Gracious about Shower Invitations?

[alli_esq]

Hi, everyone!

So although I know it is improper etiquette, my mom has decided to pay for my bridal shower. Every person in my bridal party either 1) is having serious money flow issues and/or 2) doesn''t really care about wedding stuff...my mom didn''t have a bridal shower and always felt sad about it--so she is being so ridiculously generous and not only paying for the majority of my wedding AND my rehearsal dinner, but she''s also paying for my bridal shower. (I feel guilty, but it''s not like I asked her to do it--she''s just trying to make everything as special for me as possible. She is too good to me, obviously.)

Now, my mom also helped throw bridal/baby showers for her good friend''s daughters-in-law (a total of around 6-8 showers actually), and although her friend isn''t in the position to pay for mine, she has generously insisted that she will send the invitations for my shower (so nice of her!!!). Problem, however, is that apparently they both think it''s perfectly fine to tell everyone in invitations where I''m registered. I am really, really, REALLY against this (for obvious reasons), and although I told that to my mom, she really doesn''t understand why and she said if I have a problem with it, to take it up with her friend. How can I do this graciously?? You ladies are so good at being diplomatic in situations like this...

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Could you tell her you haven''t registered yet and you''ll tell her as soon as you can so she can pass the word?

 

[ilovesparkles]

Well, I am going to give you an honest opinion, because I can''t offer the advice you are looking for. As a guest, I would be lost if the invite didn''t list where the bride was registered. I hate just choosing a gift on a whim because I am always worried about multiples of the same thing, or getting something they don''t need or like. Is there a particular reason you don''t want it listed on the invitation???

 

[CaliCushion]

Alli, a shower is by definition a present party. The point is to "shower" the bride with gifts to help her start her new life. In my mind, it''s the only party where it''s appropriate to put registry information on the invitation.

If I were a guest, I would want to know what presents you want for your shower. Money isn''t really an appropriate shower gift. At showers, the birde to be usually opens presents..so I wouldn''t want to guess what you want and have you hate it!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Just wanted to say I feel for you...I am in the same exact situation. So my Mom and g-ma are hosting a shower luncheon at a restaurant. We didn''t list where I was registered on invites, but the word has been passed around. Hmmm...do you have a wedding website with your registries on it? Maybe you could include your website and that would include your registries..then both you and those doing the invites would be happy.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I actually requested people not bring presents to the shower, lol, which was mentioned on the invite. Our registry is very small as it is, so we didn't want people getting us multiple gifts as there really wasn't that much we needed. I couldn't tell by your post if you didn't want to include registries because you didn't want your friends to buy you gifts given the hard economic times? Or just thought it was bad etiquette?

 

[Elmorton]

It''s absolutely correct for registry info to be put on the shower invite. It''s embarrassing as a guest to give a duplicate gift, and since the point of the party is for the bride to open/receive gifts, cater to your guests - put your registry info on the invite.

The last shower (formal) that I attended had a line scrolled across the bottom of the invite that said "(Bride''s name) is registered at Bergner''s, Crate and Barrel, and Amazon.com."

 

[ice-queen]

I don''t like registry info on ANY invitation, even for a shower (yes, I know basically the whole point of a shower is the gifts). I am surprised to hear that people would be lost without registry info or fear multiple gifts...you can find most registry info on weddingchannel.com or theknot.com, and I thought that was pretty much common knowledge. At least most of my friends/relatives knew to do that. And if they didn''t, they simply asked the shower host when they responded.

Either way, Alli_Esq...I think all you need to do is send your mom''s friend a quick email or give her a quick call. I know you''re antsy about this, but it is probably a MUCH smaller deal that it seems, and will probably take about 90 seconds. I would just telll her how absolutely grateful you are that she has generously offered to do the invitations, but you would rather the registry info be left off. Simple as that. You''re the bride, I really doubt she''s going to argue with you. If she questions how people will know where to buy gifts, just tell her that people can look it up online, ask the host when they respond, or you can have people spead it word of mouth.

 

[iheartscience]

Yikes, that''s sticky. Would it be out of line to speak with your mom''s friend yourself and ask her that she not include the gift registry information in the invites? Maybe you could tell her that you don''t think all your friends can afford gifts so you don''t want them to feel obligated?

And it isn''t correct etiquette to include the registry information in the invite. People will find out where you''re registered on their own-no need to tell them right in the invite. They can call the host of the shower, the bride''s family members or even the bride herself if they don''t know!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Wanted to amend what I said..I realized we did include the wedding website with the invite which has the registry info on it. Thought we didn''t, but we did.

 

[neatfreak]

I think it''s fine to include registry info on a shower invite. It''s different than on a wedding invite IMO.

If you have a wedding website you could include that instead where I assume you have registry info listed somewhere...