Do you ever feel like you''re annoying other people by just being you?

[gwendolyn]

I''ve found this to be the case with myself. Sometimes I''ll feel like I''m normal, everyday me, and people think I''m great. Then, other days, I''ll still be feeling like myself, but I get this vibe like I''m annoying everyone I talk to. And the more I get the feeling that I''m annoying people, the less like myself I feel (since I''m normally a pretty cheery person), so I guess the more likely I am to actually *BE* annoying people.

I think with online stuff it''s mostly an issue of me being HORRIBLY over-sensitive, so if I write things and people essentially ignore me, sometimes I''ll think, "bah humbug, nobody likes me." But in real life, it''s slightly more complicated than that, since I can be hanging out with my friends who I''ve known for half our lives and sometimes still feel like I''m being my usual, jovial self but am really irritating them for some reason.

Does anyone else ever feel this way, or is it just me? Any idea what causes it, or how I can stop myself from feeling like this? I''m pretty sure it''s something to do with my head because I over-think things a lot, but I''ve been trying to stop that for ages with no success.

 

[Blair138]

I used to feel like this when I was younger when I wasn''t part of the ''cool'' crowd in school. I would say it''s probably in your head, or your friends are just being rude and maybe shouldn''t be your friends anymore. I have a good group of friends from college. I transferred into school and I wasn''t there as long as everyone else and one friend constantly reminds me of that fact. I feel like she gets annoyed with me sometimes, but I get annoyed with her equally. I either annoy her or am rude right back.

I would say just excuse yourself from the situation if you start to feel like that. It is probably not you, but probably the fact that your friends are in an awkward mood that day. If it''s really bothering you, I would ask someone who is close to you that you can trust if you ever annoy them. As long as you are OK with the truth, they should be able to help you out!! Hope this helps!

 

[Octavia]

Aww, Gwen, I know exactly how you feel. I think the only way to stop feeling like that is probably a good dose of therapy, but I''ve just tried to let go of it and not worry what others think so much. Even if they''re annoyed one day, if they still call, or email, or talk to me a day or two later, then obviously the annoyance wasn''t fatal to the relationship. And if someone does drop off the face of the earth, then our friendship probably would have ended sooner or later anyway, so it''s not worth stressing over.

Honestly, there are times when even my close friends just annoy me for no particular reason, and it''s not really them at all, it''s me being in an irritable mood. So I can''t really complain when I feel like people are annoyed with me because it would be completely hypocritical. People (including me, of course) just aren''t logical creatures at our core...

 

[gwendolyn]

Yeah, I know I do care too much what other people think. And most of the time, I''m very confident about myself and am really outgoing and love to make people laugh, and often people seem to really love my company. But other times, I feel like I''m acting the normal way, but it''s just not right for some reason. I''ve got a reasonable amount of empathy, so I don''t think it''s social awkwardness or anything....

People are complex creatures, and I''m sure there are times when people are acting like everything''s fine when it really isn''t (I know I try to do that to save people from having to worry about me, but I''m a terrible liar so it usually doesn''t work in my case). I tend to be hypercritical of myself with most things, so my initial reaction is to always feel like I''ve done something wrong. I just get confused and a little down when I analyze the situation and can''t find anything that I did that was different than usual, which leaves me feeling like it was just me as a whole that was the annoyance.

Talking to a therapist is a good suggestion; I do think I''d benefit a lot (in a few areas of my life) if I did that. There''s just no money for it now.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I know it''s not an LIW topic, but this is where I hang most often, so I wanted to put it here, where it''d be safe.

 

[diamondfan]

I know where you are coming from, but may I say, without diminishing your feelings (which are valid if you feel them but not necessarily correct if that makes sense) that you only ever seem competent, considerate, well spoken and lovely on PS? I cannot say anything about real life, but cannot imagine a whole lot of differences there. I know how easy it is to believe certain things about ourselves, we can construct it so differing things lend credence to that view, even if it is not wholly correct.


Just be you, and know that just because you think it does not make it so!

 

[gwendolyn]

Awww, diamondfan, thank you! That''s very sweet of you to say. I always feel a bit guilty when I post things like this thread because I don''t want people to think I''m fishing for compliments, but I guess in some respects reassurance that I''m not really annoying IS fishing for compliments!

And I know exactly what you mean by saying that my feelings are both valid and wrong at the same time. I think that''s the part of it that makes me the most confused--because logically I realize that I''m probably wrong and making things worse in my head, but that feelings are feelings and they just are what they are. They can''t be wrong because they''re a gut reaction, although what''s inspiring them CAN be wrong. I think?

You guys are all great. Let me buy you a round of hamburgers!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/4/2008 11:10:51 AM
Author: diamondfan
I know where you are coming from, but may I say, without diminishing your feelings (which are valid if you feel them but not necessarily correct if that makes sense) that you only ever seem competent, considerate, well spoken and lovely on PS? I cannot say anything about real life, but cannot imagine a whole lot of differences there. I know how easy it is to believe certain things about ourselves, we can construct it so differing things lend credence to that view, even if it is not wholly correct.


Just be you, and know that just because you think it does not make it so!

I was thinking the same thing after reading your post, Gwenolyn. DF just said it so much better than I could! I enjoy reading your posts, and you always seem very thoughtful, considerate, and kind. I''m also very amazed in your courage to enroll in grad school in another country, leaving your friends and family, to follow a dream you''ve obviously had. You''re now closer to your boyfriend (J?), which I''m sure must be a great feeling. If you lived in new England, I''d see if you would like to get together the next time you''re in town. Ah well...

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/4/2008 12:47:54 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
I was thinking the same thing after reading your post, Gwenolyn. DF just said it so much better than I could! I enjoy reading your posts, and you always seem very thoughtful, considerate, and kind. I''m also very amazed in your courage to enroll in grad school in another country, leaving your friends and family, to follow a dream you''ve obviously had. You''re now closer to your boyfriend (J?), which I''m sure must be a great feeling. If you lived in new England, I''d see if you would like to get together the next time you''re in town. Ah well...

Aww, thanks, Zoe! Whereabouts in New England are you? J and I are probably moving back to the US after the 2008/2009 school year (so we can live together this year and get our marriage visas in order and everything), and we will be moving either back to Maryland (where I''ve been living for the past 15 or so years) or somewhere in New England (I''ve got some good friends in MA and I love the Boston area!). It''s beautiful up there, but I''m not sure J could handle the winters, since he''s spoiled with mostly snowless English winters!

 

[Octavia]

Yikes, Gwendolyn, I wasn''t implying that I think you need therapy! I hope you didn''t take it that way. I was only trying to say that I think the only way to get rid of feelings like that is to completely change your mindset, and people usually can''t do that all by themselves. The point of my post was more that I think this happens to a lot of people, and while your friends may be annoyed at something, it''s probably not you specifically. I definitely worry about this a lot because I have a deep-seated need to be liked, but in the end I find that there are so many other things to worry about that I don''t have time for all of it. Being able to sigh and shrug your shoulders and carry on is kind of the next-best thing to actually being able to not care, IMO.

 

[gwendolyn]

Hahaha, no worries, Octavia, the way I phrased it makes it sound much worse than you originally said it! I just didn''t say it right--I know talking it over with someone is the only way to deal with these feelings long-term (I feel better now after having talked with you guys, so thanks!!!). I didn''t read it in a negative way at all--apologies for writing it like that!

I have been trying to learn to just sigh and shrug my shoulders--my boyfriend is REALLY good at being able to let things just slide off his back, and I''m trying so hard to pick it up from him but if I have, it''s only been minimal so far. Some days are better than other days, though, so I guess I''ll do the best I can each day, and maybe overall, things will improve.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 5/4/2008 11:10:51 AM
Author: diamondfan
I know where you are coming from, but may I say, without diminishing your feelings (which are valid if you feel them but not necessarily correct if that makes sense) that you only ever seem competent, considerate, well spoken and lovely on PS? I cannot say anything about real life, but cannot imagine a whole lot of differences there. I know how easy it is to believe certain things about ourselves, we can construct it so differing things lend credence to that view, even if it is not wholly correct.


Just be you, and know that just because you think it does not make it so!

Ditto!!!

I think we all go through this. I also think the older we get the less we feel this way. I think it is because we realize the people who don't want to be around us really don't matter and the ones that do are the important ones in our life. It use to bother me a lot when I was younger when people didn't like me; then I realized it is there problem not mine or that not all people mesh and that is the way it is. I know I like you

darling!!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Yeah I feel this way sometimes, too. But hey guess what, I don''t think you''re annoying! I enjoy your posts.

I am a sensitive person as well.

 

[mimzy]

i think i know exactly how you feel gwendolyn. i'm usually able to hold my own in social situations, but i don't super easily relate to everybody, and i say stupid things sometimes, and i used to feel that i slightly annoyed my friends. that precipitated into thinking that they would rather not be around me and that evolved into such extreme anxiety that i would actively avoid friends (especially my best friends) and would often break down in tears if they tried to talk to me (about anything, not about what was wrong with me).i felt that they were only talking to me out of pity and obligation, and that there was no way that they could actually enjoy my company and i hated myself for trapping them into being my 'friend' and for giving them reason to hate me even more than they probably already did.


i know that is a lot more extreme than what you say you are feeling, but my skittishness about friends started out as feeling annoying. i was in therapy for awhile and it was pretty easy to identify the cause as having a long string of "friendships" where the person would be all excited about being friends and then ditch me soon thereafter (going back to second grade through high school). I didn't trust people, even my good friends, to love me unconditionally as i was. can you pinpoint what surrounds the moments when you begin to feel as if you are feeling annoying? does it happen with everyone or just a few specific people, and it's possible that it is their personality flaw, not yours? either way, definitely keep working to shrug it off, or even better yet, laugh it off with them. have enough faith in yourself to know that whatever social shortcomings you have (because we all have them) aren't even worth comparing to the positives that you bring to the table.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/4/2008 2:20:38 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 5/4/2008 11:10:51 AM

Author: diamondfan

I know where you are coming from, but may I say, without diminishing your feelings (which are valid if you feel them but not necessarily correct if that makes sense) that you only ever seem competent, considerate, well spoken and lovely on PS? I cannot say anything about real life, but cannot imagine a whole lot of differences there. I know how easy it is to believe certain things about ourselves, we can construct it so differing things lend credence to that view, even if it is not wholly correct.



Just be you, and know that just because you think it does not make it so!

Ditto!!!


I think we all go through this. I also think the older we get the less we feel this way. I think it is because we realize the people who don''t want to be around us really don''t matter and the ones that do are the important ones in our life. It use to bother me a lot when I was younger when people didn''t like me; then I realized it is there problem not mine or that not all people mesh and that is the way it is. I know I like you

darling!!

Skippy, you are a darling as well! Thanks for being your sweet self and understanding where I am coming from. Obviously this doesn''t need to be said, but I like you too, babe!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/4/2008 3:15:06 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Yeah I feel this way sometimes, too. But hey guess what, I don''t think you''re annoying! I enjoy your posts.

I am a sensitive person as well.

LOL Sarah, "But hey guess what, I don''t find you annoying!" You rock.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Gwendolyn, I know exactly what you mean. I think that everyone feels this at some time or another. My thing is that I think new poeple I meet don''t like me. It''s really stupid but I can''t help it! I''ll have no evidence to prove it but I just keep thinking, "She doesn''t like me." Then after a few more times of meeting the person I suddenly realise that we get on great! I''m not sure where these feelings come from, I get on well with most poeple, I aren''t an argumnetative person and hate confrontation. I must admit to being quite sensitive at times and did get picked on when I was at school for not having expensive clothes, not being skinny enough, having a brace etc so maybe it stems from that. Maybe your own issues relate to something in your past?

Also you have to remember that all of us have negative days where people who we would usually enjoy the company of will annoy us, so I suppose that we must accept that sometimes we will irritate people and other times they will love us!

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/4/2008 12:47:54 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett

Date: 5/4/2008 11:10:51 AM

Author: diamondfan

I know where you are coming from, but may I say, without diminishing your feelings (which are valid if you feel them but not necessarily correct if that makes sense) that you only ever seem competent, considerate, well spoken and lovely on PS? I cannot say anything about real life, but cannot imagine a whole lot of differences there. I know how easy it is to believe certain things about ourselves, we can construct it so differing things lend credence to that view, even if it is not wholly correct.



Just be you, and know that just because you think it does not make it so!

I was thinking the same thing after reading your post, Gwenolyn. DF just said it so much better than I could! I enjoy reading your posts, and you always seem very thoughtful, considerate, and kind. I''m also very amazed in your courage to enroll in grad school in another country, leaving your friends and family, to follow a dream you''ve obviously had. You''re now closer to your boyfriend (J?), which I''m sure must be a great feeling. If you lived in new England, I''d see if you would like to get together the next time you''re in town. Ah well...

ditto to both posts. I adore reading your posts Gwendolyn and if you ever come over to Dublin before you head back to the US, we need to meet for pints!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/4/2008 4:37:54 PM
Author: mimzy
i think i know exactly how you feel gwendolyn. i''m usually able to hold my own in social situations, but i don''t super easily relate to everybody, and i say stupid things sometimes, and i used to feel that i slightly annoyed my friends. that precipitated into thinking that they would rather not be around me and that evolved into such extreme anxiety that i would actively avoid friends (especially my best friends) and would often break down in tears if they tried to talk to me (about anything, not about what was wrong with me).i felt that they were only talking to me out of pity and obligation, and that there was no way that they could actually enjoy my company and i hated myself for trapping them into being my ''friend'' and for giving them reason to hate me even more than they probably already did.

i know that is a lot more extreme than what you say you are feeling, but my skittishness about friends started out as feeling annoying. i was in therapy for awhile and it was pretty easy to identify the cause as having a long string of ''friendships'' where the person would be all excited about being friends and then ditch me soon thereafter (going back to second grade through high school). I didn''t trust people, even my good friends, to love me unconditionally as i was. can you pinpoint what surrounds the moments when you begin to feel as if you are feeling annoying? does it happen with everyone or just a few specific people, and it''s possible that it is their personality flaw, not yours? either way, definitely keep working to shrug it off, or even better yet, laugh it off with them. have enough faith in yourself to know that whatever social shortcomings you have (because we all have them) aren''t even worth comparing to the positives that you bring to the table.

Hiya, Mimzy, thank you so much for replying to this thread with such personal info (I know lots of folks are afraid to do that, so I really think it''s admirable that you made this post). I have found that I''ve become more anti-social than I used to be. Some of it I attribute to being older--when I was in college, my life was school, work, and friends, and that was about it. I saw my friends all the time at school, and then would make more plans to hang with them after work on the weekends. Now (I''m 30), I''m back at school--grad school this time--and it''s completely different. I have friends, but I feel like they''re mostly "just for now" friends because we''re all from different countries (I''m in England but from the US), and most everyone is going back home when our degree finishes in July. I like them, and there are a few who are definitely better friends than the rest, but it feels very temporary, and I''m at a time in my life where I''m looking for stability.

J, my boyfriend, is from England, but he lives 200 miles away, so we still see each other only occasionally--more often than before when I was in the US, but still not often enough for me to really feel like I have roots. We are going to be living together here in England for the next year due to visa permissions, and then we''ll be moving back to the US. I feel like the lack of good, old friends who know me well helps me to feel a bit more insecure than I would otherwise.

That being said, I do sometimes feel like I annoy my friends at home. I was just there for all of April (just about), and I met up with them a few times. I possibly won''t be back home for another 15 months (

), so I wanted to hang out with them a few times before coming back here. Most of them are married, and the two couples that aren''t are either engaged or have been living together for years and years. They''ve got their routines and their home improvement plans going on, and some of the time they were turning me down because they were fixing cabinets or going to the beach for the weekend, when they knew full well I was only going to be in the country for a few weeks. So that was a little disappointing, but I doubt that would have bothered me as much as some of them acting a bit like they were doing me a favour by showing up to have dinner with me. It actually got to the point where I told a couple of them that, if it was a chore to come see me, don''t do it, because hanging out with friends is supposed to be FUN. One of those couples didn''t come--said one of them stepped on something and had to go to the doctor. Ok.

I know we''re in different stages of our lives now compared to where we used to be--the best friends I have are people (mostly guys) that I''ve known since we were 13. They''re like family. We love each other, we go on vacation together (or we used to), we can be (and usually are) painfully honest with each other, and we know WAY more about each other than we really should. I''ve told them before when I feel that I am annoying them, and sometimes they say it''s in my head, and sometimes they say that I''m too sensitive to things and that me being sensitive bothers them sometimes, but only because they know there''s nothing of substance to it (kind of confusing though, still).

I also think that, since J is a very quiet, reserved person who only has a couple of close friends, his influence on me has made me more of a homebody, and as such I sometimes ignore my phone when it rings or cancel plans (or just decline at the invitation) because I don''t feel like going out. I almost never used to do that, but I do it fairly often now. Could be for multiple reasons: J''s influence, grad school work, missing my friends at home, worrying about the future (I do that a lot now). I think, or hope anyway, that once I''m past this stage in my life, I''ll be able to stop being in this funk as often as I am now. I used to feel this way only very occasionally before; lately, I''ve been feeling it quite often. But if I see it, that means I can fix it, right?

Thanks again for your words of encouragement and help, Mimzy. I know this post was MUCH longer than I expected, so it''s a-ok if you didn''t make it all the way through. I just hope you read the bits with your name (screenname, whatever) so you know how much I appreciate what you said.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/4/2008 1:08:48 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/4/2008 12:47:54 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
I was thinking the same thing after reading your post, Gwenolyn. DF just said it so much better than I could! I enjoy reading your posts, and you always seem very thoughtful, considerate, and kind. I''m also very amazed in your courage to enroll in grad school in another country, leaving your friends and family, to follow a dream you''ve obviously had. You''re now closer to your boyfriend (J?), which I''m sure must be a great feeling. If you lived in new England, I''d see if you would like to get together the next time you''re in town. Ah well...

Aww, thanks, Zoe! Whereabouts in New England are you? J and I are probably moving back to the US after the 2008/2009 school year (so we can live together this year and get our marriage visas in order and everything), and we will be moving either back to Maryland (where I''ve been living for the past 15 or so years) or somewhere in New England (I''ve got some good friends in MA and I love the Boston area!). It''s beautiful up there, but I''m not sure J could handle the winters, since he''s spoiled with mostly snowless English winters!

Yeah, the snow may bother J. This was the second snowiest winter on record in a VERY long time. But it''s New England, it''s supposed to snow here. Anyway, Boston''s great, and if you''re ever in the area, let me know and maybe we can meet if you''d like. I''m an hour or so north of Boston but I don''t live in MA. Close to the border though.

 

[zoebartlett]

Gwendolyn, my FI is quiet and reserved, too. My FI has has a few friends who he rarely sees or talks to on the phone, whereas I love to see my friends as often as possible, and I love chatting on the phone. We are very similar in some ways but very different in other ways. I can be a homebody at times, but my FI''s much more likely than I am to want to hang out here than go out. Since I have those tendancies at times, I try to fight them. It''s so easy to sit on the couch and watch movies all day (or whatever) but then I just feel unproductive. Know what I mean? I know where you''re coming from. It''s so easy to become influenced by others, even if it''s subconscious, I think.

 

[jennypoo]

Hi Gwen! I, too, have felt this way. What I've learned though is that if people truly feel "annoyed" by you, they're probably not worth keeping as friends anyway. All of my true and blue friends have liked me for ME, simple as that. I haven't ever had to worry about whether or not they find me annoying, or if I may be offending them by my behaviour, and vice versa. Basically, as I've gotten older and grown more into the person I am today, I just stopped caring so much about what other people think. There are two ways you can live your life: doing what pleases others, or doing what pleases yourself. The latter will make you much happier! Just be confident and be yourself. That way you'll attract like-minded people who are more apt to accept you just the way you are.

 

[anchor31]

I know how you feel, Gwen. I was never a "popular" girl, so I often still have insecurities. But one thing I''ve learned is that worrying about those things only harms myself, and the people who do find me annoying are not worth me getting stressed over. At some point, I think we all have to consciously decide that some things aren''t worth worrying about or feeling bad about. And since we can''t make everyone happy... Sometimes it''s just best to shrug it off. For what it''s worth, I don''t think you''re annoying. I find your adventuresque reception ideas terrifying, but you''re not annoying.

 

[Kaleigh]

Hey Gwen,
From reading your posts, you don not come across as annoying one bit. You consistent in your postings, nice kind and knoweldgeable. I don''t know about IRL. But usually you can tell a lot about a person from their posts. So I say, hold your head high, and be yourself!! I enjoy reading your posts, a lot.

If people find you annoying, that''s probably a misperception by you. As you don''t come across that way on PS. Hope that makes sense.

 

[diamondfan]

Gwen, I face something a bit different in that many times, people want to catergorize me and then get to know me and have to reevaluate. If someone just goes by surface stuff, and see a blonde with nice jewelry and a nice handbag, and just view me that way, they might never get to know the real me. I used to get upset by it and feel I had to prove myself, but finally realized that if someone is not willing to take that time, it is their loss. I am more than just a material one sided person, and I know it. Those people who are worthwhile know it too. I am me, there are many parts to me, and that is that. I know that now, but it took time. So my only point to you is, don''t sweat it, be yourself, let who you are shine through. And also know that sometimes what we interpret as being about us is really not...you could be charming and adorable but that other person is having a crap day...so keep that in mind too.

 

[mimzy]

Gwendolyn,

thanks for your reply to my reply! and of course i read the whole thing. i think that a lot of it probably does have to do with where you are at in your life right now. there isn''t a lot of security in your friendships and you don''t know them inside and out like you do your old friends, so it''s more nerve wrecking interacting with them. even with old friends there may be a sort of pressure to get along perfectly with them, but when you are coming off from a dealing with more fragile friendships (in england) it''s probably hard to get on the same page as them. my problems with this started after i parted ways with my core group of friends in high school. since then i haven''t really had many friends, much less good ones. however, there are people in my life that i used to relate perfectly to....now i barely know them. speaking of which.....

my old best friend S and i used to get each other perfectly. she was really the only person (friend) that i felt that i could be honest with about everything. after six or so years of great friendship she began to blow me off, to the point where i just felt stupid about trying to mention hanging out. after a big blow out this past new years she pretty much told me that she thought i was obsessed with her, that i annoyed her, that she was avoiding me and that i needed to get over the friendship. it was pretty much the sum of all fears for me (considering everything i wrote in my last post), and i haven''t spoken to her since. we probably could have resolved it, but it wasn''t worth the blow to my self esteem, as i would constantly be paranoid if we remained in contact. it hasn''t made me bitter, but it has made me realize that the friendships i have now and will make in the future ARE temporary (no matter how good they can be) and that it will be foolish of me to try to continue to count on friends. acknowledging and accepting that has taken pressure off me to try to keep these people in my life. i''m also in grad school and have made one really good friend. are we soul mates? no. but it''s someone to talk to and share with and if she''s not my biggest fan then that is okay because all that matters is for now that we like each other enough to keep talking. and not putting the pressure on myself to make her my new best friend makes me so much more relaxed about the whole thing.

I asked my oldest friend E to be a bridesmaid and i was TERRIFIED that she was going to be annoyed and would only accept out of obligation because we haven''t been SUPER tight in a long time and she is a lot more outgoing than i am (read: she probably thinks i''m boring now). but she was ecstatic. i was a nervous wreck the first time i saw her after i asked her (via mail, we are on opposites sides of the country), and i was a blubbering mess when i tried to explain why. but she just gave me a hug, told me i was ridiculous and never mentioned it again. and i actually believed her. we are talking a lot more now and i still feel that i annoy her sometimes (even after 15 years of friendship, since we were , but i still suck it up.

i used to be super outgoing when i was younger too (talking middle school age here), but i grew into someone who is much more conscientious and discerning, and it sounds like you''re doing the same thing (not that the two are mutually exclusive). whether it''s because of your boyfriend''s influence or a lack of energy or whatever, i think that the best thing you can do in the interim is to embrace your new antisocial tendencies and use the extra time to focus on you. i have to go to bed now and i''m sorry this got so long! i guess the morale of the story is to accept that friendships change and that it''s not because of you, even if it feels like it. if you aren''t feeling secure in the friendship anymore it might not be for no reason - but the reason isn''t you, it''s just the natural course of relationships.

this reply probably made no sense. i''m so tired.

p.s: FI just asked what i was doing and i told him i was replying to a post from a girl who feels like she annoys her friends and he''s like "oh! you two should start a club"

 

[purrfectpear]

Well ladies, when you''re my age (just turned 55) you''ll have all the confidence in the world hopefully. I could give a flying flip what ANYONE thinks about me

If you''ve seen the movie Fried Green Tomatoes, you''ll know what I mean

 

[nebe]

EVERY day. ALL the time.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/5/2008 11:13:51 AM
Author: nebe
EVERY day. ALL the time.

Why do you feel that way, honey? You always come across as a sweet, sassy, warm person to me! *hugs* Do you want to talk about it?

 

[gwendolyn]

Oooh, you are one hour north of Boston, Zoe?! I think if J and I ever moved up north, my IDEAL place to live is on MA''s North Shore. Now, we probably couldn''t afford it since it seems like only people with zillions of dollars live up there (at least the places I visited), but it is so utterly beautiful and charming and relaxing and wonderful. Maybe when we win the lottery?

Date: 5/4/2008 7:29:06 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Gwendolyn, my FI is quiet and reserved, too. My FI has has a few friends who he rarely sees or talks to on the phone, whereas I love to see my friends as often as possible, and I love chatting on the phone. We are very similar in some ways but very different in other ways. I can be a homebody at times, but my FI''s much more likely than I am to want to hang out here than go out. Since I have those tendancies at times, I try to fight them. It''s so easy to sit on the couch and watch movies all day (or whatever) but then I just feel unproductive. Know what I mean? I know where you''re coming from. It''s so easy to become influenced by others, even if it''s subconscious, I think.

Yes, that''s exactly how I feel with J! Sometimes I feel almost like I have to drag him out of the house to do anything at all (even just make a quick run to the grocery store to pick up milk!) so that we can get out of the house, because he''s fine with just staying in all the time. He does like to visit with his one good friend who lives in town with him, so he''s not entirely a hermit, but when I visit, sometimes I feel like I have to push J to get out and do stuff because otherwise we''d do nothing but sit in front of the TV which, exactly, feels really unproductive and makes me feel lazy. Which is fine sometimes, but not ALL the time. Sometimes we go out to see historic sites (I love castles and there are a whole mess of ''em here in the UK), so we do get out, but not often with other people. We went out to dinner with about 6 of my friends from school once and he was really nervous the whole time. Hardly said anything, which made me feel a bit badly that I''d put him in an uncomfortable position. But I wanted my friends to meet him and vice versa! And since he doesn''t come down all that often, it''s not so easy to get everyone to hang out just one person at a time, which is what he prefers.

Oh well. I *think* we are meeting in the middle, most of the time. I''ll get a better feel for it after school is over, when we''re living together and making new friends and stuff.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/4/2008 6:03:27 PM
Author: bee*

Date: 5/4/2008 12:47:54 PM

Author: ZoeBartlett

Date: 5/4/2008 11:10:51 AM


Author: diamondfan


I know where you are coming from, but may I say, without diminishing your feelings (which are valid if you feel them but not necessarily correct if that makes sense) that you only ever seem competent, considerate, well spoken and lovely on PS? I cannot say anything about real life, but cannot imagine a whole lot of differences there. I know how easy it is to believe certain things about ourselves, we can construct it so differing things lend credence to that view, even if it is not wholly correct.




Just be you, and know that just because you think it does not make it so!

I was thinking the same thing after reading your post, Gwenolyn. DF just said it so much better than I could! I enjoy reading your posts, and you always seem very thoughtful, considerate, and kind. I''m also very amazed in your courage to enroll in grad school in another country, leaving your friends and family, to follow a dream you''ve obviously had. You''re now closer to your boyfriend (J?), which I''m sure must be a great feeling. If you lived in new England, I''d see if you would like to get together the next time you''re in town. Ah well...

ditto to both posts. I adore reading your posts Gwendolyn and if you ever come over to Dublin before you head back to the US, we need to meet for pints!

Hahah, thanks, bee-star! (That always makes me think of you as a movie star, y''know

) I missed this the first time, probably as I was writing that novel to Mimzy. You are such a sweetheart and I would love to meet up sometime! I have no idea right now when I will be able to get over to Ireland--the dissertation is due in mid-July, but J and I are staying for another year to live together and sort out our visas, so if it isn''t anytime within the next couple of months, it will hopefully be able to happen before next year. Once J and I are both settled and working in Manchester, we should have at least a little spending money to fly over!