having a courthouse wedding before the actual wedding?

[luvsdmb]

I say do it at the courthouse and forget the big wedding. What's the point if you are already married. You can still have a reception for your family and friends.
Or you could do a courthouse wedding without the courthouse. In my area we have a few places that are very low key but pretty and not expensive that you can still have the wedding experience for just the two of you. This way you can still wear a pretty dress, have flowers and even have a photographer to capture the wedding moment.

 

[mimB]

Heh. I've had it both ways, sorta.

With my X, we announced that we are married and held a small party for our friends when we moved in together, which was two years before we married legally (I was still in school and preferred to stay a dependent on my parents; also, I erroneously thought that living with a boy prior to being married is just asking for trouble - so overcommitted.) Then, when we signed the legal papers, we had a small dinner with both our families to celebrate, and that was that. It didn't feel very festive, in hindsight, although I think that's more due to disbalance in our relationship, rather than the understatement of both the parties.

With my current partner, we legally married before we originally planned to because I was leaving work and would have lost health insurance. In addition to financial practicality (other than my having insurance, also us being able to sign up for family gym memberships, etc), we thought that getting "partially" married by ourselves would work for us, because we're kind of dreading the experience of planning and having a wedding with our parents being... our parents. My parents are... difficult people for me and my partner to handle, and will not be supportive of wedding planning, and probably will have all sorts of conflicts on the day of. His parents are divorced, and often very busy with their youngest children - my partner dreads that they will be emotionally absent for the planning process, and that they might also make the wedding day difficult.
However, we really want to have a wedding day - to give our friends the chance to be happy with us, to acquaint our families (my parents sort of refused to meet his until we get married), to help our community to see us as a serious unit before we get into kids and such.
So we got legally married in part to safeguard our emotions, and we will hold a public wedding when we're ready to face the things we dread head on.

A number of our friends, however, know of our plan - so if someone asks how we went about something, and it involves being legally married, we explain our situation and thought process. Everyone has taken it in stride so far.

 

[MsToothFairy]

If you're cool w/it and he's cool w/it, what does it matter what anyone else thinks? My Fiancé (well i guess now husband) and I got married a week ago just so i can get a diploma in my new name and start practicing as a dentist with amy new last name. The "big wedding" is in August. Only a few people know and it's really not a big deal. People are going to come to your wedding drink, dance, eat and and have fun, besides after you are engaged and live together, it feels like you're married- nothing changes after "the big day". In my opinion it's just a big party and an opportunity to celebrate your love with friends and fam
GL!