Ex's and engagements

[MBKRH]

Hello! I just want to say a couple words cause I'm currently going through this. As a back story, my ex and I were together for 11 years, we even had a ring that he was holding onto for a year. All his excuses over the years made me realize that either 1) he didn't really want to be with me, or 2) he was really lazy. And I didn't want to be with a person for either of those reasons!! It was a long hard breakup, and currently we are both in new long-term relationships.

It still boggles my mind when I look at my life now and how happy I am. I am the luckiest girl in the world!!! I have found my soulmate, but it still can bruise your ego when your ex finds theirs. From what I hear, they are a good match, and I wish them all the happiness in the world!!!! Afterall, it was those past relationships that you learned from and got you to where you are now

11 years!? You are a saint! What an incredibly long time to be with someone, and then to have it all fall apart.... oh my. Glad to hear that you're with someone great now, who isn't lazy and/or unsure of whether he wants to be with you!
Best wishes for the future!

 

[kristalulu]

11 years!? You are a saint! What an incredibly long time to be with someone, and then to have it all fall apart.... oh my. Glad to hear that you're with someone great now, who isn't lazy and/or unsure of whether he wants to be with you!
Best wishes for the future!

Thank you so much

 

[BriBee]

I have 2 serious ex's and the third is someone I've known forever and we kinda tried to get together but it never turned into an actual relationship...it was actually a lot of games and hurt, but we are (miraculously) still friends.

1. HS boyfriend....dated for about 4 years and broke up when I was 21. We remained friends for a while and are still friendly, but just don't see each other much anymore...maybe once or twice a year. He is married and I am happy for him, his wife seems lovely, but I don't know her very well. I will say he's kind of a lost soul and has had a hard time deciding what he wants to do in life. He has a college degree but isn't currently using it. He's been going back to school and changing programs for years. It would drive me crazy because I'm very driven and focused. Great guy, nice guy, but not the guy for me.

2. Boyfriend after HS guy, I was only single for about 6 months when we started dating. We were together for about 4.5-5 years, and actually got engaged and planned a wedding (messy break-up so it's hard to really discern when it was OVER over...) I really loved him and he was also a very nice guy, but probably too similar to HS boyfriend. Not super driven or motivated. Then he ended up abusing Rx painkillers which led to an extreme problem. Two stints in rehab, losing his job, I just couldn't deal with it anymore. The break-up was hard becuase after his second rehab he was ready to get clean and for us to be together, but I couldn't do it. I felt guilty leaving him because I was afraid it would cause him to relapse, but I had to do what was right for me. Anyhoo...he recently got married and I am happy for him. I'll admit it stung a little when I realized he was seriously dating and moved in with his gf. But that was because I was still single and kind of felt like "why does HE get to move on? HE has the problem, not me..." But I can honestly say now that I'm happy for him and hope he stays healthy. His family drove me CRAZY though, did not enjoy them so much....feel like I dodged a bullet.

3. "Friend" guy....we honestly just did the friends with benefits thing off and on for a year or so. It was not the best situation at all, but at the time I had broken up with #2 and probably couldn't have had anything serious. That's all done now and "Friend" is still single. I feel badly for him becuase he is a nice guy, but I think he has some major intimacy issues, SERIOUSLY! And it has nothing to do with him and I never committing to each other or being in a real relationship. Most of our mutual friends are married now and have kids, and when I met SO I think that was hard for him. Not that he pines for me or anything, but I think he feels like the last single one left. I hope he meets someone becuase he has some great qualities and I LOVE his family...but he needs to work on himself for sure.

I guess I'm lucky that I pretty much remain friendly with exes and can be happy for them (I would like to know more about how #2 is doing but wife made him cut off any contact with me a LONG time ago). But it definitely takes time and I think that both #1 and #2 moved on before me, whether it was just a new gf or getting married, and that's always hard. But I just had to remember that I wasn't sad because I wanted them back, I just wanted to move on too (maybe I'm a little competitive, haha).