Does she get my ring?

[paliquito]

I need some advise to how is she going to get my ring when i already got hers? I don''t propose to her until 24 Feb., and i plan on marring her shortly after(couple of days or so). She is not expecting the proposal, and because it is unkown to her, is she going to have enough funds to purchase my ring? Or do I purchase my own by tradition?
I got her a plantium ring. Which kind of ring will go with? Platimum too?

 

[monarch64]

If I were in your situation, I would have a ring picked out at your jeweler (no, it doesn''t have to match the ring you got for her), so you can both go look at it, or so she can purchase it herself, or you can purchase it for yourself if she doesn''t have the money right now. Sure, tradition says that the bride purchases the groom''s ring, but not everything has to be done by the book.

The engagement ring you''ve chosen for her is gorgeous! Good luck with your proposal and wedding!

 

[Mara]

" I don''t propose to her until 24 Feb., and i plan on marring her shortly after(couple of days or so). She is not expecting the proposal,"

__________________

this sounds really odd to me...so she isn''t expecting the proposal at all but you plan to get married a few days after the proposal? What if she says no? what if she doesn''t want to get married a few days later?

i''d wait to plan on YOUR ring until you have actually asked her and she said yes AND agrees to marry you a few days later. then discuss the ring.

good luck!

 

[Kaleigh]

Not only does it sound odd but what a time crunch you are putting on her. Why the big rush??

 

[cinnabar]

Date: 2/10/2006 1:00:38 PM
Author: kaleigh
Not only does it sound odd but what a time crunch you are putting on her. Why the big rush??

He said in Rocky Talk that he''s going to Iraq.

 

[XChick03]

The link to his other thread is here, just to give you all some background on his situation.

Honestly though, I would at least wait until after I asked her, maybe she will want to wait until you get back. Anyway, ask her, see what she thinks and then talk to her about the ring situation.

 

[paliquito]

Yeah, she doesn''t know about my upcoming deployment to Iraq just yet, but we''ve discussed marriage a lot; she''s just waiting for me to propose.I also want to help take care of her financially, and because of the deployment it will help us out tremendously. She mentioned she wouldn''t mind getting married in court, but expects us to get the ceremony done in church when we have the savings. I know she will say "yes".

 

[E B]

Paloquito,

My fiance's ideal band doesn't match mine in the slightest. Mine will be platinum, his will be gold. Rings are a symbol, and they don't need to match.

That being said, is your future wife in a good financial situation (ie, could she drop $400+ without blinking?). If not, I wouldn't spring a "matching" platinum band on her. If you're in a good financial situation, you might just want to order both in advance since you plan on marrying her days later. Perhaps a 2mm platinum band for her (or one with a sprinkling of diamonds), and whatever you'd like for you.

This website has pretty decent prices:
http://www.e-weddingbands.com/index.html

 

[moon river]

Date: 2/10/2006 1:30:26 PM
Author: paliquito
Yeah, she doesn''t know about my upcoming deployment to Iraq just yet, but we''ve discussed marriage a lot; she''s just waiting for me to propose.I also want to help take care of her financially, and because of the deployment it will help us out tremendously. She mentioned she wouldn''t mind getting married in court, but expects us to get the ceremony done in church when we have the savings. I know she will say ''yes''.

UMMMM...Don''t you think she MIGHT want to know???? Do you think it''s fair that WE know you''re being deployed before she does? Frankly, I''d be pi$$ed and you''d be told where to put the ring.....And it might be a tad uncomfortable.

 

[XChick03]

I can understand why you want the proposal and engagement to be a surprise, but trust me, she NEEDS to know you are being deployed. She''s probably going to need as much time as she can to get used to the idea that she won''t be seeing you for a while. I think your best course of action would be to tell her immediately that you''re being deployed and then when you''re ready, propose to her. Then, tell her you''d like to get married before you go and tell her about your ceremony idea.

You don''t want to propose to her and then tell her you''re being deployed because it will ruin the happiness of the moment.

 

[E B]

Date: 2/10/2006 3:26:20 PM
Author: XChick03
I can understand why you want the proposal and engagement to be a surprise, but trust me, she NEEDS to know you are being deployed. She''s probably going to need as much time as she can to get used to the idea that she won''t be seeing you for a while. I think your best course of action would be to tell her immediately that you''re being deployed and then when you''re ready, propose to her. Then, tell her you''d like to get married before you go and tell her about your ceremony idea.

You don''t want to propose to her and then tell her you''re being deployed because it will ruin the happiness of the moment.

I completely agree.

 

[anchor31]

You need to tell her NOW that you are being deployed, BEFORE you propose!!! You shouldn''t rush the wedding either, especially since she doesn''t know you''re going to propose and she said she wants a church ceremony.

Personally, I''d be very offended and pi$$ed off if my boyfriend proposed to me and told me we needed to be married before he was deployed. To me it would sound like he wanted to marry me and was suddenly in a rush because he was being deployed. I understands that you love your girlfriend and your intentions are good ones, but she needs to know what''s going on, and she has to have her say in this. You can''t plan a wedding without the bride knowing about it! Why the rush?

 

[paliquito]

Hmmm...I do see all of your opinions, and I do appreciate them. Like I always say" better wounds from a friend, than kisses from an enemy". My GF and I had sparked up conversations in "what-if" scenarios. We both don''t want the deployment to happen, and I have told her a few months ago to be prepared because the possibilities were drawing near. Before and after discussions about possible deployment we have talked about marriage a lot, and we both agreed to pray about it and seek the Lord first; to make sure it''s in His will and timing.
Another thing is that I''ve planned to propose to her earlier on New Years, in Cancun, but I felt I needed some time to throw my own personal twist to it; not enough time. I opted for a later time to do the wedding ceremony, but unfortunately the base where I am stationed at changed there status from a training base to, AEF base; where we are called if needed. I hope this makes better since.

 

[E B]

Completely understandable...but you''ve got to keep one thing in mind: feelings are powerful things. You don''t want her to equate the memory of the proposal with the sad feelings she''ll have when you announce your deployment.

 

[paliquito]

You''re right Ebree. I guess I have to do some real thinking, but my mind is still made up in marring her; whether it''s now or after the deployment. thank you.

 

[thegreattriscuit]

Paliquito,

as a fellow servicemember, I''d offer the following advice:

do everything you possibly can to keep your emotional and financial/profesional motivations seperate. You want to propose and prove your commitment to her before you leave, and that''s great. More power to ya. But don''t rush her into a marriage because of the BAH/BAS/Seperation Pay/etc... I know it''s tough to resist, and they definitely help out, and can go a long way toward laying a foundation for your futures, but you definitely don''t want her to think, even for a fraction of a second, that it''s about the money.

Now, that said, something she may be comfortable with would be propose now, court marriage for legal/financial purposes NOW, and do ceremony when you get back... if you''re worried about the finances right now, maybe go with temp rings until the actual ceremony when you get back, or something like that.

Don''t get me wrong... it''s not wrong to want to get it done before you go... it''s gonna make things ALOT smoother for both of you (especially given that she''ll be eligible for an ID card, TRICARE, maybe even on post housing, give her a power of attorney to help out with keeping all your bills/etc straight while your gone, etc...)... but you have to remember that the actual marriage ceremony is probably going to be pretty important to her... If she''s going to spend the rest of her life with you, then shes never going to have another chance at having "the wedding of her dreams", y''know?

 

[Mara]

i would definitely tell her you have been deployed ASAP....i do see that you want there to be some romance to the proposal and have it done right, but why the proposal and not the wedding too? if it''s a practical thing at this point then i wouldn''t stress over the proposal and wait a few more weeks, i would tell her about the deployment, propose with the ring, get married at the courthouse if that is how she wants it done. and do it all at once rather than trying to be romantic about it but OH guess what i''m also deployed.

BUT when you have time later and the savings, REPROPOSE to her, and get married with the wedding of your dreams (hers and yours, together)....

Sounds like she already knows this is a possibility and is open to the option of proposal and marriage within a short time period, but I think you should tell her about the deployment and discuss everything with her, because it will be you and her from now on so now is a good time to start acting like a team...good luck!!!

 

[paliquito]

Thank you all for your awesome knowledge and wisdom. I agree with telling her about the deployment, and I did just that. She was concerned as expected, but she exemplified strength by her reassurance of her faithfulness and loyalty when i am gone; it really impressed me.
Now, about the ring issue. I will take your guys advise and purchase an inexpensive wedding band for myself until I get back from the sand (Iraq). Since I already purchased her lovely ring, we will wait on my return for the final "touch- ups" to the wedding. I do appreciate your advise tiucsirt. I will do what I had originally planned, which is to do the court thing for now; so it can be done for legal issues and all. (We both see eye to eye on this one) Yeah, I''m diffinitely not going to marry her because of the money, and she knows or will know it when it happens.
Pray for me that the proposal goes well on the 24 Feb. 06, please. Thanks again!

 

[anchor31]

I''m very glad you told her and that it went well. Have you discussed getting married before you leave?

I wish you two the best, and be safe.

 

[thegreattriscuit]

absolutely man, best of luck to ya... as long as she''s comfortable with the court-marriage for now, I''d say it''s the best way to go. Just make sure you do it "right" when you get back (whatever "right" means to the two of you, of course).

As a bit of background i''m in a slightly similar situation, though it''s not deployment related, with my girl. I''m definitely proposing soon, and a court marriage soon afterthat would definitely make things go quite a bit smother for the both of us... but I honestly don''t think she''s comfortable with the idea at this point, so it''ll probably just have to wait untill we can do the wedding "right", y''know? Sure, it means things are gonna be tighter for both of us financially speaking, it''ll be quite a while before we can move in togeather and get her out of the crappy situation she''s in now, and plenty of other things...

but none of them are even close to being as important as her knowing without a shadow of a doubt that there is exactly one, and ONLY one reason why I want to marry her... y''know?


anyway, best of luck to you with the proposal, as well as the upcoming deployment.

 

[Nifergirl7997]

I think it''s precious and awesome that you''re seeking God''s will and His timing in this. It''s a forever, lifelong thing and it''s good to know you both are laying a foundation on Christ. Resist the temptation to rush things into your own time frame. I struggle with this myself, and rely on Paul to remind me that when it happens, it''ll happen and that I don''t have to worry, but just trust that God brought each of us our best friend for life. It''s much more fun when you don''t rush, and just trust...

Good luck on the proposal; I hope it goes well. And be safe out there!

 

[paliquito]

Thank you nifergirl7997 (sister) for your encouragement and support.

 

[Nifergirl7997]

You''re quite welcome! How did the proposal go?

 

[decodelighted]

The ring is really beautiful. We''ll be anxious to hear your proposal story & how it went! Also to find out if you''ve tied the not before heading to "the sand".

Stay safe!