Perhaps this does not occur much, but in any case, I thought you all would be a good source of advice.
My girlfriend and I have been together for quite some time now (5+ years) and I have recently found myself being a gentlemen in waiting. We were always too young, had school to finish, etc, etc, etc so the thought of marriage was somewhat on the back burner. I''ve recently felt like there will never be an ''ideal'' time, so why not sometime soon? I''m ready to make the commitment, and very much excited about everything it will bring.
Here''s the punchline--from the little conversations we''ve had, I don''t believe she''s ready for marriage. She''s still in school (grad school) so I can kind of understand her position, but at the same time, if we''re both ready to spend the rest of our lives with each other, why not go ahead and get engaged? Plus, we can have an extended engagement (2 years would put her out of school) which I''m not at all opposed to. I''m just ready to make the commitment. She''s very independent and feels like getting married this young (mid 20s) kind of takes something away from each of us. Again, I can somewhat understand this, but we''re certainly not getting any younger and I''m getting tired of feeling like we don''t have a real commitment.
Here''s the kicker, and where I really need advice (sorry for such a long post). I decided I wanted to propose to her, so I have planned a trip abroad for a week in the summer. I was planning on buying a diamond before we left (letting her choose the setting later) and possibly even getting her parents blessing. She knows a little bit about the trip, but none of my intentions. While I would love the whole thing to be a surprise, I also now (after having a recent conversation about marriage, etc) don''t want to completely put her on the spot. Worse yet, I wouldn''t want her to say no. As I see it, I have 3 options:
1) Don''t tell her, take the trip, and propose as planned.
2) Don''t tell her, purchase a diamond, and discuss my original plans the first night we get there. If things work out, I''ll have the diamond to propose to her with. If not, we could wait, and I could still return the diamond.
3) Tell her of my intentions prior to leaving and go from there.
What are your thoughts?
My girlfriend and I have been together for quite some time now (5+ years) and I have recently found myself being a gentlemen in waiting. We were always too young, had school to finish, etc, etc, etc so the thought of marriage was somewhat on the back burner. I''ve recently felt like there will never be an ''ideal'' time, so why not sometime soon? I''m ready to make the commitment, and very much excited about everything it will bring.
Here''s the punchline--from the little conversations we''ve had, I don''t believe she''s ready for marriage. She''s still in school (grad school) so I can kind of understand her position, but at the same time, if we''re both ready to spend the rest of our lives with each other, why not go ahead and get engaged? Plus, we can have an extended engagement (2 years would put her out of school) which I''m not at all opposed to. I''m just ready to make the commitment. She''s very independent and feels like getting married this young (mid 20s) kind of takes something away from each of us. Again, I can somewhat understand this, but we''re certainly not getting any younger and I''m getting tired of feeling like we don''t have a real commitment.
Here''s the kicker, and where I really need advice (sorry for such a long post). I decided I wanted to propose to her, so I have planned a trip abroad for a week in the summer. I was planning on buying a diamond before we left (letting her choose the setting later) and possibly even getting her parents blessing. She knows a little bit about the trip, but none of my intentions. While I would love the whole thing to be a surprise, I also now (after having a recent conversation about marriage, etc) don''t want to completely put her on the spot. Worse yet, I wouldn''t want her to say no. As I see it, I have 3 options:
1) Don''t tell her, take the trip, and propose as planned.
2) Don''t tell her, purchase a diamond, and discuss my original plans the first night we get there. If things work out, I''ll have the diamond to propose to her with. If not, we could wait, and I could still return the diamond.
3) Tell her of my intentions prior to leaving and go from there.
What are your thoughts?
It''s a bit frustrating at times as I feel like we''re arbitrarily waiting for things (although it''s fairly obvious she has her reasons) and I''m ready for the next stage! I suppose in the end, I''ll have to give her the time she feels she needs.
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