frustrated with teacher

[AGBF]

Date: 5/16/2007 2:13:27 PM
Author: belle
i may sound contradictory because i mentioned those things as a possible root of her behavior but i was basing that on giving her the benefit of the doubt, not as something that you should verbally assert.

belle, nothing you said was contradictory. You were saying that we should remain informed about the realities behind the scenes, but not blurt out all our insights! I think you were right on target. I was wandering somewhere off in the weeds .

Deb

 

[Phoenix]

Sara,

I am sorry abt what you''re going through. I don''t have kids nor do I know any teachers, so am not sure what advice I can give. But I''m sending you and yr son good vibes, and A BIG MASSIVE HUG TO YOU AND YR FAMILY!

 

[diamondfan]

I am a compassionate person but I am also my child''s advocate. And frankly, though I would not think all teachers like all kids or that all kids are likeable to all teachers, professionalism should still be in place. In life, sometimes unfairly a teacher might take a dislike to a child for no good reason, and sadly the child must work even harder to get out from under in that case. But, I would not ever let a school or teacher make me feel that at any time I could not address issues of importance. This is MY kid, and long after he is gone from this one teacher''s purview, things can have a terribly negative impact. And just as I believe some kids are tough or behavior challenges or perhaps belong in a different setting, I also think some teachers can be petty or tyranical and take out things on kids who do not deserve such treatment. I have seen this many times over the years, and my children have only been in a small private school. So, bottom line, even understanding her situation, you have the right and obligation to protect your son, he is so young, in my opinion, to be having this go on. And trust me, I have a 14 year old, kids DO keep this inside and carry it from year to year and it is NOT a good thing. I might let this one go since the year is winding down, but I would certainly be wary of her having my other children, if that were a likelihood.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Hi girls - update....

I went to the conference and I didn''t write anything and I didn''t plan to say anything.... I planned to just bite my tongue but when I got there I found myself VERY uncomfortable. I am a big fan of dealing with issues head on. But I didn''t say anything. I couldn''t make eyecontact with her though and kept my conversation with her polite but very brief, I was SOOO uncomfortable. I would have been more comfortable confronting her, even if it meant blaming myself for everything. I hate the elephant in the room thing.

Anyway... she came up to me and apologized, sort of. I don''t think she realizes how much I felt *hurt* but she acknowledged the most important part which is the math issue and we did go over it all and came to an understanding. I still feel uncomfortable. I think when the time is right I will bring up my hurt feelings, but only if I can do so in a way that I feel will work to a mutual benefit like a bonding experience. I did tell her that I wouldn''t volunteer anymore if it made her uncomfortable and she just kinda nodded so I guess I have more time to oogle diamonds on tuesdays :/ But still, I can "corner" her in the hallways after school whether I just did 2+ hours of work for her or not

 

[Harriet]

Sara,
I have no children and therefore no advice from a parent''s perspective. That said, I know first-hand how scarring a hurtful teacher can be. I''m sorry about the whole thing.

 

[crown1]

hi! i am glad that the math issue is resolved to everybody''s satisfaction.

i am very sorry that you have been so hurt and upset by the incident. that said, i do not think that the teacher wants to bond and that she just wants to do her job and not get too involved. you said she nodded that she would be uncomfortable with you volunteering so i would save myself further hurt and as long as she is doing her job i would let sleeping dogs lie.

i hope you enjoy your long weekend and that my comments have not been out of line. i know you were doing what you thought was best and trying to help.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 5/16/2007 11:17:00 PM
Author: crown1
hi! i am glad that the math issue is resolved to everybody''s satisfaction.

i am very sorry that you have been so hurt and upset by the incident. that said, i do not think that the teacher wants to bond and that she just wants to do her job and not get too involved. you said she nodded that she would be uncomfortable with you volunteering so i would save myself further hurt and as long as she is doing her job i would let sleeping dogs lie.

i hope you enjoy your long weekend and that my comments have not been out of line. i know you were doing what you thought was best and trying to help.

no, none of the comments are out of line.... everyone has different thoughts on this and quite frankly there is no one right answer. And I feel very open to ideas in this. Sometimes people look for advice but they already have their mind made up and get irritated when no one agrees LOL you know? But this time I really was just like..... ideas? I wanted to do several opposing things - like I cant tell her off and keep my mouth shut at the same time... and I didn''t really want to do either of those even though I wanted to both LOL! Make sense?? What I needed was balance and I still don''t feel right... and when I said bond with her I don''t mean hey lets go out for drinks and become best buds.... I mean, truly clear the air. But only as it is natural and appropriate, I''m not going to force anything or even actively pursue it.

 

[Skippy123]

Sara, I am glad the meeting went okay. I think you deserve a big margarita!!!! Hang in there; the year is almost over.

 

[angeline]

Sara, my heart just goes out to you. I have a 2yr old, so no school experience yet, but I can only imagine the stress and tension of trying to work out the best thing to do for your child while still not having to swallow inappropiate and hurtful behaviour.

I don''t have any advice, my heart just hurt reading your post. Thinking of you and your son, hugs, a

 

[Jelly]

Hi Sara,

I''m so glad things are working out for you.

I''m a teacher and we face an enormous amount of stress every day. I''m not making an excuse for her, because I think she was definitely out of line....but hearing about her personal problems, combined with the end of the year stress...I can sympathize with both of you!

It''s unfortunate, but some teachers may be a bit cautious when dealing with kids with special needs. You have many laws to protect your children, which you should educate yourself about if you havent already.

Best of luck in getting through the end of the year!

 

[AGBF]

Sara,

At least you got through the meeting, the math issue is resolved, and you addressed the volunteering issue one way or the other so that you need not revisit that. Now maybe you can steer clear of her for a while (I have my fingers crossed).

Neither you or your son deserved this. I have taught school as well as having had a child go through school.

I wish you the best.

Deb

 

[Ellen]

Sara,

I''m glad she apologized, even if it didn''t seem sufficient to make ammends. It could be that no, she''s so wrapped up in her own problems that she doesn''t realize how hurt you were by her comments. But I will give her kudos for attempting one, as most don''t like to admit they''re wrong.

Also, I''m really glad the most important issue was resolved involving your son and the math.


And hey, you get to cruise PS a couple more hours a day now!

 

[jas]

I am so glad you believe your son's needs are currently being met. Hooray!

I do often read these boards when people are frustrated or angry or hurt and wonder what would happen if the "other side of the story" were posted. (I may have too much time on my hands for daydreaming, and I tend to see too many sides of a story sometimes.) I'm always amazed when parents perceive a meeting differently than teachers. I've sat in on more than one group conference where the teacher felt it was "tense" and the parent thought it wasn't. And vice versa.

I do have to say, as an educator, it saddens me to see so much negativity towards the profession (not just individual teachers) from so many.

Then again, I could be wrong.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 5/17/2007 9:07:40 AM
Author: Ellen
Sara,

I''m glad she apologized, even if it didn''t seem sufficient to make ammends. It could be that no, she''s so wrapped up in her own problems that she doesn''t realize how hurt you were by her comments. But I will give her kudos for attempting one, as most don''t like to admit they''re wrong.

Also, I''m really glad the most important issue was resolved involving your son and the math.


And hey, you get to cruise PS a couple more hours a day now!

LOL!! You''re so right... and my husband kept saying to me, "It''s about him, not about you." and he''s right too but dangit, as gruff and frank and bold as I can be, I have a very vulnerable heart and I hate feeling rejected and disregarded and most of all I hate hate hate to have false motives attached to my actions. I would have rather her said, "you know, I don''t like you so can we meet in formal conditions" rather than this BS about me *only* being there to volunteer so I could corner her. There is something about the falseness of it that hurts far more than any truth could. But that''s me. And I am very unsettled still. I am totally uncomfortable and am having serious anxiety about sending my kids back there again next year when the school I dealt with for 7 years (and had NOOOOO problems with) is a mile away. The other school had a personality of freedom and self expression and creativity - this school is all about teaching johnny how to function inside the box. I see its use, I see where he has benefitted from it, but ultimately that child is never going to be an in the box sort of kid so why on earth am I condoning the molding of him into one? just KILLS me. Her apology to me wasn''t about how she talked to me or anything about me, it was that she didn''t handle me addressing concerns about my son''s math issues the way she should have. So she apologized as a teacher but not as a human and it is just very difficult for me, personally, to let go of that because I very much hate professional relationships and very much prefer interpersonal ones. I don''t like someone smiling at me if they don''t feel it. I would rather they tell me to * off.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/17/2007 1:21:42 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

LOL!! You''re so right... and my husband kept saying to me, ''It''s about him, not about you.'' and he''s right too but dangit, as gruff and frank and bold as I can be, I have a very vulnerable heart and I hate feeling rejected and disregarded and most of all I hate hate hate to have false motives attached to my actions. I would have rather her said, ''you know, I don''t like you so can we meet in formal conditions'' rather than this BS about me *only* being there to volunteer so I could corner her. There is something about the falseness of it that hurts far more than any truth could. But that''s me. And I am very unsettled still. I am totally uncomfortable and am having serious anxiety about sending my kids back there again next year when the school I dealt with for 7 years (and had NOOOOO problems with) is a mile away. The other school had a personality of freedom and self expression and creativity - this school is all about teaching johnny how to function inside the box. I see its use, I see where he has benefitted from it, but ultimately that child is never going to be an in the box sort of kid so why on earth am I condoning the molding of him into one? just KILLS me. Her apology to me wasn''t about how she talked to me or anything about me, it was that she didn''t handle me addressing concerns about my son''s math issues the way she should have. So she apologized as a teacher but not as a human and it is just very difficult for me, personally, to let go of that because I very much hate professional relationships and very much prefer interpersonal ones. I don''t like someone smiling at me if they don''t feel it. I would rather they tell me to * off.

I understand. Really. I have a feeling you and I are a lot alike in that respect.

Sometimes when I think about interactions with people that haven''t gone well, I wonder whether I have been overly sensitive, or, they simply aren''t as sensitive as I think they should be. It''s a battle. I have a real sense of right and wrong, not much gray in there for me. lol But, the majority of people/situations aren''t that way. So I have tried to learn from it and to live with it, let some stuff go, pick my battles. It has helped.

As for your son and his school, you do what you think is ultimately best for him. I know he says he likes it there, and you don''t want to take that away from him and make him unhappy (even if it is temporary, as it well might be). But I would remind you of something, that I''ve had to remind myself of far more than I cared with my kids, I am here to be their parent, not their best friend. I take their feelings into consideration, but in the end I do what I think is best for them, period.

I''ve been told by parents I admire that I''ve done a good job, so, I''d like to think so. And I have had these AHA! moments many years later on some things that let me know indeed I did. It''s tough, for sure, and way harder to do what''s best than what will make them happy, but that really is our job.

Follow your instincts.

 

[belle]

i''m glad things workished outish. i hope you will be able to find peace in the present and future decisions that you will make regarding your sons education.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 5/17/2007 2:50:25 PM
Author: belle
i''m glad things workished outish. i hope you will be able to find peace in the present and future decisions that you will make regarding your sons education.

Thank you Your gentle vehemence did have an influence on me

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 5/17/2007 1:59:42 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 5/17/2007 1:21:42 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

LOL!! You''re so right... and my husband kept saying to me, ''It''s about him, not about you.'' and he''s right too but dangit, as gruff and frank and bold as I can be, I have a very vulnerable heart and I hate feeling rejected and disregarded and most of all I hate hate hate to have false motives attached to my actions. I would have rather her said, ''you know, I don''t like you so can we meet in formal conditions'' rather than this BS about me *only* being there to volunteer so I could corner her. There is something about the falseness of it that hurts far more than any truth could. But that''s me. And I am very unsettled still. I am totally uncomfortable and am having serious anxiety about sending my kids back there again next year when the school I dealt with for 7 years (and had NOOOOO problems with) is a mile away. The other school had a personality of freedom and self expression and creativity - this school is all about teaching johnny how to function inside the box. I see its use, I see where he has benefitted from it, but ultimately that child is never going to be an in the box sort of kid so why on earth am I condoning the molding of him into one? just KILLS me. Her apology to me wasn''t about how she talked to me or anything about me, it was that she didn''t handle me addressing concerns about my son''s math issues the way she should have. So she apologized as a teacher but not as a human and it is just very difficult for me, personally, to let go of that because I very much hate professional relationships and very much prefer interpersonal ones. I don''t like someone smiling at me if they don''t feel it. I would rather they tell me to * off.

I understand. Really. I have a feeling you and I are a lot alike in that respect.

Sometimes when I think about interactions with people that haven''t gone well, I wonder whether I have been overly sensitive, or, they simply aren''t as sensitive as I think they should be. It''s a battle. I have a real sense of right and wrong, not much gray in there for me. lol But, the majority of people/situations aren''t that way. So I have tried to learn from it and to live with it, let some stuff go, pick my battles. It has helped.

As for your son and his school, you do what you think is ultimately best for him. I know he says he likes it there, and you don''t want to take that away from him and make him unhappy (even if it is temporary, as it well might be). But I would remind you of something, that I''ve had to remind myself of far more than I cared with my kids, I am here to be their parent, not their best friend. I take their feelings into consideration, but in the end I do what I think is best for them, period.

I''ve been told by parents I admire that I''ve done a good job, so, I''d like to think so. And I have had these AHA! moments many years later on some things that let me know indeed I did. It''s tough, for sure, and way harder to do what''s best than what will make them happy, but that really is our job.

Follow your instincts.

Thank you ellen I''m afraid my instincts are cloudy and defensive... I also have to keep in mind that we''re (allegedly) moving to CA next summer so its just one more year here and it might be best for him to have another year of strict discipline because things are going to be a whole lot different for the boy in CA. There''s more help for one, but there''s also much faster peer pressure... and I don''t want him to go to a new school every year even if he''s returning to the old school.... and my youngest would end up in 3 schools in 3 years and that''s something too.

I have a sometimes dry, sometimes goofy sense of humor and I don''t think people always know how to take me. Its pretty obvious to those who spend time with me, but I can be too famililar too quickly and people don''t quite get me yet :/

 

[Ellen]

Well, if you''re moving, that does change things a bit...Hang in there, it will work out.