Fiance Vent

[elephant]

Have any of you had the problem where your fiance was weird about telling people you were engaged? I mean, we called our families and I told all my friends, but he was sort of awkward about it. Well, then I find out that he hasn''t told his friend who he has been friends with since they were like 5. And I''m not saying he should be running through the streets proclaiming it or anything, but I feel like he''s purposely not telling him. And, yes, there is an issue between this friend and I. Essentially, after the friend met me (under EXTREMELY stressful conditions -- death in the immediate family, I had pneumonia, FI just back from war, etc.), he told my FI that he didn''t think that FI and I were a good match for the long run in this huge long email because our personalities were different -- I am very outgoing and he''s more reserved. My feelings were really hurt because I had hoped that we would be friends since he was a big part of FI''s childhood, etc and I felt a little attacked.

Regardless, now I''m feeling a little hurt that FI isn''t telling him -- like he''s embarassed to be engaged or something. I know I''m partially over-reacting, but I can''t help but feel a little hurt....

Just wanted to vent.... Thanks!

 

[lilyinct]

What a bummer! I''m so sorry your fiance isn''t more vocal about your engagement. And you shouldn''t feel badly about needing to vent, of course you''re going to be upset...I think he should be telling everyone, it''s supposed to be an exciting time!

Have you tried talking to your fiance- by telling him how you feel or asking him why he''s being so secretive?

Good luck!

 

[elephant]

Well, he''s never been a very demonstrative person and he never wants to make a scene and truthfully, he is a little socially awkward, so it''s not out of character and I guess I should have known that he would be like that. I''ve asked him what his deal was and he said: I just don''t want to make a scene. And I do believe him. And right after we got engaged, he did get warmed up and got excited about telling people and went on a "telling spree." But, it''s just this one sticking point....

He said he hasn''t talked to him in a while and I do believe him since he''s in the first sem. of grad school and super busy, but I just sort of felt like this is somethat that warrants an email -- if only saying, hey, I''m engaged.

And I think he is excited about getting married as he told me that -- that he''s really excited that I said yes and that we will be a real family and all that. I''m just sort of hurt maybe because I feel like he''s afraid of what his friend will say or think or something....

 

[MelissaSue]

Awww.

I''m sorry! Its probably a personal thing. It takes some getting used to. I think my fiance was more excited about telling people than I was. He even posted pictures of my ring on HIS message boards (About cars and stuff!).. I had trouble getting used to the whole "fiance" word!

 

[saturn]

My fiance was a little wierd about telling people we were engaged, too.
At first it seemed like he was avoiding telling people, but it turned out that he just wanted to tell them in person, not by email or phone.
Of course, then when we would see them in person, he TORTURED ME by making small talk for soooooo long before finally telling them the good news. I''m not kidding. He waited through an entire three-hour soccer game and almost all the way through dinner afterwards before telling one of his best friends the news. When I complained to him about this, he told me it was "like a game, seeing how long I can hold out before telling them."

I''m sorry that this is so frustrating for you. Do you think he might just be waiting for the right time to tell his friend? It sounds like overall he is very excited to be engaged. Boys are just strange sometimes...

 

[elephant]

Well, his friend lives in London, so I don''t know when the "right" time would be.... But, I guess if it were anyone else, I probably wouldn''t be so sensitive about it, but since there was an issue from the getgo with this guy...? I realize that I''m just over-reacting (although it is annoying) and I think I''m just upset about other things (like getting used to a long-distance relationship and his busy grad school schedule) and this was an easy target....

Thanks for listening girls! As always, I am very grateful!

 

[soulsis]

I think that it is more than normal that guys aren''t really excited about those things! I was upset too...and when I told him, he understood why. They just have a weirdness about them in general

My fiance was friends with a guy since they were 8. As of 4 months ago he stopped speaking to him. I couldn''t understand why. One night after we were drinking I questioned him about it again and he said that he didn''t respect him anymore because he had made inappropriate comments to him about me (he asked my hubby if he would mind giving me a go). Maybe your fiance isn''t telling his friend because he feels that if he can''t share in the happiness..why bother? He wrote you a letter stating why you shouldn''t be together?? Doesn''t really sound like a great friend. A real friend would respect and understand that relationships sometimes just "work". Regardless of whether you have the same taste in music or so on. My fiance and I have little in common. We fight like cats and dogs. But we both believe that we are soulmates and are incredibly in love. We just make it work. What your fiance''s friend did was rude. Maybe he''s jealous that you fiance got such a great woman?