Mayflower25
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- May 21, 2007
- Messages
- 98
OK- I was just faced with my first guest etiquette incident, and I need your input on the right (and wrongs) of the situation from any and all angles.
My friend ''X'' has had an on-and-off boyfriend for the past few years (let''s call him "D"). D has hung out with X, myself and FI a handful of times, and the boys get along fine. But never to the point of the men getting together on their own and forging their own friendship. X and D have always had a very volatile relationship that is always on display, and is uncomfortable to be around. When finalizing the guest list a few weeks ago, X had broken up with D for the 2498347th time and it was my understanding that they were through. At this point, my wedding invitations were addressed and sent. The invitation was addressed to X only.
Since sending the invite, we have hung out X and D at a group outing, although they were fighting and complaining with each other as always (making it extremely awkward for FI and myself). And just recently I met up with X. She asked me about the wedding and asked (with the assumption) if D could come. I told her that when we finalized our guest list, they were not together and that we are not accommodate D at this point. In fact, we are not inviting guests with dates unless they are living together, married, or are soon to be engaged (this counts for 4 couples total in my invite list). The majority of FI''s and my friends are single. Our guest list is very limited due to budget and we''re trying to keep the party intimate. I had thought X understood that.
Well, X didn''t take that news well. She was visibly upset and verbally expressed this to me. She was partially upset because of the way their relationship is perceived and somehow she assumed that D is welcome with open arms despite everything. I would think that most guests, whether they agree or not, would politely respect our position and move past the topic.
I''ve researched wedding etiquette online extensively and have come to the concensus that guests are generally not required to have dates unless they are married, engaged, living together, or in a very serious relationship. Where do you think this situation falls? Am I out of line?
Thank you all!
-Mayflower
My friend ''X'' has had an on-and-off boyfriend for the past few years (let''s call him "D"). D has hung out with X, myself and FI a handful of times, and the boys get along fine. But never to the point of the men getting together on their own and forging their own friendship. X and D have always had a very volatile relationship that is always on display, and is uncomfortable to be around. When finalizing the guest list a few weeks ago, X had broken up with D for the 2498347th time and it was my understanding that they were through. At this point, my wedding invitations were addressed and sent. The invitation was addressed to X only.
Since sending the invite, we have hung out X and D at a group outing, although they were fighting and complaining with each other as always (making it extremely awkward for FI and myself). And just recently I met up with X. She asked me about the wedding and asked (with the assumption) if D could come. I told her that when we finalized our guest list, they were not together and that we are not accommodate D at this point. In fact, we are not inviting guests with dates unless they are living together, married, or are soon to be engaged (this counts for 4 couples total in my invite list). The majority of FI''s and my friends are single. Our guest list is very limited due to budget and we''re trying to keep the party intimate. I had thought X understood that.
Well, X didn''t take that news well. She was visibly upset and verbally expressed this to me. She was partially upset because of the way their relationship is perceived and somehow she assumed that D is welcome with open arms despite everything. I would think that most guests, whether they agree or not, would politely respect our position and move past the topic.
I''ve researched wedding etiquette online extensively and have come to the concensus that guests are generally not required to have dates unless they are married, engaged, living together, or in a very serious relationship. Where do you think this situation falls? Am I out of line?
Thank you all!
-Mayflower
I didn''t mention our feelings or her relationship with D per se, she''s the one that brought it into that space. I tried to stress my rule about dates, keeping the guestlist down (even my cousins who live across the street aren''t invited!), and that budget is tight since FI and I are paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves. I did however, say that this decision was nothing personal with regards to her or D, and that we like D, but the boys aren''t really "friends". I said that D and FI only hangout when and because X and I get together. This was the real shocker to X. She was really convinced that FI and D are real buddies- I don''t know how she mistook friendliness for friendship
300x240.png)