Have any of you guys thought about just eloping?

[FrekeChild]

Date: 11/19/2008 3:16:29 PM
Author: ladypirate
How about with D? How are things with you guys? Is he still on track to finish his degree this spring?

I love the Europe idea!

He''ll finish his comprehensive exams in the spring, but he won''t finish the degree until 2010 or 2011, depending on how his dissertation goes. I will graduate in next December. Woot!

Things are good with us. He''s been acting kind of fishy lately, but I''m trying to not get my hopes up. But I will say that he''s going "Christmas" shopping with my best friend this weekend, but he''s already spent most of what he was planning on spending for me.

I''ve actually designed a ring which has completely changed from what I thought I wanted in the beginning.

I''m really feeling you on the elopement thing. Right now it''s still Vegas for less than 20 people, but that could change to Vegas with only immediate family and best friends (around 10, I think) if something happens to my mom. She''s not getting better. Or it could end up with us just going to the courthouse. We''ll see what happens, and when he proposes...

 

[SparklyGirl*]

I think about it all the time! But i want my family and friends to share in our day. That''s very important to me so that is what makes me want a real wedding with everyone there.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 11/19/2008 5:08:47 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 11/19/2008 3:16:29 PM

I''ve actually designed a ring which has completely changed from what I thought I wanted in the beginning.


I''m really feeling you on the elopement thing. Right now it''s still Vegas for less than 20 people, but that could change to Vegas with only immediate family and best friends (around 10, I think) if something happens to my mom. She''s not getting better. Or it could end up with us just going to the courthouse. We''ll see what happens, and when he proposes...

What does the new design look like?

I''m sure he''ll propose really soon--maybe this holiday season? I think K will probably be getting his grandmother''s diamond when we''re down there at Christmas time, but I have no idea how/when he''ll propose.

 

[FrekeChild]

Disregard my funky (pathetic) photoshop skills. I''ve never really made anything from scratch (kinda) before using it, and it was an interesting experience.

Basically I want the profile of the top ring, and the split shank of the bottom ring, and all of it without diamonds. The Dan stone is top, and the Barry stone is the phone photoshopped into the ring, and the two in the middle and the bottom. I haven''t posted this pic anywhere before, I''m nervous.

What do you know about K''s grandma''s diamond?

 

[ladypirate]

That's lovely, Freke! I like the combination of the two designs, and it looks gorgeous with your stone!

I don't know too much about her diamond--it's an old European cut that was also her mother's engagement ring, so it's at least 90 years old (and probably older). Kris saw it and said it was pretty, but I have to wait another month until I get to.

 

[Mannequin]

I''ve always told my FF that Vegas and a pig roast or barbecue is just fine with me! I think he wants something a bit more elaborate though, so we''ll have to compromise. With the way the economy is going right now, though, City Hall might have to be the way to go. I don''t see how we could even begin to save for a wedding if my sweetie loses his automotive industry job.

 

[MoonWater]

DH and I did an elopement package so it was the best of both worlds. He got to have a more traditional wedding and I got to have something with less fess/stress. We had 13 guests at a gorgeous location. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful, everyone cried their eyes out. Afterwards we all went to a fabulous restaurant. Soooo much fun! I loved it!!!

I''m not into wasting money (just my opinion folks, I really do feel like it''s a waste unless you''ve got it like that) to have a huge wedding. I just didn''t see the point of it since we obviously couldn''t afford it. I knew a few people that went into debt for their wedding which I think is an absurd way to start off a marriage. Besides, I''m not a big fan of being the center of attention and I never had the wedding fantasy so I didn''t feel like I was missing out or anything. What we did could not have been more us. We did splurge and paid for a good photographer but we only kept him for an hour. Total, minus the dinner (my wonderful in-laws treated us), we spent about $1700.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I think I would be very sad if I didn''t plan a wedding. Then again, my thoughts may change in the next few years once I have a degree and go house hunting.

I can definately understand the rationale between buying a house or blowing the down payment on 1 day of fun and magic... ultimately, you have to do what makes you happy. If you''re dying for the house, it''s not worth going into debt.

I think it could be totally fun to elope- plan a killer vacation- elope at the beginning and then make it your honeymoon! I just don''t think it''s for me... at this point in time, at least.

 

[trillionaire]

For people who eloped, in the traditional sense, how did your families respond? My family is already very anti-elopement and acting like they would be really hurt, but I have about a 1% interest in a wedding. 99% of me is VERY opposed, and the 1% is the part of me that is reasonable enough to realize that SO might want a more traditional wedding, and that I might have to suck it up a bit and compromise.

It seems that my parents should be happy to save the money, but I would be the first child to get married, and no one else is even dating. (sibs are 22 and 27) My parents WOULD pay for the wedding, but if they are going to "waste" (IMPO) that much money, I would much rather put it towards a house.

Anyway, I think my parents just hate me, I don't want a wedding OR kids!

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 11/21/2008 6:24:28 PM
Author: MoonWater
DH and I did an elopement package so it was the best of both worlds. He got to have a more traditional wedding and I got to have something with less fess/stress. We had 13 guests at a gorgeous location. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful, everyone cried their eyes out. Afterwards we all went to a fabulous restaurant. Soooo much fun! I loved it!!!

I''m not into wasting money (just my opinion folks, I really do feel like it''s a waste unless you''ve got it like that) to have a huge wedding. I just didn''t see the point of it since we obviously couldn''t afford it. I knew a few people that went into debt for their wedding which I think is an absurd way to start off a marriage. Besides, I''m not a big fan of being the center of attention and I never had the wedding fantasy so I didn''t feel like I was missing out or anything. What we did could not have been more us. We did splurge and paid for a good photographer but we only kept him for an hour. Total, minus the dinner (my wonderful in-laws treated us), we spent about $1700.

Moon, I didn''t know you got married already! Congratulations!!!!!

 

[MoonWater]

Thanks LP! I never got around to making a wedding thread and didn''t really participate in the Brides forum. I''m lazy and need to get around to editing out our faces then maybe I can post pics.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 11/21/2008 6:40:08 PM
Author: trillionaire
For people who eloped, in the traditional sense, how did your families respond? My family is already very anti-elopement and acting like they would be really hurt, but I have about a 1% interest in a wedding. 99% of me is VERY opposed, and the 1% is the part of me that is reasonable enough to realize that SO might want a more traditional wedding, and that I might have to suck it up a bit and compromise.

It seems that my parents should be happy to save the money, but I would be the first child to get married, and no one else is even dating. (sibs are 22 and 27) My parents WOULD pay for the wedding, but if they are going to ''waste'' (IMPO) that much money, I would much rather put it towards a house.

Anyway, I think my parents just hate me, I don''t want a wedding OR kids!

Just saw this today. We eloped in the traditional sense in that we were the only ones there and our photographer was our only witness. Our elopement was also very untraditional in that we planned it for months. It was a "secret elopement" to some of our family, and some people knew about it for months. So elopements can be whatever you want them to be nowadays.

We would have loved to be completely open to everyone about what we were doing, but some people just couldn''t handle it so we "surprised" them.

Specifically, MIL was unhappy when we told her of our plans the moment we were engaged. Every time we discussed it we ended up in an argument, so we learned to not even bring it up. So when we called MIL to tell her the great news, we could tell that she wasn''t 100% happy for us. But actually her reaction was just as I expected. I knew she would have to act happy for us, especially since we had been together for 9 years and engaged for about 4, so it wasn''t the biggest surprise. So she sounded happy but we could tell she wasn''t. Apparently, we heard that her response to people that congratulated her on her son''s marriage was "Well, I guess they had to do it."

And then she would shy away from the subject to the point where people could tell she didn''t want to talk about. When we sent her an email with our honeymoon information her response began with "I guess I am happy for you." We could tell she was having a hard time with it, although she was for the most part acting happy. Then she moved onto planning a small get together for us and we could tell she was starting to come to terms with it. But the real turning point was when she received our wedding announcement with our pictures. Our pictures came out good so maybe she was releived that it wasn''t a tacky elopement.

I don''t know, but her attitude completely changed as soon as she saw the pictures.

So I guess what I am saying is they might be mad initially, but may also get over it. But it really depends on the person.

Would your parents still be upset about eloping if they could be present? I know for MIL, she said would be fine as along as she could be there. Unfortunately my parents couldn''t be there so we didn''t want anyone present.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 11/23/2008 1:38:52 AM
Author: mia1181

Date: 11/21/2008 6:40:08 PM

Author: trillionaire

For people who eloped, in the traditional sense, how did your families respond?

Just saw this today. We eloped in the traditional sense in that we were the only ones there and our photographer was our only witness. Our elopement was also very untraditional in that we planned it for months. It was a ''secret elopement'' to some of our family, and some people knew about it for months. So elopements can be whatever you want them to be nowadays.


We would have loved to be completely open to everyone about what we were doing, but some people just couldn''t handle it so we ''surprised'' them.


Specifically, MIL was unhappy when we told her of our plans the moment we were engaged. Every time we discussed it we ended up in an argument, so we learned to not even bring it up. So when we called MIL to tell her the great news, we could tell that she wasn''t 100% happy for us. But actually her reaction was just as I expected. I knew she would have to act happy for us, especially since we had been together for 9 years and engaged for about 4, so it wasn''t the biggest surprise. So she sounded happy but we could tell she wasn''t. Apparently, we heard that her response to people that congratulated her on her son''s marriage was ''Well, I guess they had to do it.''

And then she would shy away from the subject to the point where people could tell she didn''t want to talk about. When we sent her an email with our honeymoon information her response began with ''I guess I am happy for you.'' We could tell she was having a hard time with it, although she was for the most part acting happy. Then she moved onto planning a small get together for us and we could tell she was starting to come to terms with it. But the real turning point was when she received our wedding announcement with our pictures. Our pictures came out good so maybe she was releived that it wasn''t a tacky elopement.

I don''t know, but her attitude completely changed as soon as she saw the pictures.


So I guess what I am saying is they might be mad initially, but may also get over it. But it really depends on the person.


Would your parents still be upset about eloping if they could be present? I know for MIL, she said would be fine as along as she could be there. Unfortunately my parents couldn''t be there so we didn''t want anyone present.

Thanks for sharing your story! SO and I have been dating for 5 yrs, since college, and to me, a wedding is very personal. I''d like for it to be just us. And I neither SO or I would invited our parents without our sibs, so minimum would be 10 people (inclusive). I have a large family on my side, and he''s got plenty of family on his side, then add in our mutual college friends, plus a few hs school friends, and I have ZOO rather than a wedding. I would rather hurt everyone''s feelings rather than any one persons. I never envisioned a ''traditional'' wedding, so to me, the two of us on a beach with an officiant, a photographer and spanish guitarist would be perfect. Add some bubbly, of course. Followed by a trash the dress session.

Coordinating a wedding just doesn''t appeal to me, nor does being the center of attention for a day (awkward!). Additionally, his family is in CA while mine is in KS, my friends are all over the country, and SO and I live in two different states on the East Coast. I''d prefer to spare ourselves the logistical nightmare. I don''t mean to spite my friends or family, but I also don''t like the idea of a wedding being imposed on me.

Unless SO insists, and then I guess we''ll work from there...

I just wish I had never mentioned eloping... I should have just done it and worried about reactions later. I guess I thought I could give them time to get used to the idea.

 

[SparkleSparkle]

I did the big wedding - 120 people, church, big poufy dress, 4 hour reception, etc. The marriage lasted 6 years and was over - we were just too young. Now I''m in my 40s and I just want to marry this wonderful man - it will be a second marriage for both of us. I don''t want a huge deal... just the two of us. I wanted to do a destination wedding - he wants to have our family there at the very least (and since my parents won''t fly, and his don''t travel well...). With our kids, siblings, and parents present, that makes 20 people. *sigh* We''re not even engaged yet though so no use even worrying about it for now. Then there''s the whole "gotta lose 80 lbs beforehand" thing...

 

[Steel]

Date: 11/17/2008 10:29:02 AM
Author:ladypirate
SO and I were looking at our budget and long range goals for the next few years and paying for a wedding seems like an awful lot of money. We had friends who just got married on their own and then sent out wedding announcements. Would you do this? Do you think it would ruin the ''fun'' of being engaged? If we did it this way, we probably wouldn''t have a traditional engagement since there wouldn''t be a wedding to plan...we''d just go to a courthouse or something along those lines (although we would probably bring our immediate families).

As much fun as it would be to have a big wedding, I guess part of me would rather put that money toward a down payment on a house. Any thoughts? Would you do it? Do you think you''d regret not having a more traditional wedding?

We eloped. But we had a church wedding, no guests, no reception, no wedding cake, no photographer...you get the idea. Overall we have no regrets.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 11/23/2008 2:28:19 AM
Author: trillionaire

Thanks for sharing your story! SO and I have been dating for 5 yrs, since college, and to me, a wedding is very personal. I''d like for it to be just us. And I neither SO or I would invited our parents without our sibs, so minimum would be 10 people (inclusive). I have a large family on my side, and he''s got plenty of family on his side, then add in our mutual college friends, plus a few hs school friends, and I have ZOO rather than a wedding. I would rather hurt everyone''s feelings rather than any one persons. I never envisioned a ''traditional'' wedding, so to me, the two of us on a beach with an officiant, a photographer and spanish guitarist would be perfect. Add some bubbly, of course. Followed by a trash the dress session.

Coordinating a wedding just doesn''t appeal to me, nor does being the center of attention for a day (awkward!). Additionally, his family is in CA while mine is in KS, my friends are all over the country, and SO and I live in two different states on the East Coast. I''d prefer to spare ourselves the logistical nightmare. I don''t mean to spite my friends or family, but I also don''t like the idea of a wedding being imposed on me.

Unless SO insists, and then I guess we''ll work from there...

I just wish I had never mentioned eloping... I should have just done it and worried about reactions later. I guess I thought I could give them time to get used to the idea.

The highlighted part above was our mistake too! Well atleast when it came to MIL. We were foolish enough to think that she would understand when we presented her with all of our reasons.

In our situation, both DH and I agreed from the beginning that we would elope. His attitude was that he didn''t want to spend a lot of money and he wasn''t into the whole wedding thing anyway, so he really didn''t care what we did. He never actually said it but I also suspect he wouldn''t be too comfortable with the "center of attention" thing. Not that he is a shy person but I think he would see it as a lot of work talking to a bunch of relatives he barely knows and people he''s never met before. As for me, I always had the dream of the big beautiful wedding. I always wanted a princess wedding that you see on TV, but how could we ever afford that?

I mean I just couldn''t imagine spending that much money on anything. I knew we could still have something small and still have it very nice, but I didn''t want to feel like I was settling. It just made sense to try and have something very beautiful for just the two of us. We also agreed we both wanted a nice honeymoon so that was where most of our budget went.

One thing that really helped reassure me that I was making a good decison was the book "Let''s Elope" http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Elope-Definitive-Destination-Weddings/dp/0553380826 It is supposed to be guide to eloping, but I liked the way it spelled out many of the reasons I felt I wanted to elope.

You should definitely have a talk with SO and see if he has given it any thought. Unfortunately if he always wanted a big wedding, you may have to figure out a way to compromise.

BTW, TTD is an awesome perk of eloping! You can do it right after getting married and you don''t have to worry about messing up your hair/make-up, or keeping guests waiting for the reception! DH and I went right from city hall to the beach and afterwards we went home and changed for dinner. Believe it or not, my hair actually stayed intact after the ocean, but I wore jeans and a tee shirt to the somewhat casual restaraunt where we had our wedding dinner. Also, if you do elope make sure to get a photographer!! I can''t even tell you how our pictures have made everyone feel like they were a part of our special day!

 

[vintagecushion]

We're eloping and we're still dealing with the effects of the announcement we made in advance. Happily, the responses are getting more and more positive as people get used to the idea.

I'm always so amazed at the amount of planning a wedding requires and had to admit my heart just wasn't in it after careful consideration though I admired the beautiful weddings I've seen here. I'm having enough trouble deciding on a dress!

 

[Cosmo_Gal]

Eloping for me would make life SOO much easier financially, but I''ve always wanted at least a small wedding. I know that the wedding isn''t all about just us anyway...it''s about including love ones in your happiness if appropriate/applicable.