Have I Made a Mistake?

[crhq5c]

I have told friends and family we are having the ring made. I am not a very sentimental person, and I also have a hard time keeping a secret. When I am excited about something, I can't keep my mouth shut. Because of what I wanted, I had to mention to people that we were shopping because I wanted to use my mom's diamond in my ring for sentimental reasons (she passed away 15 years ago). In addition, we asked around for jeweler recommendations, so many people knew we were shopping and have asked if we found anything. Since I am the worst liar/secret keeper in the world (my boyfriend always knows what his Christmas or birthday present is about a month in advance), I was honest with them and told them that we were having it made. I have even shown some people the CAD image, and I know he has done the same because it looked so fantastic we couldn't keep it to ourselves. I really don't feel like I have ruined the experience whatsoever (aside from already seeing the ring which was an accident/mistake). But then again, I am not very sentimental and neither is he. I would do what feels right to you. I was concerned about telling people, but came to the conclusion that it is my decision, my engagement, and I don't care if other people think it is weird or if they think I am ruining the surprise. But I also know that a lot of people would have been unhappy if it were them. Overall though, I have found most people pretty excited for me, and I truly believe that they will be just as excited when I actually get the ring on my finger, and that is something I have no idea about. I also had a friend who is getting married in a couple months and she picked out the ring with her fiance as well and was there when he put in on layaway. Since she was there, she was able to try it on and took a picture of it and sent it to me, and I am sure I am not the only one she sent it to. This was about 3 months before he actually proposed. It really just depends on what you want for your proposal, but either way, I am sure it will be very special.

 

[gummy-bear]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom crhq5c, i think it's very sweet using the stone from her ring. I also get very excited when i buy someone a present that i'm bursting to give it to them or tell them about it.

Yeterday I was talking to my sister and wondered if I should tell her since it seemed like significant news to me. Boyfriend told me he plans on asking my parents for their blessing first and also wanted to show my sister the ring on that day. I think it's nice to ask my parents but I would love to surprise my mom. I've also suggested he just gets permission from my dad and I get to tell my mom :p.

Since my dad is also a bad secret keeper it'll have to be very close to the proposal date.

 

[Dreamer_D]

This topic has come up before on PS, and the opinions of the old married ladies (like me) are usually the same -- in retrospect it does not really matter if you saw the ring or did not. And in fact, most of us who did not outright pick the ring wish we had to eliminate any small doubts we might have had. This is particularly true if you are "picky" like I am, and like you profess to be.

The proposal really is not about the ring at all. The ring is a nice symbol. But when your partner looks you in the eyes and professes his love and asks you to commit yourself to him for life, and you say yes and you both feel the flow of love that accompanies that commitment (and the terror ) THAT is what matters and what you will remember down the road. The ring is just the icing on the cake at the end of the day.

And take it from a "picky" women who let her husband make most of the choices about her first e-ring -- you do NOT want your memory of that moment colored by thoughts of "Oh. I don't really like my ring!"

 

[gummy-bear]

Lol, thanks Dreamer_D, I just pictured myself looking at an engagement ring and thinking, "Ugh" which I had to laugh at.

After deciding to just look at the CAD and nothing more, I've been thrown a curve ball. I've been advised that no CAD will actually be made as it is only a "semi-custom" piece. The ring will be finished in 2-3 weeks and final pictures will be provided.

I was a bit shocked about this but am slowly trying to accept it and put my trust in the jeweler. I am going to resist looking at the final picture and trust my boyfriend to tell me if something seems wrong.

Wish me luck .

 

[snoopkat]

gummy-bear, are you able to push the jeweller to provide CAD photos, pay some money for it if you have to? IMHO it's a significant piece of investment and your interpretation of what the ring is going to look like might not be in line with your jeweller's. Just a thought.

 

[gummy-bear]

Hi snoopkat,

I was thinking that but it looks like production is already underway :s. I sent in very specific instuctions with pictures so I'm hoping for the best at this point. I may ask boyfriend to call / e-mail to clarify a few details as well. I'm hoping the simplicity of the ring will be in my favour.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

The ring is a gift like any other, and everyone has their own way of giving and receiving gifts. Some people send detailed lists to their loved ones at Christmas. Others give no input whatsoever. There's not one set way. Besides, the idea of Snow White waiting for a prince to come and surprise her in the forest is kind of outdated. I assume you want to be a partner, not a damsel in distress.

I had a surprise proposal in that it came months before I was expecting it, but we had gone ring shopping once and he had listened to what I wanted. He knew I wanted something simple, elegant, not too high, and a cushion cut diamond. The ring is not exactly what I would have chosen myself probably, but I don't regret it one single bit - like trying on a dress at a store that you didn't think you would want, and then it looks amazing. The proposal was incredibly special to us, but not because it was a surprise. He got a kick out of the surprise part, and it added a bit of pizazz to the story when we tell it, but in reality, what is the difference?

 

[Hospatogi]

An engagement ring to me is a promise of love and commitment to spending your lives together. So you should love looking at your ring and love everything about it. My boyfriend and I selected our stone and created our ring together. I have been actively involved in the process but I really dont think that it will ruin the surprise of when my boyfriend proposes. As long as you do not know when or how he is going to propose than I am certain that when that moment comes it will be extremely special and memorable.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

I ended up picking my own stone and having a major say in the setting. The stone is a colored stone, and my boyfriend wanted to be sure that he was getting a good deal, so he asked me to show him an example of a good quality stone.
I showed him a stone that I never expected him to buy, because it was out of his price range. He bought that exact stone.
The setting was his choice but he felt that he needed to check that I would approve, and I loved it too, so we were on the same page there.
That was a few months ago and I am completely out of the process now. He doesn't drop any hints and I don't ask. It's exciting to not know when it's going to happen. I am nervous about how the ring will turn out but I also know that I will love it. So for the most part I'm just excited!

 

[gummy-bear]

I'm happy to see I'm not alone in being an active participant in all this. I agree that the ring isn't all important but it is something I will seeing all the time and wanted something that fit me. I think I was extra concerned as I wear a size 8 ring and was worried about rings making my finger look extra sausage-like.

I have to say I'm looking forward to the proposal, he's being very tight-lipped about when and where. I know it won't be right away as there are a few things that need to be taken care of first. I can't wait to see what he has in store as he is very sweet and does cute things out of the blue.

I've been very clear that I do not want to know when the ring arrives so although I may have a rough estimate I won't know for sure. I don't expect a huge proposal but I just hope I don't see it coming :p.

 

[sctsbride09]

Another old married lady chiming in to say that you will be glad later that you had input. Most of the people I know IRL that got their engagement rings as a complete surprise are unhappy with them, and wouldnt have picked what they had if given a choice. Be glad that your future FI loves you enough to want to you to be happy with the jewelry you will be wearing forever.