Dream house''s property line off by FEET! ARGH!!

[firebirdgold]

I''m not sure yet if it''s a "phew that was close" moment or not. It could be. We''re in total shock and have no idea what to do! It''s like winning the lottery!! I''m not sure how I can explain it due to the whole DH loves his privacy thing.


He''s been seriously miserable at the company, morale sucks, he''s under appreciated and underpaid, policy decisions are incoherent and generally suck, he''s constantly having to deal with disasters, and the company''s turn around that was promised never showed. So this week he (finally) told someone above him that he''s leaving. A couple of days after that (yesterday) his boss''s boss''s boss (I get so confused, there might be a couple more layers there) called him in for a meeting.
And offered DH a job above his. This guy basically said ''so you''re unhappy with the way things have been going... change them. We want to put you in charge of shaping the future of this company, have fun.'' DH would only be two down from the supreme boss.

This isn''t just a raise, it''s like ... going to a junior state representative in south dakota and asking him to be secretary of energy of the nation! We''re talking a potentially history making position! (not to mention what will probably be (at least) double the salary he''d get in Oregon).

But... would it make him happy? We''d be happy in oregon. Last night he asked about the dream house in oregon and if we could outbid the Church for the property.

He''s got two weeks to decide but we only have a few business days to decide on the house. And I''m suppose to fly to Oregon on Sunday for an advising session and to register for classes. (gone back to college for a CS degree).

 

[Ellen]

Oh my gosh!!

Wow, well, I wouldn''t do anything for at least a day. Take time to weigh everything out. Write down pros and cons. Take time to just think.

But how exciting, and flattering to DH!!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/18/2007 11:52:13 AM
Author: Ellen
Oh my gosh!!


Wow, well, I wouldn''t do anything for at least a day. Take time to weigh everything out. Write down pros and cons. Take time to just think.


But how exciting, and flattering to DH!!

Totally agree. But CONGRATS TO DH!!! That is so flattering and wonderful.

 

[firebirdgold]

Well, it''s really his decision.
But I''ve been thinking about it and I''d rather be married to a happy and relaxed associate researcher who makes 80k than to a stressed and miserable whatever-the-title big-wig who makes 160k.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Wow, what a decision!

Both paths before you have their potential and their pros and cons. I guess it''s just up to you which one you want to pursue. And of course, you can still get out of the contract AND still move to Oregon, just finding a different dream house. So don''t let that be a factor in deciding about your husband''s job.

The one time I ever had a job that made me unhappy was when I accepted it because it looked good on paper and the pro list outweighed the con list. My hesitancy should have told me something. The job should make your husband excited, not just the money, right? Because if his primary goal were to make $160k a year, that''s what he would have been pursuing already. But if this is really just good luck -- something he would enjoy and be good at -- AND double the salary, then hey, don''t look the gift horse in the mouth, right?

Good luck as you guys figure out which path you want to take. I''m sure it will be an adventure either way.

 

[FireGoddess]

Wow Indie, what decisions you have in front of you! Talk it out with him, he probably needs a good sounding board!

 

[aljdewey]

I''m going to say something that sounds hard to imagine to you now............

There is always more than one dream house.
There is always more than one ''perfect'' diamond.

I say this because I find that it''s hard to stop emotion from carrying us away in making rash decisions, and those decision are usually the ones we regret. We make them because *at that time*, we have a strong emotional pull, and that pull can be strong enough to make us overlook things we shouldn''t.

We convince ourselves that we''ll miss ''the one''....THE opporutnity of a lifetime. THE place that will make us happy.

But there is never just one place that will make us happy - there are several. We just have to find them. We are able to love more than one diamond - there is not ''the'' diamond that will make all others pale in comparison.

I know it''s hard, but try to set aside the emotion of the place and focus on the elements in the decision. I promise that if you pass this one by, there will be another dream house...at some point. Because there always is. There is never just one choice that will make us happy.

What typically doesn''t make us happy are the ramifications of making hasty decisions. Given enough time, we''d like decide against them, but because we''re AFRAID of missing out, we make rash decisions.

This is too important to rush, Indie. If you miss a bus, there''s always another one coming. If you miss out on a diamond, there''s always another to fit the bill equally well. If you miss out on the house, there will be another one that will make you equally happy----because you''re committed to finding it at the right time in the right place under the right conditions.....with NO reservations and NO haste.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/18/2007 2:34:47 PM
Author: IndieJones
Well, it''s really his decision.
But I''ve been thinking about it and I''d rather be married to a happy and relaxed associate researcher who makes 80k than to a stressed and miserable whatever-the-title big-wig who makes 160k.

Indie, this statement confuses me a bit.

In theory, I totally agree. Money is not everything, happiness is.

However, you stated earlier DH was not happy with his job, pay, not being aknowledged properly, he didn''t sound so happy and relaxed in your description...Now he''s been offered the chance to really change things up, make them better, and make more money doing that.

So, how do you know he will be unhappy in the new position?

 

[firebirdgold]

I don't, only he can know that. I just feel that it's too late. He's so unhappy there that only a complete change will help.

If they had offered this job to him 6 months ago it'd be a different story. For one thing he wouldn't have been one of the last competent people left in his area. Morale is so bad that all the really good people with computer degrees have already fled to other jobs or are just doing it now. The only people left are either stupid, incompetent, 2 years from retirement, or can't sell their house. I doubt DH would be able to fire or hire people in the new job.

Besides, as good as it would feel, rising to a top coveted position above all the arrogant people you work with who treated you badly, wouldn't listen to you, and generally acted liked your Ph.D. was an associate degree from ITT despite you bringing in most of the funding or doing the work that gets praised... well is that honestly a position you'd want to be in?


So essentially while it sounded like a dream job, on closer inspection it isn't. Much like that house!

Sorry for the drama! I appreciate all of your advice, it really helped me!

ETA: I didn't mean for it to sound like DH was offered the job because he's one of the last people standing. He was offered it because he's ethical, won't let politics or personal connections affect his decisions, and has a broad research interest rather than a narrow focus on one speciality.

 

[Ellen]

I understand. And I didn''t take it the way you thought we might of.

Let us know what happens!