Does or had your wedding planning experience made you well.. judgemental?

[aljdewey]

Perhaps a shorter way to say all this:

There''s a huge gulf between the two extremes of

1) "B&G were completely selfish and gave NO thought to their guests'' comfort"

and

2) "Can you BELIEVE she served SHRIMP at the wedding when she knows that *I* am allergic to shellfish?"
(even if it happens to be the groom''s favorite food, none of the other 149 guests are allergic to it, AND there is a BOATLOAD of other food--i.e. it''s not like there weren''t other things to eat and guest had to go hungry!)

 

[bee*]

Seriously alj, you''ve summed it up exactly the way I feel. Couldn''t have written it better myself.

 

[ladyciel]

I think I basically agree with what *everyone* has said, because I think all of you are basically getting at the same thing. Of course, the nuances of what we say, and our exact dividing lines are difficult to communicate over the net, and no matter what you do you''ll find yourself splitting hairs a fraction differently. What I think we can all agree on is that as guests at a wedding, we should aim to appreciate the bride and groom''s choices of taste for what they are - the B&G''s. At the same time, consideration for guest comfort (which, no matter how you swing it, DOES impact their ability to smile and celebrate with you) within reason should not be completely ignored by those planning the event.

Continuing with what will probably be considered MY opinion, and somehow completely different from what another person thinks: I don''t think it''s fair to assume that all choices will be made "guest first", BUT I do think it''s fair for guests to be forewarned. If you''re having an outdoor ceremony, include a note to that effect in your invitation with a suggestion that guests wear sunscreen and perhaps a hat. If your venue is out in the boonies but you can''t afford to offer a bus or some other group transportation, perhaps suggest by word of mouth that people carpool. As someone who comes from a family full of food allergies, I find myself acutely aware of those issues when choosing a menu, and at my own wedding both my mother and brother will need special plates made for them. Eating something they are allergic to could potentially kill them. Thankfully, our venue is happy to help us. If the bride and groom are aware of a guest''s severe allergy, or strict veganism (or the like), and food choices will be limited, it would be nice if they at least warned the guest beforehand so they wouldn''t have to spend the entire event starving for lack of a viable food option. With the proliferation of free wedding websites these days, it''s quite easy for a B&G to post a draft of their menu for their guests to see.

 

[basil]

Maybe kinda. I guess you could say I''m more aware of what choices I would make myself, and how other people''s taste differs. I think it''s also made me more aware of how no idea is particularly original - whether a candy buffet or a cd favor or special table names, etc., I''ve probably heard of it before. I think that kind of spoils the fun cause then I''m not as impressed as maybe I would have been if I hadn''t seen 10 other "virtual" people do the same thing.

I have a lot of catty thoughts, but I never say any of them. I don''t know if that makes me fake or polite.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 12/18/2007 1:30:22 PM
Author: basil
Maybe kinda. I guess you could say I''m more aware of what choices I would make myself, and how other people''s taste differs. I think it''s also made me more aware of how no idea is particularly original - whether a candy buffet or a cd favor or special table names, etc., I''ve probably heard of it before. I think that kind of spoils the fun cause then I''m not as impressed as maybe I would have been if I hadn''t seen 10 other ''virtual'' people do the same thing.

I have a lot of catty thoughts, but I never say any of them. I don''t know if that makes me fake or polite.

ROFLMAO. Neither basil. Just a human.... with TACT. Tact is a good thing.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 12/18/2007 1:04:03 AM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 12/17/2007 10:44:25 PM

Author: baby monster


ITA. B&G quite often forget that they are a host first and foremost. Don''t invite people you don''t care to please - it comes across VERY clearly. If they''re hard to please, don''t invite them. If you care to please them 50%, don''t invite them.

This is where I disagree a bit. B&G are hosts, yes, but *not* first and foremost. Their primary roles on that day should be to take their vows.


The point of a wedding is to get married....not just to ''host'' another party. Yes, when you ask people to join with you in celebration, the subsequent party is a form of a hosted event, but the point of the day is the witnessing of vows......not to impress people with your ''I thought of every last little picayune thing that everyone from here to Alaska ever cared about'' skills.


Let''s repeat it again....you are asking them to join in your celebration....i.e. we''re doing this, and if you''d like to join us, we''d love to have you come. That''s completely different than ''we''re hosting a party in honor of YOU our guest......or for YOUR birthday, for example. So, if I''m throwing a birthday party for YOU, I''ll happily decorate in your favorite colors of pink and aqua (even though they personally grate on me) because it''s YOUR day. When I want to throw a party to celebrate MY event, I''ll place the emphasis on MY vision and what I''d like to see.....since it''s in MY honor. That doesn''t mean ''screw all the guests, I don''t care what they want''....of course I''d like them to be comfortable and happy. But it does mean that if I like Mickey Mouse and decide that''s what shape my cake is going to be, I shouldn''t have to expect you''ll be catting about that detail later to someone else. My personal taste has *nothing* to do with your comfort as a guest.

Ditto Ditto Ditto!!!

That''s how I did it and how I see the role of the couple. You plan YOUR wedding the way you want to and you invite people to join you.

I had a gigantic wedding but I knew very few of the guests well. I''d met most of them at one point or another, but 90% of them were my parents'' friends. This had no impact on how much I enjoyed my wedding though, even if it isn''t the ideal for everyone... because my DH and I planned our wedding for US. My parents were the ones who "requested the pleasure of your company" and they were the hosts, not us. They made sure they greeted everyone and that their guests'' needs were met. I greeted those I could and I made sure to stay visible. And I made sure that they could see me having fun and that they had an opportunity to have fun. And that there was plenty of booze and food!

We had our outdoor ceremony and I''m sorry it was 95 degrees, but it was October and it wasn''t supposed to be 95 degrees!

We did serve iced tea as the guests arrived and that was a big hit, but the wedding was outside for US, not for the guests. I''m sure they would have been more comfortable in an air-conditioned church. Alas. Does that make me a bad bride? well, honestly, I don''t care. And everyone told me it was wonderful because they knew it was what I wanted, not because they sat in the sun for a long time because it took forever to get everyone seated. alas.

A wedding is not about making everything perfect for everyone. It''s about getting MARRIED.