Do you or your SO have a temper?

[HollyS]

Everyone is capable of temper. Even about stupid things. We''ve all been there.

It isn''t about ''getting mad''. It is about what, how often, and just how intense those fireworks are.

There is something wrong with anyone who cannot control their anger; anyone who finds themselves constantly apologizing for their displays of temper; or anyone who has earned a reputation for being a hot-head. And you will find that those people will always qualify and justify their behavior. Or they feign disbelief that others find them to be a powder keg.

Only you, because you see your FI day in and day out, can be the judge of how rational his bouts of temper are. You''ll know if he''s crossing the line or not. As with any potentional red flag, your instinctual reaction will tell you the truth about the situation.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

It takes a lot to make me snap but when I do....watch out.

FI has a much quicker temper than I on a day-to-day basis, usually around driving. Then he remembers I''m in the car and calms down.

 

[pinkstars]

Neither of us has a temper. We naturally get irritated sometimes, and then we talk things out, but we don''t really raise our voices either.
Sometimes we "fake fight" and it''s something we always laugh about. It''s hard to describe, it''s like we''re putting on a play for each other and part of it is being irate and silly. I think that in some way this helps us from directly taking too much out on each other.

 

[Feralpenchant]

Porridge: I have the worst temper on the face of the planet. I am normally very fun and reasonable, but when I get mad, the people who know me know to just get the heck out of the way. And the people who don''t know me as well.. Well, they find that out

Thanks Dad, your temper is just what I would have picked if I could have chosen which trait of yours I wanted to inherit!

Sometimes SO will antagonize me, or set me off, and not even realize he''s doing it. The two things that keep us together and ensure that our relationship is stable are this..

1) After years of therapy, I know myself very well and am able to communicate to him why I am acting the way I am and am able to tell him the most effective way to handle me when I act like that.

2) He is INCREDIBLY patient, so we balance each other out.

SO often says my temper is my only drawback. And like your SO''s family, my family (mainly my mother) is the BEST at knowing when I''m going to blow and she can calm me down better than anyone else. Also, she knows when there''s just nothing she can do, and she leaves me alone. God bless her for knowing the difference. No one else seems to be able to quite get the hang of it. Lol. Just like your FI, I often say things I don''t mean or get more angry than I really want to, and end up aologizing PROFUSELY later on. No one I''ve dated before has been able to accept that side of me.

You and I are in a very similar situation, except our roles are switched! I can say that I totally relate to your SO if his episodes are anything like mine, then you should know that sometimes it''s almost like our actions and what we say our out of our control. Sometimes when I get really mad it''s almost like watching a movie, it doesn''t feel like it''s really me talking, and I can''t even believe what I''m saying. My apologies are always sincere.

Hope everything works out. This is the biggest issue in my relationship as well. Unfortunately, I''m the one with the temper.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 4/10/2009 1:50:56 PM
Author: pinkstars
Neither of us has a temper. We naturally get irritated sometimes, and then we talk things out, but we don''t really raise our voices either.
Sometimes we ''fake fight'' and it''s something we always laugh about. It''s hard to describe, it''s like we''re putting on a play for each other and part of it is being irate and silly. I think that in some way this helps us from directly taking too much out on each other.

Haha, we do this too! I think it''s good for getting out the tension while being silly at the same time.

 

[zhuzhu]

Nope. I think DH is more of a "passive aggressiver" while I am more of a "nagger and whiner" when irritated.
We have never shown/lost temper in any disagreement.

 

[packrat]

Husband always had more of a temper than I. Until we got married and had kids..now I have the temper. There''s a dent, he calls it a hole but whatever, in one of the living room walls..he always thought he did it somehow..but alas, it was his wife, ticked b/c the remote wouldn''t work, so she threw it across the room and it hit the wall. I asked him to fix it before he painted last summer but he said no, he liked to see it to remind him of his angry wife. I quit using a cordless mouse b/c when the batteries would start going, there was apt to be a bunch of nasty words and the mouse would go flying.

 

[choro72]

Date: 4/10/2009 3:42:19 PM
Author: packrat
Husband always had more of a temper than I. Until we got married and had kids..now I have the temper. There''s a dent, he calls it a hole but whatever, in one of the living room walls..he always thought he did it somehow..but alas, it was his wife, ticked b/c the remote wouldn''t work, so she threw it across the room and it hit the wall. I asked him to fix it before he painted last summer but he said no, he liked to see it to remind him of his angry wife. I quit using a cordless mouse b/c when the batteries would start going, there was apt to be a bunch of nasty words and the mouse would go flying.

Hahahaha, you had me cracking up! I''m like you a lot. Once a tin box stood in my way and hurt my foot. That tin box was severely punished.

I''m a self named Jeckyll and Hyde packed in a 4''7" petite frame. My own mother is afraid of me. FI is very relaxed about it and doesn''t care.
On the other hand, FI is a pro at sulking. I don''t handle it very well, because of course in my mind I am allowed to be in whatever mood I am in, but FI is NOT allowed to be anything other than happy.

 

[trillionaire]

nope, no tempers here.

SO gets the most upset when I am upset. He''s very guilty of energy transfer, lol. Sensitive Pisces!

If we are upset, we get quiet, take some time/space, then make nice again. He''s yelled once in 5.5 years, and I was totally taken aback. He is always the one to suggest letting cooler heads prevail. I am not a yeller, either. Reminds me of being a child.

 

[NuggetBrain]

Date: 4/10/2009 4:44:59 PM
Author: trillionaire
nope, no tempers here.

SO gets the most upset when I am upset. He's very guilty of energy transfer, lol. Sensitive Pisces!

If we are upset, we get quiet, take some time/space, then make nice again. He's yelled once in 5.5 years, and I was totally taken aback. He is always the one to suggest letting cooler heads prevail. I am not a yeller, either. Reminds me of being a child.

I can't help yelling, I'm a Gemini and everyone knows we're kinda nuts.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 4/10/2009 4:48:23 PM
Author: NuggetBrain

Date: 4/10/2009 4:44:59 PM
Author: trillionaire
nope, no tempers here.

SO gets the most upset when I am upset. He''s very guilty of energy transfer, lol. Sensitive Pisces!

If we are upset, we get quiet, take some time/space, then make nice again. He''s yelled once in 5.5 years, and I was totally taken aback. He is always the one to suggest letting cooler heads prevail. I am not a yeller, either. Reminds me of being a child.

I can''t help yelling, I''m a Gemini and everyone knows we''re kinda nuts.

HAHAHA! Reminds me of my roomie. She is a gemini and was dating a gemini... they would yell, fight and curse for HOURS!!! Literally. It was very amusing. She found a non-gemini to date, and she is much more even keeled now! Even her co-workers noticed the difference! hehehe

 

[bee*]

I''m the exact same as meresal and D would be the same as her Fi. I can get angry really quickly and then I kind of forget about it a few minutes later while D is so laid back. I think I''ve only seen him really angry about three times in ten years. It can be irritating if we have a fight as he''s just way too laid back and won''t get into it at all whereas I''ll get it all out of my system and be fine afterwards.

 

[zoebartlett]

My husband has more of a temper than I do, but I can hold grudges for waayyyy longer than he can. We''re both extremely stubborn, which doesn''t help.

 

[Porridge]

Date: 4/10/2009 3:09:24 PM
Author: Feralpenchant
Porridge: I have the worst temper on the face of the planet. I am normally very fun and reasonable, but when I get mad, the people who know me know to just get the heck out of the way. And the people who don''t know me as well.. Well, they find that out

Thanks Dad, your temper is just what I would have picked if I could have chosen which trait of yours I wanted to inherit!


Sometimes SO will antagonize me, or set me off, and not even realize he''s doing it. The two things that keep us together and ensure that our relationship is stable are this..


1) After years of therapy, I know myself very well and am able to communicate to him why I am acting the way I am and am able to tell him the most effective way to handle me when I act like that.


2) He is INCREDIBLY patient, so we balance each other out.


SO often says my temper is my only drawback. And like your SO''s family, my family (mainly my mother) is the BEST at knowing when I''m going to blow and she can calm me down better than anyone else. Also, she knows when there''s just nothing she can do, and she leaves me alone. God bless her for knowing the difference. No one else seems to be able to quite get the hang of it. Lol. Just like your FI, I often say things I don''t mean or get more angry than I really want to, and end up aologizing PROFUSELY later on. No one I''ve dated before has been able to accept that side of me.


You and I are in a very similar situation, except our roles are switched! I can say that I totally relate to your SO if his episodes are anything like mine, then you should know that sometimes it''s almost like our actions and what we say our out of our control. Sometimes when I get really mad it''s almost like watching a movie, it doesn''t feel like it''s really me talking, and I can''t even believe what I''m saying. My apologies are always sincere.

Hope everything works out. This is the biggest issue in my relationship as well. Unfortunately, I''m the one with the temper.

Thanks so much for sharing that Feralpenchant, it''s great to hear it from the other side

It does sound like we''re exactly the same!
FI usually cools down really quickly and forgets about it. It''s not a deal breaker but it is the most annoying thing about him. Luckily he knows exactly what he does, he just loses control sometimes as you say. I''m hopeful for a counselor teaching us a few tricks. Sometimes I''m a little thankful for his temper though, it''s a good balance - I can be laid back to the point of being a pushover.

 

[fleur.de.lys.88]

He has a bad temper but it takes a lot to make him snap and show his anger. As for me, I'm a Scoprio with a good deal of a Italian blood in me, so yes I have a temper. A very very bad temper with a quick trigger! And when I'm in a bad mood that temper is 20x worse than normal.