Feeling kinda bad about getting mad and flipping out today...

[portoar]

Date: 4/27/2006 1:26:27 PM
Author: laurel_aurelia
tawn, who is your cellphone provider?

i used to have cingular but right after i bought a brand new phone i changed to verizon to get their pink razr. (and cingular isn''t great in my house.)

SO, i have a brand new phone -- in box -- that i will send you and your son if you have cingular. it''s better than it sitting at my house and it''s hot and is a camera phone, etc!

i know it''s not a money issue -- but atleast this could solve something for BOTH of us!

Not to hijack your offer of the phone to Tawn, which is an incredibly sweet and generous thing to do, but if any one has a cell phone they don''t know what to do with . . .

Take it to your local police station or women''s shelter. I believe that most have programs to give the phones to stalking victims or domestic abuse victims, so they can phone 911 in an emergency. If the sim card is still in the phone, a call to 911 works even if the the phone is not otherwise activated.

My guess is that most of us have or can afford a cell phone, but remember, there are lots of people suffering from economic hardship who don''t have a phone and need one to be able to get help when they are stalked or abused.

 

[tawn]

Date: 4/27/2006 4:19:57 PM
Author: portoar

Date: 4/27/2006 1:26:27 PM
Author: laurel_aurelia
tawn, who is your cellphone provider?

i used to have cingular but right after i bought a brand new phone i changed to verizon to get their pink razr. (and cingular isn''t great in my house.)

SO, i have a brand new phone -- in box -- that i will send you and your son if you have cingular. it''s better than it sitting at my house and it''s hot and is a camera phone, etc!

i know it''s not a money issue -- but atleast this could solve something for BOTH of us!

Not to hijack your offer of the phone to Tawn, which is an incredibly sweet and generous thing to do, but if any one has a cell phone they don''t know what to do with . . .

Take it to your local police station or women''s shelter. I believe that most have programs to give the phones to stalking victims or domestic abuse victims, so they can phone 911 in an emergency. If the sim card is still in the phone, a call to 911 works even if the the phone is not otherwise activated.

My guess is that most of us have or can afford a cell phone, but remember, there are lots of people suffering from economic hardship who don''t have a phone and need one to be able to get help when they are stalked or abused.

Excellent point, and we have our old ones from an old provider that won''t work with Cingular...and you just reminded me that I need to drop them off! Along with a big bag of clothes for Salvation Army that my son has grown out of becaue he grew an inch in the last month! Gotta love how Pricescope takes a subject and makes you look at all sides and reminds you of things you need to take care of!

Thank you for the reminder!!

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 4/27/2006 12:18:10 PM
Author: MINE!!

Date: 4/27/2006 6:35:58 AM
Author: ladykemma
i would make your son pay for his new phone. that''ll teach him not to do that or let someone else do that.

schoolteacher ladykemma

BTW... I hope this was said Tongue in Cheeck.. otherwise.. I feel this may be an exmaple of why our children find it so hard to respect other people property if you schoolteachers are teaching them that if they break something it is the owner responsible to pay and be liable for it!

no, not tongue in cheek, but rather lesson - learning. Tough love.

My point is that he should not have let others break it. No victim here. I teach kids all day long and teach them not to leave precious things lying about.

also kids can "play" adults, and I thought I sensed mom was being "played".

If it were my kid i would give him a coffee can with a lid and tell him to start mowing lawns to earn the money for a new one. he would learn
1. the value of money
2. not to leave precious objects out where people can get at them
3. good stewardship of his possessions.

And i bet this would not happen again.

Ok the feet go first when they light the stake go ahead!

 

[moon river]

I just asked my 14 year olds ''professional opinion'' on the situation. Her first response was ''Why does a 12 year old have a cell phone to start with'' and second response ''Oh jeez, mom, promise you''ll never embarrass me like that in front of my friends''.

I don''t believe we can blame teachers for kids behaviors. I mean the teacher gets the kid 8 hours a day, for about 9 months. By the time any kid is school age their personality is already formed. Plus, all kids have the capacity to be good and bad. Trust me on THIS.

 

[hlmr]

Date: 4/27/2006 9:40:28 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 4/27/2006 12:18:10 PM
Author: MINE!!

Date: 4/27/2006 6:35:58 AM
Author: ladykemma
i would make your son pay for his new phone. that''ll teach him not to do that or let someone else do that.

schoolteacher ladykemma

BTW... I hope this was said Tongue in Cheeck.. otherwise.. I feel this may be an exmaple of why our children find it so hard to respect other people property if you schoolteachers are teaching them that if they break something it is the owner responsible to pay and be liable for it!

no, not tongue in cheek, but rather lesson - learning. Tough love.

My point is that he should not have let others break it. No victim here. I teach kids all day long and teach them not to leave precious things lying about.

also kids can ''play'' adults, and I thought I sensed mom was being ''played''.

If it were my kid i would give him a coffee can with a lid and tell him to start mowing lawns to earn the money for a new one. he would learn
1. the value of money
2. not to leave precious objects out where people can get at them
3. good stewardship of his possessions.

And i bet this would not happen again.

Ok the feet go first when they light the stake go ahead!

A lot of what you say is fair and realistic, and I do believe tough love has it''s place when things get tough, but this is a twelve-year-old boy who made a choice that he felt was showing responsibility, by putting his new cell phone away from the chance of water damage. His friends decided to play frisbee with it and you know the rest of the story.

I''ll bet he won''t make this mistake again and this without the serving of tough love. It was an innocent mistake on his part, and an irresponsible choice made by his friends. He is certainly not a recidivist and I''ll bet this has taught him at least two out of three of those lessons.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 4/27/2006 10:01:13 PM
Author: hlmr

Date: 4/27/2006 9:40:28 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 4/27/2006 12:18:10 PM
Author: MINE!!

Date: 4/27/2006 6:35:58 AM
Author: ladykemma
i would make your son pay for his new phone. that''ll teach him not to do that or let someone else do that.

schoolteacher ladykemma

BTW... I hope this was said Tongue in Cheeck.. otherwise.. I feel this may be an exmaple of why our children find it so hard to respect other people property if you schoolteachers are teaching them that if they break something it is the owner responsible to pay and be liable for it!

no, not tongue in cheek, but rather lesson - learning. Tough love.

My point is that he should not have let others break it. No victim here. I teach kids all day long and teach them not to leave precious things lying about.

also kids can ''play'' adults, and I thought I sensed mom was being ''played''.

If it were my kid i would give him a coffee can with a lid and tell him to start mowing lawns to earn the money for a new one. he would learn
1. the value of money
2. not to leave precious objects out where people can get at them
3. good stewardship of his possessions.

And i bet this would not happen again.

Ok the feet go first when they light the stake go ahead!

A lot of what you say is fair and realistic, and I do believe tough love has it''s place when things get tough, but this is a twelve-year-old boy who made a choice that he felt was showing responsibility, by putting his new cell phone away from the chance of water damage. His friends decided to play frisbee with it and you know the rest of the story.

I''ll bet he won''t make this mistake again and this without the serving of tough love. It was an innocent mistake on his part, and an irresponsible choice made by his friends. He is certainly not a recidivist and I''ll bet this has taught him at least two out of three of those lessons.

ok, maybe, but I hope hope hope hope that mom doesn''t rescue or Fix It or buy him a new one.

smiles, kemma

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 4/27/2006 10:00:33 PM
Author: moon river
I just asked my 14 year olds ''professional opinion'' on the situation. Her first response was ''Why does a 12 year old have a cell phone to start with'' and second response ''Oh jeez, mom, promise you''ll never embarrass me like that in front of my friends''.

I don''t believe we can blame teachers for kids behaviors. I mean the teacher gets the kid 8 hours a day, for about 9 months. By the time any kid is school age their personality is already formed. Plus, all kids have the capacity to be good and bad. Trust me on THIS.

Thanks. kids "play" and manipulate parents all the time. Actually when I read the post the first time, I thought "geez, he''s playing her"". which is why she felt insane and crazy.

sometimes parents can''t see what their "Little Darlings" are really like. (This is NOT in reference to the original post)

 

[tawn]

Date: 4/27/2006 10:00:33 PM
Author: moon river
I just asked my 14 year olds ''professional opinion'' on the situation. Her first response was ''Why does a 12 year old have a cell phone to start with'' and second response ''Oh jeez, mom, promise you''ll never embarrass me like that in front of my friends''.

I don''t believe we can blame teachers for kids behaviors. I mean the teacher gets the kid 8 hours a day, for about 9 months. By the time any kid is school age their personality is already formed. Plus, all kids have the capacity to be good and bad. Trust me on THIS.

He has a cell phone because we have school bus issue. Too many kids, not enough busses...and if you can''t get on the first one, you have to wait an hour to get on the 2nd one! My husband also has a job where he travels a lot, and this way they can stay in touch as well. Almost all of the kids in his middle school have them, and he was the last of his friends to get one.

These boys are in and out of my house all day long...and for some reason it turns out that they were all impressed with me yesterday and thought I was all tough and cool?? My son wasn''t embarrassed at all...but maybe because it was different because they''re boys?

I drove past them today and gave them the spy thing when you point rabbit fingers at your eyes and then at them to tell them you''re watching them...they thought it was funny.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 4/27/2006 10:43:33 PM
Author: tawn

Date: 4/27/2006 10:00:33 PM
Author: moon river
I just asked my 14 year olds ''professional opinion'' on the situation. Her first response was ''Why does a 12 year old have a cell phone to start with'' and second response ''Oh jeez, mom, promise you''ll never embarrass me like that in front of my friends''.

I don''t believe we can blame teachers for kids behaviors. I mean the teacher gets the kid 8 hours a day, for about 9 months. By the time any kid is school age their personality is already formed. Plus, all kids have the capacity to be good and bad. Trust me on THIS.

He has a cell phone because we have school bus issue. Too many kids, not enough busses...and if you can''t get on the first one, you have to wait an hour to get on the 2nd one! My husband also has a job where he travels a lot, and this way they can stay in touch as well. Almost all of the kids in his middle school have them, and he was the last of his friends to get one.

These boys are in and out of my house all day long...and for some reason it turns out that they were all impressed with me yesterday and thought I was all tough and cool?? My son wasn''t embarrassed at all...but maybe because it was different because they''re boys?

I drove past them today and gave them the spy thing when you point rabbit fingers at your eyes and then at them to tell them you''re watching them...they thought it was funny.

please don''t do that it''s a gang stacking sign. you were "throwing signs" and is a very loaded dangerous gesture to do... what part of the country do you live?

 

[tawn]

Date: 4/27/2006 9:40:28 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 4/27/2006 12:18:10 PM
Author: MINE!!

Date: 4/27/2006 6:35:58 AM
Author: ladykemma
i would make your son pay for his new phone. that''ll teach him not to do that or let someone else do that.

schoolteacher ladykemma

BTW... I hope this was said Tongue in Cheeck.. otherwise.. I feel this may be an exmaple of why our children find it so hard to respect other people property if you schoolteachers are teaching them that if they break something it is the owner responsible to pay and be liable for it!

no, not tongue in cheek, but rather lesson - learning. Tough love.

My point is that he should not have let others break it. No victim here. I teach kids all day long and teach them not to leave precious things lying about.

also kids can ''play'' adults, and I thought I sensed mom was being ''played''.

If it were my kid i would give him a coffee can with a lid and tell him to start mowing lawns to earn the money for a new one. he would learn
1. the value of money
2. not to leave precious objects out where people can get at them
3. good stewardship of his possessions.

And i bet this would not happen again.

Ok the feet go first when they light the stake go ahead!

He put it on the neighbor''s picnic table where their 15yr old daughter was sitting while he ran under the sprinklers...so I don''t really feel that he was not being responsible. One of the kids grabbed it to play the "still popular after all these years" game of keepaway, and the one kid just spazzed out and really gave it a toss and unfortunately it made it to the cement.

The kids all told the same story, even when it incriminated them...so I''m not sure how I got played?

When he left his scooter on the porch instead of putting it in the garage and it got stolen, we told him it was his own darn fault and didn''t replace it...and he saved up his money and got a new one.

 

[tawn]

Date: 4/27/2006 10:50:00 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 4/27/2006 10:43:33 PM
Author: tawn

Date: 4/27/2006 10:00:33 PM
Author: moon river
I just asked my 14 year olds ''professional opinion'' on the situation. Her first response was ''Why does a 12 year old have a cell phone to start with'' and second response ''Oh jeez, mom, promise you''ll never embarrass me like that in front of my friends''.

I don''t believe we can blame teachers for kids behaviors. I mean the teacher gets the kid 8 hours a day, for about 9 months. By the time any kid is school age their personality is already formed. Plus, all kids have the capacity to be good and bad. Trust me on THIS.

He has a cell phone because we have school bus issue. Too many kids, not enough busses...and if you can''t get on the first one, you have to wait an hour to get on the 2nd one! My husband also has a job where he travels a lot, and this way they can stay in touch as well. Almost all of the kids in his middle school have them, and he was the last of his friends to get one.

These boys are in and out of my house all day long...and for some reason it turns out that they were all impressed with me yesterday and thought I was all tough and cool?? My son wasn''t embarrassed at all...but maybe because it was different because they''re boys?

I drove past them today and gave them the spy thing when you point rabbit fingers at your eyes and then at them to tell them you''re watching them...they thought it was funny.

please don''t do that it''s a gang stacking sign. you were ''throwing signs'' and is a very loaded dangerous gesture to do... what part of the country do you live?

We live in Coronado, CA and I had no idea that was a gang thing since we don''t have a lot of gang activity on the island. I''ve only known it to be part of the military sign language for I''m keeping my eyes on you or you keep your eyes on me.

 

[diamondfan]

Tawn, I think you are tryin your best in a trying situation! I have three kids, my oldest at 13 1/2 has a cell and has since 5th grade, when he went from the school campus around the corner from us to the upper school, taking a shuttle. He also does after school sports and I need to know when he is coming back to school. He is very conscientious but hey, they are still kids, I wasn''t that aware of my stuff when I was young...you are trying to teach him. The scooter example shows a time where you felt it WAS in his control and you showed him you will not simply replace things when what happens to them was in his control...this is a different situation to me. I think in the world we live in, I feel safer with him having it. My ten (almost 11) year old will be going to the upper campus in the fall. I want to get him the most basic and inexpensive phone because lord love him he would forget his own head if it were not attached. I know this, but will still feel better knowing he can reach us if need be. I do think you should let the parents know...I would want to, as someone else said, so I would be able to teach my child why it was not okay (which they should clearly know, but it seems like it was more a careless and dub accident than something deliberate...) anyway, I just think the kid should be held accoutable even in an accident, because he chose to pick up the phone and create the situation. Parenting is tough and some parents do not want to hear things that are negative, which only allows the kid to ramp up the stuff. I remember a saying of friend of mine with a teenager told me when I was upset about my then 3 year old''s tantrums...little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems...you seem to be using good instincts!

 

[tawn]

Date: 4/27/2006 10:34:52 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 4/27/2006 10:00:33 PM
Author: moon river
I just asked my 14 year olds ''professional opinion'' on the situation. Her first response was ''Why does a 12 year old have a cell phone to start with'' and second response ''Oh jeez, mom, promise you''ll never embarrass me like that in front of my friends''.

I don''t believe we can blame teachers for kids behaviors. I mean the teacher gets the kid 8 hours a day, for about 9 months. By the time any kid is school age their personality is already formed. Plus, all kids have the capacity to be good and bad. Trust me on THIS.

Thanks. kids ''play'' and manipulate parents all the time. Actually when I read the post the first time, I thought ''geez, he''s playing her''''. which is why she felt insane and crazy.

sometimes parents can''t see what their ''Little Darlings'' are really like. (This is NOT in reference to the original post)

I need to learn how to reply to all quotes in one post!

I totally agree with parents thinking their children can do no wrong, even when you know they''re rotten little buggers. My husband was a rotter, so there is no putting anything past him. He tells the kids all the time that you can''t Bullsh*t a Bullsh*tter! We also tend to talk more openly with our son about the more taboo subjects than the other parents seem to as well. We tell him all the time that it''s better to be honest even when you''ve screwed up...than to be caught in a lie later on!

All of his teachers have always told us that he''s a joy in the classroom, full of enthusiam, and gets along with everyone ( a little too well in fact, the chatterbox)...and to keep doing whatever it is that we''re doing, because he sure seems like a happy kid! He''s not an angel by any means (dirty room, wet towels, stuff everywhere), but the kid does have a smile on his face 90% of the time...so I''m not too worried about the less positive posts suggesting that I''m being played etc.

He''s a pretty damn good kid and I''m proud of him!

 

[marvel]

Date: 4/27/2006 10:56:02 PM
Author: tawn

Date: 4/27/2006 10:50:00 PM
Author: ladykemma

please don''t do that it''s a gang stacking sign. you were ''throwing signs'' and is a very loaded dangerous gesture to do... what part of the country do you live?

We live in Coronado, CA and I had no idea that was a gang thing since we don''t have a lot of gang activity on the island. I''ve only known it to be part of the military sign language for I''m keeping my eyes on you or you keep your eyes on me.

I live in SoCal also and have a daughter in middle school. I would have NEVER thought twice about giving a hand gesture thinking it was a gang signal. What part of the country are you from LadyKemma? BTW: Most of the kids at my daughters school have cell phones, and sidekicks too boot!

 

[tawn]

Date: 4/28/2006 12:01:15 AM
Author: marvel

I live in SoCal also and have a daughter in middle school. I would have NEVER thought twice about giving a hand gesture thinking it was a gang signal. What part of the country are you from LadyKemma? BTW: Most of the kids at my daughters school have cell phones, and sidekicks too boot!

We live in a pretty nice area, and seriously almost every kid at school has a cell, an Ipod, and a laptop (the school has a laptop program). I do find it a little insane at times because it''s middle school, but at the same I feel blessed to be able to raise my child in a nice area with an outstanding school system.

 

[KristyDarling]

OMG Tawn, you ROCK!!!

Kids these days NEED authority figures to be just that...authorities. By not letting it slide, and by showing those kids that there is such a thing as consequences, you totally did the right thing! I wouldn't feel bad at all. Kids need to understand, especially at that age, that much of life is cause and effect. You pull some crap (even if it's not 100% intentional), you pay the price. Good for you!

 

[tawn]

Date: 4/28/2006 12:55:21 AM
Author: KristyDarling
OMG Tawn, you ROCK!!!

Kids these days NEED authority figures to be just that...authorities. By not letting it slide, and by showing those kids that there is such a thing as consequences, you totally did the right thing! I wouldn''t feel bad at all. Kids need to understand, especially at that age, that much of life is cause and effect. You pull some crap (even if it''s not 100% intentional), you pay the price. Good for you!

Thanks! My son was actually proud of me (?), I''m sure it''s only because his little friends still love me today for some weird reason! I finally got to talk to my husband about this evening, and he wants to talk to the parents when he gets home...

Thanks again to everyone for your advice/thoughts/stories! Without my husband here yesterday, I didn''t have anyone to talk to about it...thanks for filling in!

 

[portoar]

I completely understand giving a middle school child a cell phone. My oldest is still in elementary (6th) and I was disgusted to find that the more spoiled kids had cell phones by the time they were in fourth grade. There''s no reason for this . . . if they are having a problem with transportation or need to check in with a parent, they can go to the office!

But, when she goes to middle school next year, she will get a cell phone. I''m not comfortable with her being farther away, I want her to be able to have access to a phone if she needs me or if I need to talk to her. I think at middle school, kids are (I hope, I''ll find out) mature enough to use them responsibly.

Tawn, you handled this whole situation really well, sounds like you''re a cool mom

 

[moon river]

I''m glad all worked out well Tawn. Every child and every situation is differant. What embarrasses one today may not tommarrow. It''s so hard to tell with tweens.

It''s such a difficult time from 12-18.
I''d have never give a second thought to the gesture being gang related but I live in a small southern town where a drive by would have to be done on grandpa''s tractor.

Lady K is a teacher in an area where gangs are prevolant so I''m sure she knows her stuff. It''s always better safe that sorry to know these things.

 

[ladykemma]

hi i can finally reply.

yes, please watch the gestures. in LA and houston and gang ridden areas that particular gesture means "you''re dead by tomorrow". I know that is was totallly off topic though. be safe!

 

[moon river]

Thanks for the info Ladyk. The only thing I thought about regarding that gesture was ''Jack'' the dad in Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers when he kept telling Ben Stiller he''s keeping his eye on him. He even had a toddler doing it in the second movie. Geez, I''d hate to misuse a gesture and it cost me my life.

We learn something new everyday.

 

[tawn]

Date: 4/28/2006 7:04:35 PM
Author: ladykemma
hi i can finally reply.

yes, please watch the gestures. in LA and houston and gang ridden areas that particular gesture means ''you''re dead by tomorrow''. I know that is was totallly off topic though. be safe!

Whoa..I asked my son if he knew that it was a gang gesture, and he thought it was the "keeping my eye on you" thing as well, but thank goodness our particular area doesn''t have a gang problem.

My husband does work in the Personal Security field, and that''s what it means there as well!

Learn something new everyday!!