getting lost in stupid stuff

[merilenda]

Well, we had our first experience this weekend with people who invited themselves to our wedding.

For a refresher, we're doing a very intimate ceremony with parents and best friends (12 guests). Everyone is traveling, because we're having it in the area where we're moving.

We haven't really told people other than those we've invited, so when we were home for Memorial Day, people were asking if we've set a date. Well, we've told people that we're just having a small ceremony in September, and most people have just seemed happy for us that we finally set a date after almost a year. We were at a BBQ with some of FI's friends on Sunday, and one of his friends found out about our date and started talking about how he was glad to know now, since he needs notice to take time off work. And his new FI (who I met on Sunday) was saying that she'll be able to work an academic trip around our date.

FI and I are both pretty laid-back, non-confrontational people usually (unless you hit a button with me!) and weren't really sure what to say. In all fairness, this IS a good friend of FI that he's known for a long time. If we were having a big wedding with a bridal party, he'd probably be a groomsman. So I think we're just going to invite them since we're not paying for guests' travel arrangements, and it'll just be two extra people for dinner. The cost really isn't worth alienating a close friend.

Not that big of a deal, since it's 2 people, but I just hope no one else invites themselves!

 

[blacksand]

sillyberry, congratulations! You look amazing! Can't wait to see more pics.

merilenda, I probably would have done the same thing you did, but be careful. If you have other friends in the same friend group, they'll probably assume they're invited, too, and/or be hurt that they aren't. You might be better off telling everyone upfront that you're only invited 12 (or 14) guests, and maybe plan a barbecue or something to celebrate with everyone else afterward. I don't know if I should be giving advice, though. I'm inviting everyone because I can't bear to rank my friends and relatives! Lord know what I'm getting myself into.

 

[KittyGolightly]

Sillyberry, congratulations! You look so beautiful and happy. Best wishes to you and your husband.

 

[merilenda]

Blacksand, you are so right. This is more FI's group of friends than mine, so I think he needs to be the one kind of drawing the line. I guess we learned a lesson though. From now on, when someone asks me if we've set a date, we'll say something more along the lines of "yes we have...we're having a very small ceremony in September, but we'll be having a larger get-together in July (or whenever) and we're looking forward to celebrating with everyone!"

Granted, that means we have to set up some kind of BBQ or something before we move at the beginning of August. This summer just gets more and more stressful!

 

[merilenda]

I need to vent! Guess what happened today? FMIL is trying to add to our guest list. After the incident with FI's friend, I was absolutely at my limit on guests. I'm introverted and I hate large groups of people. Our original goal was to keep the guest list under 10.

Out of the now 14 guests we're up to, only 4 are from "my side." Well, today FMIL called FI and said that she doesn't think she can travel alone and wants to bring his aunt and uncle. So FI had an argument over this. I told him that I'm starting to get really stressed out by the fact that our guest list has grown by a third in the last three days. My idea was that if she doesn't feel like she can travel alone, then we could coordinate her travel plans with other friends/family that are traveling there from the same town. We know people who are planning to fly and people who are planning to drive, so she'd have her pick. On top of that, my mom lives a couple blocks from FMIL and she doesn't want to travel alone either. So it seems like it'd be a good solution to me, and it wouldn't add to our guest list.

Well, the response was that FMIL and FI's aunt and uncle want to turn our wedding into a week-long vacation, so that's why they need to go. I'm sorry, but I don't feel like it's our job to plan the wedding to accommodate their vacation plans. I know 2 or 4 extra guests don't seem like a lot, but it's large compared to our whole guest list.

It's just frustrating me! I really thought we were going to avoid the whole ballooning of the guest list thing.

 

[Rae~]

My FI received a phone call from his brother yesterday, advising us that they are, apparently, "bringing a baby" to our wedding.



A baby. Really? To our No Kids wedding?? And whose baby, exactly?? No, not theirs, but his wife's daughter's baby. I've met his wife a few times, but never met her daughter OR The Baby.

And where is the baby going to BE during the reception (let's not even get into having a screaming baby at the ceremony.... )...? Right beside their table, apparently!! It's not a baby-friendly venue, ie the suites that will be available for "freshening up" are down a set of stairs and along a short hallway... so over the noise of a reception, you'd never hear if the kid were crying/in distress.

PLUS the fact that I have rellies/friends who are making other arrangements for THEIR kids (who we DO know), including one three month old! Admittedly, they live locally and are having family babysit.

And the final kicker is that this brother is already driving six+ hours that morning/day to the wedding, then turning around straight afterwards (at close to midnight!) and driving six+ hours home. With a baby. The Baby is about 7 - 9 months old, I believe - not too sure. I'm sure it loves long road trips.

This is all insane, right? I'm still fuming but am just hoping to gain some perspective here, so honest comments are truly welcome.

At this stage I think we are going to say, "Sorry, the venue just isn't baby-appropriate, plus we have others who have made arrangements for their children, so.... here's a local babysitting suggestion, or we are very sorry and we will miss you on the night".

We haven't heard a reason for the sudden babysitting requirement, either. I would have though that if it was a critical situation, they would have given some explanation. Otherwise, they've known about the wedding for 6 months or so - and yet this comes up in the last week??

Aaaargh. I do feel better just venting.

 

[4ever]

My FI received a phone call from his brother yesterday, advising us that they are, apparently, "bringing a baby" to our wedding.



A baby. Really? To our No Kids wedding?? And whose baby, exactly?? No, not theirs, but his wife's daughter's baby. I've met his wife a few times, but never met her daughter OR The Baby.

And where is the baby going to BE during the reception (let's not even get into having a screaming baby at the ceremony.... )...? Right beside their table, apparently!! It's not a baby-friendly venue, ie the suites that will be available for "freshening up" are down a set of stairs and along a short hallway... so over the noise of a reception, you'd never hear if the kid were crying/in distress.

PLUS the fact that I have rellies/friends who are making other arrangements for THEIR kids (who we DO know), including one three month old! Admittedly, they live locally and are having family babysit.

And the final kicker is that this brother is already driving six+ hours that morning/day to the wedding, then turning around straight afterwards (at close to midnight!) and driving six+ hours home. With a baby. The Baby is about 7 - 9 months old, I believe - not too sure. I'm sure it loves long road trips.

This is all insane, right? I'm still fuming but am just hoping to gain some perspective here, so honest comments are truly welcome.

At this stage I think we are going to say, "Sorry, the venue just isn't baby-appropriate, plus we have others who have made arrangements for their children, so.... here's a local babysitting suggestion, or we are very sorry and we will miss you on the night".

We haven't heard a reason for the sudden babysitting requirement, either. I would have though that if it was a critical situation, they would have given some explanation. Otherwise, they've known about the wedding for 6 months or so - and yet this comes up in the last week??

Aaaargh. I do feel better just venting.

Yep, I'd say something along this line too. And, yes, it is insane. Of them, not you. I don't get why they would want to drive that far with a baby, let alone take one to a wedding. Attention seeking maybe?

We are going kid-free too. It's not really an appropriate venue for kids and I want my guests to be able to relax and enjoy themselves rather than worrying about what the kids are getting into.

 

[4ever]

My FI received a phone call from his brother yesterday, advising us that they are, apparently, "bringing a baby" to our wedding.



A baby. Really? To our No Kids wedding?? And whose baby, exactly?? No, not theirs, but his wife's daughter's baby. I've met his wife a few times, but never met her daughter OR The Baby.

And where is the baby going to BE during the reception (let's not even get into having a screaming baby at the ceremony.... )...? Right beside their table, apparently!! It's not a baby-friendly venue, ie the suites that will be available for "freshening up" are down a set of stairs and along a short hallway... so over the noise of a reception, you'd never hear if the kid were crying/in distress.

PLUS the fact that I have rellies/friends who are making other arrangements for THEIR kids (who we DO know), including one three month old! Admittedly, they live locally and are having family babysit.

And the final kicker is that this brother is already driving six+ hours that morning/day to the wedding, then turning around straight afterwards (at close to midnight!) and driving six+ hours home. With a baby. The Baby is about 7 - 9 months old, I believe - not too sure. I'm sure it loves long road trips.

This is all insane, right? I'm still fuming but am just hoping to gain some perspective here, so honest comments are truly welcome.

At this stage I think we are going to say, "Sorry, the venue just isn't baby-appropriate, plus we have others who have made arrangements for their children, so.... here's a local babysitting suggestion, or we are very sorry and we will miss you on the night".

We haven't heard a reason for the sudden babysitting requirement, either. I would have though that if it was a critical situation, they would have given some explanation. Otherwise, they've known about the wedding for 6 months or so - and yet this comes up in the last week??

Aaaargh. I do feel better just venting.

Yep, I'd say something along this line too. And, yes, it is insane. Of them, not you. I don't get why they would want to drive that far with a baby, let alone take one to a wedding. Attention seeking maybe?

We are going kid-free too. It's not really an appropriate venue for kids and I want my guests to be able to relax and enjoy themselves rather than worrying about what the kids are getting into.

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

Well, it seems like we are all running into similar guest situations. I really didn't expect this to happen to me, but my mom has decided that her husband's sister and family (husband and 2 kids) must be invited to our ceremony, cocktail hour, and dinner.

We are having a small ceremony with our family and maybe 6 closest friends only. These are the people that are invited to cocktail hour and dinner. We are then having a large dance reception for anyone else with wine, champagne, beer, cake and snacks. These people are invited (on my list) to the reception.

My mom got remarried when I was sixteen. I graduated high school at 17 and left home, never living there permanantly again because her second husband is raging alcoholic and I can't stand him. So, she wants me to invite his sister and the rest of her family to the whole shindig because "she would be so hurt if I didn't." GRRRRRR. I hate that guilt trip crap!

I replied 2 days ago to her e-mail that I had to stand firm and have them only come to the reception because we are only having family (I do not consider them my family) and closest friends. I asked her to consider who else I'm not inviting because of this rule. For example, I'm not inviting my best friend's (who is standing up) parents to the ceremony and I practically lived at their house during high school due to said alcoholic step-father. Now I haven't heard from my mom since the e-mail and I'm worried that she is super pissed at me.

I feel like this was a no-win situation. I did what I wanted since it is our wedding, not hers, but she will probably hold this against me.

 

[merilenda]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Sorry, I'm in a bad mood over all this. But why do people think it's appropriate to invite people (or babies) to someone else's wedding? I must be naive, because I really thought we'd manage to avoid this.

Future Mrs. Sterling, I would definitely draw the line. That's kind of my reasoning, too. Besides the fact that I DON'T WANT ANYMORE PEOPLE at the wedding, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I feel like people are much more willing to accept that you're only have a couple of select guests at the ceremony (like parents/best friends) than seeing that you've invited certain family members and not others, etc.

In more positive news, my wedding ring arrived today! I'm totally wearing it right now! I'm really excited. Our invites are supposed to be delivered today, too.

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

Merilenda - I'm glad we feel the same way about these things and it's not just my bride emotions taking over. Hopefully it doesn't cause any lasting divides for either of us. *crossing fingers*

 

[vc10um]

I'm so sorry you ladies have all been experiencing guest woes. We were fortunate enough to be able to invite all family that we wanted to invite from our grandparents on down (so all our aunts, uncles, cousins, and their children) from which we are not estranged were invited. FI's brother DID invite his girlfriend without asking us, but between then and the time the invites went out, they became engaged, so it ended up being a relatively moot point (though it still doesn't change the fact that it was R.U.D.E.).

I, on the other hand, have been experiencing RSVP woes. Today is the day they are due. We sent out 52 invitations. WE ARE STILL MISSING FIFTEEN RSVPs. Several of my friends, one of my uncles (though he's a private pilot and therefore a "maybe" until about 3 days before the wedding anyway), and FI's PARENTS, BROTHERS, and FAVORITE COUSIN. SERIOUSLY!??! HOW do you not RSVP!?!? I gave you a self-addressed stamped envelope. AND I even numbered the backs of the cards, juuuust in case you were too busy to write in your name. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CHECK THE BOX AND TELL ME HOW MANY KIDS YOU HAVE UNDER 10 AND UNDER 4!!!

/vent

Otherwise, everything is going well! The photobooks from Shutterfly turned out REALLY WELL (our guestbook, and FI's wedding present). I am super excited. We bought a bunch of new clothes this past weekend at REI for the honeymoon, so that was also nice. I still need to get FI's ring engraved, and then after that, it's just a lot of paper products and little things! 22 days!!!

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

Wow, VC. 22 days!?! I can't imagine, although I will know soon enough. Those definitely seem like people you shouldn't have to hound for an RSVP. What the???? Good luck getting the rest of your responses.

I am designing my invites tomorrow with my sister. If everything goes well, I plan to have them printed this week, and then I will have a small assembly party next weekend - they are all DIY. I can't wait for them to be done so I can show you ladies and get them mailed out!

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

Invites were completed yesterday. Here is a version without the personal info for you ladies. When the whole works is completed and ready to be mailed, I will post up in the DIY forum. I'm so happy with how they turned out! A first look for now:

 

[sillyberry]

FMS, those are SO FRICKING PERFECT. I love the birdies! And they totally have a "swanky, not stuffy" vibe about them I totally dig.

 

[vc10um]

LOVE LOVE LOVE them, FMS!!! Can't wait to see the whole set when it's finished!!!

OMFG 20 days.

I had not one but two people stop me today and tell me I'm looking great. Makes all the hard work I've done to lose 30 (yes, it's official, 30!) pounds since the engagement (almost a year ago) SO worth it!!!

So.Much.Paper. GAH! Currently drowning in purple and green cardstock, cream vellum, corner punches, and Microsoft Publisher.

Also, did I mention I'm in a wedding this weekend in Columbus, Ohio...a 7 hour drive from home?!?! GAH!

 

[merilenda]

I love your invitations, FMS! We actually received ours last week, and I've been meaning to post them.

VC, I can't believe you only have 20 days! Great work on the 30 pound loss - it definitely takes a lot of will power and motivation! I've lost about 15 pounds or so. I'd love to lose 15-20 more before September, but we'll see. We have our session with Sarah on Thursday, so I'm kind of excited and nervous at the same time! I think I have all my outfits planned out and we've chosen our locations. Well, for one of them Sarah wants to try a new location, so she's going to try to go scout it out today or tomorrow.

Here's our invitations. I love them and can't wait to send them out! When do you ladies think is the earliest invitations should be sent out? We want to get them out kind of early because everyone will be traveling from the midwest. Plus, we're moving from the midwest to PA at the beginning of August.

 

[vc10um]

Merilenda, I hope you have a fabulous time with Sarah! I can't wait to see your pics up on her blog!!! Kudos to you on the loss as well! And I LOVE your invites! Love! As for posting them...did you send Save the Dates? If not, and travel is involved, I'd say 12 weeks is reasonable. If you DID send Save the Dates, then you can wait a bit. I sent mine out 8 weeks prior and had sent Save the Dates. I'd keep in mind where you're planning on receiving the RSVPs as well...do you want them back in KC, or do you want them to come to PA? Or if they're virtual, then that doesn't matter!

 

[Gypsy]

Invites were completed yesterday. Here is a version without the personal info for you ladies. When the whole works is completed and ready to be mailed, I will post up in the DIY forum. I'm so happy with how they turned out! A first look for now:

I ADORE these. Seriously the perfect invites. Great job!


Sillyberry, congrats! I love the I DID.

Merlinda, your invites are just lovely and so colorful! LOVE THEM!

 

[merilenda]

We didn't do Save the Dates. I think we'll probably send them out at the end of June, which is about 10 weeks before the date. The problem is that we don't have a PA address yet, so we had to put our KC address on the envelopes. We didn't order response cards though because we're only having about 15 guests and honestly, they already have all the wedding info and have informally RSVP'd. The invitations are mostly just a formality - we got them at a great price on Etsy and loved them.

I mostly just want to have them sent out early so I can check another thing off the to-do list. And I don't want to be trying to do the invitations at the same time as a major move.

 

[vc10um]

We didn't do Save the Dates. I think we'll probably send them out at the end of June, which is about 10 weeks before the date. The problem is that we don't have a PA address yet, so we had to put our KC address on the envelopes. We didn't order response cards though because we're only having about 15 guests and honestly, they already have all the wedding info and have informally RSVP'd. The invitations are mostly just a formality - we got them at a great price on Etsy and loved them.

I mostly just want to have them sent out early so I can check another thing off the to-do list. And I don't want to be trying to do the invitations at the same time as a major move.

You could always just throw a cute insert card in a matching color of cardstock into the envelope asking them for an official RSVP by email. Just create a new gmail account like JuliaandJoseph (pulled from your invite...promise I'm not a stalker!) or (FI'sLastName)Wedding, or use the ones you already have.

Lots of weather dust for your session tomorrow! The three blog posts that went up from engagement sessions yesterday are SO CUTE...can't wait to see yours!!!

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

VC - way to go on your incredible weight loss! I am struggling right now so I know how much HARD WORK it is to lose weight. 30 lbs is fantastic! You are going to look amazing on your big day that is now just over 2 weeks away. I would be freaking out!!!!

Thanks to all of your ladies for your nice compliments on my invites. I am taking them to either Office Max or Kinko's to be printed this Saturday. Let's hope everything turns out fabulously!!!

 

[blacksand]

VC and merilenda, congrats on the weight loss! How did you do it? My weight just won't budge, and I feel like I can't go dress shopping until it does!

Love the invitations, Future Mrs. Sterling and merilenda. I'm loving the birds on both!

 

[vc10um]

Thanks, FMS and blacksand!!!

I've been using a website called myfooddiary.com. I am a 3 or 4 time Weight Watchers flunkie...because "Points" never were, and still aren't, "real" to me. MFD is just a food and exercise tracker with forum support. It tells you how many calories you should be eating each day to lose at your desired rate, based on your current weight, gender, and activity level (ie: do you work a desk job, etc.)...but NEVER wants you to lose more than 2 lbs/week...it's not safe or healthy...or maintainable, really! It's all just about calories in vs. calories out. Sometimes I fall off the recording wagon, but when I do, I find myself maintaining, or only really gaining a pound or two, and then I get back on the horse and it's gone quickly! I highly recommend it! And it's $9 a month. Not enough to bankrupt you, but since I'm PAYING for it, I'll USE it, as opposed to some similar free programs out there.

 

[blacksand]

Thanks for the tip! I've been using SparkPeople on and off, but I'm finding that I just can't stick to counting calories every day. I get bored and fall off the wagon, and I always fall hard! But maybe a paid service would be better, if only to make me stick to it. It's definitely a good idea. Maybe I'll give it a try.

 

[merilenda]

We didn't do Save the Dates. I think we'll probably send them out at the end of June, which is about 10 weeks before the date. The problem is that we don't have a PA address yet, so we had to put our KC address on the envelopes. We didn't order response cards though because we're only having about 15 guests and honestly, they already have all the wedding info and have informally RSVP'd. The invitations are mostly just a formality - we got them at a great price on Etsy and loved them.

I mostly just want to have them sent out early so I can check another thing off the to-do list. And I don't want to be trying to do the invitations at the same time as a major move.

You could always just throw a cute insert card in a matching color of cardstock into the envelope asking them for an official RSVP by email. Just create a new gmail account like JuliaandJoseph (pulled from your invite...promise I'm not a stalker!) or (FI'sLastName)Wedding, or use the ones you already have.

Lots of weather dust for your session tomorrow! The three blog posts that went up from engagement sessions yesterday are SO CUTE...can't wait to see yours!!!

That's a good idea on the email response thing! We actually already have an gmail address that is JoeandJulia(lastname) for our joint Kindle account. Ironic because I haven't totally decided if I'm changing my name.

Thanks for the weather dust! Looks like there might be storms, so we'll see. Sarah is excited about shooting in a new location and said that if it's too cloudy or it gets rainy, we'll just reschedule. She said the location is going to be gorgeous, and we're super excited to be the first couple she's shooting there! I checked out the new engagement sessions and they all look great.

Now I'm in mini panic mode because I haven't decided if I want to wear my hair straight or wavy. Plus I need to paint my fingernails and toenails tonight and get things ready since we're shooting after I get home from work tomorrow.

 

[merilenda]

VC and merilenda, congrats on the weight loss! How did you do it? My weight just won't budge, and I feel like I can't go dress shopping until it does!

Love the invitations, Future Mrs. Sterling and merilenda. I'm loving the birds on both!

Like VC, I'm kind of a WW flunkie. Speaking of, my subscription expires on Friday so I need to cancel it before then since I'm not really using it. I track points for a while and then get tired of it and stop. So it's kind of a waste of money. It's a great program though if you stick with it! I think it really does work.

Right now I'm winging it, which is admittedly not the best system, but I am eating pretty healthy. I'm planning to start tracking calories again, which is how I always lose the most weight. I set a daily calorie goal and then use sparkpeople or an equivalent site to just track exactly how many calories I'm eating. When you've burned 3,500 more calories than you've taken in, that's a pound of fat lost.

 

[sillyberry]

merilenda, I said it before, but I think those invitations are just totally and completely lovely. They ooze so much charm and whimsy!

 

[vc10um]

merilenda!!! Sarah's FB status said you guys were shooting in a TORNADO WATCH!!! Bad.@$$...and very KCMO. I hope you had a fantastic time!!!

 

[merilenda]

There was a tornado watch! But luckily it was kind of patchy and held off. It sprinkled at one point for maybe 10 minutes and that was it. The Parkville Nature Sanctuary was amazing - there's a huge waterfall there! I had no idea there was something like that around here. Sarah is really excited about finding it. I hope we get some awesome shots...I'm excited to see them! I love all the sessions I've seen on the blog, so I'm sure we'll get some good stuff.

I can't believe how tired I am now! We splurged on pizza for dinner because we walked around so much and all I'd eaten today was some crackers for lunch (we didn't get done until about 9!). I totally just ate 3 pieces and I kind of want more but am trying to control myself, haha.