Feeling sick....

[JulieN]

Date: 11/7/2008 3:18:14 PM
Author: FrekeChild

It''s kind of like one of those things where you compare every boyfriend you have to the one you had, and unless they match up or eclipse him, you continue to have thoughts of him until you find someone that does...

YES!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/7/2008 3:39:25 PM
Author: JulieN
Gwen,


I''m not sure what you mean by how much time I spent alone to get over him. Last year, we had 8 months of no communication. This year, I guess 10 months. How long after we broke up and I dated again, I guess 1 year. I sort of dated a couple of guys (jerks, both of them, string-me-along types) for the spring and summer of last year, until I met my bf at the end of the summer.

I''m most likely still in love with my ex. But, I think it''s very different than what it was before. Before it was love with hopes and dreams. Now...of course, it is very different.

Sorry if my question was weird or anything--there is a friend I have who speaks similarly of an ex of hers, but her situation was different in that, a week after they broke up, she was dating someone else. I don''t think she gave herself any time to adjust to being apart from him and strove to replace him instead, I guess maybe so it would hurt less? Dunno, but it didn''t work since it''s been 4 or 5 years (can''t keep track) since they broke up and she still talks about him a lot.

Anyway, don''t worry about my ramblings. Seems like Freke knows exactly how you are feeling and is making lots more sense than I am.

 

[fieryred33143]

If I found out that my boyfriend (well he’s my FI but that’s beyond the point) was hoping that an ex didn’t chicken out and called him to tell him that she still loved him and wants to commit to a future date while I lay my head beside him every single night, loving him, being committed to him, talking about the future with him…I would be sick to my stomach. I would be so angry for being lied to. I would feel disgusted for being intimate with him while he thought of another woman (ok maybe that’s more of what a girl would feel). And I would hate him for not leaving me and giving me the opportunity to find someone of my own that made me feel the way that his ex makes him feel.

I get the need to be supportive here because you really do have a dilemma but honestly I can’t feel sorry for you. I think that what you are doing is wrong. I think you need to leave your current SO and spend some “me” time to figure out what it is that you want. You are entitled to get that personal reflection time. After all, this is your future and your life and you have every right to want to be with whomever you want. But you cannot play with the future and the heart of another person. That''s just cruel.

Now I haven''t had a chance to read your older posts so I really don''t know this history of you and your current SO but I don''t think it matters. If he really is so horrible that he deserves what''s going on behind his back then you really shouldn''t be with him. And if what you need is the support and emotional guidance to leave someone that you feel is wrong for you, then I''ll support you because no one deserves to be in that situation.

 

[i_heart_cushions]

Date: 11/7/2008 8:33:52 PM
Author: fieryred33143

If I found out that my boyfriend (well he’s my FI but that’s beyond the point) was hoping that an ex didn’t chicken out and called him to tell him that she still loved him and wants to commit to a future date while I lay my head beside him every single night, loving him, being committed to him, talking about the future with him…I would be sick to my stomach. I would be so angry for being lied to. I would feel disgusted for being intimate with him while he thought of another woman (ok maybe that’s more of what a girl would feel). And I would hate him for not leaving me and giving me the opportunity to find someone of my own that made me feel the way that his ex makes him feel.

I get the need to be supportive here because you really do have a dilemma but honestly I can’t feel sorry for you. I think that what you are doing is wrong. I think you need to leave your current SO and spend some “me” time to figure out what it is that you want. You are entitled to get that personal reflection time. After all, this is your future and your life and you have every right to want to be with whomever you want. But you cannot play with the future and the heart of another person. That''s just cruel.

Now I haven''t had a chance to read your older posts so I really don''t know this history of you and your current SO but I don''t think it matters. If he really is so horrible that he deserves what''s going on behind his back then you really shouldn''t be with him. And if what you need is the support and emotional guidance to leave someone that you feel is wrong for you, then I''ll support you because no one deserves to be in that situation.

At the risk of sounding cruel and like I''m ganging up on you - I kind of have to agree here....

Although, I do want you to know how sorry I am that you are in this dilemna...and I would hate to be in your situation. But you must understand that you need to look out for yourself - YOUR OWN HAPPINESS FIRST. Life is too short to wait around "hoping" for an ex to come back or "wishing" your current BF will make you 100% happy.

If you are unhappy with your current BF, and you still have feelings (whether they are residual or not) for your ex, I think it would be fair to everybody - ESPECIALLY YOURSELF- if you moved out and started focusing on YOU.

I wish you all the best - and I hope things work out for you and you get a better sense of what you want and what you deserve.

*big hug*

 

[BlueSki231]

Ok, forgive me if this has been said cause i kinda just skimmed thru the posts

I guess the million dollar question is:
If your ex called you RIGHT NOW, begging you to get back together and give it another chance, would you drop your current BF and run back to your ex?

I mean, you don''t actually have to answer.. just something to think about.

If your initial instinct tells you that yes, you would drop your current bf if you got that call then you should definitely re-think staying in your current relationship. It''s just not fair to your guy.

Just the fact that you''re totally nervous that that was the reason he was calling is reason enough to question your own commitment to your current relationship.