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Have any of you guys thought about just eloping?

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ladypirate

ladypirate

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 30, 2007
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SO and I were looking at our budget and long range goals for the next few years and paying for a wedding seems like an awful lot of money. We had friends who just got married on their own and then sent out wedding announcements. Would you do this? Do you think it would ruin the "fun" of being engaged? If we did it this way, we probably wouldn''t have a traditional engagement since there wouldn''t be a wedding to plan...we''d just go to a courthouse or something along those lines (although we would probably bring our immediate families).

As much fun as it would be to have a big wedding, I guess part of me would rather put that money toward a down payment on a house. Any thoughts? Would you do it? Do you think you''d regret not having a more traditional wedding?
 
LP - I totally feel you! I always play this scenario out in my head. ALL. THE. TIME.

I'm DYING for a house. Apartments are just starting to make me feel trapped. I want a yard, I want privacy! When I consider having one day of a big wedding or a huge investment in a house, my practical side takes over, and I decide a small wedding/elopement would be best.

However, there's the side of me that thinks that I only get to get married once, and I should do it "right". I guess "right" is a big expensive wedding. Then I start to think that I'm planning my future around society's preference for big weddings. I'm a private, shy person, so why would I even want to do the whole princess-for-a-day thing? When I break it down like that, a big wedding starts to make less and less sense.

I've decided "right" for me is a small intimate wedding, and saving that money for something rewarding like a house. It's different for everyone, obviously, but I really think that I'd be happier with a house.

This opinion changes sometimes, but I always end up coming back to the idea of a small wedding or elopement.
 
Um, HELL to the YEAH.

No idea yet what our actual budget will be, but I know it won''t be much. An elopement is totally still in the cards for us.
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This is a tough subject for me and FF. We have talked about it a lot! Our biggest goal in the next few years is to buy a house together. We also want to get married in the next few years as well (we are not particular on the order of which comes first). We both realize that these two events require a substantial amount of money...and we do not have enough really for both, so somewhere somethings gotta give. While both of us are ok with the idea of a romantically eloping, our families would be crushed. I know the wedding should be about the two of us, but we are very close with our families as well. He is the oldest boy/only son and from a very Catholic family, it would kill his grandmother for us not to marry in a church with the whole family there. My family is more open to the idea, but would still be sad to miss out on witnessing our marriage to one another. So after much oscilating back and forth, we decided that a modest family and few friends wedding was the way to go for us. Part of me still thinks sometimes that we should just jet off to Europe for 10 days and come home married! But truly, in my heart of hearts, maybe 10 years from now I would regret not having a traditional wedding...as if waiting to get engaged was tough enough..wedding planning seems daunting!
 
Every day. Every single day.

Only we won't be thinking about a house for some time. At least a year after he gets his first job, and even then...

But I was always the little girl that dreamed of a big poofy dress and a wedding cake, the whole nine yards. So I think a decent compromise is to have a small (under 20) wedding in Vegas.

Speaking of, today is exactly one month until we go to Vegas. FF gave me permission last night to go and check out 2 wedding venues when we're there. But still...

LP, how are you doin' lady? Hows your new job treating you?

ETA: I think the only thing holding us back is my mom. If something happens to her before we get engaged or start planning, I think a very bare bones wedding (even smaller than 15) would very much be in the cards for us. But I would still be thinking about just eloping.
 
After we got engaged my now husband told me he wanted it to be just the two of us when we got married. We planned to go to Lake Tahoe and be married on the 'top of the mountain' overlooking Crystal Bay (on the north shore). It was amazingly surreal and while we both thought it would have been nice to have our parents there, we loved that every single bit of the day was just about us. No guests to fuss after, no seating charts to worry about, etc.

The day after the wedding we hiked back up to the spot where we were married. I've attached a shot of the backdrop we had during our ceremony, no decorations could out-do that (in my opinion).
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We arrived on Thursday evening, got married Friday evening and came home late Sunday night. Other than wishing we could have stayed longer, I wouldn't change a thing. We've since decided to throw a huge party for everyone we know on our one year anniversary.
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We did announce our engagement to all of our family and friends and told them of our plans to wed alone at Lake Tahoe. So, even though we didn't do a 'traditional' wedding, we still had our engagement period and it was fun. We didn't just slip off into the night and maybe that was the difference. The days before we were scheduled to leave everyone was calling and stopping by to wish us well, they were all as excited as we were. So even if you do 'elope' it doesn't have to be the typical way. You can still keep the costs down and not go to the courthouse if you just look around a bit for other options. Good luck deciding!


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That is one of the most stunning pictures I have ever seen!
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WOW!! I do like hearing stories of how eloping worked for other people.. Congrats!
 
Yup! But then we decided we did want a wedding, just on a small scale. So we had 30 people and then a lunch. It was great and I don't regret having the "big" wedding at all.
 
Hey - I can''t be the only one: but NO WAY!! NEVER!!
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I''m sure SO would be all for an elopement if that''s what I wanted.. but I''m soo excited to start wedding planning, no matter how much work it takes! I''ve been dreaming of my "traditional" wedding day since i was a little girl, and now that I''ve met the man I''m going to marry I''m even more excited about it!

I know that I would totally regret not having a traditional wedding, and it''s not as though we need to save for a DP on a house cause SO bought one 6 months ago.
 
I do and have since the start!

My fiance doesn''t, he''d like the party... but with the economy the way it is and our job situations, it''s just not worth it to me to spend the money.

We were looking at a small wedding with immediate family - I even found a GREAT ceremony site thanks to some lovely PS ladies - until my grad school track changed abruptly. Now I''m back to trying to convince him to elope. *crosses fingers*
 
Date: 11/17/2008 12:18:45 PM
Author: megster84
That is one of the most stunning pictures I have ever seen!
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WOW!! I do like hearing stories of how eloping worked for other people.. Congrats!
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We eloped here.....

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I have been there as well. My BF and I have talked about this a lot as well. We are both young, and would like to save money for a house. We think that it that is more important makes more sense. Maybe you could compomise and do a small intimate gathering so you wouldnt be dishing out TOO MUCH cash. I dunno this is something we both think about a lot, but my family is dead against it and thinks its a horrible idea to elope. I am the last daughter and my father very much wants to walk me down the aisle in front of family and close friends.
 
I wish all the time that we could just elope. We could put the wedding money to much better use (starting a downpayment for a house a year earlier would be nice). I''m also not super into the wedding planning, so it would be nice to do something simple where I didn''t have to worry about anything. The only thing stopping me from eloping is that we absolutely love our friends and we really want a chance to bring them all together again and party like in college (well, not *exactly* like in college ... hehe). I think if we weren''t as close with our friends or if we each had very separate social circles (almost all of our friends belong to the same "group" because we were all friends in college) the traditional wedding wouldn''t be as important. As it is our wedding is small, as cheap as we can make it, and not super traditional, but it''s still more money than I''ve ever spent in one place.

I think it''s up to you whether you''d regret skipping the wedding or not. Some people say to elope and have a reception later, but for us the reception *is* the most expensive part, so that really doesn''t save any money. I''m not sure if that applies to you or not ... I guess it just depends on your personality and whether you''d miss it or not. If it weren''t for wanting to bring my friends together again, I wouldn''t feel bad at all about skipping out on the wedding. Think about what''s most important to you and whether that fits in with your reasons for wanting to elope vs your reasons for wanting to have a wedding.

Good luck in your decision!
 
I want to elope! SO is not totally convinced, but that is my dream. (I also told him that if he wanted a wedding, he would have to take the bulk of the responsibility, since it would be his vision, not mine, and he was less interested in a wedding after that, lol!) I would rather use wedding money to get our lives started. I never dreamt of weddings growing up, and I think a "just us" wedding would be so romantic and perfect! We always have such a great time when we do get-aways together! My family is pretty anti-eloping, but I am pretty anti-wedding.
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You really have to do what you are comfortable with. We've been together for 5+ years, and it will be as many as SEVEN by the time we get married. After all that time, I think it should be about what works best for us, and I would suggest the same for you! Good luck!

I think the only thing you will regret is not doing what is going to make you and your FI happiest!
 
my parents will pay for the wedding we want so moneys not an issue but I still want to elope
 
there is a drive thru wedding chapel right down the block from us. Whenever we drive by it he is like "we might as well do this"
 
i did it. i have never been engaged and as a matter of fact still dont have an ering.

we discussed it on a tuesday, went to get the license and made the first appointment available to be married on wednesday and were married on firday at 8:30 in the morning. never thought twice. it was just me and him. all about us. none of the fuss about what it will cost, if the food is good, did i get my dress dirty. none of that. just us promising to spend the rest of our lives together. im happy.
 
Date: 11/17/2008 9:43:52 PM
Author: radiantquest
i did it. i have never been engaged and as a matter of fact still dont have an ering.

we discussed it on a tuesday, went to get the license and made the first appointment available to be married on wednesday and were married on firday at 8:30 in the morning. never thought twice. it was just me and him. all about us. none of the fuss about what it will cost, if the food is good, did i get my dress dirty. none of that. just us promising to spend the rest of our lives together. im happy.
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that''s really great to hear because at the end of the day that is what it is really about!
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I think about it a lot. I am older and we both have homes, but as I watch my investments dwindle and my home price rapidly decline, I get gun shy about spending a lot of money on a wedding. He mentioned ‘the courthouse’ and I was really upset about that. I cannot do that. I feel like marrying him requires a celebration with our close friends and family. So, we are negotiating. LOL I have a budget. If I can work it with 100 people or 50, then that is what has to happen with the amount that we agreed upon. So, if I choose premium beer and wine, then that means that I have to cut costs someplace else.
 
If it wasn''t for my parents... we would have totally eloped.
 
The more I think about it, the more I think that eloping would be totally ideal
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Thankfully, it seems that my boyfriend and I are on the same page. Basically, I don''t want to have to deal with the stress and drama that would accompany a wedding. I hate being the center of attention. I think that all the money could be better utilized. I totally fancy the whole thing just being very chill and relaxed, with just the two of us
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TOTALLY! FI(!!!!) and I actually talked at lenght about this before we even got engaged. I knew that not only would my family not be able to help with any wedding costs, but I would have to pay for them to even attend our wedding (if we have it where we live or even if we have it in my parent''s hometown -clothes, etc.).

Since people were going to have to travel anyhow (either all my family to where we live or all our friends and his family to my parent''s hometown) we decided to have an all-inclusive destination wedding! Now that we are finally engaged, we have brought in a travel agent to help us figure out the best place for our money. We are going on the assumption that FI and I will have to pay for about 10 people and us to be there and then many of our friends will still go because we are heading to a nice beach. Most resorts inlcude a free wedding with a minimum night stay or a certain guaranteed guest count, and the only thing I really, really care about is the photographer so I will carry whatever flowers are locally grown and serve whatever cake is included for free.

If there is any money left over, we will upgrade from the free basic wedding as we see fit, but we don''t expect to pay more than $15,000USD total (and that includes the 10 people and us traveling) for the actual wedding costs. I am not buying a designer gown since I want to do a trash the dress session anyhow, so my only additional cost will be my photographer.

It''s not really eloping, but we are definitely getting married on our own terms. :)
 
Ummm HECK YEA!! In fact....after a lot of talking, and seeing the DRAMA my sis went through a few weeks ago, we actually decided that we''re going to.

So that''s the plan, just the two of us, in Key West Fl on the beach. We plan to stay there for a week in a house for our honeymoon. After that we''ll come back and have a big party for all our friends and family. It seemed like the cheapest, most drama-free option available. And in no way was I going to let my wedding day become a drama-fest. So flip flops for us all the way! :)
 
Um YES. I would like the bigger wedding, but we cannot afford it. He will be going back to school soon, and won''t be working full time again. Sigh.

I thought perhaps him and I could have a city hall wedding, and then a regular reception. But then again, how much money would that even cut?


I want to, but I don''t want to regret it!
 
I toy with it all the time. I know we can afford the big wedding (well not an expensive big wedding, were talking backyard affair with a clambake which is probably 1/4 the price of a fully catered affair) but I''m still not sure I would want to spend the money on it. We could certainly use a new kitchen.
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I really can''t get over getting married without my parents there. I am extremely close to them and my FF is very close with his parents too. Heck, so am I. We spend a lot of time with them. I also have a pair of best friends that I grew up with that are the closest thing to siblings that I have. I just couldn''t do it with them by my side.

So I think the bare minimum for us would be to go somewhere and get married with just our parents and our best friends and then throw that backyard clambake or BBQ down the line to celebrate without the pressure of putting on a whole wedding production.

The hitch of all of this is FF is Catholic and wants a full wedding mass. You can''t do that on a beach/mountain top/lake side!!!
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Maybe if we do the semi-eloping thing and then a wedding mass later (reuse the dress??) and throw our casual party after that we can stretch our wedding "day" into a few months!
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Date: 11/17/2008 11:22:38 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Every day. Every single day.


Only we won''t be thinking about a house for some time. At least a year after he gets his first job, and even then...


But I was always the little girl that dreamed of a big poofy dress and a wedding cake, the whole nine yards. So I think a decent compromise is to have a small (under 20) wedding in Vegas.


Speaking of, today is exactly one month until we go to Vegas. FF gave me permission last night to go and check out 2 wedding venues when we''re there. But still...


LP, how are you doin'' lady? Hows your new job treating you?


ETA: I think the only thing holding us back is my mom. If something happens to her before we get engaged or start planning, I think a very bare bones wedding (even smaller than 15) would very much be in the cards for us. But I would still be thinking about just eloping.
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Thanks for asking, Freke! I''ve been super busy with the new job, but I LOVE it. I came on at pretty much the busiest time of the year, so I''ve been working a ton, but it should mellow out quite a bit mid-December.

How are you? How''s your mom doing? I suppose I should actually get my lazy behind over to Who''s Who and check out your thread.
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Hah! I haven''t been over there in about 2 weeks I think.

I''m glad to hear that work is going so well and that you love it though! I noticed you haven''t been around as much as you used to be, so I automatically blamed the new job.
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How are things with K? Any engagement talk?
 
Date: 11/19/2008 12:58:34 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Hah! I haven''t been over there in about 2 weeks I think.

I''m glad to hear that work is going so well and that you love it though! I noticed you haven''t been around as much as you used to be, so I automatically blamed the new job.
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How are things with K? Any engagement talk?
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Well, we''re still thinking we''ll be engaged sometime in 2009 (probably around summertime), but we''re not stressing about it. Our families are both looking forward to us getting married but since they know it''s coming, they''re not bugging us about it. We have been throwing around the idea of just getting married and not fussing with the whole wedding/long engagement thing (hence this thread), but we''ll see.

We are talking about using all our frequent flier miles to go to Europe next year or the year after, so maybe we''ll just get married at some gorgeous chateau over there and then come back and announce that we did it.

How about with D? How are things with you guys? Is he still on track to finish his degree this spring?
 
There''s a lot of room for creativity between a full blown wedding affair and a hop down to the courthouse.

You could always do something very informal in a park, or a lovely backyard.

All you need are some stamps, some friends and a BBQ
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