mike04456
Brilliant_Rock
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Help! Hubby upset about new ring
- Thread starter StefJam
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I too came in the post too late but I wanted to express my opinion.
As a female, I totally understand how upgrading a .25 carat ring to 1 carat is important but I wouldn't do it if it means hurting my husband's feeling (I'm not married yet).
I think it's about tactic, no? I would definitely make sure that he knows how precious the ring he gave me for our wedding is. Isn't everything about compromise in a relationship?
As a female, I totally understand how upgrading a .25 carat ring to 1 carat is important but I wouldn't do it if it means hurting my husband's feeling (I'm not married yet).
I think it's about tactic, no? I would definitely make sure that he knows how precious the ring he gave me for our wedding is. Isn't everything about compromise in a relationship?
Isn't everything about compromise in a relationship?
It most definitely is. Tomorrow is the day I go to the jeweler to drop off the diamond and begin work on the ring. I am still unsure on what I am going to do. My heart is telling me to go ahead and have the ring made, but wear it on my right hand. I am going to see about either having my original ring dipped in rhodium or having it remade all together in white. Hubby is totally supportive of that idea, he said "it sounded like a helluva compromise". So there you have it. You guys have ALL helped out and again, I am so glad I found this site. I'll keep you posted on what happens...the ring should be done in 2-3 weeks.
It most definitely is. Tomorrow is the day I go to the jeweler to drop off the diamond and begin work on the ring. I am still unsure on what I am going to do. My heart is telling me to go ahead and have the ring made, but wear it on my right hand. I am going to see about either having my original ring dipped in rhodium or having it remade all together in white. Hubby is totally supportive of that idea, he said "it sounded like a helluva compromise". So there you have it. You guys have ALL helped out and again, I am so glad I found this site. I'll keep you posted on what happens...the ring should be done in 2-3 weeks.
tessa
Shiny_Rock
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My reply did come out much more harshly than I intended.
I apologize.
I see, though, that I am not the only female who would like to have some input on her own jewelry.
After 12 years many things can change and probably the husband would himself pick out a different ring if he shopped today.
There are many ways to "upgrade" by introducing the family heirloom.
Hubby should be a litttle more flexible because it seems to me that he has bought the DeBeers Invention perfectly.
One woman, one diamond.
However you choose to compromise, good luck.
I really mean it.
I apologize.
I see, though, that I am not the only female who would like to have some input on her own jewelry.
After 12 years many things can change and probably the husband would himself pick out a different ring if he shopped today.
There are many ways to "upgrade" by introducing the family heirloom.
Hubby should be a litttle more flexible because it seems to me that he has bought the DeBeers Invention perfectly.
One woman, one diamond.
However you choose to compromise, good luck.
I really mean it.
mike04456
Brilliant_Rock
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tessa
Shiny_Rock
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Nicrez
Ideal_Rock
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OK, any relationship that can't weather a compromise in change of taste has some growth problems. What happens when you realize you want to stop eating meat and become vegetarian and the person doesn't agree? Do they force you to eat pork? Do you divorce?
REALLY PEOPLE! It's a ring! A small stone that looks awful until it's polished, costs an arm and a leg, which by those means alone should have no value to each of you than a piece of resellable property. The stone was not given to you as an exchange of equity and you are renegotiaing your deal and your marraige. It's still the same! Instead, he made a financial sacrifice to please you, and to show serious intent, and backed that up with something that is both socially acceptable and favored and shows you a sacrifice. The stone is not the incarnation of it, the marraige is. The stone is the physical result.
Tell him that you will always love him and stand by him and respect his sacrifice, not just for the ring, but for each one he makes every day, and you don't need your original ring to do that.
Listen, I know women who wear their rings proudly but have awful marraiges. Which would you prefer? Rings are symbolic, but the love in your marraige is concrete that no ring (or lack thereof) will ever be able to replace or change.
This is silly. He's being sentimental, and I suggest suprising him with something from the original proposal, like going back to the same place, or getting the same dress out, or something and showing him that the ring is not necessary to appreciate him and all his love...
Just my $.02.
REALLY PEOPLE! It's a ring! A small stone that looks awful until it's polished, costs an arm and a leg, which by those means alone should have no value to each of you than a piece of resellable property. The stone was not given to you as an exchange of equity and you are renegotiaing your deal and your marraige. It's still the same! Instead, he made a financial sacrifice to please you, and to show serious intent, and backed that up with something that is both socially acceptable and favored and shows you a sacrifice. The stone is not the incarnation of it, the marraige is. The stone is the physical result.
Tell him that you will always love him and stand by him and respect his sacrifice, not just for the ring, but for each one he makes every day, and you don't need your original ring to do that.
Listen, I know women who wear their rings proudly but have awful marraiges. Which would you prefer? Rings are symbolic, but the love in your marraige is concrete that no ring (or lack thereof) will ever be able to replace or change.
This is silly. He's being sentimental, and I suggest suprising him with something from the original proposal, like going back to the same place, or getting the same dress out, or something and showing him that the ring is not necessary to appreciate him and all his love...
Just my $.02.
aljdewey
Ideal_Rock
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- Nov 25, 2002
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- 9,170
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On 2/3/2004 12:22:15 AM StefJam wrote:
Isn't everything about compromise in a relationship?
It most definitely is. Tomorrow is the day I go to the jeweler to drop off the diamond and begin work on the ring. I am still unsure on what I am going to do. My heart is telling me to go ahead and have the ring made, but wear it on my right hand. I am going to see about either having my original ring dipped in rhodium or having it remade all together in white. Hubby is totally supportive of that idea, he said 'it sounded like a helluva compromise'. So there you have it. You guys have ALL helped out and again, I am so glad I found this site. I'll keep you posted on what happens...the ring should be done in 2-3 weeks.
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This sounds like a plan that can make you both happy.
It's funny how sentimental some folks can get.....my sweetie, Rich, has said he wouldn't care if I decided to upgrade my diamond or my w-ring. But I think that if he did care, I wouldn't do it. I could design any other ring in the world to wear on any other finger, so it's not like I am "restricted".
But the e-ring/w-ring.....that is his gift to me. If it was terribly important to Rich for our rings to match......then I'd honor that.
I'm sorry, but trying to compare these two rings to any other thing.......another piece of jewelry, a lipstick, anything.....is just futile. A lipstick isn't sentimental. Another ring doesn't represent the promise/commitment made. It's just not the same thing. The fact that a husband feels sentimental about THOSE pieces of jewelry doesn't mean is controlling or makes decisions on every other aspect. It just means he cares about those pieces.
Stef, I think it's great he's willing to compromise on having your existing ring plated, and that seems like a good compromise. They will still match, and just be of different color metals. And you can design a GORGEOUS ring for your right hand!
Congratulations Stef on reaching a compromise with your husband.
Everybody has their own passions in life. I try to keep my two cents to myself sometimes when it comes to my husband's passions. His passions usually run into tech items like building his own super duper computer with all the bells and whistles. He was also very adamant about finding the right features and quantity of megapixels for his digital camera. We haven't really discussed jewelry too much where we have had major disagreements since we both realize that we both have much different tastes. We even dress very differntly, and we both have different personalities. Funny thing, we've still been the best of friends for about a decade.
Although, we do a lot of debating about our future home purchase. Nobody will always agree on everything. Compromise is a great thing, but I would lose a battle here and there for the sake of keeping our relationship in balance. Sometimes it's hard to judge what upsets one another. Sometimes it's worth giving in and sometimes it is not. Both my husband and I will throw in the towel and give up on something for the other's happiness. It guess it depends on where you draw the fine line. I am glad that you did find a compromise that you both can live with. Congratulations on that. Hopefully everything will settle down with time, and both you and him can learn to lighten up on some things while staying steadfast and true to the things that really are important.
Jennifer5973
Ideal_Rock
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I am happy this situation seems to have resolved itself, and there is a solution/compromise that works. Good news for all.
I don't think the intention of posters, like myself, who repsonded to take care with hurting your husband's feelings meant for you to fade into the wallpaper and do whatever to make him happy....In good faith, it is better not to hurt someone and find a solution that makes everyone feel good. I am very happy to see that is what happened.
Rememeber to post pics when yuor rings are done!
I don't think the intention of posters, like myself, who repsonded to take care with hurting your husband's feelings meant for you to fade into the wallpaper and do whatever to make him happy....In good faith, it is better not to hurt someone and find a solution that makes everyone feel good. I am very happy to see that is what happened.
Rememeber to post pics when yuor rings are done!
Bagpuss
Brilliant_Rock
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- Sep 10, 2003
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- 830
Sounds to me like Steph's husband is honestly sentimental about their wedding rings and was probably a bit taken aback that Steph wanted to 'upgrade' her original wedding ring which is why it took him a while to tell her clearly how he was feeling.
I'm always suprised when my husband occasionally displays such sentiment as he's usually so analytical! Men can really suprise us women from time to time. When I upgraded, my husband was involved in choosing the stone and the setting from the word go. In fact he convinced me to go for a bigger stone than I wanted at first AND change from a yellow setting to white one! I've kept my original ering and wedding band, though, and still wear them from time to time, so I guess that I'm just as sentimental as Steph's husband. My husband refused to have any sort of wedding ring - said they were dangerous because he has always tinkered with machines, cars, powertools etc in his spare time! I bought him a gold watch on his 50th birthday and it's the only jewelery he ever wears.
I think Steph has done just the right thing - given her husband time to get comfortable with the whole idea and given him a few alternative compromises.
I hope it all goes well for you both Steph whatever you decide to do.
I'm always suprised when my husband occasionally displays such sentiment as he's usually so analytical! Men can really suprise us women from time to time. When I upgraded, my husband was involved in choosing the stone and the setting from the word go. In fact he convinced me to go for a bigger stone than I wanted at first AND change from a yellow setting to white one! I've kept my original ering and wedding band, though, and still wear them from time to time, so I guess that I'm just as sentimental as Steph's husband. My husband refused to have any sort of wedding ring - said they were dangerous because he has always tinkered with machines, cars, powertools etc in his spare time! I bought him a gold watch on his 50th birthday and it's the only jewelery he ever wears.
I think Steph has done just the right thing - given her husband time to get comfortable with the whole idea and given him a few alternative compromises.
I hope it all goes well for you both Steph whatever you decide to do.
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