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Do I need my head examined?

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Gypsy

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Aug 8, 2005
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So after two fully planned (down to the placecard holders on one... and the other planned right down to a 45 minute discussion on the merits of white v. ivory tableclothes) CANCELLED weddings. We are ready to commit to planning another one. Which is why I posted this.

And in the course of posting that I realized that I still have a lot of...hmm, how to put this tactfully... ISSUES about everything that''s happened up till now. And that I''m bitter.

So, in talking with my fiance about my lack of patience, to say the least, for planning another one of these nightmares... it was decided that I wouldn''t.

And he would. Completely, except for the flowers, which I want to plan. LOL.

Have I completely lost it?

How horendously BAD an idea is this?

And why can''t I bring myself to care?
 
If it were me, I wouldn''t be able to let someone else plan MY wedding. But that''s just me.

Although my fiance has excellent taste, I''d be afraid it wouldn''t be done exactly perfect.
 
Gypsy, I have no idea of your history, but you mention 2 weddings that didn't happen and then all these other issues...it doesn't sound like you are looking fwd to this at all.

Why not just elope and do something with you two somewhere that would make the two of you happy? In the end it's really about you two.
 
Yeah! I was just thinking the same thing as Mara....elope! Go somewhere fun, tropical, romantic, and private where it''ll be all about you two!! (and not tablecloths, not placecard holders, etc.) And if you want a big ole party...do it afterwards! A rip-roaring festive shindiggy party, not a wedding reception. It could be a casual restaurant gathering (with the ONLY work done by you in the flower department, hehe) and you could keep everything super simple...no hassles, no headaches!
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Yeah, I agree with Mara & Kristy. If you elope or have a destination wedding, you can make it all about you & your FI & someone else (on-site wedding planner?) can deal with all of those details you don''t want to have to plan again.

Good luck & let us know what you decide.
 
I couldn''t agree more! ELOPE! It''s about the marrage, not the wedding, right? And it sounds like you''ve had all the wedding planning that you can stand.

I really did like the idea of your cruise weddings, but the logistics of pleasing everyone seemed to be bogging you down. Screw everyone else! You two should escape and be blissfully wed!

I''m dying to know what you decide to do, though, so keep us informed.

(I''d go to Tahiti, or somewhere equally hard to get to, but gorgeous---maybe the Canary Islands? Or some resort that I found that was off the coast of Madagascar!)

Good luck.

Tybee
 
Another vote here - for an elopement at some wonderful tropical destination where you could have a peaceful and tranquil ceremony and enjoy a honeymoon! Then come back and just have a party if you want to at all!
 
Date: 5/22/2006 2:51:43 PM
Author: Tybee
I couldn''t agree more! ELOPE! It''s about the marrage, not the wedding, right? And it sounds like you''ve had all the wedding planning that you can stand.

I really did like the idea of your cruise weddings, but the logistics of pleasing everyone seemed to be bogging you down. Screw everyone else! You two should escape and be blissfully wed!

I''m dying to know what you decide to do, though, so keep us informed.

(I''d go to Tahiti, or somewhere equally hard to get to, but gorgeous---maybe the Canary Islands? Or some resort that I found that was off the coast of Madagascar!)

Good luck.

Tybee
Click to expand...

I''m on board with eloping, as well. Or if you still want a classy Vegas wedding, I highly recommend the Bellagio. Their wedding planners were phenomenal, but I didn''t have any grand affair, just 25 of my friends and family in the chapel, and it was lovely. I literally worried about nothing until about an hour before the wedding.

Just know that the ceremony is about the 2 of you, and the other pieces are secondary. If you''re not looking forward to it, and your heart''s not in it, it seems like your FIs efforts may go unappreciated - doesn''t seem like a good start to any marriage.

I wish you the best of luck!
 
I agree with everyone else that eloping might be a good option for you.

If you decide not to elope, then I''d say hire a wedding planner. Don''t make or let your FI do the planning. He won''t understand all the details (which you do) and if you''re even a teensy bit disappointed in what he does, won''t that just create more drama?

My DH started planning our wedding in Slovenia, simply b/c he spoke the language, knew the area and made a trip there last fall, but in the end our sister-in-law stepped in and took over planning all the details about 6 weeks before the wedding b/c there was just so much to do, and so much that DH just had no clue about.

But seriously, I think if you''re still carrying some baggage about the previous weddings, the last of which was cancelled quite recently, it might not be a bad idea to get your head examined by a professional. Better to find out now, rather than just before the next cancelled wedding, that your issues are bigger than you think. And hey, it might help you come to terms with planning another one so that you could actually enjoy and embrace it.

Good luck!!!
 
Okay,

This may be REALLY off topic, but my FI and I just had our first premarital counseling session today (not sure I spelled that right, but I rarely do.) I must say, I floated out of the office. I may be addicted to therapy! I felt better than I usually do after a massage! It''s not that I feel like we NEEDED a session, it was just so wonderful to discuss all the things that might be issues, all the things that we MIGHT be worried about, etc. I cannot wait until the next session!

Now, I have never seen a therapist--- but so many of my friends do. Now I suddenly understand the appeal.

So, off topic, maybe you should get your head examined,
and your FI''s too,
so you can talk about what you two really want out of a wedding!

Either way, I LOVED it!
 
Elope, huh?

Promised grandparent''s they''d be there. Promised mother SHE''D be there. Promised neice she''d be flower girl. But she''s 5''2 and 12 years old now.

So... renewal of vows at each reception for grandparents. Plus niece scattering petals everywhere at east coast reception. About 1K added to cost of receptions.

Destination wedding to somewhere tropical with a small lunch reception afterwards. Hopefully only about 10-15 people attending. Invitations to immediate family and 2 close friends on each side. About 5-6K. Photography 2K.
(Do you think we coukld do our first dance... that''s something I really wanted... first dance and first dance pictures in my wedding dress).

Honeymoon somewhere tropical 5K.

So about 15K.

More than I wanted to spend. But. No fiance planning the wedding. Wedding planner or coordinator dealing with it all. Everyone''s requirement''s met-- or at least given consideration to.

And me stress free and happy. Priceless.


Yeah. Okay this has serious merit. Where do you all suggest we go?
 
Definitely do a first dance!!
 
we had 30 people at our wedding in hawaii and it cost us $15k but that was going all out for everything (and we didnt pay for any airfare or accommodations for anyone) and also included our trip to hawaii and our accommodations in hawaii as well for ~2 weeks. so the wedding itself was probably more like $10k. and it allowed us to do everything i wanted and then some. you could definitely do it for less. our tropical honeymoon was $4k for a week in tahiti. not including food of course which was like another $1k.

but the memories we have are truly priceless. i am so happy we didn't do the local wedding with a bunch of people that we didn't know or care about or friends of the parents, with all the stuffy traditional reception stuff or whatever...we had the most important people there at our wedding, family and closest friends and that was all that mattered. and then we got to go somewhere really cool afterwards just by ourselves for some much needed alone time!

anyway totally recommend it. as to where you go, it depends on where you live, where you'd like to get married. for us hawaii was the natural choice because we are in CA. we got married on kauai, the smallest island and it was divine. we were also on hawaii for almost 2 weeks and then in tahiti for 1 week so talk about a long time away from home! it was fab.

good luck!
 
If you want minimal planning, you might want to find a great package that includes everything. When I typed "hawaii wedding" in the google search engine, I got TONS of cheesy websites, but this one I found actually looks nice (and it's in Kauai). The photography looks really nice as well.

www.hawaii-wedding.com

ETA: Jamaica might be a fun choice, too!

http://www.couples.com/03wedding.htm
 
Hey, Ebree, I got married at a couples resort in Jamaica!

Gypsy, it was Couples Swept Away &, aside from my recent photography dilemma, everything was fabulous! We had 33 guests total including our immediate families & my 89-year-old grandmother, who had a fabulous time, some of our friends and some of our parents' friends. The resort was all-inclusive & nearly all of our guests stayed on property. (This means there was no cost to us to have them attend our wedding/reception, etc.)

If your grandparents' health is good enough, they could attend. If not, maybe you could do a renewal of vows at your at-home reception.

We stayed at the resort where we were married for a total of 10 days. We arrived on a Thursday, were married on the following Saturday & left the Saturday after that so this trip was our honeymoon as well. Some of our guests arrived before we did, but all of them left the resort by Monday night at the latest so we had some time to ourselves. The total cost for everything, including wedding bands & attire, invitations, etc., was $8K.

The first dance was something very important to me as well. I decided I would have to sacrifice a nicely choreographed dance with my boy & the accompanying photos when I went the destination wedding route. Well, come to find out, there was indeed a dance floor where we had our reception & we totally could've done a big first dance. Oh well. Even though we didn't do a big dance number, we were still on the dance floor all night & had a great time.

Oh, and the on-site wedding coordinator planned all of the details about the wedding I didn't want to have to deal with. (wedding ceremony & site, reception food, table decorations, etc.) We met with her on the day after we arrived to hammer out all of these details & everything went smoothly on the big day.

Let me know if you want any more details about my wedding. It was a very easy wedding to plan & such a special day for us.
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sorry to be off topic:

Mara: was that honeymoon price inclusive of airfare to tahiti?
 
Gypsy,

We''re getting married at Caneel Bay in the US Virgin Islands. It may be a bit more expensive than other places, but they only do ONE wedding a day there, so that everyone there is focused on your event.

www.caneelbay.com

Vera and Michelle are the wedding planners, they are amazing.
 
Date: 5/24/2006 2:20:08 PM
Author: EBree
If you want minimal planning, you might want to find a great package that includes everything. When I typed 'hawaii wedding' in the google search engine, I got TONS of cheesy websites, but this one I found actually looks nice (and it's in Kauai). The photography looks really nice as well.

www.hawaii-wedding.com

ETA: Jamaica might be a fun choice, too!

http://www.couples.com/03wedding.htm
Click to expand...
The hawaii photography was fairly nice. I liked the Jamaica one EXCEPT there is a fee of $40-150 for each guest who attends... just for them to attend. This fee is just for a 'ceremony' pass. Yeah. Right.

ETA: Just realized that our guests would pretty much have to stay there as well. It IS a destination wedding. So there woudn't be a fee. It's like going on a cruise and having everyone go on the cruise. Of course we could just go on a cruise and get married on board. Or at a port of call and have people meet us at port. See... this is what I wanted Fi to take care of. Decisions. Still... if he helped make a decision, that might be good enough.

But... at least they give me an idea of what's out there... .thanks EBree !
 
Date: 5/24/2006 4:30:33 PM
Author: Tybee
Gypsy,

We''re getting married at Caneel Bay in the US Virgin Islands. It may be a bit more expensive than other places, but they only do ONE wedding a day there, so that everyone there is focused on your event.

www.caneelbay.com

Vera and Michelle are the wedding planners, they are amazing.
Click to expand...
That''s an important point, Tybee. Couples Swept Away, where I got married, often has several weddings per day. They took great care of me & never made me feel like my wedding was just one of many at the resort, but I did see 2 other brides on my wedding day.
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Date: 5/24/2006 4:52:09 PM
Author: BrightSpot

Date: 5/24/2006 4:30:33 PM
Author: Tybee
Gypsy,

We''re getting married at Caneel Bay in the US Virgin Islands. It may be a bit more expensive than other places, but they only do ONE wedding a day there, so that everyone there is focused on your event.

www.caneelbay.com

Vera and Michelle are the wedding planners, they are amazing.
Click to expand...
That''s an important point, Tybee. Couples Swept Away, where I got married, often has several weddings per day. They took great care of me & never made me feel like my wedding was just one of many at the resort, but I did see 2 other brides on my wedding day.
2.gif
Click to expand...

Brightspot... I will look into CSA... and Caneel Bay (can''t hurt)... I like the Jamaica idea. And I''ll call Crystal Cruises to compare. I think I like Jamaica better than Hawaii. Hawaii will be too far for the east coasters. I don''t know if a ''muliple bride'' thing would bug me... will have to think about it.

Thanks guys... anyone else have recommendations of vendors? Photography is going to be really important to me... so that''s going to be something I''m picky about.
 
Gypsy,

Since your guests staying on an island might get kind of expensive, how about having a ceremony on the beach in Florida, and then you and FI leaving on a cruise the next day? It''d still be a DW, but costs might be less for your guests in Miami/Ft. Lauderdale than, say, Jamaica.
 
Called Oded at Crystal Cruises. He''s going to look into it for me. Mediteranian Cruise. Greece and Italy. Sounds very... pricey. But also lovely. So we''ll see. It would be really nice to do that, however as Fi family is itallian. AND they leave out of either Venice or Athens... so it''s inconvenient for everyone... which is just perfect, frankly.

Called Couples Swept Away and left a message. That price sounds perfect. Worried about photography, though I like the dance floor.

I will also find out about Hawaii... just in case. Anyone know anything about tahiti or the canary islands or anything else... I''d really like to have FMIL on an island full of ''ethnic'' people who are ''different'' than she is.... woud just make the wicked side of me sing. Jamaica would be completely freaky for her. Although... at a resort it wouldn''t be too much culture shock. Darn.
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This is true... but as a result. More of them would come. Not really wanting that, honestly. The more of them there are... the more pressure there will be to have some sort of reception there. The only types of receptions I have the patience for are... the type where I do no planning and it''s all inclusive so it doesn''t cost me too much extra. OR a simple hor''dourves for an hour... a champagne toast. Cake and a first dance. And even that gives me the chills to plan. Can''t leave it up to FMIL we''d end up at a diner or the motel 6. Can''t leave it up to my mother because it''ll be at the Four Seasons to impress the friends she forgot to mention she invited.
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Date: 5/24/2006 5:19:37 PM
Author: EBree
Gypsy,

Since your guests staying on an island might get kind of expensive, how about having a ceremony on the beach in Florida, and then you and FI leaving on a cruise the next day? It''d still be a DW, but costs might be less for your guests in Miami/Ft. Lauderdale than, say, Jamaica.
Click to expand...
 
Date: 5/24/2006 5:26:02 PM
Author: Gypsy
... I''d really like to have FMIL on an island full of ''ethnic'' people who are ''different'' than she is.... woud just make the wicked side of me sing. Jamaica would be completely freaky for her..
11.gif
Click to expand...

Delighfully wicked!
 
Date: 5/24/2006 5:56:45 PM
Author: Tybee

Date: 5/24/2006 5:26:02 PM
Author: Gypsy
... I''d really like to have FMIL on an island full of ''ethnic'' people who are ''different'' than she is.... woud just make the wicked side of me sing. Jamaica would be completely freaky for her..
11.gif
Click to expand...

Delighfully wicked!
Click to expand...

Oh yeah. Would LOVE IT.

Okay so... I posted on the freaking knot. *sigh of defeat*

Oh well. They really are a great resource. Freaking knot.
 
lulu, the $4k was with airfare from hawaii to tahiti...it was actually more like $3500 i think for 7 days inclusive of airfare to tahiti...because we were already in hawaii. but they have daily flights out of LAX so it probably wouldn''t have been more more $$ to fly directly from LAX to Tahiti. we went through our travel agent locally. hope that helps.
 
Date: 5/24/2006 7:28:20 PM
Author: EBree
Here's an all-inclusive resort in Ocho Rios, Jamaica with wedding packages:

http://www.shawparkbeachhotel.com/index.htm
Click to expand...

Good recommendation! Good reviews on Tripadvisor... wish there was just a way to look up all inclusives on that site.

I have a nice list of places now:

Couples Swept Away Negril
Turtle Inn Figi
ShawPark Ocho Rios
Caneel Bay
The Caves Negril
 
thanks mara. we have our honeymoon booked, but the south pacific is definately some place i''d like to visit!

gypsy: i think that an all-inclusive getaway marriage is a brilliant idea! good luck finding a place that fits what you are looking for...
 
Just had to jump in and say that I love the idea of a destination wedding... it''s not going to work for us (my hometown is small so there are families I''ve known for 25 years that I REALLY want to be at my wedding), but Tybee I''d do it in Caneel Bay, St. John in a heartbeat, if I could!! Depending what you''re looking for, the island is small, un-fooled-around-with (to steal a line from that OJ commercial) and completely laidback. No people trying to sell you things in the streets, no pretentiousness, no commercial restaurants/hotels (except for the Westin, which is another wedding option if you prefer the more structured hotel thing) ... not even an airport! Just lots of blue water and lush green land. Totally unlike any other tropical place I''ve ever been.

I also attended a wedding in Key West recently that was a lot of fun, and know of somebody who had a gorgeous one in the Bahamas. So lots of options... good luck!
 
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