getting lost in stupid stuff

[blacksand]

vc10um and 4ever, thanks! 4ever, we also thought it would be super expensive and figured there was no way we could afford it. We went to visit just out of curiosity. The prices were better than any of the other places we had looked, and it's much nicer. The price also includes just about everything you can think of. Vast quantities of amazing food, open bar, service charges, wedding cake, linens and 5.5 hours of awesomeness. The staff seemed more professional and accommodating than any other place we had visited, too. I'm suddenly so happy I'm getting married off-season!

Our price per person includes "premium" open bar (whatever that means), so we don't really have a choice in the matter, and I'm really happy I don't have to worry about it. We do get kids for half price, since they won't be drinking, which definitely helps reduce our total cost. I'm really glad, honestly. I was considering just doing wine and beer at dinnertime to save money, but I know my friends and family will prefer open bar, and I'm not worried about people getting too drunk since most people will be staying at the hotel right next door. As long as they can stumble across the parking lot after the ceremony, we're good.

Can I be a jealous bride for three seconds, please? Two of my cousins got engaged in the last month, and I'm happy for them both. One is getting married before me, but that is to be expected since FI and I are having a relatively long engagement. The other one isn't getting married for three years. I haven't seen this side of the family at all since I got engaged. We are pretty close and normally see each other much more often, this year was just kind of a fluke. So I was so excited to see everyone for Thanksgiving, and celebrate all three engagements in the family. None of them have even seen my grandmother's diamond in its new home yet! Then yesterday I got an invitation in the mail to an engagement party for one of the cousins (the one who isn't getting married for three years). The party is Thanksgiving weekend, the same day of our annual family Thanksgiving get together. So...instead of celebrating Thanksgiving this year and toasting to all three engagements that have taken place in the family since we last saw each other, we are all getting together to celebrate just one of them, while the other two engaged couples smile and congratulate them (and give them presents, of course). FI says I am being jealous and petty and he's probably right, but I just think it's so messed up to do this on Thanksgiving, especially when there are two other engagements we haven't had a chance to celebrate yet. I'm sure people will congratulate us at my cousin's engagement party, but it kinda stinks to be an afterthought at someone else's party. Ok, done venting, sorry for being a jerk.

 

[slg47]

blacksand I don't think you are being a jerk...that would definitely be irritating! it would definitely make sense to celebrate all three engagements...

I got my shoes today! I am debating whether or not to order the flower trim that goes with them or to make flowers (or find some)...and if I decide to make them I was thinking I would do it in the same color as the bridesmaids dresss?

 

[4ever]

Maybe it's just the photos but I don't super love the those flowers for the shoes. Is it me or do they look a little more yellow than the shoes? I would make some myself or get some off etsy myself.

Blacksand, While I think having an engagement party at thanksgiving is a little selfish, I don't really think it's anything to get too worked up about. I'm sure people with congratulate you too and you can have your own party another time.

 

[slg47]

well I made my own shoe flowers yesterday...MUCH cheaper!!

 

[vc10um]

slg...while I think those clips give a little extra "oomph" to your shoes, I feel like they really fight with your absolutely stunning dress.

If you're looking to add a little something special to your shoes, I'd check out colored rhinestone and/or pearl clips instead. I think something a bit more dainty will lend itself more to the look. Otherwise, if you're looking for a "something blue" you could follow Hudson_Hawk's lead and paint the soles blue.

 

[4ever]

I kind of agree but would have to see them with your dress. Maybe if they were only the white bit with a couple of pearls in the middle?


In other news, I've been at the hospital all day because FI, while trying to loose weight for the wedding, has given himself a hernia at the gym which is pretty excruciatingly painful. He's hopefully going to get it operated on and get sent home tomorrow. In the mean time I am going to sulk because it has been years since I slept in a bed by myself and also I missed my appointment with the dressmaker today *pout*

 

[blacksand]

I like the shoe flowers! I love the little peek of blue. I guess I would have to see them with the dress to know for sure, but I think they're really cute.

4ever, I hope your FI is okay! I'm sorry you missed your appointment and you have to sleep alone. I hope the operation goes well and your FI will REST and take it easy from now on. Exercise is great, but it sounds like he was way overdoing it.

Someone just bought our firsts gifts off of our registry! Yes, more than a year in advance of the wedding! We haven't even given anyone the registry info yet. In fact, we weren't even finished creating it yet, and we had no plans to publish it until next year. We just started it to keep track of the things we liked, really. But yesterday, FSIL posted on my facebook that she had purchased a wedding gift and a shower gift for us. Sorry, but I only lasted about 5 seconds before I peeked at the registry to see what was up. I thought she must have gotten some whimsical cake pan or something, not a big gift this early, and I about hit the floor when I saw she got us the KA stand mixer I have been wanting since I was about 2! Ok, I know I shouldn't have peeked, but we were going to see it eventually...we were still adding items to the registry! I am shocked that she bought presents so soon and that she got us such a big ticket item. This is the same FSIL I posted about once before, about how awkward our relationship was and how I always get the sense that she doesn't like me. Well, she seems to like me now! I replied on facebook that she certainly didn't need to get anything, especially not this early, but that we really appreciate her awesome enthusiasm! She said she was so on board with our awesome wedding she just couldn't wait. So...two amazing things happened here: my FSIL and I now have a good relationship, and I'm getting a stand mixer!

 

[slg47]

ooh what color kitchenaid mixer??? I have also been wanting one since I was really young

I think the shoes will work since they will not be seen...I think the dress will cover everything? luckily the flowers are removable and were less than $5

 

[blacksand]

I just got the white one because I'm lame. I was worried if I got an interesting color I would eventually tire of it, or that we'd change the color scheme of the kitchen if we moved or something. I wanted the chrome, but the white was cheaper, so I just put that on the registry. I was still deciding, and in fact I almost changed it to green the other day, but then my FSIL bought it, so...white it is! I don't care, I just can't wait to start using it. Now I just have to wait!

I still really like the shoes. Especially if the dress will cover them, and they'll only be seen in a few photos or occasionally peek out. I think they're really cute, and for under $5, you did great.

 

[slg47]

well you can't go wrong with white...my mom has had her white mixer for almost 20 years now!!! we registered for the persimmon one...with all of those colors I just had to pick one

question...are you ladies having a bridal shower? i have never been to one before...six of FI's mom's friends have formed a 'planning committee' for my shower and will be hosting it in FI's hometown. (my MOH had asked if she should plan a shower...but since she is out of state and in school I told her that I was not expecting her to host a shower). Anyway, FI's mom asked me for a guest list of people I wanted to invite...who is generally invited? I was thinking I would just invite my mom, bridesmaids, and my aunt? I know my mom is planning on making the trip out, and I don't expect my aunt to but I thought I would extend an invitation. As far as bridesmaids...I also don't think they would travel (they will have to travel to the wedding) but I obviously want to invite them...I just don't want it to look like I am placing more 'duties' on them?? Or do bridesmaids generally travel for things like wedding showers? 2 plane trips for 1 wedding just seems excessive and $$$ IMO...

 

[blacksand]

Showers are so complicated! I'm trying not to think about mine, to be honest. I feel like I shouldn't be involved in planning it at all, and I shouldn't expect that I will have one. So it will be whatever it is. Traditionally, it is the MOH and bridesmaids who plan (and pay for) the shower. I have done so almost every time I have been a bridesmaid, but there is always at least one bridesmaid in the group who doesn't feel she should have to lift a finger, so there is always drama (somehow, I always seem to get stuck with the bill). Because it is common nowadays for generous MOBs, MILs, aunts, etc. to host the shower, a lot of bridesmaids have come to expect it. My family is very traditional, however, so I know they will not host the shower per traditional etiquette, and will expect my bridal party to do so. I am so afraid there will be drama with my bridesmaids that I'd rather just not have a shower at all then have them fight. If I don't have a shower, so be it. Anyway, in your case, yes, I would invite the bridesmaids, but tell them you understand if they can't make it. I'd be hurt if I were a bridesmaid and I didn't get an invite to your shower. So invite them and tell them you understand it may be difficult for them to make it, but you wanted them to know they were absolutely welcome. And thank your FMIL profusely for taking that off your bridesmaids' plate. That will make things a lot easier on them, and possibly save everyone some drama. Gah. I am so not looking forward to this.

 

[4ever]

No bridal shower for me - I don't think it is very "done" in New Zealand to have a shower. Bachelorette party yes, shower, no.
The main difference being the bachelorette party if often, but not always, a night out and you don't give gifts unless it's inexpensive and part of a game for the night. Girls can still do a high tea or wine tasting or something for their bachelorette party, it dosn't have to be a night on the town but I think we don't use the term "shower" because it implies more gifts. Also unless it's really tame it's usually just close girlfriends. Personally I can't think of many things that would make me more uncomfortable than all the women sitting round watching me open presents.

If you have a shower, do you also have a bachelorette party?

 

[vc10um]

slg, I had a bridal shower, but it was thrown as a complete surprise to me.

I've been a bridesmaid 4 times and actually never been responsible for throwing the shower. I've also been an out of town bridesmaid for all four weddings...I've managed to attend two of four showers. In general, the invite list amounts to the women closest to the bride that are invited to the wedding. If you invite them to the shower (or the bachelorette party), you should also invite them to the wedding. But being invited to the wedding does not necessitate an invite to the shower or bachelorette party.

So in your case, I'd make a list with your mom, your bridesmaids, any other female family members you feel close to, and any girlfriends that you feel similarly close to but aren't necessarily maids. I've flown for showers before, and my friends drove nearly 4 hours to be at my surprise bachelorette party/bridal shower weekend. So I would just invite the women you want to share in your day and leave it to them to decide if they can make it!

 

[vc10um]

Oh, and blacksand, YAY for your new mixer AND an improved relationship with SIL! Sounds like a double-whammy of awesome to me!

Our KitchenAid was our first gift as well...an engagement/shower present from my momma.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I'm having three showers (I know! That's a lot, but I didn't ask for any of them). FI's mom's friends are throwing a couple's shower in TX. We're inviting the bridal party, some family friends, and a few of our younger friends. Then some friends here in OK (Uppy included are throwing one that will probably be more family and a few friends from the Air Force base. And finally, some of my mom's friend's from church will be throwing a foo-foo girly shower.

I won't invite one person to more than one shower, other than the bridesmaids. They have already been told not to bring a gift to ANY of them, as they are already doing enough. Also, they aren't throwing a shower because they are all family.

They are complicated and it's hard to make sure you're doing everything politely.

 

[slg47]

OK so random but I think our photographer hates us??? I have been e-mailing back and forth trying to schedule our engagement session...

email from photog on oct 5...dec 22nd works
email from me on oct 9...ok, sounds good. let's schedule it then.
email from me on oct 22...just checking, are we on for the 22nd?
email from me on oct 26...just checking...are we on for the 22nd?
email from photog on oct 26...YES!

gaah I hate all of this wedding crap sometimes...

 

[blacksand]

I don't think your photographer hates you! Sounds like one of those things that just didn't come out right in an email. The "YES!" probably meant excitement, not exasperation. Still, he/she should have apologized for not replying to your previous messages. Oh well, a lot of people aren't great with email etiquette. As long as you like your photog in person and can reach him/her when you need to (by phone maybe?), I wouldn't worry too much about it. The engagement shoot will help you get used to each other's communication styles more, so that should help. And hey, December 22, what a great date! Exactly one year out from my wedding. I wish I could press fast forward right about now....

 

[Novel]

OK so random but I think our photographer hates us??? I have been e-mailing back and forth trying to schedule our engagement session...

email from photog on oct 5...dec 22nd works
email from me on oct 9...ok, sounds good. let's schedule it then.
email from me on oct 22...just checking, are we on for the 22nd?
email from me on oct 26...just checking...are we on for the 22nd?
email from photog on oct 26...YES!

gaah I hate all of this wedding crap sometimes...

I get this sometimes with people at work, where they think they don't need to confirm things, or that I was the one confirming. The not replying to emails would make me crazy, though.

For example, I left four messages - 2 with actual people, 2 on vm, with the group manager at the hotels in my aunt's town. I had to call and actually get her on the phone before she spoke with me, though! Would not call me back!

Oh, also, honeymoon thread over in Hangout! We need advice! Doesn't help that we haven't figured out what we can afford to spend on a honeymoon...

 

[4ever]

I visited a dressmaker/designer today and I'm pretty happy with what we came up with together. She really listened to what I like and don't like, had a really good look at my inspiration picutres and gave an honest opinon as to what would look good and what fabric she would go for to get the look I want and she's very reasonably priced. I'm thinking I will go with her but I feel like I should learn from my previous mistakes and shop around a little first.

It's kind of a blend of the two below photos, the cap sleeves and long thin panels which the strap are made from (which will be wider at the bottom to give some more fullness to the skirt) and the slight sweetheart of the cocktail dress, with the overall shape, fabric, simplicity (and MAYBE a similar belt) as the long dress.

I'm 5"10 and very hourglass shaped and I think a US size 10-12. I want it to look very structural, simple, elegant and well balanced/proportioned.


Opinions?

 

[slg47]

I visited a dressmaker/designer today and I'm pretty happy with what we came up with together. She really listened to what I like and don't like, had a really good look at my inspiration picutres and gave an honest opinon as to what would look good and what fabric she would go for to get the look I want and she's very reasonably priced. I'm thinking I will go with her but I feel like I should learn from my previous mistakes and shop around a little first.

It's kind of a blend of the two below photos, the cap sleeves and long thin panels which the strap are made from (which will be wider at the bottom to give some more fullness to the skirt) and the slight sweetheart of the cocktail dress, with the overall shape, fabric, simplicity (and MAYBE a similar belt) as the long dress.

I'm 5"10 and very hourglass shaped and I think a US size 10-12. I want it to look very structural, simple, elegant and well balanced/proportioned.


Opinions?

4ever I really like it it's tough though because you can't try it on...can you try on dresses with a similar cut to see if you would like them on?

 

[4ever]

Yeah it is though not being able to try it, but my school ball dress was the same fitted shape except strapless and all my favorite cocktail/work dresses have cap sleeves or wide-ish straps and are like the cocktail dress in the picture, very structured and fitted.
I could go and try some on but in NZ bridal salons charge $50-$100 to try on dresses

 

[slg47]

Yeah it is though not being able to try it, but my school ball dress was the same fitted shape except strapless and all my favorite cocktail/work dresses have cap sleeves and are like the cocktail dress in the picture, very structured and fitted to the knee.
I could go and try some on but in NZ bridal salons charge $50-$100 to try on dresses

oh ok, if you have worn dresses in that style before then I think you are safe. I can't believe they charge just to try on dresses!!!!

 

[4ever]

Yeah it is though not being able to try it, but my school ball dress was the same fitted shape except strapless and all my favorite cocktail/work dresses have cap sleeves and are like the cocktail dress in the picture, very structured and fitted to the knee.
I could go and try some on but in NZ bridal salons charge $50-$100 to try on dresses

oh ok, if you have worn dresses in that style before then I think you are safe. I can't believe they charge just to try on dresses!!!!

I know, it's disgusting but it's the norm here so nobody questions it too much. The charge of trying them on is deducted off your dress if you order one.

 

[slg47]

Yeah it is though not being able to try it, but my school ball dress was the same fitted shape except strapless and all my favorite cocktail/work dresses have cap sleeves and are like the cocktail dress in the picture, very structured and fitted to the knee.
I could go and try some on but in NZ bridal salons charge $50-$100 to try on dresses

oh ok, if you have worn dresses in that style before then I think you are safe. I can't believe they charge just to try on dresses!!!!

I know, it's disgusting but it's the norm here so nobody questions it too much. The charge of trying them on is deducted off your dress if you order one.

ugh...that's terrible!!! what if you don't like any at the particular store?? that sounds awful...

 

[4ever]

Yeah it is though not being able to try it, but my school ball dress was the same fitted shape except strapless and all my favorite cocktail/work dresses have cap sleeves and are like the cocktail dress in the picture, very structured and fitted to the knee.
I could go and try some on but in NZ bridal salons charge $50-$100 to try on dresses

oh ok, if you have worn dresses in that style before then I think you are safe. I can't believe they charge just to try on dresses!!!!

I know, it's disgusting but it's the norm here so nobody questions it too much. The charge of trying them on is deducted off your dress if you order one.

ugh...that's terrible!!! what if you don't like any at the particular store?? that sounds awful...

Then that sucks for you because that's $50-$100 less off your dress budget. I object to this.
From what I gather most brides do a lot of research on what kind of price ranges, styles and designers stores stock before they choose where to go try on. Also if it's a dress "designer" your consultation appointment could cost well over $100, AND you don't get that back off the price of your dress. AND dresses are really expensive in NZ.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

4ever, I love your style!!! That dress is going to be FABOOSH! I mean, seriously drool worthy! But you know me, I love wedding gowns with straps.

I just ordered my dress for the rehearsal dinner. It's really simple, ivory chiffon with charmeuse at the waist.. So I need some killer heels to make it fun. I was hoping for not just plain ivory pumps, because I'm wearing those for the wedding, and I don't need two pairs of ivory shoes.


How is everything coming for the rest of you?

 

[4ever]

4ever, I love your style!!! That dress is going to be FABOOSH! I mean, seriously drool worthy! But you know me, I love wedding gowns with straps.

I just ordered my dress for the rehearsal dinner. It's really simple, ivory chiffon with charmeuse at the waist.. So I need some killer heels to make it fun. I was hoping for not just plain ivory pumps, because I'm wearing those for the wedding, and I don't need two pairs of ivory shoes.


How is everything coming for the rest of you?

Thanks Oupeargirl, I love your style too!

I think your rehearsal dinner dress sounds beautiful; any pics?

I am working on getting a big statement wedding necklace I have been drooling over/stalking online by getting it sent to my friends dad in the US and getting him to bring it over with him when he visits at Christmas. No pics yet because I'm terrified (after spending so much time trying to find where to buy it) that it will sell out before I get one!

 

[vc10um]

4ever, I LOVE that concept for your dress. After seeing your figure in the first dress (good luck reselling that, btw), I think you've nailed the right cut and style for you, and I LOVE the idea of the panels/seaming that will run down the front. I think it will be sleek and romantic at the same time!

OU, what are your wedding colors? Could you get a cute fun heel in one of those colors to wear with the rehearsal dress?

 

[blacksand]

4ever, I can't wait to see your dress, it sounds amazing. And OU, that rehearsal dinner dress sounds gorgeous, too. I'd go with a little color in the shoes, maybe something that would coordinate with your wedding colors, or just something you like! I plan on wearing a royal purple number at my rehearsal dinner, and that doesn't go with my wedding colors at all, so I figure anything goes!

 

[4ever]

Another vote for fun coloured shoes!

Anyone know anything about wedding fabrics? The one the dress makers has suggested (can remember the name of it- cathedral something) is really nice and heavy and not too shinny, comes in nice colours and she thinks will give me the look of the fabric in the second dress I posted. I initially did not consider silk because of the expense, but should I? Will it LOOk more expensive? Are all silks dyeable so I could change the dress into a ball dress after?