Facebook is a weird thing. What would you do?

[ringless]

I have an ex on my friends, and really... I honestly never check his, he never comments on mine.. it''s like we are just on there to be cordial. I don''t consider it a big deal really. But if you think of everyone on there as true, genuine friends, and it offends you then that choice is yours to make. Good luck!

 

[fieryred33143]

I would add him for like two days.

That should give him enough time to go through all your lovely photos.

Then I''d delete him.

See, I''m the girl that loves movies where the girl is dumped or treated poorly and the guy thinks she could never do better and then she does way better and rubs it in his face.

 

[Haven]

Haha, fiery!

YAY Gwennie! I just read this thread, so I wasn''t around in time to post before you made your decision, but I think you made the right choice. And take heart in simply knowing how utterly impressive you are--fabulous, gorgeous, studying abroad, and very much in love. He doesn''t need to see it on Facebook to know it''s true.

 

[CNOS128]

Gwendolyn!
I''m proud of you for denying his request and even more proud of you for deleting his wife! There are certain things a person must do for her own self-preservation and mental health, and I think this counts.

Also, if his wife was your friend, he''s probably looked at your info through her account (I do this all the time to look at my fiance''s childhood friends - with his permission, of course). So in all likelihood he knows how great you''ve turned out!

 

[mynewobsession]

Good for you, Gwen. I think it''s for the best. I know I wouldn''t want to have all those feelings revisit me every time I checked the site! Facebook and Myspace are really strange things. Aside from jerk ex boyfriends, I can never figure out why the elitist snobs from high school suddenly want to be my virtual friend. If I didn''t like you then, why would I want you as a friend on my Facebook page???

 

[Thomperchik]

Many people disagree with me on this one, but I think exes are exes for a reason. Whether we ended in good or bad terms, I''m just not friends with my exes. I avoid them at all cost and it''s not the fact that I''m not being a grown up, but I just don''t care to relive the past. I''m living in the present and looking forward to the future. This is the reason why I''m not friends with them on Facebook or Myspace.

Just my .02 cents...

 

[Inanna]

Date: 12/2/2008 8:33:46 AM
Author: Thomperchik

Many people disagree with me on this one, but I think exes are exes for a reason. Whether we ended in good or bad terms, I''m just not friends with my exes. I avoid them at all cost and it''s not the fact that I''m not being a grown up, but I just don''t care to relive the past. I''m living in the present and looking forward to the future. This is the reason why I''m not friends with them on Facebook or Myspace.

Just my .02 cents...

I''m in total agreement with you. Sure, if I run into an ex on the street I''ll probably say hi and be cordial, but there''s no reason to give an ex the ability to spy on you (or your current relationship) through a social networking site. I think many of us have had some pretty creepy experiences on these sites.

 

[gwendolyn]

He friend requested me again. I am guessing he didn''t realize I turned his last one down.

Am considering fiery''s idea to add him for a couple of days and then get rid of him. I mentioned it to James and he seemed against the idea but that''s probably because he''s a guy and might beat the ex up if he had a chance.

Dunno.

 

[ladypirate]

Or just send him a message saying that you don''t see any need to be friends on facebook since you obviously aren''t friendly in real life.

This guy sounds like a tool.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Now, didn''t that feel great!?!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/4/2008 12:08:18 PM
Author: ladypirate
Or just send him a message saying that you don''t see any need to be friends on facebook since you obviously aren''t friendly in real life.


This guy sounds like a tool.

James suggested I message him with, "Sorry, but do I know you?"

 

[Bia]

Axe him again Gwennie. He''ll get the message this time.

 

[ladypirate]

LOL, Gwen--I like the way James thinks!

 

[Delster]

Ignore him Gwen, you made the right decision. You guard that fabulous London life (don''t I sound like the Rimmel ads?) with a ferocity fiercer than any dobermann. You don''t need him polluting it. Circle the wagons hon. Your instincts are right, trust them.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/4/2008 11:51:49 AM
Author: gwendolyn
He friend requested me again. I am guessing he didn''t realize I turned his last one down.

Am considering fiery''s idea to add him for a couple of days and then get rid of him. I mentioned it to James and he seemed against the idea but that''s probably because he''s a guy and might beat the ex up if he had a chance.

Dunno.

FWIW, if you respond to his message, or send him one, he will be able to see your profile for a limited time (1 week or 1 month, can''t remember which) and then it will expire. So basically, you would never have to friend him, he could sneak a peek, then move on. Not that I think you owe him that or anything, I just wanted you to be aware of the option.

And if James is against you friending him, then you probably should not.

 

[gwendolyn]

Sent him a message saying that if he was trying to friend me because he was curious about whether or not I ever left the country instead of actually wanting to be friends, I did--got my master's from Cambridge last year and am living/working in London now. Smug, yes, but deservedly so, methinks.

 

[gwendolyn]

He wrote back asking if it would be ok if we became friends again. I don''t know why, but that one question made me feel like I don''t care anymore about what happened--well, I care, but I don''t feel that same nasty, down feeling I had before, like I was feeling echoes of the original hurt. This ''friendship'' he proposes will probably amount to nothing in the end, but I feel like that wound is finally scarred over. So, I''m glad I messaged him, even if it was for other reasons.

Thanks for the idea, Trill.

 

[MissDimity]

IMPORTANT !!!

just about Facebook messaging.. if you message them it lets the recipient automatically be allowed to view your profile ( even if it''s private), and since he responded to your msg you will now be automatically be allowed to view his even if it''s private. You don''t have to be friends for this to happen.

So if you want to keep your information private from him the only way you can do it now is via blocking him in your privacy settings.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/6/2008 1:31:10 AM
Author: MissDimity
IMPORTANT !!!


just about Facebook messaging.. if you message them it lets the recipient automatically be allowed to view your profile ( even if it''s private), and since he responded to your msg you will now be automatically be allowed to view his even if it''s private. You don''t have to be friends for this to happen.


So if you want to keep your information private from him the only way you can do it now is via blocking him in your privacy settings.

Aye, Trillionaire said that a few posts ago. I decided to message him to see how he responded to help me figure out how to handle it. I didn''t mind giving him a glimpse into my profile while I worked it all out.

 

[MissDimity]

They will see it for longer than a month tho. I stalker messaged me and I wrote back (stupidly not knowing of the catch) and it''s been at least 3 months and I can still see her "private" facebook account. She caught out my bf as well via doing this.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/6/2008 6:41:19 AM
Author: MissDimity
They will see it for longer than a month tho. I stalker messaged me and I wrote back (stupidly not knowing of the catch) and it''s been at least 3 months and I can still see her ''private'' facebook account. She caught out my bf as well via doing this.

3 months? Huh, that''s weird. Can you message anyone about it, like a Facebook admin or something, since it''s not supposed to be for that long?

Also, I am a fan of typos, and had to point out that I was amused by "I stalker messaged me and I wrote back."

 

[MissDimity]

Whoops ! funny typo

 

[Nocturnius]

I don''t know. This happened to me with an ex... kind of unsettling situation.

This ex and I broke up, he got a new girlfriend that everyone thought was a witch. Said girlfriend and I had been friends at one time, but grew distant eventually. We were friends on Myspace. He married her when she was 16 years old, she popped out two of his babies within two years. The first baby, I sent them (read: THEM) a card congratulating them and whatnot. Yay for the beautiful new bundle of joy, I wish you both the happiest lives ever.

The card was returned, with a message from her in red Sharpie on the cover, telling me to NEVER CONTACT HIM EVER AGAIN. He had a wife now and didn''t need or want any contact with me whatsoever, so STAY OUT OF THEIR LIVES.

Within a few days, he (or she) had deleted me off his Myspace and blocked me (you can tell when you''ve been blocked, because if you click "add friend", it boots you back to your home page.)

The twosome split in August just before their third marriage anniversary, and he sent me a friend''s request hardly two weeks later.

I denied it.

In your situation, I''m not sure. Yeah, it''s been six years, and you should probably be over it. But at the same time - and I''m only saying this because it was in your post - you seem like you only want to add him to rub it in his face how good your life turned out without him. Not really a good reason to add him.

I would say deny it.