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Does Age Matter?

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sjz

sjz

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 17, 2005
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Over on another board I belong to, the topic of age difference came up today. What does everyone think? Is it better to be in a relationship or marriage with someone who is resonably close to the same age, or does it make any difference? Also, how many people would marry someone significantly older or younger than they are? How many have done so? What is the age differnce if you have?

My husband is nearly nine years older than I am. He is really the first and only guy I''ve ever been in a relationship with that was older than I was. My ex and I were the same age. All of my previous boyfriends/relationships were either same age or younger than I was. The "youngest" guy I ever dated was just a little over 4 years younger than I was. I was 25 and he was 21. That relationship pretty much failed because he was just too immature for me at the time. I was a single mom of a 2 year old, and he wanted to party and stay up half the night...lol. I met and dated the younger man a year or so after my ex and I divorced, and just before I met my current husband. I guess I was looking for someone a little more mature and stable at that point in mylife. A few years after he and I dated, he settled down and married a nice woman and they now have two kids and seem to be in a really happy marriage, so I guess he finally "grew up"...lol.
 
I don't think there's any set rules regarding marriage and age . . .some people tend to be more mature than others and this makes more of an impact than chronological age.

My best friend has been married twice. Her second husband is five years younger than she is and he's TERRIBLY immature. I'm not sure this is due to HIM or his age, but he's so childlike that once when my friend and him were out eating, the waitress thought my friend was his mother!!! (Keep in mind both were in their 20s - lol!).

ETA - I think people should go by chemistry rather than age. . .I find it hard to accept when a middle-aged man dates a woman young enough to be his daughter, but this is just a part of our social programming, rather than what is truely right or wrong. (of couse, there are limitations to this, like dating those who are underage.)
 
I don''t think age matters as much as if both people are on the same page in terms of where they are in their life. When I was 25, I dated a guy who was 35. We shared the same profession, which I hated with a passion and was actually in the process of job-hunting up here in DC. He, on the other hand, was perfectly happy in that same job, which, in my opinion, was a totally dead-end, thankless career. I guess we had very different mindsets, and his age became a liability to me, in that at ten years his younger, I was moving on to bigger and better things for myself. I wanted a younger town, more exciting and he liked the very small Florida town he lived in. Had he felt the same as I did about our job and Florida, the age difference would have been a much smaller factor, whereas in this case, it was highlighted to me.

Mostly though I''ve dated people who are 1-2 yrs older. My husband is EXACTLY 2 years older. So to sum up a rambling post, I don''t think age in and of itself is a usually a problem (personally, I do find it strange if there''s an EXTREME age difference).
 
I can''t speak to age differences in my own marriage as my husband is only 2 years older than me. I can speak however, from the perspective of a child with parents that had a large age difference. My father was 19 years older than my mother. When they married my father was 40 and my mother just 21. My father was 49, 2 months shy of 50 when I was born. My childhood memories of my father were not that great. He was way past having the desire or energy to keep up with a child [I was the youngest]. I can''t honestly remember a time where we played together at anything. I do remember him sitting on the sofa most of the time, either watching TV or just sleeping. I grew up wishing I had the kind of Dad that was involved in my life, but sadly it just wasn''t so. Now I do know that people are all different and many people in their 50s and 60s are very lively and active, I just didn''t have one of those active fathers. I always had it in the back of my mind that I would either marry someone younger or the same age as myself. I never wanted a child of mine to have the same experience I had. Just a different perspective of age differences.
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For me older is better.
My bf is almost 9 years older than me (me-25, he- 33)and this is by far the most mature, wonderful relationship I have ever had.
We are more like equals in that I don''t feel like his mommy all the time. We are friends, we have adult conversations, we can watch the news together, we can sit in quiet and read and know that there is nothing wrong because we aren''t babbling (but we can do that too- babble that is). It is GREAT! I feel like the guys my age aren''t ready for a committment and that is exactly what most girls my age are looking for. BF and I are the perfect compliment to each other. It also helps that our personalities are just the right amount of opposite (I''m a peace keeper, he''s more hot headed) and that I know the words to all the 80''s songs he grew up with.
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We did get a big laugh when he asked, "Hey, do you remember that White Snake video?" and I said, "No, honey, I was 8." Hee Hee!
 
To me it does to a point, I will NOT date a guy younger, I immediately lose interest if its even a minute younger than me. Couldn''t tell you why...

Ryan is 7 years older. I feel we are at about the same emotional level, he''s a bazillion times smarter and more tactful than I am.
 
Date: 5/13/2005 4:14:52 PM
Author: ame
To me it does to a point, I will NOT date a guy younger, I immediately lose interest if its even a minute younger than me. Couldn''t tell you why...

Ryan is 7 years older. I feel we are at about the same emotional level, he''s a bazillion times smarter and more tactful than I am.
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I could have written this exact post with one change. My hubby is 6 years older than me, but everything is the same lol!
 
My best friend is 28 and her fiancee turns 40 this year. I think they work pretty well (they have a 23mo old girl together) but I swear that man gets tired and sneaks to bed hours before the night''s over which is usually 2am or so. I don''t think it''s her favorite thing about him. Mark and I are less than two years apart. I''m thinking like jorman said, if I would have chosen someone a little older, maybe I wouldn''t be sitting here waiting AS long for a proposal
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I don''t think it matters - to a point (keep it legal).

My DH is 16 years older than me, and are both very happy. As for the activity level....I have a hard time keeping up with him at times! I''ve done so many things since we''ve been together. He just has a different perspective on life. He''s been through more than I have, and knows exactly what he wants out of life. We both have great careers, both are extremely athletic, and see eye-to-eye on pretty much all major issues. Of course, we have our problems (like every relationship) but it''s all with the minor, daily stuff, not with the major life-altering stuff.

When we met, I was at a point in my life where I was really starting to wonder what else was out there. I was living on my own, very independent and happy to be by myself (in fact, I almost didn''t go out with him because I didn''t want to give up my freedom in order to date someone
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), had a TON of friends, a very full schedule, and was just happy being me. However....I felt that there needed to be something more.

He''s interested in a lot of things that I just hadn''t really thought of before - history, culture, just a completely different aspect I almost wasn''t even aware of. Now we travel often - and not really as "tourists" per se - we try to learn the language before we go somewhere new, and try to familiarize ourselves with the local customs, we want to see how other people live, not just see the big touristy things that most people visit. Don''t get me wrong, we see those, too....but we make it a point to get off the beaten path and try to find things that other tourists might overlook.

I just have an appreciation and respect for other people and other lifestyles that I wouldn''t have had without his input.

I really like being married to someone older. I don''t worry about a lot of things that some of my girlfriends stress over.
 
My ex and I were the same age...disaster.

My dh is eight years younger and it's been wonderful. I was hesitant at first because of the age gap but we balance out well. I have a 'young' personality & appearance. People are always shocked to find out I'm older. (I guess I have the melanin, height, & genetics to thank for this). He's an old man/wise beyond his years in some ways so it's working for us.

I guess the gap is not that huge either. Also he's European, sort of fair/blue-eyed so I expect that we'll deteriorate physically at a compatible rate.

Awful, I know, but I think about these things! LOL!
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I did always think I'd marry an older man but it didn't happen. Even most of my dates were slightly to much older. I had a pretty strict policy of turning down younger guys before meeting my husband.
 
I think it really depends. I used to think it really didn''t matter as long as people had enough in common. Then I was dating this guy 15 years older than me and it really was an issue on so many levels despite being in the same field and having many shared interests. He basically felt that his age gave him the right to tell me how to live my life and I passionately disagreed. So that didn''t last long. Then again, he ended up marrying someone my age and it seems to be working for them so again, depends. But after that guy I decided 10 years would be my limit. My fiance is 4 years older than me and it''s nice not to have age issues.
 
I''ve been married to my "old man" for 14 years now. I was still in my 20''s when I married him. Younger is a relative term to me now. A younger man back then would have been in his early to mid 20''s. That was too young back then, and is definetly too young now! But now that I''m 42, a younger man in his mid to late 30''s doesn''t seem at all too young. I hope that I never have to find out, and that my hubby and I grow old together and have a "''til death do us part" marriage. But I think if something WERE to happen to him, and I WERE to consider marrying again, I wouldn''t want an much older man. Older when you are 42 is OLD as opposed to older when you are 25...lol.

If I were to be single now at my age, I''d probably want someone closer to my same age. If I were to go older, I don''t think I''d want to go any older than 5 or 6 years older. If I were to go younger, same thing...not more than 5 or 6 years younger.
 
I am short, and look about 22. (I''m turning 26 this year) I would not be able to date someone who "looks" more than 7 years older than me, regardless of his actual age. Guess it sounds superficial, but if he looks old now, what''s he gonna look like in 20 years?? I don''t want my kids to have an "old" looking dad!
 
Date: 5/13/2005 5:18:25 PM
Author: ForteKitty
I am short, and look about 22. (I''m turning 26 this year) I would not be able to date someone who ''looks'' more than 7 years older than me, regardless of his actual age. Guess it sounds superficial, but if he looks old now, what''s he gonna look like in 20 years?? I don''t want my kids to have an ''old'' looking dad!
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You know what though? I think that in general, men age better than women do as far as their looks go. Especially if they take good care of themselves and are in good physical condition. I know a lot of women my age who are married to men who are pretty close to their same age, and they already look a lot older than their hubbies!

But then again, I go for the more mature and distinguished looking men I think. I outgrew being attracted to boyish youthful looking men a few years back. I noticed in the celebrity crush thread that a lot of those guys you all were hot for seemed like little kids to me...lol!

I am very young looking for my age, too. I am 42, and I pass for being in my late 20''s or early 30''s ALL the time. It probably helps that my youngest kid is 6 years old. Many of the other moms of his friends actually ARE in their 20''s or 30''s. I look pretty much the same as they do.
 
It really depends on the individual people.

My brother loves to date 55 year old women, but then he went and married an 18 year old. He is 25 years old. He likes older women better, but 18 year olds put up with his crap more, so he married a younger woman.

My husband is almost three years older than me. I have only dated one older guy than me (13 years older), and it didn''t work out well because we were on different maturity levels - me not being near as serious and mature. He tried to make me mature, and it was a major conflict.

So, it really depends on the individual people and where they are on the maturity scale. My husband is more mature than me, but he is able to be silly around me to entertain me instead of being serious all the time. He comes down to my level so that we can relate.
 
You''re right about a lot of men.. they do look much younger than their wives. Maybe the women are aging so fast because of all the stress given by their husbands!
 
A lot of women went to the tanning salon when they were younger. I don''t see that many men in the tanning booths. That might explain a lot of the aging issue.

I am only 27... I have been going to tanning beds since I was 17. I never would listen to my parents and other adults that it would make me look old. I can definetly see the effects of it now... it started when I was 24...My skin just started looking older. My husband is 29, and his skin is just beautiful.
 
There's only 2 years between me and my dh, but my father was 7 years older than my mother and they were very happy for over 40 years. dh's parents had a 30 year age gap and they were happy too. dh loved his dad very much and only regretted his father's age because it meant that he lost him when he was quite young. His niece is with a guy that's 20 years older than she is and they are extremely happy too - they have a 5 year old boy.

I think that it really depends on the people involved - if they're compatible, all else fades into the background.
 
DH and I both look really young. We actually didn''t know each other''s ages for almost three months! I knew he was older - I just didn''t realize how much older.

I look young, but apparently act very mature for my age. People often think I''m younger than I really am until they get to know me, then they think I''m older but "blessed" with a youthful appearance?
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When we first started dating, I thought he was upper 30''s (he was 43 when we met) and he thought I was lower 30''s (I was 26 at the time). He about had a heart attack when he found out my real age. But by that point we knew we enjoyed each other''s company, so it wasn''t an issue. Kind of funny, though, we both think that we never would have dated if we had known our actual ages from the beginning. :-)
 
Not my favorite shot, but this is DH and me on one of our trips. Just to show you that the 16 year difference doesn't look as bad as it sounds....

Edited: Can't upload the file....will try again in a bit....
 
I look my age - 27 - maybe a year older - but, most of the time, I probably have the maturity level of a 23 year old - comparing it to girls at work. I just never matured because I was never given any responsibility growing up. My husband is 29, and he acts 29.
 
Here we are on April 30th!! How old do we look?

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This was taken at Tahoe a few months ago... only pic I have at work right now. I had to cut my friends out or else they would have killed me.
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My husband and I were born the same year, he''s only 5 months older, and that''s perfect for me. My parent''s age difference was 10 years, and my dad seemed like a domineering person (maybe it''s cultural, not age). He seemed to be the authoratative one that we bowed down to, and my mom being much younger, and closer to us in age, was always more like our "friend". I''ve dated older guys (up to 7 years older), similar age guys, and slightly younger (about 2 years) and I''ve always found that the ones that were similar to me in age were most compatible. I guess I have a problem with being "taken care of" or being "mother-hen-like". I just want my man and I to be equal in every way.
 
FK,

Wow, I''d say you''re about 18 or 19 max in that pic.
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Foretekitty - you''re really pretty. You look like you''re under 21.
 
Date: 5/13/2005 5:35:42 PM
Author: ForteKitty
You''re right about a lot of men.. they do look much younger than their wives. Maybe the women are aging so fast because of all the stress given by their husbands!
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ACK! NOT TRUE! NOT TRUE!

My husband is not aging as "gracefully" as I am, and even though I''ve gone through childbirth twice, most people think I''m at least 3-4 years younger that he is! He has a highly stressful job (THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
 
Date: 5/13/2005 6:20:56 PM
Author: windy1365
Foretekitty - you're really pretty. You look like you're under 21.
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I agree. You're lucky you got the petite Asian genes that make you look about 10 years younger than your actual age.

Edited to add: I think you could pass for 16!
 
Date: 5/13/2005 6:25:05 PM
Author: jaysonsmom
ACK! NOT TRUE! NOT TRUE!


My husband is not aging as ''gracefully'' as I am, and even though I''ve gone through childbirth twice, most people think I''m at least 3-4 years younger that he is! He has a highly stressful job (THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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LOL! I thought I was terrible! ROFL!
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Wow, 16? Thanks guys! Hopefully i''ll still look the same in 10 years.
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