Does sentimental win here?

[phoenixgirl]

DH and I had a similar disagreement about upgrading my wedding band. I think we were just learning how to be married. He really didn''t see my perspective, and I didn''t see how he couldn''t see it! He thought it was weird to change the wedding band when it wasn''t a big anniversary and had a sentimental attachment to it. I had to find an analogy of something that he loves (cycling) and he was like, "Oh, I get it." But not before many disagreements and tears and people on here saying that he was trying to control me.

I think that was just something we had to learn in our marriage. Instead of approaching situations thinking, "I must have what I want!" I think it''s better to think, "What is DH''s perspective? What does he want out of this? Would it be a big deal for me to let him have it?" And then if he''s thinking the same thing, I hope he''d think, "OK, this is really important to her. It''s not that big of a deal for my fiancee/wife to change the ring." It''s more important that we''re each happy than that we make the other person conform to what we want all the time.

This was definitely a lesson that we needed to learn in a baptism by fire way. Two individuals don''t become a unit overnight.

 

[pyramid]

Thanks phoenixgirl. I think what you did is what she tried to do with the computer but it didn''t work. So if the cycling thing didn''t work would you have been prepared to back down?

 

[phoenixgirl]

Well, the cycling comment actually happened after we had gotten the new ring. I would have backed down if I felt the issue was more important to my DH than to me, but in this case I didn''t feel that way. I just felt that the problem was that he wasn''t understanding how important it was to me. I expressed this with a lot of carrying on, but nowadays I''d probably just try to state calmly that this was something that was really important to me and I hoped we could find a way to work it out.

 

[parkerj]

I think his feelings were hurt--let it sit for a few years and THEN suggest an upgrade if it really bothers her....I still have my original ering from MONTGOMERY WARD! It's a .25 carat marquis- probably brown color but I still have it and wouldn't part with it. I am upgrading to a much more expensive piece, but my monkey ward ring still lives here.

There's always the other hand for more diamonds.

 

[firebirdgold]

Are you sure she has buyer''s remorse on the ring and not the man?

Just how long have they been engaged anyway? Maybe you mistyped Pyramid, but I read it as that she has had this ring for 2 years, having exchanged it for the original 6 months after the engagment started (2.5 years total), and "She has been told by fiance"... Fiance? Still??

 

[Hest88]

It must have hurt his feelings to have her swap it out the first time, but he just didn''t say anything. Two times...now, I can certainly understand how he would really start to feel like whatever he could afford to give her wasn''t good enough. After all, just as she wants it to be perfect because it''s an e-ring, he also thinks of it as a token of his love and commitment and not just another piece of jewelry. She should let it go and look to getting nicer RHRs.