Help me! (sorry, kind of long!)

[prettylnpink419]

Oh don''t get me wrong. If he wants to make a career out of the military I would completely support him in that choice. I''m just saying if he is doing it to just delay finding a career for right now...that is the wrong choice. If he''s going to join the military at 27 years old, in my opinion it should be to make a career out of it, not just for 4 years, otherwise I''m worried about where that will leave him when he''s done.

I have been sending him job postings via e-mail and just recently (about 2 months ago) helped him with his resume. My mom works in HR at a VA Hospital and she also spoke with someone that works in Nuclear Medicine there that said he''d love for my BF to come in and talk with him and he''ll show him all around and tell him about the job and education, etc. So that''s good. He didn''t even want to talk about that though today after he found out about his job. It''s like he is in crisis mode and is forgetting about Nuclear Medicine already.

It''s hard to be supportive when you are unsure what you are supporting because things are constantly changing!

 

[misskitty]

*Hugs* and some job dust for your SO!

I know it''s way tough to be plan-oriented in an uncertain situation like this, but keep your chin up and remember that we''re here for you!

 

[Bia]

Date: 1/26/2009 3:22:21 PM
Author: prettylnpink419
Oh don't get me wrong. If he wants to make a career out of the military I would completely support him in that choice. I'm just saying if he is doing it to just delay finding a career for right now...that is the wrong choice. If he's going to join the military at 27 years old, in my opinion it should be to make a career out of it, not just for 4 years, otherwise I'm worried about where that will leave him when he's done.

I have been sending him job postings via e-mail and just recently (about 2 months ago) helped him with his resume. My mom works in HR at a VA Hospital and she also spoke with someone that works in Nuclear Medicine there that said he'd love for my BF to come in and talk with him and he'll show him all around and tell him about the job and education, etc. So that's good. He didn't even want to talk about that though today after he found out about his job. It's like he is in crisis mode and is forgetting about Nuclear Medicine already.

It's hard to be supportive when you are unsure what you are supporting because things are constantly changing!

That I totally understand. Sounds like you're doing everything you can sweetie. Right now I'm sure things are so hard because of the uncertainty of it all. Keep doing what you're doing and know that your (particularly his) situation will improve. (((hugs)))

Don't forget to keep us updated and we'll keep sending dust your way...

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Awe, Pretty, it certianly does sound like he has a lot of reasons for feeling lost....poor guy...but, that doesn''t mean he gets to put you on an indefinte hold until he gets his mind wrapped around his life. Because, lets face it, your life is a bit upside down right now too--you are going to have nowhere to live! Thats a big deal!!!

I think that at this point you should look for a nice, pet friendly, one bedroom apartment where you and your furbabies can just "be" for the time being. Signing a one year lease will give both you and your boyfriend time to breathe and regroup, and more importantly time for all the "outside noise" (jobs, engagement, roomates) to quiet so you can actually think about your relationship and it''s future without deadlines and pressure.

Pretty, marriage is going to be much like what you''re feeling right now, things are going to happen that you can simply not control or plan for ...and the best advice I ever received was that when your partner is "down" you need to be on. If you love this man, and he''s hurting then you need to do double-time to make it better...not add more stress for him to cope with. Writing down your relationship expectations was brilliant...now he knows what it is you''re eventually expecting. But now you need to take care of what Pretty can take care of. You cannot "employee" him...but you can take the weight of living together right now off of his shoulders by finding your own home where you''ll be happy.

Everything in time...timing is everything.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/26/2009 3:28:31 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Awe, Pretty, it certianly does sound like he has a lot of reasons for feeling lost....poor guy...but, that doesn''t mean he gets to put you on an indefinte hold until he gets his mind wrapped around his life. Because, lets face it, your life is a bit upside down right now too--you are going to have nowhere to live! Thats a big deal!!!

I think that at this point you should look for a nice, pet friendly, one bedroom apartment where you and your furbabies can just ''be'' for the time being. Signing a one year lease will give both you and your boyfriend time to breathe and regroup, and more importantly time for all the ''outside noise'' (jobs, engagement, roomates) to quiet so you can actually think about your relationship and it''s future without deadlines and pressure.

Pretty, marriage is going to be much like what you''re feeling right now, things are going to happen that you can simply not control or plan for ...and the best advice I ever received was that when your partner is ''down'' you need to be on. If you love this man, and he''s hurting then you need to do double-time to make it better...not add more stress for him to cope with. Writing down your relationship expectations was brilliant...now he knows what it is you''re eventually expecting. But now you need to take care of what Pretty can take care of. You cannot ''employee'' him...but you can take the weight of living together right now off of his shoulders by finding your own home where you''ll be happy.

Everything in time...timing is everything.

Double ditto to the highlighted part.

I know it''s tough (I''m a very plan-oriented person as well), but right now your BF probably just needs support and somebody to lean on while he''s going through this, not more stress. If you can, back off of the engagement/state of the union (

) talks for a little while. You have your expectations down on paper, and now when he is a little more secure in his life he can look at them. But it would probably do both of you a world of good to try taking things one day at a time right now. I would feel like I was being kicked when I was down if I was out of a job, unsure of what I wanted to do, and my BF started getting mad at me for not knowing when I wanted to make a huge commitment. I''d be totally lost, and then be isolated from the person I thought I''d have around to help me.

Best of luck. I know you''re a wonderful person, and you''ll be supportive, even though it''s hard. One thing I would suggest is to work on your own plan and goals while he doesn''t have things in order. Is there anything you want to learn how to do? Now would be an ideal time to learn and make *that* your goal. What about big projects? Maybe save up and buy your own place, and figure out how you would decorate it. But have something you are working towards for yourself, and it might make the next few months more bearable.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/26/2009 3:28:31 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Awe, Pretty, it certianly does sound like he has a lot of reasons for feeling lost....poor guy...but, that doesn''t mean he gets to put you on an indefinte hold until he gets his mind wrapped around his life. Because, lets face it, your life is a bit upside down right now too--you are going to have nowhere to live! Thats a big deal!!!


I think that at this point you should look for a nice, pet friendly, one bedroom apartment where you and your furbabies can just ''be'' for the time being. Signing a one year lease will give both you and your boyfriend time to breathe and regroup, and more importantly time for all the ''outside noise'' (jobs, engagement, roomates) to quiet so you can actually think about your relationship and it''s future without deadlines and pressure.


Pretty, marriage is going to be much like what you''re feeling right now, things are going to happen that you can simply not control or plan for ...and the best advice I ever received was that when your partner is ''down'' you need to be on. If you love this man, and he''s hurting then you need to do double-time to make it better...not add more stress for him to cope with. Writing down your relationship expectations was brilliant...now he knows what it is you''re eventually expecting. But now you need to take care of what Pretty can take care of. You cannot ''employee'' him...but you can take the weight of living together right now off of his shoulders by finding your own home where you''ll be happy.


Everything in time...timing is everything.

Ditto this. Find your own place, and give him the time and space to figure his life out. If he wants you there, trust he will do everything he can to keep you there.

Best of luck!

 

[Winks_Elf]

We haven''t heard from you, Pretty. Hope you''re okay. Check in with us when you''re up to it.

 

[Definitely. Maybe]

Ditto, ditto, ditto. Italia gives great advice and I really think shes right on this one.

I know it is hard for you because I am sure it feels like your future is put on hold or unknown. Just try your hardest (which it sounds like you are doing) to be there for each other. Even if it means living on your own for a while. I believe in the end, once you lean on each other in this time, you both will come out stronger and better from it.

I wish you both the best. I know what its like to be lost, so I hope your BF finds his way. Once he is able to figure himself out he will realize how much you are doing/have done to help him get there. My BF has been by my side through a lot. During those times of feeling lost I couldn''t understand why he would want to be with me (much like your BF is doing now). Even though I couldn''t see it then, I can see it now and am more appreciative then ever and know that I will stand by his side if/ when he ever needs it.

I am sorry if I am completely off base with this one and please just disregard if so or if its unrelateable.