Friend wants to ask pregnant BM to leave bridal party-Insights?

[soontowed]

Date: 11/19/2009 3:57:51 PM
Author: meresal
''PS one of my BMs is quite overweight so it has nothing to do with looks for me. I just think it sucks for the bride that the BM changed the ''terms'' of the agreement.''

So if one of your BM''s was hit by a car and in a wheel chair for the rest of her life, would you be mad if she got upset when you asked her to step down, because she broke the ''terms'' of WALKING down the aisle.

No I would personally never do that because I don''t care what my BMs look like. All I am saying is that if it''s that important to this girl then her SIL should step down and get over it. This girl gets one wedding and one day and if she is selfish enough to be concerned then let her be.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 11/20/2009 1:17:08 PM
Author: blackbetty
I think that is an apalling idea.

It is possibly one of the tackier, more insulting things I''ve heard. Who cares if she''s pregnant? It''s like saying pregnant women are unattractive, which is hardly the case, as well as saying that your bridal paarty''s only worth is their looks, not their support and love and place in you life.

I hope she freaks out & eats so much in the months approaching her wedding that her wedding dress looks like they poured her in & forgot to say when! Is that wrong? Probably...

Lilac, as a side note, once you get through the wedding obligations you''ve committed to, I''d reconsider that particular ''friendship.''

Absolutely - I already am. Talking to her lately actually makes me wonder why I''m friends with her to begin with. Honestly, some of the things she has said completely blow my mind.

 

[princessplease]

Update: I haven''t had a chance to talk to my crazy friend yet, but didn''t want you guys to think I forgot about the post. She is calling me tomorrow, but when we briefly talked on Friday, I told her we needed to have a serious talk about this.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 11/22/2009 12:33:05 AM
Author: princessplease
Update: I haven''t had a chance to talk to my crazy friend yet, but didn''t want you guys to think I forgot about the post. She is calling me tomorrow, but when we briefly talked on Friday, I told her we needed to have a serious talk about this.

Thanks for the update PP! I''ve been stalking this thread waiting to see how this all went down. Its probably better you''ve had a day or two to calm down about this stuff before you talk to her. Good luck!

 

[katamari]

I''d watch it when you talk to her. If she is ready to kick out her future sister over adding to her soon-to-be-family, she may be willing to kick you out for suggesting she is being a brat

. I say this in all jest, because I am sure she is a much better person than this tread makes her seem like she is, but kicking out your pregnant sister-in-law?! DAY-UUUM!

 

[musey]

I''m not sure what good PS insight can do you, as an outsider with no say in the situation.

That said, my opinion is that the wedding party is about involvement of the important people in a couple''s lives, not about making pretty pretty posey pictures. For this reason, I think having a pregnant bridesmaid is a wonderful thing that should be celebrated. The only concern should be for the comfort of the ''maid, as she is the one who has the potential to be ''put out'' by the situation (sore feet, body aches, difficulty in traveling, feeling uncomfortable in a BM dress, etc.), not the bride.

If your friend is looking to give her SIL an out for the aforementioned reasons, that''s one thing. If it''s about maintaining the integrity of her pictures, she needs a wake-up call.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 11/22/2009 1:33:48 PM
Author: katamari
I''d watch it when you talk to her. If she is ready to kick out her future sister over adding to her soon-to-be-family, she may be willing to kick you out for suggesting she is being a brat

. I say this in all jest, because I am sure she is a much better person than this tread makes her seem like she is, but kicking out your pregnant sister-in-law?! DAY-UUUM!

The OP isn''t in the bridal party, but is a close friend.

 

[katamari]

Date: 11/23/2009 1:30:13 PM
Author: Clairitek

Date: 11/22/2009 1:33:48 PM

Author: katamari

I''d watch it when you talk to her. If she is ready to kick out her future sister over adding to her soon-to-be-family, she may be willing to kick you out for suggesting she is being a brat

. I say this in all jest, because I am sure she is a much better person than this tread makes her seem like she is, but kicking out your pregnant sister-in-law?! DAY-UUUM!

The OP isn''t in the bridal party, but is a close friend.

Oops. I missed that. Thanks, Clairitek! Sorry, princessplease. I am also really waiting to see how this turns out.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 11/23/2009 3:45:50 PM
Author: katamari

Date: 11/23/2009 1:30:13 PM

Author: Clairitek

Date: 11/22/2009 1:33:48 PM

Author: katamari

I''d watch it when you talk to her. If she is ready to kick out her future sister over adding to her soon-to-be-family, she may be willing to kick you out for suggesting she is being a brat

. I say this in all jest, because I am sure she is a much better person than this tread makes her seem like she is, but kicking out your pregnant sister-in-law?! DAY-UUUM!

The OP isn''t in the bridal party, but is a close friend.

Oops. I missed that. Thanks, Clairitek! Sorry, princessplease. I am also really waiting to see how this turns out.

I was thinking the other day about if I were in PP''s shoes and was actually a BM here whether or not I''d say something. I actually think that would make me more inclined to speak up, even if it meant that the bride might kick me out. But I suppose I''ll never really know unless I was in the situation myself.

Definitely anxiously awaiting an update from PP!

 

[NakedFinger]

Its hearing crap like this and all the unfavorable treatment bridesmaids get that makes me have so much respect for the classy thing the bride featured in a recent bride mag did. She had all of her bridesmaids wear white. She didnt want to be so "look at me look at me". I think it was classy. And even so, everyone still knew she was the bride, and still was the center of attention. You dont have to make your BM's look hideous in unflattering dresses/colors, or the other extreme force their hair/makeup to look a certain way, make them loose weight, etc. The arent there to make you look better, or to "give you nice pictures". Your BM's should be girls that are important to you and your fiance, the you couldnt possibly imagine not being beside you on an important day like this.

Regarding the comfort of the said BM though, I have planned weddings with BM's that looked like they were going to pop, and they all have told me they wish they didnt have to do it but "my friend/sister would kill be if I backed out". Truth is they dont like being up their next to all the other non-pregnant girls, they complain about hating how they look in the dress, and even more so, needed to stand up their during the ceremony when they are exhausted and their feet hurt. So i could understand if the said BM didnt want to do it, but the selfish reasoning on the brides end is disgusting.

 

[princessplease]

OK, sorry for the time between updates. I was out in the field all day for work. I tried to rationally explain the situation to my friend, and honestly, it got us no where. I used a lot of what you wonderful ladies said in my explanation. She said she and her family are spending so much money on this wedding that she doesn't want her "pictures ruined by some pregnant chick" and that she's not close to FSIL (as as sure as hell won't be if she asks her to leave). She also told me that her FI doesn't care what she does (he can lack cajones sometimes), even though I secretely think he does care, and that he doesn't want to piss her off. At this point, I was rather infuriated with her stupidity and immaturity that I told her to call me again when (and if) she ever grows up, to really think about what I said, and hung up the phone. Needless to say, I did not get a decision from her regarding what she was going to do.

I was, and still am, livid with her lack of a brain here.

I thought I could rationalize with her, but I guess I can't with a total bridezilla b***h (which is completely what my friend is being here). I also am reconsidering if I want her to remain a friend.

 

[NakedFinger]

OMG btw this just reminded me of a wedding I did, where the bride actually made her her sister induce labor so the baby was out before the wedding. She was standing up at the alter, in a non maternity BM dress, less than a week after giving birth with her poor newborn home with her inlaws.

 

[princessplease]

Date: 11/23/2009 5:26:52 PM
Author: NakedFinger
OMG btw this just reminded me of a wedding I did, where the bride actually made her her sister induce labor so the baby was out before the wedding. She was standing up at the alter, in a non maternity BM dress, less than a week after giving birth with her poor newborn home with her inlaws.

 

[NakedFinger]

Haha I know! But I just had to be professional and just nodded and smiled when she told me. Funny thing is, this bride wasnt that much of a bridezilla during the planning process, so it definitely surprised me.

 

[lliang_chi]

Damn Princess, your friend seems very selfish and short-sighted. I guess you did your part as a friend to try to help think FOR her, but you really can''t get yourself worked up about this. I''d also think how much you value this friendship too. If she can behave this way in this scenario, I''m thinking she might not surprise you in a situation that involves you. Best of luck, and take a long bubble bath and forget this girl''s craziness!

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 11/23/2009 5:26:43 PM
Author: princessplease
OK, sorry for the time between updates. I was out in the field all day for work. I tried to rationally explain the situation to my friend, and honestly, it got us no where. I used a lot of what you wonderful ladies said in my explanation. She said she and her family are spending so much money on this wedding that she doesn''t want her ''pictures ruined by some pregnant chick'' and that she''s not close to FSIL (as as sure as hell won''t be if she asks her to leave). She also told me that her FI doesn''t care what she does (he can lack cajones sometimes), even though I secretely think he does care, and that he doesn''t want to piss her off. At this point, I was rather infuriated with her stupidity and immaturity that I told her to call me again when (and if) she ever grows up, to really think about what I said, and hung up the phone. Needless to say, I did not get a decision from her regarding what she was going to do.


I was, and still am, livid with her lack of a brain here.

I thought I could rationalize with her, but I guess I can''t with a total bridezilla b***h (which is completely what my friend is being here). I also am reconsidering if I want her to remain a friend.

It is ultimately the bride''s decision, and the truth is she doesn''t owe you an explanation. She does owe the person being dropped an explanation however, and I hope for the sake of family harmony that she comes up with something better than ruined pictures -- and that she can deliver the lie convincingly.

I''d also be questioning whether I wanted to remain friends with someone with such shallow values, and if the wedding isn''t until May... she''d have plenty of time to find a replacement (since I''m sure she wants symmetry in her pictures too) if you were to decide to drop out now...

 

[cocolaw]

how terrible!! its like the brides on the bridezilla show that tell their bridesmaids to lose weight. they are there to support you....not to be decorations.