marriage and now it''s the symbol of the divorce. Not very pretty.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 8/24/2005 6:33:27 AM
Author: Finally Decisive!

But if it''s a family heirloom, I think you should return it regardless of fault.

Not if you have children. It then becomes *their* heirloom.

 

[Jr22]

From my own experience I can say the following.

She kept the ring and as much as I would have liked to have it back because of the symbolism of love that it represented, I didn''t feel too bad about it because it was a "gift", something I gave to her so it was her''s to keep. I understand both sides and I would say that if was an extremely expensive ring ($15k+) then I would probably have a different perspective. I would probably have it sold and split the money in the divorce settlement if that were the case.