Do you send your kids to sleep-away summer camps?

[MichelleCarmen]

Maria, sexual abuse that is peer on peer is well... I hate to tell you, it happened at my junior high AND at my highschool. I wasn't a victim. But I know of it happening. And even reported it once myself. Both my schools were VERY highly rated. Both in very upscale peninsula towns (same town) and many of the kids had very affluent parents. Relatively low class sizes. And not huge schools (though not small either).

It happens when you get kids together and you leave them without direct supervision. Recess, lunch time. Bathrooms, wooded areas at school, behind trees, behind the bleachers... there is opportunity everywhere. And where there is opportunity and children... sh*t happens.

I don't know of one school that has bathroom monitors whose job it is to sit in a bathroom all day and make sure that no kid is molested by a peer. Do you?

I'm not saying it is okay. But it happens. SO following the logic of some of the people in this thread (not you) ...the solution would be to home school them? Completely isolate and protect them. So what if they are never socialized, they'll be SAFE. Is that what's healthy and in the kid's best interest? No, of course not. That's silly. And it's unhealthy. And that's what I am saying. You teach them it is wrong and to report it, and how to defend themselves against it. Because it happens. You don't avoid it and shut them away and never let them out until they are adults completely unprepared for the real world.

And Maria I also agree with you that a camp that will not allow direct parent to child contact sounds dodgy. I wouldn't be okay with that. In fact I'd want a place that had several public phones standing by for the kids use and encouraged the kids to call home in teh evenings. That's judgement. And you said yourself that when your child was an early teen, you let them go to camp. That's very different than what I hear from others in this thread. What I hear is you were cautious and used common sense. Not that you were one of the helicopter parents.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

MC... my situation wasn't that drastic from MY MOTHER's point of view. It didn't affect all areas, my mother's 'fears' and her protectiveness. In fact she thought she was very liberal. Why? I was allowed to drink wine with dinners starting at fourteen if I wanted to. I was allowed to date boys (supervised) starting at 14. My grandparents were immigrants and my grandmother spoke no english. So I was always interacting with shopkeepers (and I don't personally think that's a good example of 'freedom'), from a very young age, and with just about everyone else. I was NOT shy and I was a chatterbox. I was allowed to have friends over my house. And I was allowed to fly places on my own. My mother thought AND STILL THINKS that she was a very liberal mom. She was not. In fact she was insanely over protective. But if you talk to her.. to this DAY she'll just tell you she was cautious but very liberal. It's a matter of perspective. I'm sure you think you are liberal. And you may be. But just because you THINK you are... doesn't mean you are. My mom certainly wasn't. And she'll NEVER understand that.

If you ask her why she didn't allow me to pick out my own clothes. She'll tell you she did. That she just helped me do so. That she educated me on fabrics and styles and advised me, so I would learn how to dress appropriately. That's her perspective. But that's what my experience was at all.


One parent on the boards once said they rip pages out of the books their kids read. I thought to myself...that sounds like my mom. Although that parent felt they were justified. Same as my mom felt she was when she gave me an 8pm curfew in highschool.

There's also another aspect of being overprotective. Some kids rebel. In fact most will. Starting with the early teens.

There was a lot I was able to do BECAUSE my parents were confident I was obedient when I wasn't. I faked obedience very well. I wasn't allowed to walk to school or take a bus-- there was nothing I was able to do about that. But I was able to ride my bike for hours after school and on weekends. I just had to stay "within 3 blocks" or at the house of one of the neighborhood kids... well, there was no way they were going to be able to check on me at all times. And I was frequently more than a mile away without them knowing. When they thought I was two blocks away or I was at X's house... guess where I was? I lived on 23rd Ave. The Mall was on 31st. I spent every weekend at the mall from the age of 12 to14 when we moved. No one knew. That's not safe either.

They used to check up on me. I'd lie. Oh you looked for me on 24th street and 25th? I was on 21st. Or I was at Carrie's house, and my bike was in the back yard.

If my parents hadn't been so strict and had allowed me more *normal* freedoms, then they probably would have known what I was doing a whole HECK of a lot more often.Because I could have trusted them and been honest with them. And I wouldn't have been sneaking around from the age of 12 with NO cell phone, and no one knowing where I was much of the time.

But they didn't trust me. So I didn't trust my parents. It's a two way street. And all they did was teach me that I had to learn to lie better. And not get caught.

I had stashes of clothes that were "not approved"... not racy or anything like that. Just things I liked that I enjoyed that my parents didn't like. There was one whole month when I was 14 where I would come to school in one thing, change out of it, and just wear one of two pairs of ripped jeans (Not allowed! The HORROR, people will think we can't afford better!) and various tie dye shirts (also not allowed, my grandmother hated them) instead. Then change out of it when it was time to go home. My friend used to take them home with her and wash them for me. I wore the same two pairs of jeans and three shirts for a month. Then off an on the rest of the year.

My parents know none of this to this day. If you suffocate your kids. Well... they might find ways to hoard independence. I certainly did.

hahaha and I hope it wasn't my comment about ripping pages out of a book...I did make a joke about it once because my son loves Stephen King and there is one book I think he's ready for except for one portion, but I'd not actually rip the pages out. My son turns 13 soon so him and I are trying to figure out which SK books are okay for him at this age.

 

[SB621]

TooPatient that is totally the norm with summer camp. They don't want kids to have access to phones because what happens if they call home and say something. It starts a panic. Years ago I remember 1 girl in my bunk had a hard time adjusting to camp food (she was used to very stick to your rib hearty meals). She called home and said camp was starving her. Her parents started to call other parents and it started a riot which I'm sure was a headache for the camp. This along with other reasons (the #1 being it is just easy for kids to adjust when they fall back on their bunkmates vs. parents) is why our camp got rid of phone calls the next year. And I can tell you it did make it much easier on the kids who were new to find their footing. My younger brother continued at that camp for almost 10 years- he went from camper, CIT, Counselor, Medic and eventually assistant director of programs. It is funny to hear him explain the no cell phone policey or calling home because he is so passionate about it. It there was an emergency you can get in touch with your kid in less then 10 minutes. IF they REALLY need you they CAN call home. I'm not sure why the hype is about no phones at camp and personally I applaud camps that push that rule.

Gypsy- thank you for sharing your experience and I couldn't agree more with much of what you said.

 

[ericad]

Clearly the posters here all have different definitions of "overprotective" - it's not black or white. Gypsy, what you've described is a childhood of severe restriction and control. Please don't paint those of us who describe our parenting style as protective with the same brush - what's overprotective to me may be loose to someone else.

Saying that parents who don't allow sleep away camp are completely sheltering their kids from the world is as big a generalization as saying that parents who send their kids to camp are the types to allow their kids to run wild without any supervision. Obviously neither one of these extremes is likely to be true for anyone on this thread.

No, I don't let my kid go to sleep away camp and I don't leave her alone unsupervised in public places, and I don't let her wander the streets until the streetlights come on. But nor do I control her every move, for goodness sake. She goes on play dates and to parties and plays sports. She's outgoing and confident and assertive. I let her choose whatever shoes and clothes she likes, lol. Her childhood is anything but stifling. But she's only 8, so no, I'd never in 100 million years send her away for a week (or more) alone with strangers of all ages, with no ability to call me if she needs me - that's unthinkable and when I was a kid in that situation it caused me a lot of anxiety. I'd never allow it and I think that it's a recipe for disaster. Others, obviously, are free to disagree and choose differently for their families.

As for fear of abusers, no one is suggesting that kids be completely sheltered from the world. We're just choosing not to put our kids into situations where we feel they're at greater than normal risk. Isn't that what we all do as parents, in some way or another? Mitigate various life risks the best we can while maintaining balance.

 

[packrat]

There's too many factors at play to say that sending or not sending your kids to camp has an effect on them later in life. It's one part of your life.

I'm a worrier, and I freely and fully admit it. 9 and 6, and now I let them ride their bikes up and down the street when I'm not outside w/them. If there was a camp around here, I *might* think about it for London, but not for Trapper right now.

I realize the chances of things happening are one in a bazillion. I don't want my kids to be the one. Can't keep 'em in a bubble, but I do what I can to teach them what do to if something were to happen.

Our community is small, and last year we had two times of being on "red alert", once with a suspected kidnapping, and once with someone trying to get kids in the car. There are people who live here that are convicted child molesters. We were sickened the other day being in the grocery store and seeing one carrying a little girl on his shoulders. Some of them were teenagers when they molested younger children. They could've been working at a camp, and those kids could've been campers. We're also lucky enough to be the community that houses horrific child molesters/abusers. Some say they get released when they're "reformed", some insist that doesn't happen.

My family has had more than enough molestation and rape to go around, so we've hit our one in a bazillion quota, and I prefer to not keep the cycle going if at all possible.

 

[tammy77]

Our kids are 8 & 10 and have been to plenty of all day camps, but never overnight ones. My girls go to a school that has a 4 day, 3 night field trip to an outdoor education school when they're in 4th grade though. So they do get the overnight experience in a school setting. I don't think that I could be comfortable sending my kids away overnight for two weeks...and eight? Gah no, that's a LONG time!

I'm sure they're fine and I'm sure there are valuable life lessons that are learned from week long summer camps, I'm just too nervous of a mom to send our girls at this point.

 

[momhappy]

I was overprotected as a child. Severely over-protected. When I was 12 I was finally allowed to walk to and from school (6 blocks). My grandfather would follow me, as I walked, in the car. Kid you not. It was embarrassing and polarizing. My friends who lived on my block and walked to school thought it was weird, and I wasn't able to walk with them. They all walked in a group. I trailed behind, alone. And my grandfather followed in the car. I was 17 before I was allowed to go to summer camp (as a camp counselor). And I was 17 before I was allowed to sleep over anyone's house (senior in highschool). My curfew was 8pm. It was ridiculous.

If I wanted a pair of shoes, three people offered an opinion. My mother was (without cause) completely worried about my arches. Wasn't allowed to buy shoes alone, or clothes. Every time I did the minute I walked in the house I was told in detail all the mistakes I'd made (that shade doesn't look good on you-- The horror! That style is a fad, it won't last!), forced to return the stuff and buy what the adults "knew" was a better choice. After a while it wasn't worth it to try anymore. They broke me. Either I was so scared of making the wrong choice I couldn't chose between a pink or blue sweater and had an anxiety attack (real). Or I'd just wait till my mom had time and she could pick it all out (obedient zombie). I wanted to play the flute... my mother had heard an old wives tale that it deforms your lips. No flute. I can't tell you the sheer number of fears my family instilled in me. Violins will give you calluses! OH NO!! Can't have calluses! Choir. That I was allowed to do. Except all my friends were in other music classes. And I knew no one in choir. Did it matter? No. It was the "right" choice.

And OMG, does it affect your socialization and your comfort level with your peers. And once you hit college... it cripples you.

In college I met a LOT of overprotected kids with terrible instincts-- either completely wild since they were free for the first time to make decisions for themselves, and making terrible decisions. Or completely afraid of everything and unable to make a decision for themselves without calling home; crippled. One girl had been so sexually repressed (orthodox religious household) she dropped on her knees and made every guy happy who gave her a smile. She got an STD, not surprising. Had no idea she could from oral sex. Another girl didn't know much about alcohol. Drank punch at a party. It was made with Everclear. She was wheeled out by the paramedics as I watched. Fortunately dating and supervised drinking (wine with dinners) were two things my mom HAD let me experiment with a little with so neither was very alluring for me and I didn't end up in the hospital like those two.

I had no middle ground on other things though. I fluctuated between wild rebellion and fear. It was awful not know how to make decisions for myself as a 20 year old. I had no confidence and my much wilier peers took advantage of that, often. So honestly, did my bosses. And my co-workers. I had a verbally abusive boss at 22. NO IDEA how to handle it. Every time before that if someone bullied me, I called my mom. Guess what? You can't call your MOM on your boss. You have to deal with it yourself. And you have no idea how. So either you quit, or take the abuse. Either way... bad.

I can tell you that the best thing you can do is to trust your kids and trust yourself (trust but verify) once they hit grade school, with growing responsibilities... and some SPACE to make their own decisions so they learn to start trusting their own judgement.

Cause folks: eventually they are gonna have to do that. And you DO NOT want that to be when they are 20 and have a shiny new credit card and are in Europe for spring break... where the drinking age is 18. You want that to be when they are 11 and wanting to try goats milk, or to buy the 'wrong' shoes. Something that you can supervise... but allow them decide for themselves. So what if they try goats milk and its gross. Great. Now they know. Or they try it and love it. Great. What is the purpose of protecting them from the experience? There isn't any. So they eat a Twinkie on occasion: feed them good food 95% of the time and teach them good eating habits AND how to cook to counteract it. One Twinkie every three months isn't the bed of the world. So they buy shoes that don't match anything they own? Either they carry it off with their own unique sense of style, or they learn they prefer more classic styles. Either way? Who cares! The world isn't going to end. If your son wants a pink tu-tu...get him one. If you girl wants camo... get her some. Earth will keep spinning. Don't sit there and tell them why its wrong, or why they will regret it. Let them experience it, while you supervise. And your kid will make mistakes. And then learn that it's not the end of the world when they do. And you will too. That's what you want them to do. They need to understand that making mistakes is how we learn and grow. And that sometimes the only way you can really live is to take risks, then enjoy the rewards, or deal with the challenges. Existing isn't enough. Safe in your apartment. Afraid to go out.

My cousin's best friend committed suicide at age 20. Kid was all Ivy League. Country Club set parents. Did a lot of charity work in highschool, played sports and was generally outgoing. Why did he kill himself? He had been overprotected for so long, that when he was he went to college he finally was FORCED to make decisions for himself. Well... not surprising, he made some mistakes. Had NO IDEA how to deal with it. Couldn't handle failure, thought it was all his own fault and now he's dead.

Training wheels are good. But you gotta let go. Cut those apron strings one by one. So its gradual and before that kid is left alone on their own, they've got a history of good decisions behind them to guide them and the confidence to stick by their decisions when their peers try to talk them into stupid sh*t. And so they learn that when they make a mistake... it's OK. That they have to pick themselves up and keep going.

You can't protect them forever. You've got to teach them to protect themselves. And the solution to that is not to teach them to be afraid of everything. It's to teach them that life can be scary, but that they can handle it. To let them make decisions, and mistakes. And YES to expose them to situations that are not perfectly within your control at all times. Because you are NOT going to always be there.

Frankly you could be hit by a truck next week. Where will that leave your overprotected child then? In a worse situation than if you let him go to summer camp for a week or two (8 weeks is a too long for the first or second time), learn to live in an environment outside of parental control, where he has to make decisions and mistakes without you. Kids have to learn to deal with "bad people" (not criminally bad, mind you) eventually. Might as well start them off in small doses, and when they can talk to you about it and so you can teach them how to deal with people who are bullies, or tyrants, or just plain MEAN. Cause they WILL NOT be able to avoid them forever.

With all due respect, but I'm not sure what this has to do with summer camps? Most of us are discussing reasonable amounts of parental control and/or protection. Not sending a child off to a sleep-away summer camp, does not imply over-protection. There are lots of reasons why parents choose them (or don't choose them).

 

[momhappy]

Clearly the posters here all have different definitions of "overprotective" - it's not black or white. Gypsy, what you've described is a childhood of severe restriction and control. Please don't paint those of us who describe our parenting style as protective with the same brush - what's overprotective to me may be loose to someone else.

Saying that parents who don't allow sleep away camp are completely sheltering their kids from the world is as big a generalization as saying that parents who send their kids to camp are the types to allow their kids to run wild without any supervision. Obviously neither one of these extremes is likely to be true for anyone on this thread.

No, I don't let my kid go to sleep away camp and I don't leave her alone unsupervised in public places, and I don't let her wander the streets until the streetlights come on. But nor do I control her every move, for goodness sake. She goes on play dates and to parties and plays sports. She's outgoing and confident and assertive. I let her choose whatever shoes and clothes she likes, lol. Her childhood is anything but stifling. But she's only 8, so no, I'd never in 100 million years send her away for a week (or more) alone with strangers of all ages, with no ability to call me if she needs me - that's unthinkable and when I was a kid in that situation it caused me a lot of anxiety. I'd never allow it and I think that it's a recipe for disaster. Others, obviously, are free to disagree and choose differently for their families.

As for fear of abusers, no one is suggesting that kids be completely sheltered from the world. We're just choosing not to put our kids into situations where we feel they're at greater than normal risk. Isn't that what we all do as parents, in some way or another? Mitigate various life risks the best we can while maintaining balance.

I agree. Well said

 

[Laila619]

With all due respect, but I'm not sure what this has to do with summer camps? Most of us are discussing reasonable amounts of parental control and/or protection. Not sending a child off to a sleep-away summer camp, does not imply over-protection. There are lots of reasons why parents choose them (or don't choose them).

Agreed. Sleep-away camps are not the right choice for every parent, and that's perfectly okay. It does not mean the parent is some control-freak who won't let their kid experience anything.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Our on went to day sports camps for most of hs life--baseball, basketball and hockey. I wasn't comfortable letting him go overnight until he was in the 5th grade and went Penn State for a week ong hockey camp. He had a ball.

 

[iheartscience]

I've never read anything indicating that sleep away camps are filled with child molesters. It seems to always be the sports coach or a teacher or a friend of the family. It's interesting that molestation is the biggest fear for a lot of the parents who don't send their kids to sleep away camp. I'd be more concerned about the kid drowning or breaking a bone.

 

[momhappy]

I've never read anything indicating that sleep away camps are filled with child molesters. It seems to always be the sports coach or a teacher or a friend of the family. It's interesting that molestation is the biggest fear for a lot of the parents who don't send their kids to sleep away camp. I'd be more concerned about the kid drowning or breaking a bone.

I'm not really sure where you came up with these conclusions?
No one said that summer camps are filled with child molesters. Do sexual predators exist at summer camps? I'm sure they do, but I certainly wouldn't say that there are a lot of them. I would venture to guess that any profession pertaining to children is a potential threat (in terms of sexual predators). The difference is that at a sleep-away summer camp, a child is no longer under parental supervision, where theoretically, incidents could occur.
In addition, child molestation is not my greatest fear in regards to summer camp. I am actually equally as concerned about other threats including injuries, drowning, etc. I even mentioned before that just a few weeks ago, a 6 year-old child here died at a summer camp as a result of drowning.
I think that while the discussion seemed to focus on child molestation for a while, many of us who have posted here feel that it is just one of many fears we have of sending our children away to sleep-over summer camps. The discussion is more about finding a balance between good parenting and over-protection.

 

[iheartscience]

I've never read anything indicating that sleep away camps are filled with child molesters. It seems to always be the sports coach or a teacher or a friend of the family. It's interesting that molestation is the biggest fear for a lot of the parents who don't send their kids to sleep away camp. I'd be more concerned about the kid drowning or breaking a bone.

I'm not really sure where you came up with these conclusions?
No one said that summer camps are filled with child molesters. Do sexual predators exist at summer camps? I'm sure they do, but I certainly wouldn't say that there are a lot of them. I would venture to guess that any profession pertaining to children is a potential threat (in terms of sexual predators). The difference is that at a sleep-away summer camp, a child is no longer under parental supervision, where theoretically, incidents could occur.
In addition, child molestation is not my greatest fear in regards to summer camp. I am actually equally as concerned about other threats including injuries, drowning, etc. I even mentioned before that just a few weeks ago, a 6 year-old child here died at a summer camp as a result of drowning.
I think that while the discussion seemed to focus on child molestation for a while, many of us who have posted here feel that it is just one of many fears we have of sending our children away to sleep-over summer camps. The discussion is more about finding a balance between good parenting and over-protection.

I came up with my "conclusions" by reading the posts here, in particular the ones about molestation. I'm unsure what you're questioning. Guess you just feel like fighting?

 

[ericad]

I've never read anything indicating that sleep away camps are filled with child molesters.

That's an exaggeration - not sure that anyone on this thread stated that they feel this way. That would be irrational. I certainly don't believe that camps are filled with molesters at a frequency higher than in any other child-centered environment. But I do absolutely feel that the conditions at sleep away camp make it easier for an abuse to occur, should my child cross the path of that one wrong individual.

My biggest issue with camp is that my child has no access to communicate with me on her terms, using her judgment (to alert me to any inappropriate behavior, bullying, home sickness, etc.) When they change the rules to allow the kids to have their own cell phones with which to call home, 911, or whatever they deem necessary for their own comfort and safety, then I might reconsider. But putting her into the care of complete strangers for an extended period of time, with many opportunities for her to be isolated and alone with any given individual, without equipping her with the ability to contact someone she trusts outside of the organization for help? No, I will not put my child in that position.

As a parent, I have to be cautious and conscientious of anyone who comes into contact with my child. I weigh the risks and decide what I will allow her to participate in based on many factors, including (but not limited to) how comfortable I am with who she'll be around, my ability (or inability) to directly supervise, and her ability to quickly and easily seek help if something makes her uncomfortable. For ME, sleep away camp checks none of our boxes, therefore we don't participate. But there are many other activities she enjoys which we are comfortable with. None come with zero risk of something bad happening - that's not what it's about. It's about weighing the risks and then making whatever choice is right for one's own family and circumstances.

Most families who send their kids to camp will do so with zero problems. And there will also be families who don't send their kids to camp who still have do deal with something traumatic happening to their child.

Parenting is hard. We all do the best we can to keep our kids safe, we just go about it in different ways.

 

[TooPatient]

My biggest issue with camp is that my child has no access to communicate with me on her terms, using her judgment (to alert me to any inappropriate behavior, bullying, home sickness, etc.) When they change the rules to allow the kids to have their own cell phones with which to call home, 911, or whatever they deem necessary for their own comfort and safety, then I might reconsider. But putting her into the care of complete strangers for an extended period of time, with many opportunities for her to be isolated and alone with any given individual, without equipping her with the ability to contact someone she trusts outside of the organization for help? No, I will not put my child in that position.

As a parent, I have to be cautious and conscientious of anyone who comes into contact with my child. I weigh the risks and decide what I will allow her to participate in based on many factors, including (but not limited to) how comfortable I am with who she'll be around, my ability (or inability) to directly supervise, and her ability to quickly and easily seek help if something makes her uncomfortable. For ME, sleep away camp checks none of our boxes, therefore we don't participate. But there are many other activities she enjoys which we are comfortable with. None come with zero risk of something bad happening - that's not what it's about. It's about weighing the risks and then making whatever choice is right for one's own family and circumstances.

Most families who send their kids to camp will do so with zero problems. And there will also be families who don't send their kids to camp who still have do deal with something traumatic happening to their child.

Parenting is hard. We all do the best we can to keep our kids safe, we just go about it in different ways.

Erica --

I don't want to argue with you. I think you are absolutely correct (especially the bolded!).

Just wanted to clarify your first paragraph since I got a phone call just a couple of days ago. A former friend of "A" essentially cornered her and pushed her to say whether they were still friends or not. "A" was honest with her and this other kid was very upset by this. She was allowed to call home and talk to her parents. Simply asking was all she had to do.


Again -- I don't mean this as any form of trying to convince right/wrong. Simply an interesting thing we had happen.

 

[Laila619]

I'm not worried as much about child molesters as I am about lack of supervision, kids wandering off, getting hurt, drowning, some deranged ax murderer breaking into the cabin, and on and on. Clearly, I probably have an overactive imagination. But any of those things could be possibilities unfortunately. I can't control everything, but I don't feel the need to send my kids to sleep-away camps. They can do plenty of other fun things though.

 

[ericad]

Toopatient, that's great that they allowed the child to do this! My problem still lies with the fact that the camp counselors have to make the allowances - they decide whether or not the child can call home or not, since it's generally against the rules (what if someone decides that my child's request isn't compelling enough and they deny her that phone call?) What I'd need, in order to be comfortable, is for my daughter to have her cell phone with her so that she can call me whenever she wants, with as much privacy as she needs. Rules pertaining to appropriate cell phone usage would be totally fine, but she should have the freedom to use it in accordance with whatever guidelines we set forth (in cooperation with the camp, as I'm sure mutually agreeable terms could be hashed out.)

Of course, knowing that they make some allowances is great, though I know that every camp is different. I'm sure that, if our daughter really wanted to go to camp (she doesn't), we could find a program that we could all be comfortable with. Since she hasn't asked, and our only experience has been via friends who have had to fight the policies so that their kids could have a cell phone with them, I answered "no" on this thread with regards to sleep-away camps in general, but I understand that there are all kinds of camps out there.

Thanks for sharing this, it is good to know. When I went to camp as a kid, there was a very strict no calls policy. It felt like being held hostage. I remember actually contemplating purposely breaking a bone of faking the flu just so that I could go home because I hated it there and there was no way out. My mom was furious when I came back from camp and told her that they wouldn't let me call home for any reason whatsoever - none of us realized how rigid the policy was. Though my parents were very protective, camp was something they gave in on after I spent weeks wearing them down and begging to go. It was a bummer that it turned out to be a negative experience.

 

[momhappy]

I've never read anything indicating that sleep away camps are filled with child molesters. It seems to always be the sports coach or a teacher or a friend of the family. It's interesting that molestation is the biggest fear for a lot of the parents who don't send their kids to sleep away camp. I'd be more concerned about the kid drowning or breaking a bone.

I'm not really sure where you came up with these conclusions?
No one said that summer camps are filled with child molesters. Do sexual predators exist at summer camps? I'm sure they do, but I certainly wouldn't say that there are a lot of them. I would venture to guess that any profession pertaining to children is a potential threat (in terms of sexual predators). The difference is that at a sleep-away summer camp, a child is no longer under parental supervision, where theoretically, incidents could occur.
In addition, child molestation is not my greatest fear in regards to summer camp. I am actually equally as concerned about other threats including injuries, drowning, etc. I even mentioned before that just a few weeks ago, a 6 year-old child here died at a summer camp as a result of drowning.
I think that while the discussion seemed to focus on child molestation for a while, many of us who have posted here feel that it is just one of many fears we have of sending our children away to sleep-over summer camps. The discussion is more about finding a balance between good parenting and over-protection.

I came up with my "conclusions" by reading the posts here, in particular the ones about molestation. I'm unsure what you're questioning. Guess you just feel like fighting?

I'm certainly not "fighting" with anyone here, so I'm not even sure where that came from I was just pointing out that no one here said that summer camps were filled with child molesters and that as parents, we have lots of fears abut sending our children to places where we can't supervise them. A clarification is not equivalent to a fight/argument.
It was not a personal attack against you, it was just a discussion. No hard feelings (at least on my end)

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I've never read anything indicating that sleep away camps are filled with child molesters. It seems to always be the sports coach or a teacher or a friend of the family. It's interesting that molestation is the biggest fear for a lot of the parents who don't send their kids to sleep away camp. I'd be more concerned about the kid drowning or breaking a bone.

Ugh, the thought of a kid drowning scares me, too. Both my kids can swim in the deep end of the pool (and it's disturbing that some of the local swimming pools only teach kids to swim in the shallow end)...but, still my younger son insists that he doesn't need a life jacket regardless of the swimming location. When we go to the pool, I watch them and also read my book, and the life guards are there watching...what scares me is swimming in lakes & rivers where people don't put life jackets on...I put my foot down on that one and I know if my son went to camp, he would try to convince the counselors he'd be fine w/out a life jacket. So, I totally get you on that.

The bone breaking part worries me, but kids heal...if they did break a bone, it would hurt really bad and limit mobility, but it most likely wouldn't emotionally ruin them like being molested would...

I just have found that the majority of overnight camps are either religious or sports and neither of my kids are interested in either, so we've not had to make an issue out of it. My older son wanted to join boy scouts, but the program creeps me out, so we've avoided it even though many kids we know are part of the group.

 

[House Cat]

I've never read anything indicating that sleep away camps are filled with child molesters. It seems to always be the sports coach or a teacher or a friend of the family. It's interesting that molestation is the biggest fear for a lot of the parents who don't send their kids to sleep away camp. I'd be more concerned about the kid drowning or breaking a bone.

Ugh, the thought of a kid drowning scares me, too. Both my kids can swim in the deep end of the pool (and it's disturbing that some of the local swimming pools only teach kids to swim in the shallow end)...but, still my younger son insists that he doesn't need a life jacket regardless of the swimming location. When we go to the pool, I watch them and also read my book, and the life guards are there watching...what scares me is swimming in lakes & rivers where people don't put life jackets on...I put my foot down on that one and I know if my son went to camp, he would try to convince the counselors he'd be fine w/out a life jacket. So, I totally get you on that.

The bone breaking part worries me, but kids heal...if they did break a bone, it would hurt really bad and limit mobility, but it most likely wouldn't emotionally ruin them like being molested would...

I just have found that the majority of overnight camps are either religious or sports and neither of my kids are interested in either, so we've not had to make an issue out of it. My older son wanted to join boy scouts, but the program creeps me out, so we've avoided it even though many kids we know are part of the group.

MC, what creeps you out about the boys scouts? I am asking strictly for educations purposes, not to be confrontational. I haven't read up on it much and I have a son who LOVES the outdoors. Because of this, I have thought about putting him in the boy scouts. I am wondering if I need to look into policies that might go against our family values.

I live in an area with two rivers. It is the LAW that children wear life jackets while playing by the river. They even have stations set up along the trail with free life jackets provided for people to borrow and you STILL see young children playing by the water without life jackets on. With so many children drowning each year, you would think people would wake up.

 

[Sky56]

Good advice re: life jackets. A friend of a friend's 6-year-old boy drowned this year in a river. He was at a big family gathering at a campground beside a river and people were with him all the time, except for a split second when heads were turned and the main person watching him went to her car for a minute to get something from it...and he drowned.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I've never read anything indicating that sleep away camps are filled with child molesters. It seems to always be the sports coach or a teacher or a friend of the family. It's interesting that molestation is the biggest fear for a lot of the parents who don't send their kids to sleep away camp. I'd be more concerned about the kid drowning or breaking a bone.

Ugh, the thought of a kid drowning scares me, too. Both my kids can swim in the deep end of the pool (and it's disturbing that some of the local swimming pools only teach kids to swim in the shallow end)...but, still my younger son insists that he doesn't need a life jacket regardless of the swimming location. When we go to the pool, I watch them and also read my book, and the life guards are there watching...what scares me is swimming in lakes & rivers where people don't put life jackets on...I put my foot down on that one and I know if my son went to camp, he would try to convince the counselors he'd be fine w/out a life jacket. So, I totally get you on that.

The bone breaking part worries me, but kids heal...if they did break a bone, it would hurt really bad and limit mobility, but it most likely wouldn't emotionally ruin them like being molested would...

I just have found that the majority of overnight camps are either religious or sports and neither of my kids are interested in either, so we've not had to make an issue out of it. My older son wanted to join boy scouts, but the program creeps me out, so we've avoided it even though many kids we know are part of the group.

MC, what creeps you out about the boys scouts? I am asking strictly for educations purposes, not to be confrontational. I haven't read up on it much and I have a son who LOVES the outdoors. Because of this, I have thought about putting him in the boy scouts. I am wondering if I need to look into policies that might go against our family values.

I live in an area with two rivers. It is the LAW that children wear life jackets while playing by the river. They even have stations set up along the trail with free life jackets provided for people to borrow and you STILL see young children playing by the water without life jackets on. With so many children drowning each year, you would think people would wake up.

The media has put so many stories of kids molested that I'm uncomfortable with many organizations. My son wanted to participate, but my husband's work hours would make going to meetings difficult for them to be there together, but if my DH was wanting to do it, I'd be ok. Instead, DH coached a technological team and my son loved that and now on his third year, and his best friends have been a part of that, as well, so we found an alternative

If you think it'd be a good fit for your son & dad is there, then there shouldn't be any hesitation from you. Listen to your instincts and what is right for your son. Would he have his father at the meetings/events? If yes, then go for it.

 

[Skippy123]

Having not read any of the responses, when can they start? Is 14 months too young? And where does one find these camps? Also, exactly how long can they stay?

shakes head yes, I want mine to go! I use to wish I could go to camp but our girl scout camp leader sucked and promised camp and it NEVER happened. If my boys want to go, yes, it will happen if we can afford it. I also hope that there are peanut free camps since my boys have a severe peanut/nut allergy.


eta: Well I just read Ericad's post; I didn't realize they didn't allow cell phones. hmmm, not sure what to think; I guess I will decide in 10 years if they really want to go, we can talk then. I will add, when I was 10, I wish I had the opportunity, to go.

 

[SB621]

I've never read anything indicating that sleep away camps are filled with child molesters. It seems to always be the sports coach or a teacher or a friend of the family. It's interesting that molestation is the biggest fear for a lot of the parents who don't send their kids to sleep away camp. I'd be more concerned about the kid drowning or breaking a bone.

Ugh, the thought of a kid drowning scares me, too. Both my kids can swim in the deep end of the pool (and it's disturbing that some of the local swimming pools only teach kids to swim in the shallow end)...but, still my younger son insists that he doesn't need a life jacket regardless of the swimming location. When we go to the pool, I watch them and also read my book, and the life guards are there watching...what scares me is swimming in lakes & rivers where people don't put life jackets on...I put my foot down on that one and I know if my son went to camp, he would try to convince the counselors he'd be fine w/out a life jacket. So, I totally get you on that.

The bone breaking part worries me, but kids heal...if they did break a bone, it would hurt really bad and limit mobility, but it most likely wouldn't emotionally ruin them like being molested would...

I just have found that the majority of overnight camps are either religious or sports and neither of my kids are interested in either, so we've not had to make an issue out of it. My older son wanted to join boy scouts, but the program creeps me out, so we've avoided it even though many kids we know are part of the group.

MC, what creeps you out about the boys scouts? I am asking strictly for educations purposes, not to be confrontational. I haven't read up on it much and I have a son who LOVES the outdoors. Because of this, I have thought about putting him in the boy scouts. I am wondering if I need to look into policies that might go against our family values.

I live in an area with two rivers. It is the LAW that children wear life jackets while playing by the river. They even have stations set up along the trail with free life jackets provided for people to borrow and you STILL see young children playing by the water without life jackets on. With so many children drowning each year, you would think people would wake up.

The media has put so many stories of kids molested that I'm uncomfortable with many organizations. My son wanted to participate, but my husband's work hours would make going to meetings difficult for them to be there together, but if my DH was wanting to do it, I'd be ok. Instead, DH coached a technological team and my son loved that and now on his third year, and his best friends have been a part of that, as well, so we found an alternative

If you think it'd be a good fit for your son & dad is there, then there shouldn't be any hesitation from you. Listen to your instincts and what is right for your son. Would he have his father at the meetings/events? If yes, then go for it.

You realize you can be the one to be active right? I take my nephews to boy scouts when their mother and father can't. There are lots of den mothers. I even did an overnight in the woods when their parents had other commitments. The vast majority of adults were moms or aunts (guess the dads couldn't hack an overnight in the woods during football season ).

 

[monarch64]

Having not read any of the responses, when can they start? Is 14 months too young? And where does one find these camps? Also, exactly how long can they stay?

shakes head yes, I want mine to go! I use to wish I could go to camp but our girl scout camp leader sucked and promised camp and it NEVER happened. If my boys want to go, yes, it will happen if we can afford it. I also hope that there are peanut free camps since my boys have a severe peanut/nut allergy.


eta: Well I just read Ericad's post; I didn't realize they didn't allow cell phones. hmmm, not sure what to think; I guess I will decide in 10 years if they really want to go, we can talk then. I will add, when I was 10, I wish I had the opportunity, to go.

I don't know a lot about camp (especially modern-day camp!), but I would think the no cell phone rule is less to take away a privilege and more to avoid constant issues with kids dropping them in the water, losing them, etc. Surely there must be a system in place so that it isn't that big of a deal not to have a phone at all times.

There MUST be peanut-free camps these days with the prevalence of food allergies now.

I was being tongue-in-cheek with my initial post, obviously, but I would love for our child(ren) to experience camp. I feel like 8 weeks would be way too long, maybe 2-3 weeks would be better, but who knows? I might be singing a different tune by the time she's old enough for camp!

ETA: MC, you could definitely participate with your boy in scouts! My mom was a den mother for my brother's troop, and I even got to go along to cool things like a pinebox derby, and all kinds of other functions. They did a lot of fun things.

 

[iluvcarats]

I have two kids, and they have both gone to sleep away camp. My daughter started when she was 10 and went for 3 weeks, and her younger brother joined her the following year. She LOVES it, but her brother - not so much. She looks forward to it all year, and this summer went for 7 weeks. I hardly hear from her unless she needs something, which amazes me because she was always such a clingy, high anxiety kid. My son didn't like it at all. His letters were usually one line saying things like "I WANT TO COME HOME NOW!" or "WHY DID YOU MAKE ME GO TO CAMP?" I have never been so terrified of my mailbox as I was that summer. So he is home.

In conclusion : People vary. And so do kids. And so do parenting styles. And so do PSers.

 

[TooPatient]

Having not read any of the responses, when can they start? Is 14 months too young? And where does one find these camps? Also, exactly how long can they stay?

shakes head yes, I want mine to go! I use to wish I could go to camp but our girl scout camp leader sucked and promised camp and it NEVER happened. If my boys want to go, yes, it will happen if we can afford it. I also hope that there are peanut free camps since my boys have a severe peanut/nut allergy.


eta: Well I just read Ericad's post; I didn't realize they didn't allow cell phones. hmmm, not sure what to think; I guess I will decide in 10 years if they really want to go, we can talk then. I will add, when I was 10, I wish I had the opportunity, to go.

I don't know a lot about camp (especially modern-day camp!), but I would think the no cell phone rule is less to take away a privilege and more to avoid constant issues with kids dropping them in the water, losing them, etc. Surely there must be a system in place so that it isn't that big of a deal not to have a phone at all times.

There MUST be peanut-free camps these days with the prevalence of food allergies now.

I was being tongue-in-cheek with my initial post, obviously, but I would love for our child(ren) to experience camp. I feel like 8 weeks would be way too long, maybe 2-3 weeks would be better, but who knows? I might be singing a different tune by the time she's old enough for camp!

ETA: MC, you could definitely participate with your boy in scouts! My mom was a den mother for my brother's troop, and I even got to go along to cool things like a pinebox derby, and all kinds of other functions. They did a lot of fun things.

I think the phone thing varies by camp. The place "A" is currently at says no cell phones, no electronics, etc BUT I just saw pictures of a concert they had a few weeks ago and kids were using cell phones to take pictures. They seem to mostly be concerned about the younger kids and letting them adjust to being away from home?

Nuts aren't specifically not allowed, but they don't allow any outside food in the camp. All food comes from their kitchen and they don't use nuts due to allergies. They also provide other options for kids with different needs.
To keep nuts and other common allergy foods out of camp (and to maintain the kosher environment) ALL foods are confiscated. We had to sign a form when we dropped her off acknowledging that she had no food of any form with her. That is also the reason they open packages sent to the camp.

 

[Skippy123]

Having not read any of the responses, when can they start? Is 14 months too young? And where does one find these camps? Also, exactly how long can they stay?

shakes head yes, I want mine to go! I use to wish I could go to camp but our girl scout camp leader sucked and promised camp and it NEVER happened. If my boys want to go, yes, it will happen if we can afford it. I also hope that there are peanut free camps since my boys have a severe peanut/nut allergy.


eta: Well I just read Ericad's post; I didn't realize they didn't allow cell phones. hmmm, not sure what to think; I guess I will decide in 10 years if they really want to go, we can talk then. I will add, when I was 10, I wish I had the opportunity, to go.

I don't know a lot about camp (especially modern-day camp!), but I would think the no cell phone rule is less to take away a privilege and more to avoid constant issues with kids dropping them in the water, losing them, etc. Surely there must be a system in place so that it isn't that big of a deal not to have a phone at all times.

There MUST be peanut-free camps these days with the prevalence of food allergies now.

I was being tongue-in-cheek with my initial post, obviously, but I would love for our child(ren) to experience camp. I feel like 8 weeks would be way too long, maybe 2-3 weeks would be better, but who knows? I might be singing a different tune by the time she's old enough for camp!

ETA: MC, you could definitely participate with your boy in scouts! My mom was a den mother for my brother's troop, and I even got to go along to cool things like a pinebox derby, and all kinds of other functions. They did a lot of fun things.

I think the phone thing varies by camp. The place "A" is currently at says no cell phones, no electronics, etc BUT I just saw pictures of a concert they had a few weeks ago and kids were using cell phones to take pictures. They seem to mostly be concerned about the younger kids and letting them adjust to being away from home?

Nuts aren't specifically not allowed, but they don't allow any outside food in the camp. All food comes from their kitchen and they don't use nuts due to allergies. They also provide other options for kids with different needs.
To keep nuts and other common allergy foods out of camp (and to maintain the kosher environment) ALL foods are confiscated. We had to sign a form when we dropped her off acknowledging that she had no food of any form with her. That is also the reason they open packages sent to the camp.

thanks for sharing; I would like my boys to go someday, if that is what they want. It is good they are careful with food allergies; I read this story about a girl dying because she ingested some peanuts and so many other things went wrong. http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/31/health/california-peanut-allergy-death

Monnie, I like the idea of my kids experiencing camp too. I also imagine camps screen their employees well. Not too long ago I saw someone post pics of camp and it really looked like a blast so that is what I would hope for!

 

[JaneSmith]

I just wanted to thank MC for replying to my question (back in July )
Great thread everyone, thank you.

 

[SB621]

Skippy. My younger brother has worked at a day camp for the past 10 years (camper, CIT, counselor etc). Even with all that history the hiring process was tough. At his camp they do a background check, check your references. If you so much as have a speeding ticket chances will they won't hire you. You also need to submit your grades from school and require a character reference. It was so beyond what I expected. Regardless it is even tougher if you have no exprience with the camp previously.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

ETA: MC, you could definitely participate with your boy in scouts! My mom was a den mother for my brother's troop, and I even got to go along to cool things like a pinebox derby, and all kinds of other functions. They did a lot of fun things.

Oh, thanks for the tip re: moms being able to be a part of boy scouts. It would be really inappropriate in the scout troups my kids would be joining up with. I've seen pictures on FB and the dads are the ones who are doing everything, so I'd be the only mom.