Do people always expect something in return?

[movie zombie]

yes, this particular woman will expect something in return. if hubby insists on accepting it, put it into a separate account so that when "the bill comes due", you can send her a check for the full amount. otherwise, simply send the check back to her tore up. no message. she can't be so dense as to know what that means.

MoZo

 

[dragonfly411]

MC - What PLANET is your DH ON????? Does he not register the things that she did to you and your kids??????

 

[Haven]

M--When I said "bigger bucks" I just meant if the "gift" from her was more than the several hundred dollars it would take to buy a nice Lladro, then I'd buy her a piece of custom jewelry instead.

If your DH really won't refuse the money, then I also like the idea of keeping it in a separate account for her for when she's much older, or to give it back to her at some future time, as well. But I wasn't joking when I wrote I'd buy her something very nice as a "gift" to give back to her.

 

[April20]

DO NOT TAKE HER MONEY. She will hold that over you for the rest of her days.

If she's still throws it at you and won't take it back, invest it in something ridiculously safe for her and hand the entire thing back to her.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

M--When I said "bigger bucks" I just meant if the "gift" from her was more than the several hundred dollars it would take to buy a nice Lladro, then I'd buy her a piece of custom jewelry instead.

If your DH really won't refuse the money, then I also like the idea of keeping it in a separate account for her for when she's much older, or to give it back to her at some future time, as well. But I wasn't joking when I wrote I'd buy her something very nice as a "gift" to give back to her.

Thanks for the suggestion. The amount is more than several hundred (but I don't know the exact amount as I haven't checked my mail box today - DH told me an approx amount). I'll have to think on the whole thing. I'm so impulsive that I normally take action w/in 10 minutes. Kind of the lines of no patience, as well. I have some other shredding to do today... lol

Haven - a comment you made a few years back has stuck with me more than ever: It was along the lines of money doesn't make people happy, it is just allows the opportunity for people to engage in activites that make them happy. This doesn't have much to do with this thread, so much as I just wanted to tell you it always come to mind when I think of the actions of certain people who are well-off.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

MC - What PLANET is your DH ON????? Does he not register the things that she did to you and your kids??????

Maybe he sees differently than I do. Long term anger, yet taking gift $ from her because it's always been that way? Whereas I wasn't angry with her until this summer...so my view of "gifts" abrubtly changed. Before I'd be like, "wow, what now?" and probably go to the mall!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

DO NOT TAKE HER MONEY. She will hold that over you for the rest of her days.

If she's still throws it at you and won't take it back, invest it in something ridiculously safe for her and hand the entire thing back to her.

Maybe "invest" in diamonds? hehehe

 

[partgypsy]

When I was younger both my husband and I went through a period where we were not financially helped by our parents, to the extent that when they finally did offer to help out, for a number of years I said thanks but no thanks to any money offers on principle. Now that I'm older and if some relative wants to give me money (not that that happens too often lol) I thank them, accept it, and move on. I feel they are enough of an adult to decide whether they want to gift or not.

In this case however, I definitely do feel there are strings attached, and you will "pay" for this gift far more than any money you will get out of it. Your husband seems used to getting money from her, and it could even play into his view of, well she's not so bad (which again, pits YOU against HER, again!!!). It's already working. I would really have a heart to heart talk with your husband that this is a big deal to you, that you truly do not feel right accepting money from her after how she has treated you. If he doesn't agree then just rip up that check before he (and you) can change his mind! Then he will know you are serious. If he wants the money bad enough he can tell his mom what happened, and ask for a new check.

 

[VRBeauty]

FWIW, DH won't refuse the $. He thinks I'm over analyzing/looking too deep into all this. He's along the thinking lines of, "if that's what she wants to do, then that is what she wants to do."

Some time ago your asked whether you should consider counseling to help you deal with the time you spent with your in-laws. I think your answer is in the response I quoted. Yes you should consider counseling, but you should insist that your husband go along. I honestly don't understand why, if he knows what you went through this summer, he wouldn't consider and even defer to your concerns about accepting the "gift" from his mother.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks. Got my mail. The amount wasn't as much as I expected, but more than a token gesture. Last night DH was just flat out tired and I didn't want to get into it with him. I'm making an appointment w/my dr and will talk with him then. In the meantime, I'm not doing anything re: the money. After reading all your posts, I do agree, and thought about it last night and decided it would be better to wait until after Thanksgiving to take any action rather than create drama during that time.

My older son is having a tough time...last weekend one of our bettas died and he flipped out b/c it reminded him that our cat had died, so now we GOTTA make the holidays appear as calm as possible. We replaced the fish, but that didn't help. Unfortunetly, I didn't look for one that could pass as the one who died or he'd never have known.