He can't give me any sort of timeline.

[pancake]

My first reaction is: you guys are really young, you have LOADS of time.

That said, I know that every situation is different, every country (I'm Australian) is different and that the above is an unfair generalisation.

I agree with the other posters that this looks like it is a "stage of life" issue. You are ready for the next step, he - for a multitude of reasons, it seems - isn't.

That said, I think you need to sit down and have a frank discussion to clarify what is going on. Would he live with you if finances were not an issue? What are his expectations of your relationship over the next eg. 12 months, 2 years, 5 years? Has he considered what a future with you means?

If the answer to the latter question is no, then I think you need to think long and hard (and take your time over this) about whether you are willing to wait for him. Ultimately if he is not ready yet, you can't force him - and by repeatedly forcing him to confront the same situation I think you risk breeding a lot of resentment.

You need to square off about exactly what your individual needs and wants are, THEN work out whether they intersect. If they don't, then you need to be looking out for you. That could mean a number of things, eg 1) making a decision that you will wait until he IS ready, and not pushing him on it; 2) deciding it's not worth it, that he can't give you what he wants and that you need to leave; 3) anything in between or something different entirely!

But it seems to me that his intentions are foggy to you; he may think he is being very clear, but if you're confused or unsatisfied, you need to ask him to explain the situation better. By this I don't mean that he should have to justify himself to you - I don't think he necessarily should - but he needs to make sure that you understand exactly what his position is.

Good luck!

 

[mmi]

Well I slept on it. I'm feeling more at peace with the decision to renew my lease until summer 2012. Yeesh, that feels like a long time to be living in one place, especially one I'm not 100% comfortable in (maybe I can convince the roomies to do some apartment shopping). But SO's and my situation comes down to finances, pure and simple. Once in a while I take it as rejection or some other perceived insult, but we have to be smart about this, and I have to be patient. He's completely gaga over me, wants to marry me and have a family with me. I lose sight of that when things aren't moving at the pace I want then to.

I am in no ways getting "old"... but it's daunting when you have 8+ years staring you in the face while people left and right are moving forward. I know this is a common frustration here and I hope this us a safe place for me to vent from time to time!

ETA: I appreciate everyone taking the time to comment on here, it means a lot.

 

[Amys Bling]

I am glad you thought about it and are feeling better..... I totally understand, I was feeling this way oh, back in January when the future BIL proposed to his long-term GF (they have been dating just as long as us but are a year and a half younger) and then the best friend from college got engaged to our best friend from HS - we set them up 4 years ago- and there I was, 11 yrs deep with a townhouse we bought 2 yrs ago and a puppy, and no ring! But it was finances, he wanted to get me something I would be head over heels for and something I "deserved"....

good luck to you! I hope the two of you find a happy compromise!