Feeling a little sensitive... regarding "flaunting" your e-ring...

[Gleam]

I recently went to a luncheon set up by a good friend with about 8 other girls I didn''t know well. At the time, I hadn''t yet received my 2.5 carat RB engagement ring. A topic came up with the girls that I can''t quite get out of my mind... they were talking about their friends who got engaged and consequently could not stop "flaunting" their engagement rings. Like, making special gestures just to show it off all the time.

The good friend who was at this lunch has recently been asking me kind of odd questions... like, "Do you really like getting manicures now that you have your ring?" Umm, no, I have never gotten manicures and I still don''t have a manicure?? I do paint my own nails. Any time I make the smallest gesture with my left hand, her eye goes directly to my ring. I feel like I can''t make a single movement with my left hand or else I''ll be accused of "flaunting" my ring. I really feel like she is trying to set me up to feel like I''m "flaunting" my ring when I feel like I behave fairly normally?!

Am I being oversensitive? I guess I feel like some jealousy on my friend''s (and her friends'') part is playing into their feelings about other girls "flaunting" their rings. I know a lot of engaged women and I never felt like they were "flaunting."

Anyway, now I''m just feeling a little self-conscious. It''s not that 2.5 carats is HUGE or anything, but I just don''t want to give anyone a reason to gossip about me.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I say flash your ring in their faces and enjoy it! If they don''t like it, that''s their problem. People like that will always gossip and have something negative to say regardless.

 

[meresal]

When I got engaged, I made a point NOT to hold drinks in my left hand. I didn''t want to seem like one of those girls that was holding my hand high just to try and get reactions on the new bling.

It has since left. I think it''s a new ring thing. It will go away after a while!

 

[kama_s]

Date: 10/16/2009 9:16:16 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
I say flash your ring in their faces and enjoy it! If they don''t like it, that''s their problem. People like that will always gossip and have something negative to say regardless.

I agree, fully. Enjoy your ring! Don''t let them bring you down, especially since you''re newly engaged. You don''t have to baby their feelings, they have unresolved issues of their own to fix.

 

[lucyandroger]

The girls are clearly jealous but isn''t that kind of understandable? You have gorgeous new bling and I''m sure a great guy as well.

If these are truly your friends, then I''d be a bit sensitive to their feelings but definitely not to the point where you are feeling guilty or can''t enjoy your own ring.

Next time she says something like that, I''d just respond by saying you haven''t changed your habits in anyway since getting engaged and then say something nice about her having a beautiful ring soon as well. I say be the bigger person afterall at the end of it you still get to wear the ring!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

If you have got it flaunt it i say!

I''m left handed so i can''t help but ''flaunt'' my ring, i think if people have ''rings'' on their minds they are going to spot it regardless of if you ''flaunt'' it or not and i agree that it is their problem, not yours if they don''t like it!

 

[ladyciel]

Ugh, that sounds to me like a group of jealous ladies being catty. As for your friend''s eyes watching it, I sometimes noticed friend/coworker/boss''s eyes tracking my ring if I moved or used my left hand. I was never gesturing with that hand with the purpose of flaunting it - I just tend to talk with my hands, always have, and I''m sure my right was waving around just as much. Anyway, nobody was so mean as to accuse me of showing it off, but it sometimes made me uncomfortable. Since it was mostly limited to people who knew me before the ring, and it died down after a few months, I think they were just curious/intrigued by it, and thus their eyes were naturally caught by it. In some cases I made an effort to hold that hand still so they could just get a good look in and get over it. Once it became a fixture on my hand that they were used to, the following eyes pretty much stopped. I think in your case all you can do is try not to worry and wait for them to grow up. If you dared complain about feeling self-conscious, they would just say you''re trying to attract MORE attention to your ring. I''m sure it''d go something like "Ugh - that girl - did you HEAR her??? ''Boo hoo hoo, I have a huge ring and everybody STARES at it! My life is AWFUL!!'' Whatever - you know she''s just CRAVING the attention." The green monster, especially fueled by a group of gossiping women, is rarely rational or fair.

The only thing I was ever actually accused of was staring at my own ring, but those were teasing/friendly comments from my best friends and definitely had truth behind them.

 

[House Cat]

Would you feel comfortable taking the direct approach? Could you ask your friend if she feels that you are flaunting your ring? Then you could go on to explain your feelings about feeling self conscious ever since that particular conversation and tell her that you would never do such a thing.

Personally, I say wear your ring with pride! You just got engaged! You really shouldn''t have to worry about numbing down your feelings just because certain people can''t find it within themselves to feel your joy!

 

[noelwr]

Date: 10/16/2009 9:07:11 AM
Author:Gleam
It''s not that 2.5 carats is HUGE or anything, but I just don''t want to give anyone a reason to gossip about me.


Can anyone relate?

actually, if it''s a single diamond that''s 2.5 carats, it IS huge.

but anyway, don''t let anyone make you feel bad about your engagement ring! it''s yours, it''s beautiful and the man who loves you gave it to you. you should wear it with pride.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 10/16/2009 9:16:16 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
I say flash your ring in their faces and enjoy it! If they don''t like it, that''s their problem. People like that will always gossip and have something negative to say regardless.

I agree! You''re supposed to enjoy your time as newly engaged! They will when they get the ring as well. Have fun!

 

[vc10um]

Date: 10/16/2009 9:48:06 AM
Author: ladyciel
Ugh, that sounds to me like a group of jealous ladies being catty. As for your friend''s eyes watching it, I sometimes noticed friend/coworker/boss''s eyes tracking my ring if I moved or used my left hand. I was never gesturing with that hand with the purpose of flaunting it - I just tend to talk with my hands, always have, and I''m sure my right was waving around just as much. Anyway, nobody was so mean as to accuse me of showing it off, but it sometimes made me uncomfortable. Since it was mostly limited to people who knew me before the ring, and it died down after a few months, I think they were just curious/intrigued by it, and thus their eyes were naturally caught by it. In some cases I made an effort to hold that hand still so they could just get a good look in and get over it. Once it became a fixture on my hand that they were used to, the following eyes pretty much stopped. I think in your case all you can do is try not to worry and wait for them to grow up. If you dared complain about feeling self-conscious, they would just say you''re trying to attract MORE attention to your ring. I''m sure it''d go something like ''Ugh - that girl - did you HEAR her??? ''Boo hoo hoo, I have a huge ring and everybody STARES at it! My life is AWFUL!!'' Whatever - you know she''s just CRAVING the attention.'' The green monster, especially fueled by a group of gossiping women, is rarely rational or fair.

The only thing I was ever actually accused of was staring at my own ring, but those were teasing/friendly comments from my best friends and definitely had truth behind them.

Ditto.

(threadjack) PS: We STILL accuse you of staring at it.

And I fully plan on staring at it next weekend, since I haven''t seen it...I mean YOU...in forever!

(end threadjack)

 

[LabRatPhD]

I am a graduate student and I am teaching this semester. A few weeks ago a few of my female students loudly brought attention to the size of my ring (2 carat RB) and it made me very self-conscious. I actually started to turn the diamond inward while doing demonstrations of experiments because I didn''t want anyone gawking at the ring! One of my female co-workers asked where the ring was from and when I said Tiffany, she proclaimed, "I''m so envious!" She went so far as to ask how much it cost, so I ended the conversation there. It made me really uncomfortable. Two of my other co-workers who I was somewhat friendly with simply stopped speaking to me after they saw I received my ring! I didn''t even officially tell them I was engaged!

Needless to say, we haven''t spoken in months. To make matters worse, I got a somewhat similar reaction when I received a Rolex watch from FI for my last birthday. It didn''t help that one of my male-coworkers loudly told everyone it was a Rolex!

I am the type of person who does not like attention drawn to myself so all of these instances have made me not want to wear my ring to school. The size of my ring is definitely unusual for people in my position. I think there is some jealously involved. It''s hard to overcome the feeling of guilt. Now that I have my ring, I actually wear my watch less. It is dumb but I feel like I want to attract as little attention as possible to my left arm/hand!

 

[Madam Bijoux]

LabRatPhD:

It''s hard to overcome the feeling of guilt.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Life is too short to let others make you feel guilty about anything.

 

[tlh]

Actually, I LOVE IT when people use their left hands to gesture and talk... preferably- right around face level --- so I can get a good look at their sparkles the way they were intended... IN MOVEMENT... HELLO! I may not be normal, but I enjoy ALL DIAMONDS, even if they aren''t on my finger. Why deny us ladies who want to look, but don''t want to make you uncomfortable by asking if we can see your left hand and swoon.

So PLEASE talk freely, the way that comes naturally so that those that WANT TO look, can w/o being obvious at looking at your hand, and not your face!

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 10/16/2009 11:16:43 AM
Author: tlh
Actually, I LOVE IT when people use their left hands to gesture and talk... preferably- right around face level --- so I can get a good look at their sparkles the way they were intended... IN MOVEMENT... HELLO! I may not be normal, but I enjoy ALL DIAMONDS, even if they aren''t on my finger. Why deny us ladies who want to look, but don''t want to make you uncomfortable by asking if we can see your left hand and swoon.

So PLEASE talk freely, the way that comes naturally so that those that WANT TO look, can w/o being obvious at looking at your hand, and not your face!

LOL tlh! I was thinking the same thing. FLAUNT IT! Don''t be shy!

 

[Haven]

Don''t let others make you feel bad about your own life. If there''s some other reason you feel guilty, then that''s worth exploring, but if it''s just because a group of girls who sound very catty and not at all friendly were talking about other people flaunting their engagement rings, I wouldn''t give it another thought.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Oh gosh...those silly girls!!! Shame!

Ditto to what most others have said...go ahead and flaunt it!! Be proud of it!! I would not feel bad in the least about receiving a fabulous ERing. Don''t let your FI down and show off the great work he did in picking out a beautiful diamond. Or, maybe you helped pick it out...whatever! Wear it with PRIDE!!!

I tell you what, my diamond is larger than most of my friends'' diamonds...not as large as yours...but, I already had a comment - "wow, that is huge! I bet it was expensive!" (It''s def not huge, by PS standards, anyway!) And, honestly, I feel a lot of pride when I hear that...because my FI and I did a ton of research here on PS, went with a very knowledgeablle PS vendor, went a few shades down in color to the "sweet spot" so we could get something with a great cut and a good size...and, believe me, I am super proud of all the effort and I will wear it PROUDLY once it is done being set! And, I''ll tell (brag to) anyone all about it...if they''ll listen!!!

Point is...wear it with pride and do NOT care what anyone else thinks!! Give ''em all the wonderful details and let ''em talk about ya if they want!!

 

[NYCsparkle]

i LOVE when women flaunt their gorgeous diamonds...it gives me a better view of it instead of me trying to inconspicuously stare at it

on the other hand my aunt has frozen spit and flaunts it like its the hope diamond...i shudder when i see it

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 10/16/2009 11:16:43 AM
Author: tlh
Actually, I LOVE IT when people use their left hands to gesture and talk... preferably- right around face level --- so I can get a good look at their sparkles the way they were intended... IN MOVEMENT... HELLO! I may not be normal, but I enjoy ALL DIAMONDS, even if they aren''t on my finger. Why deny us ladies who want to look, but don''t want to make you uncomfortable by asking if we can see your left hand and swoon.

So PLEASE talk freely, the way that comes naturally so that those that WANT TO look, can w/o being obvious at looking at your hand, and not your face!

+1 to this.

I love looking at diamonds. I love looking at the settings they are in. But I''m too shy and worried that it would make the woman uncomfortable.
So I do what I can to look and hope she doesn''t notice.

So for all of you with beautiful rings -- Please hold your hand still so I can admire them.

 

[cocolaw]

a few weeks ago, i was in an interview (not for the job i took-for a different job), and there were 3 women across the table from me conducting the interview. i speak with my hands, i always have...it's just that now i have a ring! it's big to me, but certainly not big by PS standards (1.63 emerald in a halo with 2 traps). so i started to notice that the women were looking at my ring-it was very distracting. at the end of the interview one of the women commented on it, and another one came around to my side of the table so that she could have a closer look.

that was VERY uncomfortable. i went on a different interview the next week for a position with a women's crisis center (my only attorney job interview), and i was so self-conscious by that point that i did not even wear my engagement ring. i wore my wedding band, even though i'm not even married!!!! (and yes...this was after i had my ER back from sizing--i had both rings, and chose to wear the wedding band)

so i feel ya!

 

[Steel]

Date: 10/16/2009 1:26:12 PM
Author: cocolaw
a few weeks ago, i was in an interview (not for the job i took-for a different job), and there were 3 women across the table from me conducting the interview. i speak with my hands, i always have...it''s just that now i have a ring! it''s big to me, but certainly not big by PS standards (1.63 emerald in a halo with 2 traps). so i started to notice that the women were looking at my ring-it was very distracting. at the end of the interview one of the women commented on it, and another one came around to my side of the table so that she could have a closer look.

that was VERY uncomfortable. i went on a different interview the next week for a position with a women''s crisis center (my only attorney job interview), and i was so self-conscious by that point that i did not even wear my engagement ring. i wore my wedding band, even though i''m not even married!!!! (and yes...this was after i had my ER back from sizing--i had both rings, and chose to wear the wedding band)

so i feel ya!

+1

I also stopped wearing my e-ring to interviews.

 

[emeraldlover1]

First off, I do think its probably a "new" ring thing with the girls you were having lunch with. I do however completely relate from a professional standpoint and I think that is a totally different situation.

I recently made the decision to not continue friendships with friends that can not be happy for me. Its unfortunate that I had to figure this out during my wedding related events however people always say that you find out who your true friends are when its time for them to do something for you. I personally don''t know anyone that "flaunts" their ring and I''d guess that the girls that were saying things like this are jealous. I really would not worry about it. And please, don''t continue friendships with people that talk behind your back. I know you may not be that close to them but this kind of behavior just doesn''t stop. Enjoy your ring. I''m sure it is gorgeous!

 

[joelly]

Date: 10/16/2009 9:16:16 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
I say flash your ring in their faces and enjoy it! If they don''t like it, that''s their problem. People like that will always gossip and have something negative to say regardless.

I''m with Madam in this topic.

DO flash that HUGE diamond you got. Thats what your FI got it for. I bet he got it for you so that you look ENGAGED from a mile away. Try not to be too bothered by those "girls". They are just showing off their jealousy. This time its your ring they are jealous about, next time it will be other things. So enjoy your engagement ring and brush off those girls as ppl who got nothing better to talk about.

 

[joelly]

I realized I haven''t answer your questions on whether you are over-sensitive. No, you''re not over-sensitive. It is natural to be bothered by what others said, especially when they are sooo wrong about you. Try not to dwell in it. Thank your lucky star that they are not your friends. Just walk away from their crowds. You got better things to do like preparing for your wedding. hehehe...

 

[cocolaw]

Date: 10/16/2009 3:29:37 PM
Author: emeraldlover1
First off, I do think its probably a ''new'' ring thing with the girls you were having lunch with. I do however completely relate from a professional standpoint and I think that is a totally different situation.


I recently made the decision to not continue friendships with friends that can not be happy for me. Its unfortunate that I had to figure this out during my wedding related events however people always say that you find out who your true friends are when its time for them to do something for you. I personally don''t know anyone that ''flaunts'' their ring and I''d guess that the girls that were saying things like this are jealous. I really would not worry about it. And please, don''t continue friendships with people that talk behind your back. I know you may not be that close to them but this kind of behavior just doesn''t stop. Enjoy your ring. I''m sure it is gorgeous!

oh me too!!! i have a friend who was jealous when i got engaged, (then she rushed her bf to propose, got married after a 5 month engagement and is now miserable) and she is jealous of my new job. it''s so terrible...i am slowing cutting her out too.

 

[cocolaw]

Date: 10/16/2009 5:32:10 PM
Author: cocolaw

Date: 10/16/2009 3:29:37 PM

Author: emeraldlover1

First off, I do think its probably a ''new'' ring thing with the girls you were having lunch with. I do however completely relate from a professional standpoint and I think that is a totally different situation.



I recently made the decision to not continue friendships with friends that can not be happy for me. Its unfortunate that I had to figure this out during my wedding related events however people always say that you find out who your true friends are when its time for them to do something for you. I personally don''t know anyone that ''flaunts'' their ring and I''d guess that the girls that were saying things like this are jealous. I really would not worry about it. And please, don''t continue friendships with people that talk behind your back. I know you may not be that close to them but this kind of behavior just doesn''t stop. Enjoy your ring. I''m sure it is gorgeous!

oh me too!!! i have a friend who was jealous when i got engaged, (then she rushed her bf to propose, got married after a 5 month engagement and is now miserable) and she is jealous of my new job. it''s so terrible...i am slowing cutting her out too.

more on that note, my fmil told my fiance that he COULD NOT spend a certain amt on my ring...even though it is his money. and then when i started interviewing for my job, she told me "they will probably forget you since you have one of the first interviews".....it was so hard not to call her back after i got the job and say "oh hi! guess, what...they didn''t forget me!"

 

[emeraldlover1]

Date: 10/16/2009 5:35:53 PM
Author: cocolaw

Date: 10/16/2009 5:32:10 PM
Author: cocolaw

Date: 10/16/2009 3:29:37 PM

Author: emeraldlover1

First off, I do think its probably a ''new'' ring thing with the girls you were having lunch with. I do however completely relate from a professional standpoint and I think that is a totally different situation.



I recently made the decision to not continue friendships with friends that can not be happy for me. Its unfortunate that I had to figure this out during my wedding related events however people always say that you find out who your true friends are when its time for them to do something for you. I personally don''t know anyone that ''flaunts'' their ring and I''d guess that the girls that were saying things like this are jealous. I really would not worry about it. And please, don''t continue friendships with people that talk behind your back. I know you may not be that close to them but this kind of behavior just doesn''t stop. Enjoy your ring. I''m sure it is gorgeous!

oh me too!!! i have a friend who was jealous when i got engaged, (then she rushed her bf to propose, got married after a 5 month engagement and is now miserable) and she is jealous of my new job. it''s so terrible...i am slowing cutting her out too.

more on that note, my fmil told my fiance that he COULD NOT spend a certain amt on my ring...even though it is his money. and then when i started interviewing for my job, she told me ''they will probably forget you since you have one of the first interviews''.....it was so hard not to call her back after i got the job and say ''oh hi! guess, what...they didn''t forget me!''

Ugh, that is awful. I''m sorry you have to go through that with FMIL. That is either a total jealous thing or she just doesn''t know what she is saying. Sounds like the former though.

Unfortunatley, I will never understand why people can''t be happy for one another. I understand desire because I will probably always want more than I have but that doesn''t mean I can''t be happy for someone that has more or something that I want.

 

[Gleam]

Everyone, thanks so much for your kind words and input!

 

[SuiteLady]

There ARE women who do try to flaunt their engagement rings. In fact an old friend slid her business card to me with her left hand. She was trying to be bitchy. I shouldn''t have been surprised because she is THAT girl. My position is if she was going to do that, then she should have came with something more than a large, dull, deeply included, poorly cut, princess cut diamond *snicker*.

If your intentions are good, I wouldn''t worry about it.

 

[Dancing Fire]

yes, flaunt it,flaunt it,shove it in front of their faces !!