First fitting and my wedding band arrived!

[brightstone]

Hi everyone! Just a super quick post because I have so much to get done today (but I wanted to post a pic of my wedding band that came in and one pic from this weekend when I had my first dress fitting). I am really happy with my dress (if any of you remember my previous post of my indecisiveness between this dress and that one, well this is the one I ended up going with. I had originally chosen ruffles but then kept having anxiety attacks about it being too "loud" and not me. This one fits my personality much better).

So, all is good EXCEPT:

On another completely different note, I am feeling SO so FREAKED OUT and anxious about getting married. I usually consider my anxiety to be an important thing that lets me know that something is a little off, or that I need to be alert to something going on within me (which could be good, ie. growing pains OR could be bad, ie. something not right in my life).

I moved down to GA from Boston to move in with my fiance after 9 months of long distance. I am much more a New Englander - Boston/NYC - at heart and it is SO different down here in Georgia. I miss all the variety in people you get in a more cosmopolitan place, I like to be constantly learning, growing, trying new things and it''s just not as easy to do that down here. Plus, I am also a big nature person (ocean/mountains) and am pretty active outdoors, and there is just not as much to do down here in GA. It feels too suburban and predictable for me so much of the time. Accck! My fiance is from down here, is incredibly level headed and has none of my topsy-turvy feeings (but then again he''s not the one who made a big move away from what felt like home to him). In general, he is so much less emotional than I am, so most of the time I feel like the only emotional one in the relationship and I hate that feeling (I am 37 and have never felt that way before with anyone). I just feel like I want more of his emotional self- because that''s the only way I know who he is/can feel who he is and feel him really there with me. I can actually say that he is the least emotional person I have ever been with, although also the MOST kind, consistent, and always treats my as #1 priority. That is very important to have, but I also want more of HIM (his real true emotional self). Whhhhhhaaaaaaa! I seriously have been feeling panicky and anxious for several months now, actually on and off since we got engaged. Part of this is also doing all of this on my own without a mother (my mom died when I was 7 and this whole thing has really brought this big loss up again for me). Anyway, that''s my short rant to let you guys know my state of mind and the progress towards this thing which truly feels like the scariest thing I have ever tried to do in my life. Sometimes I wish we just had more time together, more experiences together....and had not gotten engaged so quickly or set the date so soon. It''s really hard to tell if I am just totally normally freaked out or if it really would be good to have more time together. Because we have been down here, he has only met my parents and two sisters. I have 3 others sisters, many friends up north, that he has never met and that feels weird to me too.

Sorry to unload on you guys, but this thing is quickly approaching and I feel more and more panicky. Have any of you felt this way at all?? What did you make of it?

xo
Bright

 

[brightstone]

2

 

[brightstone]

Another aspect of this thing is that I am 37 and my fiance is actually 10 years younger (although he feels older to me in many ways than me!). I want a family and he wants a family badly too. Taking more time would just leave me being older and less likely to be able to have kids, so this stupid time factor thing comes up also.

 

[violet3]

I remember your search! This dress is beautiful on you and your wedding set is GORGEOUS!

I am sorry you are feeling so anxiety riddled...wish i had some good advice for you, but i am sure it''s hard to distinguish WHAT is giving you the anxiety. Moving, getting engaged and married, being in a new town, making new friends, all at the same time!?! That''s a boatload of anxiety inducing situations all at once.

I know you said your mom passed away (i am sorry she won''t be there for your big day

), but is there anyone close to you that you could talk to about this? Either a good friend or even possibly a therapist? It seems like you have a TON of things going on at once, and i am sure it would help to talk to someone who could help you sort it all out.

((((HUGS))))

 

[brightstone]

Thanks Violet3. Yeah, I have someone to talk things through with (a therapist I''ve had for years) but he is more the type to let me determine my decisions and not make them for me. He is very careful not to push me in any direction but let me figure it out on my own.

I think it is just SO much going on all at once....the move down here (a place I am not too crazy about), not having my family and friends around me during this time (because they live in Boston, where I moved from), working full time (at a kid''s crisis unit that is always in crisis!), taking classes at a university to re-vamp my career (attempts at starting a move from social worker to nurse practioner), trying to plan a wedding by myself from a distance, feeling so nervous about combining his family and mine (mine if more European/city-ish and his family is more from GA and VA, in the country....so different), also dealing with feeling, yet again, the loss of not having a mom around, and the fact that I wish more of my family and friends had been able to spend time with my fiance.

You know, if there were not so many other changes going on, it would be so much easier to determine whether my anxiety is more about serious concerns about my getting married to him or whether all of this is just too much for me to deal with all at once (I tend to be a slow-adapter).

Anyway, thanks for your kind words.
Hugs back

 

[lala2332]

I''m from Georgia, soon to be back in atlanta once law school is finished in May. Don''t worry about atlanta, it will grow on you. You will be able to find a group of cosmopolitian friends who like to go and do and learn. I''m one of those people! The mountains of North Georgia are gorgeous....lake rabun/lake burton area and Cashiers NC is only 30 minutes more.

St. Simons Island and Jekyl Island and Sea Island are gorgeous beaches JFK Jr. married in Jekyl and the G8 Summit was held on Sea Island so plenty of neat places to discover in the state. If you need help with anything in Atlanta, i.e suggestions for hair salon, cute boutiques, ect. please feel free to PM me. I''m more than happy to answer your questions.

I''m not trying to be a sales pitch, but I think once you are no longer feeling overwhelmed and can find your own nitch, which is so hard to do anywhere, you will feel better and more at home in GA.

gorgeous ring and dress!

 

[Porridge]

Phew, there''s so much going on! Could you put aside a weekend to spend time with just your fiance? I bet that would help to clear your head and remember why you love him so much.

That dress looks AMAZING - PLEASE post more pictures! Love the ring too, v sparkly.

 

[brightstone]

Date: 4/27/2009 2:36:28 PM
Author: lala2332
I''m from Georgia, soon to be back in atlanta once law school is finished in May. Don''t worry about atlanta, it will grow on you. You will be able to find a group of cosmopolitian friends who like to go and do and learn. I''m one of those people! The mountains of North Georgia are gorgeous....lake rabun/lake burton area and Cashiers NC is only 30 minutes more.


St. Simons Island and Jekyl Island and Sea Island are gorgeous beaches JFK Jr. married in Jekyl and the G8 Summit was held on Sea Island so plenty of neat places to discover in the state. If you need help with anything in Atlanta, i.e suggestions for hair salon, cute boutiques, ect. please feel free to PM me. I''m more than happy to answer your questions.


I''m not trying to be a sales pitch, but I think once you are no longer feeling overwhelmed and can find your own nitch, which is so hard to do anywhere, you will feel better and more at home in GA.


gorgeous ring and dress!

You are so sweet lala2332 - I WISH I were closer to Atlanta (I miss the Crate and Barrel''s and Pottery Barns of the world!!! ....I know, I know...how absurd do I sound?!?!? It''s true though - home feels like home and the little things that help you feel at home are important. I am in Savannah, which honestly is a GREAT place to visit!! I just feel a little too isolated from everything here, for my tastes. It''s been a year and I started out with a strong will and was adventurous in exploring....got a windsurfer (which I still love btw), started sailing lessons, started dancing lessons, found yoga studios, etc. I guess I have just gotten a little more and more bummed out as time has passed over the last year. I miss home and my peeps. I even miss the snowy winters! Don''t get me wrong though - I think it a great place and I actually have met some great people...it just doesn''t feel like home though.

Oh, and my wedding in going to be up North btw, otherwise I''d totally take you up on some of those places in Atlanta that I could use.

Ok - off for a run. That might help a bit
xo
Bright.

 

[lala2332]

oops...sorry, I thought you were in atlanta! i''ve never spent much time in savannah, but I''m sure you will find a niche. good luck!!!

 

[Kelli]

Your dress and WB look beautiful! i''m sorry you''re having such a hard time emotionally though. It''s hard to say what would be the problem since it seems like you''ve gone through so many changes. Have you talked to your fiance about this?

 

[emeraldlover1]

I totally know what you mean from an emotional perspective and the only thing I can think of is that he is a guy. I''m finding it hard to explain exactly what I am thinking. There is not enough information there for me to add any insight on your guy but really he may have all of these emotions that you want him to have but not know how to express them the way you want him to. I got the impression from your posts that maybe you are just a little homesick? I think I would feel the same way if I left NYC for Savanah and I don''t think it would happen right away.

I think it is normal to question everything when you are making this huge life decision. I have been with my finace for going on six years and I have had my fair share of questions for myself. Ultimatley, I can only trust that I know myself well enough to know that I am making the best and right decision. I know this is a weird thing to say but going through Pre Cana for the church (my fiance is catholic) really helped me and any doubts that I had. Disclaimer...I''m only saying it cause it helped me. The class was really good for seeing where we are in our life decisions and how we view these things. We had all of these discussions before but it really helped me see that he understands me.

I''m really no help because you are untimatley the one that has to make these decsions but I would definatley sit down and talk with your fiance about your anxiety''s and fear''s and he may actually surprise you with how emotional he is.

Good luck.

Oh...the dress and wedding band are both beautifull. I wish I had your arms!

 

[brightstone]

Yes, I have talked to my fiance about everything - I am really open with him about my feelings. We had a long talk last nght and I was able to weed through some stuff a little more. It''s interesting - one of the things that really attracted me to him was how unbelievably nice he is, so caring, consistent, kind, loving,....I always feel like #1 priority (we even agreed that I am more important to him that he is to himself). All these things are SO great to have in a person and I think relationships work best when you make each other a top (maybe the top) priority in one''s life. However, when all is said and done I would like it if he had other things he was passionate about and interested in too.....he doesn''t really. This makes me feel suffocated sometimes with how needed I feel (since I am the most and close to the only important thing in his life other than work). I, on the other hand, am passionate about nature, being outside, and I have a million and one hobbies (usually outdoory things) because I like to learn and just keep picking different things up along the way, I love and need my friends and family, etc. We have done some things together, but all on my initiative and he does these things too but his excitement about them wanes with time. How it leaves me feeling is that I want MORE of a person in him, not just someone whose main focus is me.

I have to decide if this is a big issue or something I just have to work around somehow. I guess there''s no right answer and I just have to try and understand how this will affect us more long term (which is why it would be GREAT to have more time together before marrying).

I also have to balance this with the fact that I have been one of those people who is scared of making a commitment like this, have waited 37 years before marrying because I didn''t feel ready, and so I question whether I am making a big thing of something because I am just STILL scared of committing.

Anyway, I am going to stop bothering you guys with this - I know, it''s definitely a very personal thing I need to sort out for myself. Thanks for lending an ear and for your kind words. This site is really amazing for SO many reasons!

Bright.

 

[bee*]

I adore your dress that you picked and your band looks fab with your e-ring.
I''m sorry to hear about all the anxiety that you''re having. I''m getting married in 7 weeks but have been with D for nearly 10 years so I haven''t been feeling much so can''t really give you advice on how to handle it. Just try and make sure that it''s right for you.

 

[got2goldens]

Date: 4/27/2009 12:35:04 PM
Author: brightstone
Another aspect of this thing is that I am 37 and my fiance is actually 10 years younger (although he feels older to me in many ways than me!). I want a family and he wants a family badly too. Taking more time would just leave me being older and less likely to be able to have kids, so this stupid time factor thing comes up also.

Hi Brightstone,
Funny, I NEVER come on this board, but I happened upon your post here and found it very interesting...
I was 34 when I got married, and my then DH was 9 years younger than me. We dated for 4 months, got engaged and then married 5 months later. (been married for 9 years now)
I was fine until the day of the wedding...and then freaked out in the shower getting ready! I thought back on everything (including an engagement I broke off with another guy several years prior to this), but came to the realization that I was just freaking out because I had waited so long for the ONE...which, I concluded, was DH, no question about it.
I think sometimes those of us who wait a little longer to get married start to question things simply because we are so used to being so independent of anyone else...at least that's how it was for me. After I broke off the prior engagement, I dated people but I was definitely my own person...had my own apartment, a good job, and felt that I was totally independent. Then along came DH...in fact, I had met him 2 years prior to us dating, and blew him off because I thought he was TOO YOUNG!!! Thank God 2 years later, when we met up again, I felt differently after talking to him. And yes, it sometimes does feel that he is older than me, too...
I think you will be fine, and everything will fall into place now. Your rings are gorgeous and your dress is simply beautiful...and in the end, you'll know that this is the right decision. If it's not, you'll know that too...you have been independent long enough to know if he is truly the one. I think it sounds to me like he is...
Hope that helped a little!

~Kat

***ETA: regarding kids...we ended up adopting our little girl. But, that's a whole different thread topic...

 

[Dannielle]

I think you and your FI just need some one on one time. Sit down with him, talk to him about how your feeling.
Better yet, find something to do where you live.. National park ect. Go exploring and pack a picnic. Try and do things that you would usually go back home in your new area.

On another note; I adore your dress and ring! Your going to look lovely

 

[brightstone]

Date: 4/28/2009 8:42:19 PM
Author: got2goldens

Date: 4/27/2009 12:35:04 PM
Author: brightstone
Another aspect of this thing is that I am 37 and my fiance is actually 10 years younger (although he feels older to me in many ways than me!). I want a family and he wants a family badly too. Taking more time would just leave me being older and less likely to be able to have kids, so this stupid time factor thing comes up also.

Hi Brightstone,
Funny, I NEVER come on this board, but I happened upon your post here and found it very interesting...
I was 34 when I got married, and my then DH was 9 years younger than me. We dated for 4 months, got engaged and then married 5 months later. (been married for 9 years now)
I was fine until the day of the wedding...and then freaked out in the shower getting ready! I thought back on everything (including an engagement I broke off with another guy several years prior to this), but came to the realization that I was just freaking out because I had waited so long for the ONE...which, I concluded, was DH, no question about it.
I think sometimes those of us who wait a little longer to get married start to question things simply because we are so used to being so independent of anyone else...at least that''s how it was for me. After I broke off the prior engagement, I dated people but I was definitely my own person...had my own apartment, a good job, and felt that I was totally independent. Then along came DH...in fact, I had met him 2 years prior to us dating, and blew him off because I thought he was TOO YOUNG!!! Thank God 2 years later, when we met up again, I felt differently after talking to him. And yes, it sometimes does feel that he is older than me, too...
I think you will be fine, and everything will fall into place now. Your rings are gorgeous and your dress is simply beautiful...and in the end, you''ll know that this is the right decision. If it''s not, you''ll know that too...you have been independent long enough to know if he is truly the one. I think it sounds to me like he is...
Hope that helped a little!

~Kat

***ETA: regarding kids...we ended up adopting our little girl. But, that''s a whole different thread topic...

Kat,
Yeah, tell me about it. I REALLY think that not marrying until later makes you over think everything, question everything, etc. Plus, I tend to be SO analytical anyway (my nature and my job too) that I get all in my head about stuff and then can''t even make sense of all the possible things that might be influencing this decision I am making or that one and it takes me away from feeling what''s right....which is exactly what I need to do here! Funny that your guy is 9 yrs younger too, yet seems older in many ways. Thanks for your kinds words!

 

[tlh]

wow, that dress rocks, and your rocks ROX!

It is normal to feel stressed as the day approaches, and get a little crazy. Plus, the older I got, the more control my hormones had on me... which umm... didn''t help the wedding jitters. there is a beauty in the naivity of youth... but, seriously, would you give up all you KNOW? how sure of yourself you are? You are gorgeous, and bright, and your wedding will be amazing. Your partner, there for you, not just for the wedding day.. but all the days after.

HUGE HUGS! You are a stunning and beautiful woman... what a dress, what a bride!