Ex's and engagements

[MBKRH]

I'm sure this topic has been done before, so I apologize in advance.

How would you feel if you found out your ex got engaged before you? Or on the flipside, how DID you react when you found out your ex was engaged?

For me, #1 is already married, and #2 will be a man-child for life I'm pretty sure, so I'm not worried.

If #3 got engaged before me, I know I'd be devastated. Probably because our breakup was not clean. There was a lot left unsaid and done. We never talked about problems in our relationship, which eventually all led to the breakup. Perhaps it was best said by the character "Joyce" in the movie Little Black Book:
"A clean break is easier. You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on, but if you leave things messy, and things don't get put right, then it just hurts, forever. "
Even though I made the choice to end things and it WAS for the best, it was the first time I was the dumper and not the dumpee. I just sprung it on him, and basically left him no choice but to watch me walk away. I know he's bitter, as he should be.

Then there's also the fact that I'd hear about it "through the grapevine" from a few mutual friends that I have allowed back into my life, not because I would ask, but because they'd probably feel that I "needed" to know. (Just a guess).

I know I shouldn't really care, but we all know that it's not that easy. When you're with someone for such a long time, it still stings to think of them moving on in their lives.

What are your thoughts?

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

I'd say good riddance and good luck!

I have a few guys i have dated briefly as friends (not like serious dating and less than 6 months), and it would make me nothing but happy to see them settle down and get married.

my ex i dated 6 years...wouldn't bother me in the least - i'd actually feel really bad for the girl haha.

 

[LibbyLA]

He's somebody else's problem now!!!!

liz

 

[MBKRH]

Apparently I'm the only one with jealousy issues over engagements lately. Even ones not in the works.

 

[misscuppycake]

Haha I have to echo the thoughts of the other ladies - I'd probably laugh and worry about that girl's future. My ex, although not innately a bad person, could never get his act together. Couldn't save a penny, couldn't keep a job, acted like a giant child. I wouldn't mind at all if he got engaged first.

 

[MBKRH]

.... [he]could never get his act together. Couldn't save a penny, couldn't keep a job, acted like a giant child.

Sounds a lot like mine

 

[pandabee]

No ex's for me...so no need to worry about it! Don't think any of the other boys I've briefly had a thing with are close to getting married either.

 

[Chewbacca]

I have one ex boyfriend, and he has been married for 3 or 4 years. I felt I'd dodged a bullet!

 

[madelise]

Well, you're not alone.

I think I'd be irked to hear of my most recent ex's engagement.There were many things wrong with our relationship, but the last straw that broke the camel's back was that he told me he didn't want to marry. His now girlfriend is much younger than I am, and if he proposed to her, after telling me for years that he didn't want to marry.. I think I'd feel a bit annoyed and miffed.

It's definitely not a jealousy thing, though. I don't want him. I never will. I just feel like I failed at trying to change him, and if he changed for another girl, then I was never enough (which was obvious), and that this girlfriend is better than I am, and I really don't like failing. It's a competitive nature in me, nothing about HIM or our old relationship.

I also think I'd be annoyed because they were together for less time than SO and I, and also because she is much younger than me, and MUCH MUCH younger than him. I endured a lot of BS from his friends when we dated bc I was younger than him. There were rumors that I was just using him for his money and car (for which he had neither) because I was "only 18".




But then again, I feel annoyed whenever ANY couple I know who is either younger than SO and I, or have been together for less time, are engaged. I'm not mad at THEM, I'm more annoyed at SO. Like, HELLO? These CHILDREN are getting engaged, and YOU can't propose yet? HURRY UP!

 

[MBKRH]

Well, you're not alone.

I think I'd be irked to hear of my most recent ex's engagement.There were many things wrong with our relationship, but the last straw that broke the camel's back was that he told me he didn't want to marry. His now girlfriend is much younger than I am, and if he proposed to her, after telling me for years that he didn't want to marry.. I think I'd feel a bit annoyed and miffed.

It's definitely not a jealousy thing, though. I don't want him. I never will. I just feel like I failed at trying to change him, and if he changed for another girl, then I was never enough (which was obvious), and that this girlfriend is better than I am, and I really don't like failing. It's a competitive nature in me, nothing about HIM or our old relationship.

I also think I'd be annoyed because they were together for less time than SO and I, and also because she is much younger than me, and MUCH MUCH younger than him. I endured a lot of BS from his friends when we dated bc I was younger than him. There were rumors that I was just using him for his money and car (for which he had neither) because I was "only 18".




But then again, I feel annoyed whenever ANY couple I know who is either younger than SO and I, or have been together for less time, are engaged. I'm not mad at THEM, I'm more annoyed at SO. Like, HELLO? These CHILDREN are getting engaged, and YOU can't propose yet? HURRY UP!

I'm just like you, madelise. I retract what I said previously- jealous isn't the correct word, competitive- definitely.
I am very competitive by nature, and a very sore loser (just ask M, who kept kickin' my arse in Crash Bandicoot Racing last night on PS3) I pout and whine like a child.

The ex is now dating someone who is almost a decade older than he is. I can't say I'm surprised. He lived in mommy's basement up until recently, and now he moved in with the cougar (a new "mommy" that'll take care of him, it seems). Probably still only working his two
(or maybe three) days a week and considering $100 a week "income."

SMH. If that's the case, I ALMOST feel sorry for her. If she's smart, she'll get a real man, not a mommy's boy who thinks he can.


So, so true about your last sentence!

 

[Rhea]

I wasn't bothered at all. It was over between us and we both moved on. He's married and I think at one point I heard it mentioned that he had 2 children. I didn't really care enough to pay attention.

 

[Dancing Fire]

He's somebody else's problem now!!!!

liz

true,but then he may feel the same about you...

 

[LaraOnline]

He's somebody else's problem now!!!!

liz

true,but then he may feel the same about you...

Unfortunately when things go wrong, a wrong word, a misunderstanding, good things between good people can go very awry rather quickly.

But on the other hand, men with poor qualities can do a lot to harm the girls they are with.

I knew one boy/man who seemed to have lots of issues, and rather a vicious, vindictive streak.
When I heard he married after a whirlwind romance - the girl who was traveling here on an extended holiday from another country - I felt a little sad and worried for her.

 

[LibbyLA]

Dancing Fire,

That's certainly possible, but this discussion isn't about how your ex feels about you!

He whined and complained to everyone who'd listen about how horrible he had it when he had to get his own car insurance and pay for it and how that was all my fault. He made a lot more money than I did, but his standard of living went down and mine went up when we split.

And he'd call me to complain about all sorts of things and I listened for awhile, but I finally told him I'd left him to get away from all the whining and complaining so would he please quit calling me.

liz

 

[madelise]

He's somebody else's problem now!!!!

liz

true,but then he may feel the same about you...

OH, dear dear DF, haven't you learned from your wife already? THE WOMAN IS ALWAYS RIGHT. He was wrong, so he lost out, and no, none of them think of us ladies as someone else's problem

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

One of my exes is now happily married and I was genuinely happy when I heard about it. They;ve been married for around 2 years I think and I wish them nothing but the best.

My last ex before my DH came along is just a wreck. I would feel badly for the new girl, but ultimately I just wish them both happiness and hope that the ex has changed their negative and childish ways. If not, it surely isn't my place to worry about any longer (and thank goodness for that!)

 

[princesss]

I'd be thrilled for him! He's a fantastic guy, and part of what kept me from dragging my feet when I knew we needed to break up was that I wanted him to have the chance to find somebody that loves him the way he deserves and I knew that I was not the person to do that. I'd be a little surprised since he's not dating anybody right now so it'd be pretty sudden, but I'd be thrilled for him (and very hopeful that whoever he was engaged to was as cool as he is and wouldn't mind us chatting - I'd respect him putting his relationship first, but I'd be really sad if I had to lose him as a friend).

 

[wakingdreams53]

I'd be SOOOOO happy if my ex found someone to marry. Hell, even a GF would be great. We had a bad break-up.... because of me I moved away and that was that. I honestly want him to find someone and realize that I wasn't the only one in the world.

Current BF on the otherhand, I'm pretty sure his ex would be VERY miffed with him. They were together twice and this last time for over 3 years-- break-up reason? He didn't want to get married and have kids. But really, she wasn't the One and he couldn't keep her from finding someone to build a life with.

Very shortly after they broke up, he met me... well, I'm posting here, so that should fill in the rest of the blanks, heh.

 

[antiquesparkler]

I'd be SOOOOO happy if my ex found someone to marry. Hell, even a GF would be great. We had a bad break-up.... because of me I moved away and that was that. I honestly want him to find someone and realize that I wasn't the only one in the world.

Current BF on the otherhand, I'm pretty sure his ex would be VERY miffed with him. They were together twice and this last time for over 3 years-- break-up reason? He didn't want to get married and have kids. But really, she wasn't the One and he couldn't keep her from finding someone to build a life with.

Very shortly after they broke up, he met me... well, I'm posting here, so that should fill in the rest of the blanks, heh.

Are we dating the same guy? lol!

Same thing... ex gf and him dated for 5 years on and off but she was pressuring him to get married and have babies RIGHT out of college and he ran. Now, it really ticks her off that we are dating because I have a 4 year old and last she heard he didnt want children. WRONG, lady- you were just not the ONE for him. She came to stay with us for a wedding in the fall with a bunch of his college friends and he was so proud to be helping parent my daughter- her face was priceless.

 

[misscuppycake]

Haha I just had to come here and say it - my ex just got engaged last night! lol what a coincidence

 

[gatorblue]

BF #1 - married with several kids
BF #2 - married last year
BF #3 - single - no surprise there!
BF #4 - married to a girl who used to hit on him when we were dating



When #2 got engaged, I was very happy - We have been friends ever since we stopped dating, and I blatantly told him that his plan not to get married until he was 30 was B.S. His girlfriend was a sweet girl and I didn't like the thought of him stringing her along. They finally tied the knot when he was 28.

 

[boysenberry]

As far as I know none of my exes have gotten engaged, but I did feel competitive and really hoped SO would propose before any of them got engaged (yay I win!) And I have also been guilty of wondering if they found out I got engaged (I don't talk to any of them, as I personally don't think I can be friends with exes) and feeling a tiny bit smug.

But in general I would be quite happy for most of my exes were they to get engaged (though again, still competitive. Do I have the better ring? Better wedding? More attractive SO? ) There is just one ex who I dated for way longer than I should have, and we had a messy breakup, and I still feel pissed off whenever I think of him. So I don't wish him happiness

 

[MBKRH]

As far as I know none of my exes have gotten engaged, but I did feel competitive and really hoped SO would propose before any of them got engaged (yay I win!) And I have also been guilty of wondering if they found out I got engaged (I don't talk to any of them, as I personally don't think I can be friends with exes) and feeling a tiny bit smug.

But in general I would be quite happy for most of my exes were they to get engaged (though again, still competitive. Do I have the better ring? Better wedding? More attractive SO? ) There is just one ex who I dated for way longer than I should have, and we had a messy breakup, and I still feel pissed off whenever I think of him. So I don't wish him happiness

That's my dirty little desire I hope M will propose before ex #3 proposes to his new girl. I have no idea why I'm so competitive about it.

 

[gem_anemone]

Ex's are my favorite subject to gossip about because I've had way too many of them... Forgive me if this ends up too long, but it will certainly be juicy! Mwhahahahaha!!! If you don't feel like reading them all, the only exes I would feel jealous/hate/whatever towards are 5 and 7 and that is because things ended on a sour note. The rest I really don't care about or am kind of happy for them in a non-caring way or feel sorry for the lady.

I wrote all about most of my ex's in another PS thread [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/what-were-the-deal-breakers.179615/page-2']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/what-were-the-deal-breakers.179615/page-2[/URL] so I will just number the exes again to correspond with the back stories from that thread, so only those that are interested can flip back.

1. This guy has no girlfriend or wife. I'm not even sure he dated much since me, which is sad because I dated him when he was 19/20 and he is now 34(?). He is not very motivated and he weighs probably twice as much as he did when we dated, so I'm not sure he really tries to date.
2. As far as I know this guy as a live-in girlfriend, but IMHO he will never be thoughtful enough or get his $#!+ together enough to propose or get married. I feel sorry for any girl stuck with this loser, but from what I know his GF is a loser too.
3. This guy is married. He wanted a baby mama to his kid and he got it. I'm super glad that it wasn't me.
4. I don't know much about these guys. Frankly I didn't date any of them long enough to care what happens to them.
5. I don't keep in touch with this guy at all. I have no idea if he is dating or what. I would be happy for him if he was dating or married, but I would feel sorry for his wife because of his crazy family. I secretly hope he finds out through the grapevine that I am married. Dunno why. Maybe I hope it would sting him. Apparently I am vindictive.
6. I would feel sorry for anyone dating/married to this stage 10 clinger although if he meets someone that is just as stupid as him then he could maybe be romantic enough to make her happy.
7. I would actually have been super p!ssed if this guy had gotten engaged/married before I did because the main reason we broke up is that he never wanted to get married or have kids. He has dated a couple of people, but nothing serious since me. It seems like he possibly wants a life-partner, but he wants one with no real commitment. If he does find love I will pretend to be happy for him, I guess, however, I secretly hope he ends up alone forever. I don't think that it's right to be with a woman and not marry her, unless of course she wants that too. I don't think he will find a woman like that unless he is dating a divorcee who has kids and doesn't want more , but the ladies he has dated since me have been mid 20s to mid 30s with no kids or divorce and frankly I don't think he's going to find what he wants from any of them. Most ladies around that age are looking for marriage and/or kids.

 

[Impudent_Crumpet]

I would be very happy for him. Fortunately, the Ex (or at least the only one worth mentioning) was a great guy, just not a great guy for me. I do think part of that, though, is that I was the one to end it. I think being the dump-ee is harder in that case, because on some level you harbor some resentment towards the dump-er.

Or maybe I'm just a terrible person.

 

[princesss]

I would be very happy for him. Fortunately, the Ex (or at least the only one worth mentioning) was a great guy, just not a great guy for me. I do think part of that, though, is that I was the one to end it. I think being the dump-ee is harder in that case, because on some level you harbor some resentment towards the dump-er.

Or maybe I'm just a terrible person.

Eh, if you are, so am I!

 

[maple2012]

The last I heard, the ex got married to the girl he met after we broke up. It's funny because he wanted to get back together and he invited me to a party where I didn't show up - it's at this party that he met his now wife and mother of his child. I haven't had any contact with him since I turned down his invitation to this party and de-friended him on facebook.... this was 5 years ago or so.

I did see the pictures of their wedding and baby on FaceBook (they should really make those pictures private for creeps like me... haha). His wife and daughter are beautiful. I honestly felt nothing but happiness for him and got excited about the day that I can have what he has, with my SO.

I'll admit that I was taken back by their amazing venue, location and decorations... his wife has good taste.

 

[HopeDream]

My highschool exboyfriend just go engaged over the holidays and I was so excited for him! He was a decent guy and just needed to find the right match. He's been with her for a while and I was worried he would lose her by dragging his feet.

If you've ever loved someone deeply, you don't want them to end up alone.

 

[kristalulu]

Hello! I just want to say a couple words cause I'm currently going through this. As a back story, my ex and I were together for 11 years, we even had a ring that he was holding onto for a year. All his excuses over the years made me realize that either 1) he didn't really want to be with me, or 2) he was really lazy. And I didn't want to be with a person for either of those reasons!! It was a long hard breakup, and currently we are both in new long-term relationships.

It still boggles my mind when I look at my life now and how happy I am. I am the luckiest girl in the world!!! I have found my soulmate, but it still can bruise your ego when your ex finds theirs. From what I hear, they are a good match, and I wish them all the happiness in the world!!!! Afterall, it was those past relationships that you learned from and got you to where you are now

 

[Chewbacca]

SO's most recent ex is now soon to be married. We figured out that almost all of the girls he dated/pursued are engaged or married now - what a difference a few years makes!

This thread inspired me to look up mine, but his FB was private, DRAT!