Easter Support Group

[lulutheleo]

Hey Ladies -- I don''t know about the rest of you, but I am preparing myself for Easter weekend. We are seeing both sides of family, which means the usual barrage of questions and speculation about when we are going to get engaged. (My situation is a little worsened by my big brother''s impending wedding!) I thought we could start a thread about how to survive these questions/innuendos without going crazy.

I always use the topic change for a diversion. I usually change it to something about them -- people love to talk about themselves.

Anyone else have any good ideas?

 

[firebirdgold]

"So, how about those Braves?"

 

[XChick03]

Yuck, I hate the Braves. How about the Red Sox?

When I was in those situations, before we got engaged, I''d always just answer with a joke and let everyone forget the actual question because they''re too busy laughing. It worked great.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

heehe.. I LOVE those questions. That''s part of how I knew Paul was finally serious about marrying me. Over Thanksgiving one of his cousins asked him if he was going to marry that pretty lady he''d been dragging around with him, or was she up for the taking? Instead of getting all embarrassed and backing away, he said, "If I have anything to do with the decision, I sure will!" I still remember that. Made me smile so big. His mom later told me that she and his dad were talking about how we had "that look" in our eyes that just let them know they''d finally met their daughter-in-law. I thought it was precious.

Then came Christmas when his *cRaZy* but in a good way, uncle Joe started talking about how good my name will sound when I take Paul''s name. I thought that was hilarious, since my name will almost rhyme and I''m not completely sure that will be a good thing. The kids I work with will laugh like all get out. Oh well. I don''t care. I''d marry him even if his name was Smicklinburgford.

I think the best thing to do is just laugh it off, and enjoy the fact that other people know you belong together, too!

 

[Blenheim]

When I first saw the title of this thread, I wondered why on earth we''d need an Easter support group. I get it now.

My family is having Easter dinner with my BF''s family, and it''s the first real thing that our two families have done together. They''ve met casually, but never really set aside that that amount of time for each other, and on a big holiday too! It should be exciting. And since I doubt that we''re getting engaged in the next two days, we might have to field some questions too. I''m interested in hearing what everyone else has to say.

I get a lot of questions from friends even that I''m not sure how to answer (seeing as I''m not the one proposing), and BF''s told me to just tell them that I''ll be sure to tell them as soon as anything happens. Unfortunately, they just keep asking. Hopefully others have better suggestions!

 

[ephemery1]

Ugh, the family pressure thing drives me crazy too... my grandmother passed away recently, and before she died, my dad actually told me maybe if I could announce I was engaged, it would give her something to look forward to and she could hold on a little longer. I know he didn''t mean anything by it, he was just grasping at anything that might help his mom''s situation, but GEEZ... talk about pressure.

The worst thing is that I tend to get frustrated with my BF when those kinds of things happen, because it''s obviously totally out of my hands at this point, so I just keep thinking "what IS he waiting for??" I love him to death, and I know he just doesn''t understand how much this really bothers me so I can''t be too resentful towards him... but I''m really afraid that when it finally does happen, I''m going to feel more relief than happiness!

Sorry to vent... this is just a sore subject for me recently!! Thanks for the thread!

 

[lulutheleo]

Date: 4/14/2006 1:35:35 PM
Author: Blenheim
When I first saw the title of this thread, I wondered why on earth we'd need an Easter support group.

Maybe I should have chosen a different topic. How about "Surviving the Family Gatherings?"

These are all good suggestions. I especially love XChick's idea of turning it into a joke.

Ephemery, go ahead and vent!

 

[Blenheim]

Haha, don''t worry about it! It definitely got me intrigued!

Ephemery, that''s a ridiculous amount of pressure. I''m sorry that you''ve gone through that. Feel free to vent if you need to.

 

[Evie75]

Date: 4/14/2006 1:49:55 PM
Author: ephemery1
Ugh, the family pressure thing drives me crazy too... my grandmother passed away recently, and before she died, my dad actually told me maybe if I could announce I was engaged, it would give her something to look forward to and she could hold on a little longer. I know he didn''t mean anything by it, he was just grasping at anything that might help his mom''s situation, but GEEZ... talk about pressure.

The worst thing is that I tend to get frustrated with my BF when those kinds of things happen, because it''s obviously totally out of my hands at this point, so I just keep thinking ''what IS he waiting for??'' I love him to death, and I know he just doesn''t understand how much this really bothers me so I can''t be too resentful towards him... but I''m really afraid that when it finally does happen, I''m going to feel more relief than happiness!

Sorry to vent... this is just a sore subject for me recently!! Thanks for the thread!

AMEN!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Not so much with family, but with a co-worker, I hate this scenario, and it''s the same EVERY single Monday:

Co-worker: Hey, have a good weekend?

Me: Sure did. I love my time away from here. You?

Co-worker: Yeah, we blah blah blah. You?

Me: Well Paul and I blah blah blah.

Co-worker: So, did you get your M.R.S. yet? (meaning my ring)

Me: No.

Co-worker: Oh well, maybe next weekend.

**Hello! If I had my ring, don''t you think I''d mention that, say five seconds into the conversation? I know he means nothing by it, but it makes it so much harder to behave and not pester my boyfriend when I don''t have people at work asking me if I got the ring yet. And it''s every single Monday. And calling it the "MRS" sort of annoys me, too. Remember back when people used to say girls went to college only to find their husbands, and instead of looking for a BA, BS, MA, or whatever, we were only looking for our MRS? Yeah, I just find that terminology demeaning. He''s a good guy, but how do I tell him to shut up about it already?

So while I enjoy it from family, some others are another story.

 

[Mandarine]

I get the exact same thing at work...

"let me see your hand!!!"....ohhh....

, "sorry!"..."so what''s he waiting for"...

My answer "you will be the first to know...so now, back off!"

And with family...

"ok...so when is this weeding again?"....me: "2007"...them: "yeah, ok....did he propose yet?". Tomorrow, same story!

So much fun!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

The thing that bothers me the most about that is that he''s making it sound like being married will be a step up for me, I guess. I don''t know how to describe it. Has anyone else heard of the MRS theory of college before?

 

[Blenheim]

A struggling once pre-med friend, freshman year: "Well, if I can''t get an M.D., hopefully I can at least get an M.R.S."

 

[Blenheim]

Oh, and I meant to say that I''ll have people grab my hand mid-way into a conversation. And then they''ll ask me why I''m not engaged, and when I plan on getting engaged. Hello?! I''m not the freaking one proposing! They can be sure that I''d tell them almost immediately! So, in short, I completely get what you''re saying.

 

[sk8rjen]

Sorry, fisher, haven''t heard of it. But I just realized you''re over here in this thread instead of yours --go back!!! hahaha I''m just kidding. See, I''m in a really good mood today and have nothingin the world to vent about whatsoever and i feel a little MANIC actually!!!

Re: the easter thing, fortunately no get togethers this year, but the future MIL is coming over later with baskets for my boys and I just might have to acidentally be looking at the diamond when she gets here

It''s evil, but M won''t say a thing about ANYTHING to his family voluntarily. And I shouldn''t either, but if the diamond is in my HAND....

jen

 

[ephemery1]

Thanks for the vent-permission, you guys are the best!!

Yeah I often wonder if guys get the same amount of endless questioning as girls do. My BF claims he doesn''t, but I know some of the girls at his work are probably bugging him about it (at least I hope!

) Then there is my little brother, who informs me daily that he is ready to be uncle and would like me to get married immediately and produce him some nephews. He pointed out recently that even after my BF finally does propose, he is going to continue to give him grief for the rest of his life about how LONG it took him. Grrreeeaaaat. At least that part won''t be directed at me, just the nine million "sooooo, when are you guys going to have a baby??" questions that I''m sure will immediately follow the wedding!

But my usual answer to the interrogations now is just "hey, ask him, not me!"

 

[Mimikins24]

Ack!!! I can't believe there are still people who use that old "MRS" line --- I thought that went out with the beginning of the feminist movement!!! I learned about the "MRS" from my mom who a protesting feminist back in the day --- GO MOM!!! Seriously there is really not much you can do about ignorant comments at work.

Well I have different Easter issues this year than most of you ladies. I can't be with my family because my BF has an exam tomorrow and we both have one on Monday --- so we can't travel home to hang out with the folks!!!

What I am dreading though --- BF's uncle is getting married on the 29th. His family is waaaay worse about the marriage questions. Actually my parents don't even ask because I think they have decided that we don't plan to get married (he he --- which isn't too far from the truth --- I am fine with not getting married, as long as that is a decision that we make together now --- he is the one that insists on marriage).

Anyway obviously the whole thing is more important to his family than to mine, so I know I will get a million questions and the "don't worry, you'll be next" sympathy. I actually think the sympathetic looks are worse than the questions. I don't understand why his family would be worried about it at this point. P and I have been dating for a little over 4.5 years (starting when we were 21). Most of his relatives date for 7+ years before even the engagement and typically they are all a few years older than we are. I don't know what their rush is. Whenever I get a comment about it I just say that I have a full life as it is and everything happens when the time is right, which is not right now. I should really tell them to ask P why he has been shopping for a ring for over a year with no results!!!

Anyway that is my rant for today --- seems like I have been doing it a lot lately!!! I haven't been able to see my friends for some girl talk coffee since the start of exams, so that is part of why I am here --- raging on!!!

 

[Blenheim]

Ephemery, I''ve asked my boyfriend the same thing (about the questioning), and he also says that people don''t ask and pressure him as much. At the same time, he has some people referring to me as his fiancee, and he has to keep telling them that I''m not his fiancee yet! Heehee.

 

[sunkist]

Haha! Ohhhh the ring questions! The funniest thing happened the other night, at WalMart of all places

I went with BF to return 2 X-Boxes he bought (another story...). Two girls were there helping with the return and commenting on thinking he must have a bunch of money. But noooo he doesn't. The girls said, 'Sooo, let's see the ring!' . I looked at them in confusion

"Ohhhhh! hehe, I don't have a ring!" Boy did BF feel uncomfortable

Good luck with answering family's questions though! I'm actually getting more comfortable with it. My face doesn't turn as red anymore

Does anyone else have the problem, I hate it! But since BF and I are actually seriously talking about marriage and we know it will happen soon, that's all I tell them. Or else if I don't feel like talking about it they just get the "Ohhhhh Youuuu!!!"

 

[applegirl]

I don''t post much normally but this topic really grabbed my attention.
I''m still laughing because yesterday we received a card where the bride and groom thanked us for the gift and wished us congratulations! On what? The wedding is next week and I told my BF that he''d better buy me a ring pop for when everyone asks to see the ring! Because you just know if they think that that others will too!
Plus my father told his mother that we''d been looking at rings because he thought it might "cheer her up." So the day after this she called me to inform me that while she felt that my BF should pay for it himself she had some money set aside for me that we could use to pay for the ring. While I appreciated the offer, how could I accept after that?

 

[fisherofmengirly]

My boyfriend told me that the principal at his school refers to me regularly as his fiancee. I asked if that bothers him, he says it doesn''t. I like that. But I also want it to be REAL.

Yeah, the MRS thing is so dumb. But there is no accounting for ignorance. I went to school for my BA, not for an MRS, but if it came along while I was there, I sure would be HOT over someone taking away from the accomplishment of study and knowledge to say that the only reason I went was to be married off. Good grief.

Along the lines with brothers asking when you''ll be married, I have an eleven year old niece who tells me on the regular that I need to "get her an uncle." She says she''s far too old to be a flower girl now, and she''ll have to be a junior brides maid, and when we do get married, when will she have a little cousin to help babysit? I love her to pieces, so it''s just cute when she says it.

 

[ephemery1]

Mimikins I have to agree that sometimes the sympathetic looks are worse than the questioning! I remember riding in a car with my BF''s 3 female cousins, all married or engaged, when they began a whole conversation about how it feels the first time your ring catches the light and reflects back on something, and you see all the colors, etc. Obviously I didn''t have much to contribute, and they all sort of looked at me knowingly, like "don''t worry, you''ll understand some day"...

 

[ephemery1]

Haha, Fisher, maybe we should get your little niece and my brother together... I''m pretty sure he''s mostly just looking for a little buddy to hang out in the backyard and teach lacrosse to... he has big plans for being "the cool uncle". It would actually be pretty cute if I didn''t hear about it every day...

 

[sumbride]

Date: 4/14/2006 3:15:42 PM
Author: ephemery1
Mimikins I have to agree that sometimes the sympathetic looks are worse than the questioning! I remember riding in a car with my BF''s 3 female cousins, all married or engaged, when they began a whole conversation about how it feels the first time your ring catches the light and reflects back on something, and you see all the colors, etc. Obviously I didn''t have much to contribute, and they all sort of looked at me knowingly, like ''don''t worry, you''ll understand some day''...

I had a moment like that too, but it wasn''t about a diamond... it was about a tax deduction! I have a home business and was chatting with one of our friends about it because she does too. She was telling me how much she saved on the taxes because of the deductions for the house. I said "Oh, well, the house is his... so I don''t get that." She said "you will eventually..." Ah, gee, thanks. I know she was trying to be supportive but it was rather condescending. Especially since her husband is one of my boyfriend''s best friends and she probably knows when but isn''t telling!

 

[Evie75]

how about this one:

Annoying ex co-worker: "SO are you married yet?"
Me: "not that im aware of"
Annoying ex c-worker: "Why not??? how old are you?"
Me: "27"
Annoying ex co-worker: "OH you should be married with kids by now"


NICE RIGHT?? and it was a MAN too!

Yeah those "oh im sorry" looks are really annoying... i got one of these once all thse girls were talking about their husbands so she said "oh ya know maybe we should talk about something else... Eve isnt married yet its not fair"

Then ofcourse is always nice to hear my grandmother say "Ya know can we move this along!! i would like to see my great grandchildren before i get the dirt thrown on me..... tell him to S*it or get off the pot" LOL my grandmother is very spunky.. god i love that crazy little woman!

 

[peonygirl]

Applegirl, I keep telling Ian I hope you guys get engaged soon so I can check out your asscher! I've only seen two in person, so I'm excited. He tells me to stop being selfish.

Boys!

Have fun at the wedding!

 

[Patchee]

I personally, am tired of people asking when, when, when!! That next time I hear a When are you two getting engaged, I will say.... we''re not!!

 

[lulutheleo]

Just to update you guys -- We survived Easter, but not without my bf''s cousin announcing HER engagement. Barf. She''s only been dating this guy for like 6 months. Then, of COURSE, everyone looks over at us expectantly.


GRRRRRR!!!

 

[sumbride]

Date: 4/17/2006 9:33:40 AM
Author: Patchee
I personally, am tired of people asking when, when, when!! That next time I hear a When are you two getting engaged, I will say.... we''re not!!

I like that. I actually have a friend who has decided she hates the idea of marriage so she just tells everybody that they are "domestic partners" and it shuts them up. When they met, both sets of parents were going through a divorce so I think they were kind of scarred by it. They bought a house together last year, have wills naming each other as survivors, own dogs and a cat together, etc... they''re totally legal, but not married. The funny thing is one of her hobbies is baking and decorating wedding cakes. Seriously. And yet marriage terrifies her.

People don''t ask anymore.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

How can a couple be "legal," but not married? I guess if you were talking about the law where after 10 years, some states consider a relationship a commonlaw marriage, that would make sense. But since marriage is the legal form of uniting as one, I don't understand that comment. I'm just a little sensitive to the bond of marriage, I guess.