Do you ever just want to give up?

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 4/25/2007 10:12:50 PM
Author: anchor31

Date: 4/25/2007 3:59:24 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

I find cultural differences interesting... my husband is mexican and his family has very intense family bonds and loyalty, but maybe not as much as what you describe. His mom got a bit interfering before we married and I took dh for a walk 2 days before we married and asked him point blank if he ever came to a point where he had to choose between me and his family, who would he choose? He said me. Which is a good thing because I knew if he said his family or even hesitated I wouldn''t marry him. Not that I don''t love my parents, but I''ve always thought of birds... when the baby bird is ready to leave the nest it goes off, finds another bird, and makes its *own* nest. You don''t see mama birds squacking to their offspring, get back in this nest, that bird isn''t your real family LOL I see it more as paying it forward than paying it back... creating a new foundation for my own little birdies who will one day leave the nest and find their own way as well.

Cehra, that has to be the best analogy ever. It''s cute, funny and touching! I will definitely tell FI so we can use this piece of wisdom with our mothers if needed (his certainly does)...

The irony is that now that I''m a mother (especially of boys!) I understand more now than ever the desire to keep them close.... I gained a WHOLE NEW appreciation for my MIL when I had my first boy and was gripped with fear that some *HUSSY* someday would wag her hips and take him away from me! LOL And then tell me she knows him better than I do! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! But really what we want is for our children to be loved every bit as much as we love them, and that''s a good thing, right?

 

[poptart]

Date: 4/26/2007 12:21:07 AM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 4/25/2007 10:12:50 PM

Author: anchor31

Date: 4/25/2007 3:59:24 PM

Author: Cehrabehra


I find cultural differences interesting... my husband is mexican and his family has very intense family bonds and loyalty, but maybe not as much as what you describe. His mom got a bit interfering before we married and I took dh for a walk 2 days before we married and asked him point blank if he ever came to a point where he had to choose between me and his family, who would he choose? He said me. Which is a good thing because I knew if he said his family or even hesitated I wouldn''t marry him. Not that I don''t love my parents, but I''ve always thought of birds... when the baby bird is ready to leave the nest it goes off, finds another bird, and makes its *own* nest. You don''t see mama birds squacking to their offspring, get back in this nest, that bird isn''t your real family LOL I see it more as paying it forward than paying it back... creating a new foundation for my own little birdies who will one day leave the nest and find their own way as well.

Cehra, that has to be the best analogy ever. It''s cute, funny and touching! I will definitely tell FI so we can use this piece of wisdom with our mothers if needed (his certainly does)...

The irony is that now that I''m a mother (especially of boys!) I understand more now than ever the desire to keep them close.... I gained a WHOLE NEW appreciation for my MIL when I had my first boy and was gripped with fear that some *HUSSY* someday would wag her hips and take him away from me! LOL And then tell me she knows him better than I do! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! But really what we want is for our children to be loved every bit as much as we love them, and that''s a good thing, right?

Sara, I''ve always wondered about mothers wanting to keep their sons closer. From reading on here, it''s quite obvious it''s not just something with my MIL (although mine is NOT like that anymore, but was when DH and I first dated). It seems like moms have a harder time with letting the boys go than the girls, and there''s always a type of "property dispute" (lol) over the boy and the new girlfriend, at least for a short (or long) time.

*M*

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 4/26/2007 12:35:16 AM
Author: poptart

Date: 4/26/2007 12:21:07 AM
Author: Cehrabehra

The irony is that now that I''m a mother (especially of boys!) I understand more now than ever the desire to keep them close.... I gained a WHOLE NEW appreciation for my MIL when I had my first boy and was gripped with fear that some *HUSSY* someday would wag her hips and take him away from me! LOL And then tell me she knows him better than I do! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! But really what we want is for our children to be loved every bit as much as we love them, and that''s a good thing, right?

Sara, I''ve always wondered about mothers wanting to keep their sons closer. From reading on here, it''s quite obvious it''s not just something with my MIL (although mine is NOT like that anymore, but was when DH and I first dated). It seems like moms have a harder time with letting the boys go than the girls, and there''s always a type of ''property dispute'' (lol) over the boy and the new girlfriend, at least for a short (or long) time.

*M*

you ever heard that saying that goes something like, "a daughter is a daughter for all your life, a son is your son ''till he takes a wife"? It''s kinda true. There *are* exceptions both in terms of mama''s boys AND distant daughters.... but *generally* girls stick close to their moms.... traditionally the men hunt and gather and go out and bonk buffalo on the head or whatever, and the women huddle around the fire grinding corn and telling stories, teaching the children... okay so that''s going back kinda far (though not too far for some cultures) and women talk... the girls turn to their moms about how to cook, how to be a mom etc. and as long as our moms aren''t *pushing* thier stuff on is we tend to seek it out... I called my mom every year on thanksgiving to have her talk me through making stuffing and since she died I haven''t made a good one in 7 years... anyway, guys don''t really have anything they need or want from their moms even though they still love them.... I have a 12 year old daughter and there is a real security in that relationship - I know I will always be able to cuddle on the couch with her.... but there will come a time when some other girl is going to get PISSED if she has to share my little boy with me and I totally get it, but as a mom I do get it. I have much more sympathy for my MIL now than I did before I had boys... I want to tell my husband "go over and sit on the couch and cuddle with your mom!" LOL!!! Men in general are oblivious and don''t bother with even thinking about this stuff... but I do know that my husband has more protective "my daughter will never have sex" sort of thinking than I do. He knows how boys are. I know how girls are LOL!!

 

[poptart]

Date: 4/26/2007 1:22:38 AM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 4/26/2007 12:35:16 AM

Author: poptart

Date: 4/26/2007 12:21:07 AM

Author: Cehrabehra


The irony is that now that I''m a mother (especially of boys!) I understand more now than ever the desire to keep them close.... I gained a WHOLE NEW appreciation for my MIL when I had my first boy and was gripped with fear that some *HUSSY* someday would wag her hips and take him away from me! LOL And then tell me she knows him better than I do! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! But really what we want is for our children to be loved every bit as much as we love them, and that''s a good thing, right?

Sara, I''ve always wondered about mothers wanting to keep their sons closer. From reading on here, it''s quite obvious it''s not just something with my MIL (although mine is NOT like that anymore, but was when DH and I first dated). It seems like moms have a harder time with letting the boys go than the girls, and there''s always a type of ''property dispute'' (lol) over the boy and the new girlfriend, at least for a short (or long) time.


*M*

you ever heard that saying that goes something like, ''a daughter is a daughter for all your life, a son is your son ''till he takes a wife''? It''s kinda true. There *are* exceptions both in terms of mama''s boys AND distant daughters.... but *generally* girls stick close to their moms.... traditionally the men hunt and gather and go out and bonk buffalo on the head or whatever, and the women huddle around the fire grinding corn and telling stories, teaching the children... okay so that''s going back kinda far (though not too far for some cultures) and women talk... the girls turn to their moms about how to cook, how to be a mom etc. and as long as our moms aren''t *pushing* thier stuff on is we tend to seek it out... I called my mom every year on thanksgiving to have her talk me through making stuffing and since she died I haven''t made a good one in 7 years... anyway, guys don''t really have anything they need or want from their moms even though they still love them.... I have a 12 year old daughter and there is a real security in that relationship - I know I will always be able to cuddle on the couch with her.... but there will come a time when some other girl is going to get PISSED if she has to share my little boy with me and I totally get it, but as a mom I do get it. I have much more sympathy for my MIL now than I did before I had boys... I want to tell my husband ''go over and sit on the couch and cuddle with your mom!'' LOL!!! Men in general are oblivious and don''t bother with even thinking about this stuff... but I do know that my husband has more protective ''my daughter will never have sex'' sort of thinking than I do. He knows how boys are. I know how girls are LOL!!

When you say it like that, yes it does make sense, and I think you are right that for the most part it''s true. Thanks for explaining it to me!

*M*

 

[anchor31]

Date: 4/26/2007 1:22:38 AM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 4/26/2007 12:35:16 AM
Author: poptart

Date: 4/26/2007 12:21:07 AM
Author: Cehrabehra

The irony is that now that I''m a mother (especially of boys!) I understand more now than ever the desire to keep them close.... I gained a WHOLE NEW appreciation for my MIL when I had my first boy and was gripped with fear that some *HUSSY* someday would wag her hips and take him away from me! LOL And then tell me she knows him better than I do! Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! But really what we want is for our children to be loved every bit as much as we love them, and that''s a good thing, right?

Sara, I''ve always wondered about mothers wanting to keep their sons closer. From reading on here, it''s quite obvious it''s not just something with my MIL (although mine is NOT like that anymore, but was when DH and I first dated). It seems like moms have a harder time with letting the boys go than the girls, and there''s always a type of ''property dispute'' (lol) over the boy and the new girlfriend, at least for a short (or long) time.

*M*

you ever heard that saying that goes something like, ''a daughter is a daughter for all your life, a son is your son ''till he takes a wife''? It''s kinda true. There *are* exceptions both in terms of mama''s boys AND distant daughters.... but *generally* girls stick close to their moms.... traditionally the men hunt and gather and go out and bonk buffalo on the head or whatever, and the women huddle around the fire grinding corn and telling stories, teaching the children... okay so that''s going back kinda far (though not too far for some cultures) and women talk... the girls turn to their moms about how to cook, how to be a mom etc. and as long as our moms aren''t *pushing* thier stuff on is we tend to seek it out... I called my mom every year on thanksgiving to have her talk me through making stuffing and since she died I haven''t made a good one in 7 years... anyway, guys don''t really have anything they need or want from their moms even though they still love them.... I have a 12 year old daughter and there is a real security in that relationship - I know I will always be able to cuddle on the couch with her.... but there will come a time when some other girl is going to get PISSED if she has to share my little boy with me and I totally get it, but as a mom I do get it. I have much more sympathy for my MIL now than I did before I had boys... I want to tell my husband ''go over and sit on the couch and cuddle with your mom!'' LOL!!! Men in general are oblivious and don''t bother with even thinking about this stuff... but I do know that my husband has more protective ''my daughter will never have sex'' sort of thinking than I do. He knows how boys are. I know how girls are LOL!!

My mother told me it''s harder for her to see my brother move in with his girlfriend of two years than it is seeing me move in with my FI, and we''re pretty much moving at the same time. Although it''s not something I can really understand yet, I just wish my FMIL wasn''t so... well, I wish she wouldn''t treat FI like an irresponsible half-wit who can''t take care of himself and treat me right. She''s being so awful she''s actually pushing him away!

Anyway, sorry for the thread-jack, Jen!