Giving away the bride...

[trillionaire]

Nice tradition, sexist, or something in between?

what will you do on your big day?

 

[MissDimity]

Either I''ll walk down the aisle alone behind my bridesmaids or my mum will give me away.
My father hasn''t had much to do with my life, as my mum brought me up as a sole parent.

 

[bee*]

I like it. I don''t think of it as so much of my dad giving me away, but he''s been there for all of my life, brought me up etc so it just seems nice to me that he''s walking me up the aisle and shaking D''s hand at the top and being happy for the two of us.

 

[MishB]

My head says ridiculously sexist. However if my father had been at my wedding (he was terminally ill at the time) I would probably have wanted to have him involved in some way, but to say ''who gives this woman to this man?'', no way in hell.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/23/2008 5:29:17 AM
Author: bee*
I like it. I don''t think of it as so much of my dad giving me away, but he''s been there for all of my life, brought me up etc so it just seems nice to me that he''s walking me up the aisle and shaking D''s hand at the top and being happy for the two of us.

Ditto. No ''here, take her, she''s yours'' but him being involved in the ceremony and walking with me to meet up with J? Sure, why not?

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

I always envisioned my brother doing it - mostly because the thought of everyone only looking at me scares me and atleast someone else will be there to take some of the gaze away

I think is kind of special. I'll walk down the aisle single for the last time with someone I've loved my entire life, as a family member and sibling, someone I always understood I loved since he was my brother and parents tell you to play nice, stop hitting, you love your brother

When the ceremony is over I'll be walking back with someone I've chosen to love as an adult - Someone I wasnt taught to love. Thats what I'm viewing the whole thing as, not any giving me away type of stuff. If I had to choose someone to give me away to my SO it'd be my dalmatian, haha. He's the only one that has emotional issues with SO hogging all my loving. I jokingly tell SO he'll need the dogs blessing before he proposes.

 

[purselover]

I plan on walking down the aisle alone. This may sound silly but I want everyone focused on me, and just see me down the aisle, plus I''m not that close with my dad. The only person I would consider walking down the aisle with is my husband to be. I probably will do the traditional "who gives her away?" "her mother and I do" thing, just b/c I think It''d be a nice gesture, especially since I don''t want them walking me down the actual aisle.

 

[BlueSki231]

I''m definitely having my father walk me down the aisle (I know it will mean so much to him - and to me too!), but as far as there being any comment/question to the extent of "giving this woman away" NO WAY - I''m not a piece of property to be given away!! That statement is sexist and waaay out-dated.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/23/2008 11:04:56 AM
Author: Namaste
I''m definitely having my father walk me down the aisle (I know it will mean so much to him - and to me too!), but as far as there being any comment/question to the extent of ''giving this woman away'' NO WAY - I''m not a piece of property to be given away!! That statement is sexist and waaay out-dated.

Ditto! There will be no "giving woman away" question at my wedding. I''m actually thinking about having both of my parents walk me down the aisle but I haven''t decided yet. My parents are pretty traditional so I''m thinking it might hurt my dad''s feelings. (He''s secretly sensitive.)

I do think it''s a sexist tradition, but for some reason it doesn''t get me all riled up, either. I think it makes more sense to have both parents "give you away," but people like tradition, so most stick with just their dad. I think people should do whatever works for them!

 

[trillionaire]

Keep the responses coming!

It''s so neat to hear everyone''s impressions.

I had never really given this part of the wedding any thought, but the last wedding I went to, I was sitting right in front and watched it happen, and I had an extremely strong negative reaction to the ''giving away'' stuff. But I think for me it just further reinforced my desire to elope, since the whole wedding is full of traditions that I could do without...

However, when I watch tv weddings, I think it''s really cute to watch sentimental dads walk their daughters down the aisle. My dad would cry like a baby! Geez, I''m a total ball of contradictions!

 

[ash313]

Hmmm, really interesting topic!

I plan to have both of my parents (mom and dad) walk me down the aisle. I see it less of a "giving away" and more of a symbolic gesture of their raising me and supporting me throughout my whole life. Sort of walking along my journey with me. My mother is no less a part of this than my dad, so I thought they should both come!

I think there is some language in Catholic ceremonies (which mine will be) that says "Who gives this woman to this man?" It''s a little weird, but right afterward they ask the couple if they have "come here freely, of their own accord, without coercion or force" etc., etc. So the first question seems more to me like: who has raised this woman to be here today and marry this man? Then the dad says "Her mother and I do." Then the questions to the bride and groom.

I don''t know, perhaps these are just things I tell myself so that I am ok with the sexist connotations of some of the language. But really, I am pretty ok with it, as long as my mother is as involved as my father.

This probably made no sense

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 11/23/2008 12:19:33 PM
Author: leeNY
Hmmm, really interesting topic!


I plan to have both of my parents (mom and dad) walk me down the aisle. I see it less of a ''giving away'' and more of a symbolic gesture of their raising me and supporting me throughout my whole life. Sort of walking along my journey with me. My mother is no less a part of this than my dad, so I thought they should both come!


I think there is some language in Catholic ceremonies (which mine will be) that says ''Who gives this woman to this man?'' It''s a little weird, but right afterward they ask the couple if they have ''come here freely, of their own accord, without coercion or force'' etc., etc. So the first question seems more to me like: who has raised this woman to be here today and marry this man? Then the dad says ''Her mother and I do.'' Then the questions to the bride and groom.


I don''t know, perhaps these are just things I tell myself so that I am ok with the sexist connotations of some of the language. But really, I am pretty ok with it, as long as my mother is as involved as my father.


This probably made no sense

LOL, it''s really not about sexism, I don''t think. I sat next to SO''s parents when their youngest son got married, and it was very meaningful for them, they were both in tears. It would have been a powerful moment no matter what was said. I think that is why SO is now second guessing eloping rather than a traditional wedding.

Maybe "who presents this woman to married" ? That seems more neutral...

 

[~*Alexis*~]

My dad will also my future stepson.

FFI has 2 boys from his first marriage and one will be the ring bearer and the other will walk me down with my dad.

I am looking forward to it with the kids!

 

[Octavia]

Like leeNY, I plan to have both parents walk with me. We''ll stop at their seats, do kisses and hugs, then they''ll sit and I''ll walk the last few feet on my own. It''s all very symbolic to me, since they will be supporting me but then I will be taking the last steps of my own volition. And though my mom is all concerned that it will hurt my dad''s feelings if he doesn''t walk me down the aisle on his own, he doesn''t seem bothered by it.

I also plan, instead of the "who gives this woman" language, to substitute something like "Octavia''s-Parents, do you support the marriage of Octavia and Octavia''s-FI, and will you welcome Octavia''s-FI and his family as your own?" "We do, and we will." Then the question/answer with FI''s dad. It''s very important to me that we highlight the joining of two individuals AND two families, and do it equally.

 

[FrekeChild]

I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I think he''s been waiting my entire life to do it, and I think he''s either going to be beaming or crying his eyes out. I think it will mean more to him to have those moments than any other part of the ceremony.

He''s a bit sarcastic, so he might bust out with a "Thanks for taking her off my hands." to FF, but probably not. I think he''ll do the sweet sensitive thing since I''m the only kid he''s got that he has actually had a part in raising (long story, two older sons from his first marriage were taken away from him by his ex-wife when they were young). I''m actually really looking forward to walking down the aisle with him. He might have to help hold me up.

As for the "Who gives this woman to this man?"--Not going to happen. I am far from a financial transaction. And both FF and my dad know this, so that will probably be a-ok.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 11/23/2008 2:28:27 PM
Author: Octavia
Like leeNY, I plan to have both parents walk with me. We''ll stop at their seats, do kisses and hugs, then they''ll sit and I''ll walk the last few feet on my own. It''s all very symbolic to me, since they will be supporting me but then I will be taking the last steps of my own volition. And though my mom is all concerned that it will hurt my dad''s feelings if he doesn''t walk me down the aisle on his own, he doesn''t seem bothered by it.


I also plan, instead of the ''who gives this woman'' language, to substitute something like ''Octavia''s-Parents, do you support the marriage of Octavia and Octavia''s-FI, and will you welcome Octavia''s-FI and his family as your own?'' ''We do, and we will.'' Then the question/answer with FI''s dad. It''s very important to me that we highlight the joining of two individuals AND two families, and do it equally.

LOVE IT!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

I have such mixed feelings on this!


My mom and dad just recently got divorced (it was final last friday) and I have NOOO idea who I would want to walk me down the isle. I am always thinking both of them and it wouuld be special to me to have them be civil towards each other, but I don''t think I just want my dad since there are a lot of things going on in our family that I don''t know how to take. My dad and mom are constantly expelling to much information about one another, and it almost is as if they are trying to get me and my brother and sister to take sides. UGH! I''m not getting married for a good 5 years... but I don''t know how much I will have changed my opinion?

 

[chocolatefudge]

I would definitely want my dad to give me away. The term ''giving away'' does not bother me at all- although I am not one who is easily offended!
I think my dad would feel very proud to be doing it and I think it''s nice that it''s something special for the two of us as it''s usually my mum I do most things with.

 

[Sabine]

I saw one episode of "Whose Wedding" and the priest asked "who gives away this bride" and the father responded "my independent and free-spirited daughter gives herself with her mother''s and my blessing". I liked it.

I enjoyed having my dad walk me down the aisle, but I would have flipped if the priest asked who was giving me away.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 11/23/2008 6:27:13 PM
Author: Sabine
I saw one episode of ''Whose Wedding'' and the priest asked ''who gives away this bride'' and the father responded ''my independent and free-spirited daughter gives herself with her mother''s and my blessing''. I liked it.


I enjoyed having my dad walk me down the aisle, but I would have flipped if the priest asked who was giving me away.

 

[musey]

Date: 11/23/2008 3:24:02 AM
Author:trillionaire
Nice tradition, sexist, or something in between?

Any or all of the above, depending on the people and situation.

We didn't do the "who gives this woman" part. For us and our situation, it felt outdated. My dad walked me up the aisle (which he later said was the most overwhelmingly happy moment of his life), took my hand and placed it in my husbands, hugged us both, then sat down. That's it. If I analyze it, sure, it feels a little on the weird side--but being involved in that way meant a lot to my dad, so it felt special to me for that reason.

For the record, I originally liked the idea of both of my parents walking me up the aisle to my husband, who would be standing with his parents. Then all of us sharing a hug or two before the parents sitting down and beginning the ceremony. DH's parents didn't want the attention, but would've done it if we pressed (not worth it). My mom wanted my dad to have that moment with me because she thought it would mean a lot to him (which it did), and it was unimportant to her.

 

[kittybean]

FI and I will be walking in and walking down the aisle together. It''s traditional in my culture, and although people seem to think my dad will be hugely offended, he and my mom did the same thing! It''s symbolic of the bride and groom beginning their new life together.

If I were to walk up the aisle with someone else, it would be with both of my parents.

 

[SuiteLady]

I find it all sexist and it goes against my feminist sensibility. It harkens back to the times when women WERE given to men. They were transferred from their fathers to their husbands.

No thank you!

However...My future fi wants my brother to walk me (my father is deceased). I guess my point is why does HE care who escorts me down the aisle. Nobody is going to escort him.

If I *do* have my brother walk me, I will insist that the words "who gives this woman" not be included in the ceremony.

 

[katamari]

Terribly sexist. And, culturally impractical, given the fact that so many children now come from blended and single-parent families.

I think Octavia''s idea of getting blessings from all families is the way to go. But, like you trillionaire, avoiding it is one of my big draws to eloping.

 

[kjt]

mmm, I''m not sure if culturally impractical is the way to describe it. There are also kids who have the "normal" (i use this term very loosely) family in which parents are in tact. However, I think that if the father was not involved in the bride''s life, there should be no obligation for him to be asked. A brother or an uncle (if the bride chooses), is perfectly acceptable. As is a mother, or sister or aunt. Or hey, even the bride walking down alone is not a problem!

As well, there are cultures and faiths that emphasize the father as a leader in the household (not that the mother is just a "yes maam"). Hence, the giving away of a daughter, is an honour reserved for him.

For myself, I asked my father to give me away because
(a) I felt like he raised me and deserved the privilege of walking me down the aisle
(b) it was clearly an important thing for him to do (and he also expressed the fact that he was proud of me and thought it was an honor to give me away)

For Chinese weddings, it''s not just about 2 people getting married, but the families are also coming together. That''s just the way it is in my culture.

 

[Cosmo_Gal]

I''m going for traditional. My parents have been happily married for 28 years and my Dad has been a very big part of my life. I feel like for me, it''s the best way to respect and honor his role in my life. I know that it means a lot to him because I''m his only daughter. I like the idea of having both parents, but I''m not sure how my Dad would feel about it, ie would it be taking something away from him? In the end, I believe it''s your day and you should do what''s in your heart.

 

[Pandora II]

My father walked me down the aisle (poor man was more nervous than I was) - he wore the same morning suit that he wore when he married my mother (37 years ago) and that my grandfather wore when he married my grandmother (70 years ago).
However he didn't 'give me away' - at 35 I thought it seemed a little ridiculous! Instead, all the parents had a part in the ceremony. I've copied it below:

Registrar:
Will the parents of Pandora and Pandora's FI please stand?

This union brings together different family traditions in the hope that a new family tree will become strong and fruitful. Theirs is a personal choice and a decision for which they are responsible, yet their life will be enriched by the support of their families. Therefore I have these questions for you.

Do you welcome Pandora and Pandora's FI, as members of your families?

Do you affirm your continuing support and love to Helen and Andrew as they grow in their marriage?

Do you offer to them the best of your care and counsel in their times of struggle, and your celebration with them in their times of joy?

Parents:
We do

 

[ams0124]

Since my father hasn''t been a part of my life for the past 10 years I''m going to walk down the aisle with my mom. I''m pretty neutral about the whole idea of giving away the bride (although I don''t really look at it like that) but I just know that I''m going to be pretty emotional and having my mom walking next to me will be very comforting.

 

[ckrickett]

I think I would break my dad''s heart if he didn''t walk me down the aisle, and it means alot to me too (I''m getting teary thinking about it) I''m not envisioning it as my dad giving me away but symbolic as he was the number one man in my life then my FF will become my number one man in my life. Like instead of them trading me off, I''m trading them (wait that sounds bad!... ugh I hope you guys get the point)!

 

[ringless]

Yes, I believe in this. I want my step father to give me away. I feel like it could be anyone whom you are closest to.