"Frenemy" announces pregnancy, warning: VENT!

[akw94]

Hi Monarch,
Sorry to hear that the annoying "friend" is back. I remember you posting about them before too. I guess it was pretty memorable!

I don''t think you''re overreacting but if it were me, I''d probably not initiate any sort of contact. If you''re invited to the shower (which you likely will be), I''d buy a gift and have hubby drop it off that morning or day before saying that you just couldn''t make the shower. Since DH and the guy are still friends, I think it would be nice to get them a gift but that doesn''t mean you have to attend the shower, contact her or be friends w/her.

Hope that helps and more importantly, hope she leaves you alone so you don''t have to worry about this anymore!

 

[omieluv]

Wow! I have a friend who is similar to this person, but not nearly as bad...

Though it is odd that she is reaching out to you after 9 months, I am not surprised. If it moves you, send her a card for the moment. However, for the baby shower, I would beat her at her own game and make a donation in the child's honor to an honest charity or Church. The positive is, she does not directly receive a gift from you and your donation is going to a good cause (plus it will be tax deductible for you & your hubby).

Does this seem too b*tchy?? I mean, the intent of charity is for goodwill and using it in this way is really not in the spirit of charity, at least to some...

 

[Jypsie]

This brings back bad memories of a person I used to be "friends" with. I''m really sorry that you are going through this type of stalker/weirdo situation. I would absolutely continue to avoid her and her hubby.

Ugh. how can some people be so completely socially awkward and never realize it? It gives me the creeps to think that there are so many freaky folks out there.

The girl that turned out to be weird to me was a great friend for a short while, we worked together, would have lunch together on occasion, and went to a club once or twice after work. Then she started coming over to my house without any notice. If I don''t want company I don''t answer the door - much like if I''m not in the mood to socialize, I won''t answer the phone. Anyway, she would park in my driveway and stay there - calling my house phone, cell phone, etc and leave messages "I see your car is home, why are you not answering your door? Are you out with your boyfriend?" ... then she''d wait a few minutes and leave a message on the other phone "If you aren''t home you should have your cell phone on you, why aren''t you answering this phone either? Are you avoiding me?" FREAK!

I hope it stops for you soon.

 

[monarch64]

Thanks everyone for your marvelous insight and funny anecdotes! I feel much better about the situation now. I emailed my best friend last night about the recent happenings and she advised me to just send diapers in sizes 1,2, and 3...her point being that you can't really return diapers without looking like an idiot (how can you not know what size your child is, and who turns down free diapers since they are expensive?) Her reply had me in hysterics laughing so hard. She knows the whole situation in entirety and has a friend herself who has been as much of a nut as mine has.

Surfgirl, I found your post very humorous...I can tell you're not one to take any crap, LOL! And Butterfly, thank goodness I'm not related to this gal in any way, I think I'd have to leave the country if I was. I don't know how you deal with a SIL who is as crazy as my "frenemy," I'm impressed that you have gotten over yourself and don't have a problem with your DH exposing your kids to her insanity, hee hee.

Oh, and Omieluv, great advice with the whole giving to charity/church in the name of the child! I love it!

 

[chiefneil]

Wow, women really have a completely different set of social mores than men. I would do absolutely nothing. No card, no gift, nothing. Even if you receive a written invitation on paper handmade by Tibetan monks and delivered by male stripper courier. Sending a gift to someone I had cut off for good reason would make me feel like a doormat. If my DW sent a gift to someone she actively disliked we''d probably have quite a fight over not only wasting good money, but for her actively laying down in the road so her "frenemy" could wipe their feet on her shirt. This is one guy''s view, clearly the majority of women feel differently and you''ll do what you perceive to be best.

Also don''t worry about your hubby''s relationship. Guys have our own thing going on, generally unaffected by female politics. I''m willing to bet money that your hubby couldn''t care less if you sent a card or gift. Her hubby might, but only to the extent that he has to listen to his wife''s complaining about you. It won''t affect his relationship with your DH, though. And if for some strange reason your DH does care about sending a baby gift, let him do it if it''s so important to him (and tell him his Man Card is revoked).

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 11/15/2007 1:12:23 AM
Author: chiefneil
Wow, women really have a completely different set of social mores than men. I would do absolutely nothing. No card, no gift, nothing. Even if you receive a written invitation on paper handmade by Tibetan monks and delivered by male stripper courier. Sending a gift to someone I had cut off for good reason would make me feel like a doormat. If my DW sent a gift to someone she actively disliked we''d probably have quite a fight over not only wasting good money, but for her actively laying down in the road so her ''frenemy'' could wipe their feet on her shirt. This is one guy''s view, clearly the majority of women feel differently and you''ll do what you perceive to be best.

Also don''t worry about your hubby''s relationship. Guys have our own thing going on, generally unaffected by female politics. I''m willing to bet money that your hubby couldn''t care less if you sent a card or gift. Her hubby might, but only to the extent that he has to listen to his wife''s complaining about you. It won''t affect his relationship with your DH, though. And if for some strange reason your DH does care about sending a baby gift, let him do it if it''s so important to him (and tell him his Man Card is revoked).

chiefneil, great post!!

 

[monarch64]

Oh Chiefneil, I loved every word of your post! (Mental note: remember to revoke "Man Card" if the occasion arises). You''re right, females are waaaay different from males as far as social graces and what we feel is expected of us.

I''m 99% sure at this point there will be a very generic congratulatory card sent after week 12, and should I actually be invited to any showers of hers I have plenty of time to decide whether I''m feeling generous, completely indifferent, or very snarky.

 

[surfgirl]

Monarch, I LOVE the idea of making a donation in the child''s name. That way, YOU look like a saint and any complaining She Who Will Not Be Named does will make her look even more of a shrew.

 

[omieluv]

Date: 11/15/2007 1:09:52 AM
Author: monarch64
Thanks everyone for your marvelous insight and funny anecdotes! I feel much better about the situation now.
Oh, and Omieluv, great advice with the whole giving to charity/church in the name of the child! I love it!

I am glad you are now able to see the humor in this situation and I too think you have received some great suggestions on how to handle this frenemy of yours. So good to hear you were able to connect with a friend IRL about this too.

Chiefneil - Loved your advice & it sounds like something my BF would say!

 

[lumpkin]

Monarch, I often say something like, "I wouldn''t send anything" but then in reality I''d do what you are going to.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Well, everything has already been said, but I just wanted to say, "I remember them, TOO!!!" I am so happy to hear you have been able to get away from the wife. I''d keep my distance and send a gift if invited to a shower. We''ve had to cut off relationships before, and all I can say is, thank goodness for caller ID!!!

 

[movie zombie]

don''t even send a card....your hubby showed up which is appropriate as he has decided to maintain a friendship with the husband.

you have no friendship with this woman...and given her past behavior when she was a supposed friend i recommend: no card, no gift, no attending baby showers.

and while i believe each to their own, in my eyes announcing a pregnancy at week 2 is indicative of this woman [and her husband] having a very unrealistic few of the world......geez, she may not even be pregnant but merely late.

movie zombie