First love...crazy?

[daydream believer]

Hi everyone!

I am new to PS and already I am addicted!

I was hoping I could get a little insight from some of you. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and thoughts of the future are beginning to creep in.

The thing that makes me wonder is this: He is my first and only boyfriend (we are college sweethearts: he graduated last year and I am graduating this May). Has anybody else ended up with their first love? It seems so unheard of, yet I can really see myself marrying him.

{BACKGROUND: while we are young, we have seen each other through some very tough times (i.e. death of a parent and financial worries as a result) so we have dealt with a surprising amount of "real life trials" together.}

I would greatly appreciate any of your input!

 

[emilina22]

my FI is my first love...we were high school sweet hearts, i knew after 6 months that he was my "one" i dont think that it should scare you that hes your first love. it maybe uncommon, but you have to think of the many reasons why it is uncommon, you know. and yea im young too and there are many who will say were too young and you should see what else is out there, but i know that this is what i want, and im thankful and glad that M is my first love and that hes the one im going to spend the rest of my life with.

 

[Raspberry]

Hi and welcome to PS!

My boyfriend is my high school sweetheart; we are now 23 and have been together 8 years. I am anticipating a proposal to happen in the near future. One of my best girlfriends is a year older and has been with her boyfriend almost the same amount of time. So to answer your question, yes, there are relationships with first loves that last. It is uncommon, which is why I get questioned about it all the time. "What if there's someone better out there?" or "You're so young, you should date around, meet more people, and get more life exprience first." Maybe there is someone better out there for me - but chances are, there isn't. I really value that I feel like I grew up with my boyfriend, that I know exactly what kind of person he is, that his friends are my friends, etc. I know I can spend the rest of my life with him. In my experience, people who try to patronize me are often people who do date around or have trouble finding long-term relationships. That works for them, but just not for me.

Good luck with your man, it sounds like you guys are in for the long haul.

 

[choro72]

It didn''t work for me, because I was too inexperienced to be able to spell out what I wanted in a life partner, what it means to be with someone and be happy, how I should be treated, etc. I didn''t realize any of this after we broke up.

I think the difference between me and all of you is that during the relationship I was never excited at the prospect of marrying him, and I seriously had doubts to my feelings about him. Of course I would not have admitted that back then.

So daydream believer, if you are clear about your feelings, then no problem!

 

[swingirl]

Before women felt the need to go to college, get a career, climb the corporate ladder, buy a house, and not marry until they turn 30 A LOT of people married their childhood sweethearts...and celebrated 60 year anniversaries! Enjoy it!

 

[heather318]

I am marrying my first love.. College sweethearts.. People say that you shouldn''t marry your first love, but honestly, I think you should do what feels right! Who is to say that it wont work? FI and I are young, but my parents were young when they got married and they are still going strong!

Good luck!

 

[urseberry]

I''ll be marrying my first love later this year. I''m 26 now, and we''ve been together since we were 16. Yikes, that''s a long time! I''ve heard that friends and family are very accurate at determining if a couple will work out long term, much more accurate than the couple themselves. If your friends and family like your boyfriend and think the two of you are good together, there''s a good chance that it will work out. Good luck with everything and welcome to Pricescope!

 

[Deelight]

I meet my first love when I was 18 and almost 10 years later we are still together and planned to get married in a couple of years time.

He is my first and only love so yups I am all for marrying your first love if thats the person who you want to love for the rest of your life and can see yourself doing that happily then all well that ends well .

 

[daydream believer]

Oh I just LOVE hearing everyone''s stories!

It is so nice to know that it has worked out for so many of you - I think I just watched too much ''Sex and the City'' and expected something more like that

Thanks again everyone!

 

[bee*]

D is my first love also. We met when I was 17 and he was 18 and we''ll be dating for 9 years in July and getting married one month before our 10th anniversary. He''s just everything that I want in a man. It can definitely work out with a first love.

 

[sunnyd]

If I had married my first love...oy the years of therapy I would be enduring. But, a friend of mine met her current DH when they were 12. Yes, 12!! They dated all through high school and married 2 years ago at 21. It happens!

 

[Independent Gal]

I believe the PSer Anchor, who is getting married this summer, is also marrying her first love.

Two of my brothers intend to spend their lives with their first loves too. My older brother has been with his partner for 12 years. They'll never legally 'marry', but she's his wife for all intents and purposes and they are 100% committed to forever, and they have owned a house together for about 7 years as well. They couldn't be happier or more in love. They started dating when they were 21/22.

My younger brother started dating his girlfriend when he was 15. They've been together 9 years, and pending her decision on whether she wants kids (he really wants them, she might not), will stay together forever.

So, it's not unheard of! I think it's just important to date for a little longer than if you were older or had more experience.

 

[brooklyngirl]

My bf is my first love. We met in university during freshman year, and started dating senior year. It''s been 4 years now, and I''m expecting a proposal soon.

. After 2 months of dating I could see myself marrying him. Sometimes you just know.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I am marrying my first love as well. We met when I started college and have been together ever since. I was like you and worried a bit about it so even though we knew we would get married by the 6 month mark, we got engaged on the 3rd aniversary and are getting married on the 5th. I definitely liked the idea of compinsating for lack of experience with a longer courtship, it seems to be working for us!

 

[xapora]

I met my first love when I was 14 - I am now 22 and we just got married in December!

When it''s right, you just know it.

 

[smiles]

i started dating my bf when i was 15 he was 16 and 4.5 years later we are starting to make plans for a future together... i think its just important to make sure you thoroughly discuss goals, desires etc... (but then again everyone who gets married should do that) and i agree with the PSer that said that family can be a good indicator of charachter and can offer further guidance or opinions

 

[daydream believer]

I definitely agree with the whole family and friends thing too. My family is extremely close-knit, so if they didn''t like my bf, he wouldn''t have made it past the preliminary rounds! haha

And some of you mentioned that a longer courtship helps to balance the age and "first love" factor and I completely agree. I know he is starting to think about proposing (and I wouldn''t be opposed!) but we both want to be engaged for approx. 2 years to ensure that we are both financially stable and where we want to be career-wise.

I love all of these success stories!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 3/4/2008 12:21:50 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I believe the PSer Anchor, who is getting married this summer, is also marrying her first love.

Two of my brothers intend to spend their lives with their first loves too. My older brother has been with his partner for 12 years. They''ll never legally ''marry'', but she''s his wife for all intents and purposes and they are 100% committed to forever, and they have owned a house together for about 7 years as well. They couldn''t be happier or more in love. They started dating when they were 21/22.

My younger brother started dating his girlfriend when he was 15. They''ve been together 9 years, and pending her decision on whether she wants kids (he really wants them, she might not), will stay together forever.

So, it''s not unheard of! I think it''s just important to date for a little longer than if you were older or had more experience.

True.

I had a boyfriend before him, but J is my first love. I was 17 when we met, he was 21. We will be 23 and 26 when we will be married on August 2.

It depends on so many things. When we first met I wasn''t thinking about marriage at all... But we went through distance, death in the family, college, career path confusion, unemployement, family and money difficulties... he was also a keystone in rebuilding my spiritual faith. The last five years have been quite an adventure, and I couldn''t be happier to continue on that path with him for the rest of my life.

If you feel that your BF is the man you wish to marry, him being your first love shouldn''t stop you! I don''t feel that it matters, really. Welcome to PS!

 

[allycat0303]

I met my guy when I was 16 years old, he was my first boyfriend (first EVERYTHING actually) we''ve been together for 13 years! I definitely think it''s ok to marry your first love. What''s really important is the quality of the relationship. We''ve grown up and changed a lot, but we were really lucky that none of the changes in one another were things which put us on seperate paths. I

 

[Pandora II]

I think it''s fine - when you meet the one it doesn''t matter if it''s the first or the twenty-first!

The only blip I can see at all with marrying your first love is if you or your SO were to wonder in the future what it would be like being with/sleeping with someone else.

Having been there, done that, I know that my FI is absolutely the right one and that he is so much more than any man I ever dated and I have no wish to look at anyone else.

If I''d never been out with anyone else? To be honest, if I got to a point in my relationship when things were hard (as often happens temporarily in even the most committed, loving and stable of marriages), I probably would wonder about other people...

 

[gwendolyn]

Aww, it's nice to read your stories; I'm really happy for you all! This means you've never suffered any real romantic heartbreak. That must be nice.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Date: 3/5/2008 2:22:09 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Aww, it''s nice to read your stories; I''m really happy for you all! This means you''ve never suffered any real romantic heartbreak. That must be nice.

I can''t say I agree with this statement. If you look at the resentment thread, you''ll see that you don''t have to end a relationship to suffer romantic heartbreak. While I intend to marry my first love, I certainly can''t say that I haven''t suffered heartbreak in my relationship.

Just my .02.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/5/2008 3:19:15 PM
Author: brooklyngirl

Date: 3/5/2008 2:22:09 PM

Author: gwendolyn

Aww, it''s nice to read your stories; I''m really happy for you all! This means you''ve never suffered any real romantic heartbreak. That must be nice.

I can''t say I agree with this statement. If you look at the resentment thread, you''ll see that you don''t have to end a relationship to suffer romantic heartbreak. While I intend to marry my first love, I certainly can''t say that I haven''t suffered heartbreak in my relationship.


Just my .02.

Sorry, my definition of heartbreak is different, I guess. I''ve had my heart completely broken to the point where for a long time (i.e., years), I thought I''d never be able to fall in love again. I was thinking of that sort of feeling. Apologies for not being clearer.

 

[Bridesmaid]

I''m definitely NOT marrying my first love. That would have been a disaster. But my sister did. Kind of different circumstances... She got pregnant when she was 17, and they wanted their son to grow up with his mom and dad. So when the baby (not a baby anymore) was a year old, they got married, and they''re coming up on their first wedding anniversary at the end of this month.

A lot of people said they were too young to get married, that my parents should keep the baby while they went to college, that they should have put him up for adoption and plenty of other hurtful things. But those people didn''t know my sister and brother-in-law. They said they loved each other and they would do everything in their power to make it work. And they have. Just in their first year of marriage, they''ve had struggles. The first year of their two-year engagement was spent doing 3 a.m. feedings together. Not so romantic.

I know there are a lot of different ideas on this, but I don''t think love just happens. You fall in love, yes. But after all the butterflies and jitters go away, there''s still a relationship that takes work. Many people expect things to continue falling into place, but it doesn''t work that way... as you know. You and your BF have been through a lot together, and even if there WERE someone you might technically be more compatible with, your commitment is in this relationship.

Go for it. As long as you''re both committed to making the relationship work - and it sounds like both of you definitely are - it will.

 

[LaraOnline]

[/b] In my experience, people who try to patronize me are often people who do date around or have trouble finding long-term relationships. - Raspberry

Wow, I''m impressed by your insight, this comment made an impression on me. I know several peers who have married their first sweet heart, and from watching them it seems to be a very happy, strong way to live. Yeah, and lots and lots of our grandmothers did it too.

My grandmother escaped any fall-out from it, she still talks about her late husband (my grandfather) in golden, glowing terms. Good on ya for shootin'' straight. ''Experience'' can massively amp up the go-nowhere mind game factor. Maybe those jadeds are actually jealous?

 

[Markie]

x" target="_blank">These responses have really reassured me as well! Daydream believer, I am also a college student and while my boyfriend is not my first love, I am definitely his first love. I used to worry all the time that he didn''t really know I was the one because he hadn''t had much chance to experience being in relationships or being in love. He has reassured me from the beginning that just because I am his first love doesn''t mean I am not the one. He is 100% sure that I am what he is looking for and he''s really convinced me. So if he makes you happy and you make him happy, if you just know he is the one, don''t let those things worry you and congratulations!

It''s nice to see so many reports here of first loves making it work, though, just to put your mind at ease, isn''t it? I know it is for me

 

[gwendolyn]

Sorry that this is off-topic, but Markie, it was Juno''s dad who said that quote in your sig, not Juno. Good flick.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Date: 3/6/2008 9:01:59 AM
Author: Markie


These responses have really reassured me as well! Daydream believer, I am also a college student and while my boyfriend is not my first love, I am definitely his first love. I used to worry all the time that he didn't really know I was the one because he hadn't had much chance to experience being in relationships or being in love. He has reassured me from the beginning that just because I am his first love doesn't mean I am not the one. He is 100% sure that I am what he is looking for and he's really convinced me. So if he makes you happy and you make him happy, if you just know he is the one, don't let those things worry you and congratulations!







It's nice to see so many reports here of first loves making it work, though, just to put your mind at ease, isn't it? I know it is for me

I think is statement is key, making it work. In any relationship there are tough times, and in those times the couple makes a choice, do I go or do I try to work things out. Things in a relationship don't just work out because you say "oh, let's work them out". It requires actual effort, and it's a concious choice we all make whether we want to put in the effort, and if it's worth it to us.

Congratulations to all you ladies who have put in the time and effort to make it work!

..ok, getting off my soapbox.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/6/2008 9:58:14 AM
Author: brooklyngirl
I think is statement is key, making it work. In any relationship there are tough times, and in those times the couple makes a choice, do I go or do I try to work things out. Things in a relationship don't just work out because you say 'oh, let's work them out'. It requires actual effort, and it's a concious choice we all make whether we want to put in the effort, and if it's worth it to us.


Congratulations to all you ladies who have put in the time and effort to make it work!

..ok, getting off my soapbox.

Aye, I think 'making it work' or the effort/work required to make a relationship healthy is important regardless of whether it's your first love or your fifth. I find the danger in using a phrase like "MAKING it work" is that some people (generally, not saying you) force it to work. I have two friends who started dating when we were all 13 years old, and they MADE it work to the point where they sacrificed the quality of college education they wanted in order to attend the same school. They were afraid that they would break up if they'd gone their separate ways for uni, and didn't want to risk it, so they both compromised on their colleges to attend a local one. They are now married with two kids.

Was it the right decision for them? Seems to have been. Would it have been the right decision for me? Absolutely not, but we're different people. I am honestly very glad for all of you who have never had to suffer the same kind of romantic pain I have (the sort where you talk about the future together and he is so excited about it and then later he tells you he's not marrying you anymore, he's been sleeping around for months and is marrying someone else), and of course I hope you never will have to suffer it at any point in the future. But I do feel a twinge of worry in cases like my friends' where it seems like the motivation to stay together is out of fear of breaking up. I'm not saying anyone here is in that situation so PLEASE don't read it that way; I don't know any of you and would not presume to guess about your situations. These are general comments on the topic. However, I *do* know my friends' situation and even now, with all of us turning 30 this month (him first, haha

), I still occasionally worry that they may have regrets one day. Clearly I hope not, but the odd comments they make now and then make me wonder.

 

[Markie]

sorry gwendolyn, i knew it was Juno''s dad but I was going for brevity and meant Juno the movie rather than the character. oh well. it was a super cute movie, wasn''t it? (sorry for continuing the threadjack)