Getting Married....and the cost scares me!

[AceP]

Date: 10/15/2007 1:08:11 PM
Author: janinegirly
hi there,

i guess i''m more curious if people include all incidentals when calculating the total cost of a wedding.

for example, the bulk of the wedding costs are: reception (which includes all food/service/rooms), flowers, limo''s, band, church, invitations, photographe.
BUT if i add things like my dress, make up, accessories, wedding party gifts, our rings, honeymoon, favors, trials..hmm adds up to quite a bit! just curious if how others come up with their totals.

i would this is pretty individual, but in the $40-45k i''m hoping to stay under, i''m including friday night dinner, sunday brunch, wedding and reception and everything that includes, as well as dress & shoes, invitations. actually, it''s probably easier to add up what i''m NOT including in that total: rings, wedding day jewelry, honeymoon, fiance''s attire. does that help?

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I think my weddng cost between $10K and $12K in 2005 for ~300 guests (not including rings). We were on a pretty tight budget and had help from our families to pay for it. We didn''t do anything too extravagent - Catholic Mass ceremony, buffet reception, DJ, roses for the ceremony/carnations for the reception and open bar for the night. Our ceremony was elegant (and long) and reflected what DH and I really wanted. Our reception was a huge party and we still get compliments on how much fun it was. We enjoyed ourselves and didn''t over spend - no regrets at all.

~Jess~

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/15/2007 1:08:11 PM
Author: janinegirly
hi there,

i guess i''m more curious if people include all incidentals when calculating the total cost of a wedding.

for example, the bulk of the wedding costs are: reception (which includes all food/service/rooms), flowers, limo''s, band, church, invitations, photographe.
BUT if i add things like my dress, make up, accessories, wedding party gifts, our rings, honeymoon, favors, trials..hmm adds up to quite a bit! just curious if how others come up with their totals.

My total (about 7K) included:

ceremony site (500), flutist (175), solemnization for officiant (25), flowers (200), chair rental (130)
Tux rental (150), dress/veil/alterations/shoes/etc (892), Hair (50)
Schooner rental (1500), catering & cake (1500)
Photographer (900), Disposable cameras (70), Signature mat (40)
DIY Invites/postage (45), marriage license (40), Attendant gifts (250),
Limo (285)
Incidentals (200)

We budgeted separately for rings/honeymoon, so those aren''t included.

Things we didn''t need/want/have: DJ, videographer, toasting glasses, knife for cake, favors, programs, centerpieces, placecards, seating chart

 

[Mara]

locally here in N.CA it seems like most weddings we go to are about $25-45k depending on where/what/when/who. if we would have done it locally, it would have been really hard to keep it at about $20-25k and that would have been cutting corners left and right and doing things like sunday afternoon, appetizers only, etc. a saturday wedding would have been 4k for rental only for like 6 hours, and then per head NOT even including wine or alcohol would have been $80 per person for 100 people. for only a pretty venue, nothing super amazing. crazy!

so we did destination for $15k total including our airfare and week and a half in hawaii before/during/after wedding trip costs. and we were able to do more for our guests and the bridal party than we would have been able to do locally. definitely no regrets!! but i have been to some amazing $20-25k weddings and on the same note, really quite mediocre $40-50k weddings. so it's not about what you spend but how you make the $$ work for you in my opinion!

 

[Po10472]

Our wedding which was nearly 4 years ago cost us £12,000 which is roughly $24,000..........believe it or not we are still trying to pay it off. We bought a house, got engaged and married within 12 months!!! So it was a very very expensive year.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I have a huge spreadsheet with every single wedding-related cost in it. I am a bit crazy when it comes to tracking all of my expenditures, especially the wedding-related one since I was adament about sticking to my budget, so every time I would buy any little thing for the wedding I''d add it to the spreadsheet. When all was said and done I compared the total from the spreadsheet with the remaining balance in our wedding account which we used for wedding-related things ONLY and they matched perfectly, so our total included absolutely every wedding-related expense there was.

 

[RoseAngel04]

Our wedding ran around $20,000 for 200 guests in Texas. Wedding prices vary depending on what the couple wants. I believe that Laguna Beach is a high cost of living area, so I''d imagine the average wedding price in LB is higher than the average city.

 

[Pandora II]

I''m not including:

Rings, honeymoon, make-up, hair, shoes, underwear etc, bridesmaids/groomsman gifts, FI''s morning suit outfit, shoes etc, accommodation, plus all the ridiculous things that seem so small but REALLY add up.


I am including:

Venue, catering, drinks, stationery, the dress, music, flowers and other decorations, bridesmaid''s dresses, photographer, favours, ceremony costs.

My parents have a budget to pay for the venue, catering, drinks, photographer and some of the flowers and stationery, plus half the cost of my dress and the bridesmaids. FI and I are paying the rest. FI is paying the ceremony costs as that is a traditional responsibility of the groom.

 

[musey]

Date: 10/15/2007 8:47:07 PM
Author: Pandora II

FI is paying the ceremony costs as that is a traditional responsibility of the groom.

I didn''t know that!!

 

[Gwyn]

I am getting married in Southern California at westlake village and for about 50 people the ceremony/reception is looking the be about 10k

This includes, ceremony/reception site, cocktail hour, all food (except cake), beverages, tax and tip.

We dont have attire, cake, flowers, officiant, dj or favors factored in (and im sure there is more stuff I am not thinking of)

We are planning between 15 and 20K

 

[diamondfan]

In my costs, my mom pretty much paid for it all since my fiance''s parents could not really contribute. So she paid for things that they would traditionally have paid for during the wedding. They did pay for a rehearsal dinner the night before, which was nice. I truly did not care, and wanted to have things a certain way, and not have stress that they could not afford it. So my mother just did it and nothing was discussed. My in laws are not tradition bound anyway and did not care what they were "supposed" to pay for. So it just was easier to not have the arguments.

My dress and shoes, hair and make up, clothes for all the weekend events and incidentals were not included. Nor were my invitations. I wanted engraved invitations that were hand calligraphied, and my mother agreed, but that was not in the final budget. The budget really was the hotel, the food that night, the band and the flowers.

Fiance paid for our honeymoon, our suite the night of the wedding, and our limo to the airport the next morning.

 

[swingirl]

WOW!!! I am shocked at the cost of weddings! Even if it is a wonderful day for the bride and groom it still is a big chunk of money especially for young couples with student loans!

What is the most expensive thing? Is it the reception room rental or the food/drinks??

 

[diamondfan]

I think food/open bar when you have large numbers. And also flowers can be so costly. I had open bar and served expensive wines and champagnes, and a nicer caliber of liquor. I served a veal chop or salmon and had a raw bar/seafood bar with crab, lobster, shrimp, caviar...and served souffles along with cake. All that kind of stuff makes the cost go up. I also know people who spent tens of thousands on a band, so that can make costs jump so quickly. It all adds up.

 

[UCLABelle]

Diamondfan- I bet your wedding was just amazing...I can only imagine

Thanks to everyone for the info, it has really helped, if not anything but to quench my fears!

 

[Haven]

I''m getting anxiety from reading this thread! I think my ambivalence about wedding planning is because I am so reluctant to spend so much on one day. We originally wanted to do it for 15K, and then we realized that would be impossible for a 150 person wedding in Chicago, so we increased the budget to 25K, which still looks pretty impossible. I don''t know how people do it for less. I''m considering calling one of those reality shows where they swoop in and throw your wedding for 5K or less. Seriously.

We''re also both professionals, and homeowners, so I feel like I can''t accept money from my parents. Perhaps if I hadn''t worked so darn hard to build up my savings account and investment portfolio I wouldn''t be so reluctant to part with my precious money! It''s hard, though--all that work, gone in one day! Only one day!

And the more I look at homes, the less I want to spend on our wedding! Mara''s destination wedding is looking REALLY good at this point. The thing is that I''m really excited to celebrate with all of our people, and I want them to be there. I just don''t want to spend $40,000 feeding and entertaining them all at once.

Okay, sorry to threadjack. This is just a big issue for me right now, parting with so much money for one day of our lives. Does anyone else feel this way? Did anyone regret spending so much?

 

[ephemery1]

Just went back through my "wedding costs" spreadhseet... for 180 guests:

Cocktail Hour/Reception site: ~$30,000 (includes venue, wedding coordinator, all food, all drinks, linens, chair upgrades, etc)
Everything Else: ~$25,000 (dress, invites, flowers, band, photography, candy buffet, out-of-town baskets, lavendar toss, placecards, guestbooks, programs, Rehearsal dinner, Sunday brunch)

It was way more than I ever intended to spend, but we didn''t really have any "budget talks" with our parents beforehand, so things started to add up quickly. But I don''t regret it, because we LOVED our band, LOVED our photographer, LOVED our flowers, LOVED my dress, and most of all... LOVED our venue. And none of those things could have been bartered down any further than we already did. It ended up being a perfect weekend, and we had so many of our guests tell us it was the greatest wedding they''d ever been to... which made the cost seem ultimately insignificant (ok, well, LESS significant)

...

 

[Pandora II]

Haven, I felt exactly the same. Just seemed the most ridiculous amount of money to spend on one day - and FI and I were quite happy to elope.

I also loathe most of my relatives - I rarely see them and don''t really want to spend my wedding day with a bunch of people I don''t even like.

However, my parents desperately wanted to have a big wedding - I''m their eldest daughter (though not the first to marry) and my father started saving for my wedding the week I was born. If we were paying it all ourselves we would be having a very small DW and a party back in London afterwards, but since my parents had dreamed about this for years the least I could do was spend it all as wisely as possible for them.

It still makes me cringe when I think what else I could do with that amount of money, but I have decided just to make the most of the ''bridal experience'' and have fun with it.

 

[espressa]

I''m a little late to reply to this, but my wedding next year will be costing about $26K. We''re having a destination wedding in Italy, mainly because I didn''t want to have a big wedding. I don''t like a ton of attention or people staring at me, and my FI has a pretty big Italian family so our DW was the perfect solution for having a smaller wedding without upsetting his family in particular. His grandmother (who was born in Italy) still can''t believe we''re going to get married there. They are so happy for us, and have been nothing but supportive. The majority of our guests will be from his family, with only a few people from my family coming (although my parents, grandmother, and sister are definitely coming).

We could do it for A LOT cheaper than $26K, but my FI''s parents are contributing a lot of money (paying for almost the entire thing) and my mother is contributing money as well. The $26K is including our plane tickets to Italy, weekly rental of a castle where our immediate family will stay for a week (sleeps 14), a welcome dinner at the castle, the ceremony, the reception (site, food, wine/open bar, cake, etc.), photographer, my dress and accessories, hair and makeup for me and my MOH/sister, wedding planner, and legal services. I have an aunt with a printing business so we''re getting our save the dates and wedding invitations done at cost.

We''re planning to have around 45 people coming, and we could do it for a lot cheaper if we were renting a villa instead of the castle, and having a cheaper menu (it''s going to be about $130 per person), but FI''s parents LOVED the idea of the castle and have told us to get what we want in terms of food and not worry about the cost, so we''re splurging since there are so few guests.

I was initially hoping that we would save a lot of money by having the DW, but I found the castle and that idea flew out the window!

If my FI''s parents were not contributing such a large amount of money, we would not be having the kind of wedding that we are.

One of the nice things about this is that our honeymoon will be in Europe, and we''ll already be there! So the main things that FI and I are paying for ourselves are the honeymoon (minus plane tickets), his wedding attire, and the rings. We''re planning about $6-8K for those things. The best part of it is that by this time next year, we will easily have enough money to cover our "share" of the costs without dipping into our savings. My main concern when we got engaged was that I did not want to go into debt for a wedding. Everything has worked out so well and we are so incredibly lucky to have such great parents who are willing to help out so much.

 

[diamondfan]

Belle, it was lovely but to be honest so stress inducing I cannot recall enjoying ONE moment of it. Truly. And that is the shame of it. All that money and I honestly think it was just not fun for me or my hubby. We can laugh about it now, a little, but it was truly an unpleasant experience all around.

 

[Mara]

haven, we have no regrets spending what we did on what we ended up with, because it was amazing and everything we could have asked for and fit US perfectly. and we had our families and best friends there. but if we had done it locally and spent probably more like $25-30k (because as the wedding date draws closer it''s so easy to just say ''yes let''s do that!!'' and add $1k or $500 here and there...everyone i have known has done it!), i think we would have regretted it. we bought a house that year as well and it was much more important to us to be able to do that than spend $10-15k more just to have a local event with everyone we know.

 

[Sha]

We''re also having a destination wedding for about $5000 in US dollars. We really wanted something small and intimate - and CHEAP, and although it sucks that some of our dear friends and relatives won''t be able to make it, we would''ve still done it that way over having a big wedding at home. I HATE being the center of attention so a big wedding would''ve been really uncomfortable. Plus the money!!

 

[winternight]

I''m nervous about the cost too. We''re inviting about 100 and I think about 70 or so will attend. The wedding will likely be in the Washington, DC area. We haven''t worked out a budget yet and I''ve just started getting some ideas on the style of wedding I''d like. I think location costs are a biggie and we might just have the reception at a local restaurant. I''d like to keep the total cost under 20k but I don''t know if that''s going to be hard or easy.

 

[haydeedoll]

UCLA - I was just wondering what you decided...I am thinking of doing the exact same thing as you. At the exact same place, haha. We are thinking of doing our reception at French 75 in Laguna Beach (I love this place). We were planning of having about 40 people, and doing a sunday or monday night.

I am also astonished at how much this is going to cost. I thought an intimate dinner reception would not be that expensive, but I was wrong.....When we enter what our ceremony location would cost, we are at about $14,000!!!

 

[sap483]

As someone who had dreamed of a destination wedding for so long, I''m now having a huge, expensive wedding in Newport RI, exactly what I didn''t want. I managed to get my parents and FI''s parents on board, and excited about the idea of getting married in Bermuda, but I couldn''t get FI to come around. He was worried that some ppl he cares about wouldn''t be able to make it. Anyway, once my parents realized that the destination wedding was out, the plans suddenly spiraled out of control. At this point we''re looking at appx 50k, with my parents paying appx 35k and FI and I paying the rest. FI''s parents have said that they would throw the rehearsal dinner. This amount includes everything but the honeymoon which will be mostly free due to a massive amount of frequent flyer miles and hotel points and our rings.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/16/2007 12:13:24 AM
Author: Haven
I''m getting anxiety from reading this thread! I think my ambivalence about wedding planning is because I am so reluctant to spend so much on one day. We originally wanted to do it for 15K, and then we realized that would be impossible for a 150 person wedding in Chicago, so we increased the budget to 25K, which still looks pretty impossible. I don''t know how people do it for less. I''m considering calling one of those reality shows where they swoop in and throw your wedding for 5K or less. Seriously.

We''re also both professionals, and homeowners, so I feel like I can''t accept money from my parents. Perhaps if I hadn''t worked so darn hard to build up my savings account and investment portfolio I wouldn''t be so reluctant to part with my precious money! It''s hard, though--all that work, gone in one day! Only one day!

And the more I look at homes, the less I want to spend on our wedding! Mara''s destination wedding is looking REALLY good at this point. The thing is that I''m really excited to celebrate with all of our people, and I want them to be there. I just don''t want to spend $40,000 feeding and entertaining them all at once.

Okay, sorry to threadjack. This is just a big issue for me right now, parting with so much money for one day of our lives. Does anyone else feel this way? Did anyone regret spending so much?

Honestly - I felt EXACTLY the same way. DH and I had worked very hard to get to a place where we were actually GETTING AHEAD, and it was important to us to continue on that track. We figured ''eh, we''ll end up married at the end of the day whether we do a huge thing or a small thing'', so we opted for small and intimate. We also knew we''d be buying our first home, and it just didn''t make sense to do ''the production'' at the expense of our new home together.

Personally, I don''t see the point in spending a blue fortune to celebrate with a bunch of people that aren''t involved in your life on an ongoing basis. My best friend had 130 people at her wedding in 1994, and I''d venture that she''s not laid eyes on at least half of her guests since the wedding! Friends of parents, remote cousins, etc., blah blah.....it just gets out of hand.

You CAN celebrate with all your people without spending 40K. You just have to be willing to do something different/outside the box. Check with local museums/galleries to see if you can rent it out inexpensively; have an 8 PM candlelight wedding followed by a wine & dessert reception. Use an Ipod instead of a DJ and play nice jazzy music. There are things you can do to be distinctive and classy/elegant without doing the standard wedding agenda.

 

[aljdewey]

Here''s a gallery in Chicago; rental charge is $500 for 5 hours (includes set up/clean up time) - http://www.unionstreetgallery.org/rental.htm

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Haven, I can completely relate, too. When we started discussing the budget, the first thing I said (after telling him I wanted to elope) was that if we had a wedding, I didn''t want to spend so much on it that I would be miserable the day of. This is when we came up with the plan not to use a penny out of savings.

I think the key is have a gathering that you love with the people you love and do it in a way that really represents you. If I''d had a big, expensive wedding it would NOT have been representative of DH and I--everybody knows how cheap we are What we did have was so warm, intimate and loving--and we didn''t skimp on anything important! I was generous with the things that were important to me (the food, mostly), but quickly elimated the things I didn''t care about.

Plan something YOU love and I promise you everybody will love it. You can tell when a couple plans something they love--you can also tell when a couple has planned something they don''t love...

If you plan something that makes you resentful (because of the money) you''ll always kick yourself!

 

[omieluv]

Date: 10/16/2007 12:13:24 AM
Author: Haven
I'm getting anxiety from reading this thread! I think my ambivalence about wedding planning is because I am so reluctant to spend so much on one day. We originally wanted to do it for 15K, and then we realized that would be impossible for a 150 person wedding in Chicago, so we increased the budget to 25K, which still looks pretty impossible. I don't know how people do it for less. I'm considering calling one of those reality shows where they swoop in and throw your wedding for 5K or less. Seriously.

We're also both professionals, and homeowners, so I feel like I can't accept money from my parents. Perhaps if I hadn't worked so darn hard to build up my savings account and investment portfolio I wouldn't be so reluctant to part with my precious money! It's hard, though--all that work, gone in one day! Only one day!

And the more I look at homes, the less I want to spend on our wedding! Mara's destination wedding is looking REALLY good at this point. The thing is that I'm really excited to celebrate with all of our people, and I want them to be there. I just don't want to spend $40,000 feeding and entertaining them all at once.

Okay, sorry to threadjack. This is just a big issue for me right now, parting with so much money for one day of our lives. Does anyone else feel this way? Did anyone regret spending so much?

Yes, I totally feel the same as you. Though I am not engaged yet, it is likely to happen in 2008, and I am really dreading the whole wedding experience, largely due to the impending cost associated with it. I am not a homeowner yet, but my bf and I have been saving the last few years toward a home for after we are married, so parting with money we will save toward the wedding will be difficult.

My parents said they would help out where they can, but I know my parents are trying to save toward retirement, so I feel guilty taking money from them. His parents can barely pay their mortgage, so I would not even think of asking them for help (though they are certainly full of opinions on how they want to see the wedding arranged).

My BF thinks we can plan a wedding for under $7k, but he does not consider all of the details that go along with it, so I am thinking our budget is more likely to be $15K (not including rings) for 60 people. I should have nearly half of the budget (my budget figure) saved by the time he proposes, so I am confident we will have all of the money saved when it is time. However, I can think of several ways I would rather spend $15k, than on a wedding (house, student loans, diamonds...).

Didn't mean to elaborate on my problems here, but I just wanted to let you know that you are in good company with your concerns!

 

[Rhea]

We had two weddings. All told - engagement rings, wedding bands, two weddings, and honeymoon was right at $12,500. It's hard to divide between the two weddings because I wore the dress twice, etc, so those things are counted in the first wedding cost.

Wedding one = about $6,500 - 45 people, typical seated dinner and dancing (including costs of wedding bands & our outfits) - in a suburb of Atlanta, GA
Wedding two = about $2,500 - 22 people, court house wedding, boat ride on Thames, and dinner afterwards - in central London

 

[largirl]

I''m in the process of trying to figure out a budget for a hypothetical fall 08 wedding. The cost is my BF''s biggest concern and the biggest reason we''re not engaged right now, so I''m hoping if I am able to present a budget to him, he''ll see how we can do it. We don''t want to go into debt for it and we really don''t want to use up all of our savings. Okay, well, HIS savings. I don''t have much left after getting ICL (similar to Lasik) earlier this year, but I''ve calculated that I''ll be able to save up at least half of what I expect it to cost, and he''d be able to match that. We won''t get any money from my family (still raising 3 kids, plus I make more than they do!), so we''ll be paying for it all ourselves. BF''s mom will contribute the dress - she actually sews for a living and has made absolutely gorgeous things and is an amazing beader, so I''ll be able to get a dress that would cost $5,000 from a bridal salon for free!

I''ve mocked-up a guest list that I think is pretty accurate and worked it out to 150 people. I am fairly sure I''ll be able to do it for around $10,000 to $10,500. The majority of that is the reception hall and reception - I selected a nice ballroom ($600 for Sat. night plus $250 for two security guards), their mid-priced buffet ($21.95/pp), and their mid-priced full bar with beer, wine, call liquer, soda ($14.00/pp). The reception will be about $6,500 total. We''ll save money by having the ceremony there as well, so no ceremony location/decorations/music or officient fee. We''ll also save money by ordering a kind of do-it-yourself cake, which involves ordering 4 graduated circle cakes frosted with plain frosting and putting the cake together and decorating it yourself (really, really easy - just pinning a ribbon around the bottom edges where the tiers join and so gorgeous and elegant). My sister worked at a florist for years so we''ll be ordering all of the flowers wholesale and she''ll be in charge of putting together the corsages, centerpieces, and boutinerres. My very crafty family will be doing the decorations and favors (right now I''m thinking caramel apples, yum!). My wonderful graphic designer friend will do the invitations and programs, so we''ll be able to get a custom design and print them at wholesale prices as well. My BF and I both work for a hotel, so if we decide to stay in a hotel room that night we''ll be able to do it for less than $50.00. Really the only things we''ll need to pay full price for is the reception/food/bar, photographer, and DJ. The photographer things really chafes me because I''m a photographer and I just want to do it myself! Unfortunately I can''t be both bride and photographer...sigh. It will be really hard for me to relinquish that control!

I''ve also always had a dream of getting married outside, so at some point I''ll have to figure out if the savings in ballroom rental and being able to bring in your own food/booze make up for having to rent a tent and pretty much EVERYTHING from plates to tables to chairs to linens. I have a feeling it will be a wash, in which case I''ll probably give up my outdoor dream and do it inside to save myself the headache of trying to figure out Nebraska weather.

This is in Omaha, so these prices are definitely cheaper than L.A. or Chicago or NYC.