FMIL already driving my crazy!

[hawaiianorangetree]

The reason for not inviting certain family members is b/c we''re not close at all with a lot of them. Most we only see maybe once a year or even once every couple years. Now, I see no point in inviting those people. If they are grandparents then yes. But aunts, uncles and cousins that we rarely ever see? I''d rather not.

Well why invite them at all? I would be insulted to be invited to a reception and not the ceremony and vice versa, i would think that you were just inviting me for my present!

 

[AdiS]

Date: 6/14/2009 5:46:58 PM
Author: LilyKat
Inhisarms, just to say that I think what you''re doing is perfectly normal, and is very common here in the UK. In fact, it''s what I''d want to have (immediate family only at the ceremony, like 10 people, then a reception/party following for 100-150 or so).

For me, it''s more that I don''t want 150 people staring at me while I make very personal vows. As a fairly private person, it would make me feel really uncomfortable to talk about love and cherishing etc in front of random great-uncle twice removed. So I totally get where you''re coming from, but maybe your MIL hasn''t seen it this way and doesn''t understand why it''s a big deal. Maybe try explaining it to her like this? (Or better yet, have your fiance explain it to her?)

ETA: Yes, it''s true that any member of a church congregation/member of the parish can attend a wedding at that church. But, um, you''re not having a church wedding, so I''m not sure why she''d even bring that up...

Ditto! In my country it''s common for people to be invited only to the reception and not the ceremony and vice versa. I''d say that if you and your FI are ok with this, I think that''s all that matters.

 

[trillionaire]

I''m surprised at the strong reactions. I thought that it was common for people to do smaller ceremonies and larger receptions. Sounds totally normal to me, and I wouldn''t be offended. People get very self-centered about wedding stuff... if you are an invited guest, then someone REALLY wants you there, and to say you are too ticked to go because you didn''t get everything you wanted out of the situation (vow ceremony AND reception) completely misses the point.

I totally agree that vows are uber personal. I want to elope, and the idea of saying vows in front of people sounds to me like having sex in front of people... FAR too intimate! My sister asked me yesterday if SO was the love of my life, and I changed the topic and told her I didn''t feel comfortable talking about it. I don''t like talking love and intimacy to anyone but SO. If he insists on people being present, I will do it FOR HIM, but otherwise, I would never even consider it, and it is NOT a slight and has nothing to do with a hierarchy of VIP guests or anything. People that know me and how I feel encourage me to have a reception so that they can be a part of the day, they are not in the least offended.

Also, I don''t buy the whole thing about older generations being accustomed to these family bonding weddings. My grandma is 90+ and she went to the courthouse, lol

 

[LadyBlue]

Hi inhisarms, I don''t really like the idea of some people going to the ceremony and some people not. I''m not from NY, but I have been living here for the past 3 years, and I had never been invited to just the reception.

If you don''t like the attention, I will just elope.

 

[Lauren8211]

I have attended several weddings where I was invited to the reception and not the ceremony. I''ve always considered that normal.

I''d be more likely to be offended if I was invited to a ceremony and not a reception.

IMO, weddings can be private and intimate moments, and some may only feel comfortable sharing it with a select few, but would enjoy celebrating their new marriage with everyone.

 

[bubbly1126]

I really do appreciate everyone''s input on this. I''m glad that a few of you don''t think it is rude and actually see it as quite normal. Nice to know I''m not alone there. And for those of you who didn''t like the idea, I have come to understand why you feel it is rude and I''m very glad that I posted about this on here.

Anyway, FI and I have talked. We''re about 99.9% sure we''re going to elope somewhere... probably go to sandals or something. Maybe I''ll post another thread about where to go??

Hmm... Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I do appreciate everyone''s honesty very much!

 

[decodelighted]

Eloping sounds like a great idea. Then have a party when you get back & invite whoever you want. I do think it would get sticky to basically tell people where they stand with you *while* you''re inviting them to a wedding and/or reception.

"Hi Aunt Jackie ... I like you enough to have dinner with you but not enough to say my vows in front of you. Send cash! Hugs (but no kiss), Inhisarms

"

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 6/15/2009 6:03:26 PM
Author: inhisarms17
I really do appreciate everyone''s input on this. I''m glad that a few of you don''t think it is rude and actually see it as quite normal. Nice to know I''m not alone there. And for those of you who didn''t like the idea, I have come to understand why you feel it is rude and I''m very glad that I posted about this on here.

Anyway, FI and I have talked. We''re about 99.9% sure we''re going to elope somewhere... probably go to sandals or something. Maybe I''ll post another thread about where to go??

Hmm... Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I do appreciate everyone''s honesty very much!

In the UK it''s perfectly acceptable and normal to invite whoever you want to the ceremony and reception and it''s not EXPECTED that you''ll invite all of your guests to both. If you want to elope then do so, but don''t feel forced to do it because of what other people think.

BTW, Antigua, St Lucia & Jamaica are great for a destination wedding

 

[laurenfischer5]

I had a similar situation when I got married, but with my mom. Well, only in the way that I wanted a small wedding and reception (about 30 ppl) But everyone would be invited to both. My mom kept adding random people to the guest list and I tried to fight it at first, but in the end I just gave up. (One reason was because my parents were paying for the wedding...another was because I just know too many people and I didn''t want to hurt anyones feelings) Anyways..Honestly during the actual ceremony I don''t even remember who was there and who wasn''t. So just remember that whatever happens just enjoy your big day and chances are you won''t even notice any extra people...

 

[laurenfischer5]

Just saw your comment about eloping... Thats a wonderful idea. My friend got married at a sandals in st. lucia and she had a wonderful experience. I went to a Sandals in Montego Bay, Jamaica for my honeymoon and loved it...and you can have a big reception when you come home...!

 

[honey22]

I''m so glad you guys are eloping! I am sure you are going to have a fabulous day and you get an awesome honeymoon that way too! Sounds great!!!!