Helping ppl find stones urgently

[Andelain]

This one's my favorite.

Imagine the outcry if the caption read, woman!?!

It needs just one more knife...

 

[gregchang35]

Prime example: [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/this-is-all-really-overwhelming-any-advice.217506/#post-3952707#p3952707;']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/this-is-all-really-overwhelming-any-advice.217506/#post-3952707#p3952707;[/URL]

yup....i wonder how much time he takes to purchase his car? as mentioned before, the ring is not something that he sees as important. if he is only spending at most $3500, then the ring is only a small token to him.....

I think that's an insulting way to look at it. 3500 is a lot of money to spend for me. It's a lot of money to spend for most of my friends, of other is know. I have friends, and than one, with budget less than 2 k. And I can tell you they spent months looking for stones, figuring out her style, and making sure it was her size so she could wearnit asap. It was very important to them.

For some people 3500 is 10%+ of their yearly income. So I think it's a bit jaded to say that.


ETA: I also hate when people come to hangout and make threads bashing new members. It's very rude and unwelcoming.

Thank you Niel and queenie for your comments.

There is a another post where gypsy said as such and i had retracted. Also I did mention that I was guilty of generalization and also being men bashing and also the pot calling the kettle black. Maybe that was not clear in the first post. If not, I apologize.

Your comment about your friend is different. Your friend spent the time and effort to find the stone... Some of the threads I have read, and in particular what gypsy pointed out- didn't want to spend the time to do so. I was drawing a parallel to how long some men spend on cars v bling.

Surrounding yourself so that you get the right things is great. But sometimes, it is the way that it has been approached- Some threads say it needs it in 2/3weeks. Some have a few months. I get that. But it's their tone, and I also understdn that Internet removes some/all of that bar the emoticons.

Everyone is going to be different and I made it clear.

If it wasn't made clear, I will try and show my post.

In any case, I appreciate the candor that is in this thread as it highlights that in a fora like this, there are going to be lots of different opinions. It is a great learning experience for me.


I can only quote one of my post, the other is in the original post.

Having said all that i have said, i am one of those men that felt overwhelmed with the diamond buying.

I am probably a pot calling the kettle black.

But i have learned from PS. the more that i read and the more that i buy, the better i get.

 

[gregchang35]

I also understdn that by prefacing that I was men bashing / generalization/ blanket statements it may not give me the license to go ahead and just do that...

I am learning about perceptions of actions. I say one thing and do another.

It is my internal conflict of being frustrated that some ppl do not want to spend the time to find something momentous for the occasion. But I must concede that everyone places differnrt emphasis on events.


As for these help threads, I always advise that the OP listens to the help that they get from seasoned posters.

 

[blackprophet]

I think the prior knowledge thing counts for a lot.

If I (or you) would ask around to married men in your lives, how many would have spent more than a few weeks finding a ring? Probably not many. So why would you expect a guy to know he needs to take more time to but a ring?

Most people who buy a car take the time to research and figure out the right car. Most of the people who buy jewellery go to the mall store and buy whats in the case. So why would most think that buying these things would or could be any different than what most experience.

I know some will say, when they come here for help, they should take our advice. But for many I've seen (and as someone said earlier in the thread), it may already be too late at that point. The trip is set, the perfect moment (for them) is fast approaching. So they can't take our advice.

I don't think its that men don't care. I think its that most men (and women for that matter) don't know any better.

I spent 6 months on sourcing the stone and designing the ring, but that is because I had an example of someone who had done that way before, so I knew the right way to do it. I consider myself lucky for that reason.

 

[gregchang35]

I think the prior knowledge thing counts for a lot.

If I (or you) would ask around to married men in your lives, how many would have spent more than a few weeks finding a ring? Probably not many. So why would you expect a guy to know he needs to take more time to but a ring?

Most people who buy a car take the time to research and figure out the right car. Most of the people who buy jewellery go to the mall store and buy whats in the case. So why would most think that buying these things would or could be any different than what most experience.

I know some will say, when they come here for help, they should take our advice. But for many I've seen (and as someone said earlier in the thread), it may already be too late at that point. The trip is set, the perfect moment (for them) is fast approaching. So they can't take our advice.

I don't think its that men don't care. I think its that most men (and women for that matter) don't know any better.

I spent 6 months on sourcing the stone and designing the ring, but that is because I had an example of someone who had done that way before, so I knew the right way to do it. I consider myself lucky for that reason.

I think you are absolutely right.

Also, totally get that timing is always an issue. But, i guess, to the masses ie non PS fanatics, it wouldn't matter what they get in engagement ring, as long as they did not feel that they have paid too much for it. Hmm... i wonder if this applies to any other parts to what we do as humans... as long as we feel like we are being looked after and not taken for a ride.

More thinking.....

 

[Laila619]

I don't think it's something inherent in men. It's not in their DNA.

I think it's a societal thing. We make lots of excuses for men. We say "Men aren't planners." And we say that "Jewelry just isn't important to men."

Instead of saying "this is important. Because of what it represents. Because of the feelings involved.

But instead we say, "oh well FEELINGS, men aren't good with those either." And excuse them.

And so when we excuse them when our FEELINGS aren't important to them, as mothers, as sisters, and teachers, we teach them that our feelings are NOT important and that they don't have to respect them.

It's up to us to teach men how to respect us.

And that's what it is, IMO, disrespect.

Ask a man to buy a car. See the time and care he takes with it. Some of the rings purchased cost as much if not more than a car and yet they give it no more attention or notice than they do the toilet paper they buy.

It's up to us as mothers, sisters, and even brothers to say, "Hey, this is a once in a lifetime thing. And it's not an easy purchase, nor should it. Be you should pay care to this. It is symbol of your commitment to each other."

Instead of just giving them a thousand excuses to get away with their negligence.

I've had enough of "boys will be boys."

So true.

 

[Laila619]

$3500 is not a small chunk of change. I think it's perfectly reasonable. Not everyone wants to spend (or can afford) $20,000 for a rock. In general, I do think a lot of guys are lazy or don't put a ton of effort into ring buying. Not all mind you, but some. I think the ones who come to PS generally care a little more than your average guy. Many guys don't even bother to do any research online, they just walk into Kay or Zales and plunk down their hard-earned money on a 10k white gold K color I2 clarity badly cut piece of junk.

 

[Andelain]

$3500 is not a small chunk of change. I think it's perfectly reasonable. Not everyone wants to spend (or can afford) $20,000 for a rock. In general, I do think a lot of guys are lazy or don't put a ton of effort into ring buying. Not all mind you, but some. I think the ones who come to PS generally care a little more than your average guy. Many guys don't even bother to do any research online, they just walk into Kay or Zales and plunk down their hard-earned money on a 10k white gold K color I2 clarity badly cut piece of junk.

I think a lot of them simply don't know what they don't know. They have no idea that there's a difference, and that they should research. They see the ads for maul diamonds and just think they're the good stones.

 

[Gypsy]

I stand by my remarks. I. Expect. Better. And I'm not going to apologize for having high standards for behavior.

You want to characterize my blunt speech as bullying, bashing, rude or unwelcoming that's on you.

 

[gregchang35]

This one's my favorite.

Imagine the outcry if the caption read, woman!?!

Kenny,

BWA ha ha!!!!

 

[tyty333]

$3500 is not a small chunk of change. I think it's perfectly reasonable. Not everyone wants to spend (or can afford) $20,000 for a rock. In general, I do think a lot of guys are lazy or don't put a ton of effort into ring buying. Not all mind you, but some. I think the ones who come to PS generally care a little more than your average guy. Many guys don't even bother to do any research online, they just walk into Kay or Zales and plunk down their hard-earned money on a 10k white gold K color I2 clarity badly cut piece of junk.

I think a lot of them simply don't know what they don't know. They have no idea that there's a difference, and that they should research. They see the ads for maul diamonds and just think they're the good stones.

So true. When we first started looking for an engagement ring 17 years ago, I thought you could get a nice 1 carat stone for $2k-$3k
(that's what the ads said). After a little research, I learned they were more like $5-$6k+. Plus, I was looking for a pear and there
was very little info on pear shaped stone (and very few at jewelers to actually see). I sure wish I could have found some help back
then.

I also think there are people who are running up against a hard deadline (birthday, Xmas, etc.) and don't realize that there can be
a lot to learn. Once they start to learn a little bit they realize they are in over their head and out of time. This is not something
that you do that often so the first time you go to buy a stone the learning process can be quite a surprise. Then, to be able to
"trust" yourself with all this new info you've learned...quite daunting. I think PSers should be proud of themselves for the service
we provide for those who, sometimes desperately, need our help.

 

[Rhea]

Prime example: [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/this-is-all-really-overwhelming-any-advice.217506/#post-3952707#p3952707;']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/this-is-all-really-overwhelming-any-advice.217506/#post-3952707#p3952707;[/URL]

if he is only spending at most $3500, then the ring is only a small token to him.....

Not at all! My husband spent less than $2,000. He was also 19 at the time. $2,000 was, and still is to us, a huge deal. Now if the OP of that thread is a millionaire and spending at most $3500 then maybe it's small token. Not everyone has the same income or priorities.

 

[purplesparklies]

Prime example: [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/this-is-all-really-overwhelming-any-advice.217506/#post-3952707#p3952707;']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/this-is-all-really-overwhelming-any-advice.217506/#post-3952707#p3952707;[/URL]

if he is only spending at most $3500, then the ring is only a small token to him.....

Not at all! My husband spent less than $2,000. He was also 19 at the time. $2,000 was, and still is to us, a huge deal. Now if the OP of that thread is a millionaire and spending at most $3500 then maybe it's small token. Not everyone has the same income or priorities.

I agree with Rhea. This thread has taken some interesting turns. I have read many of the Urgent Help Needed type of posts. My response is not the same for all. If it is someone who recently planned a trip or suddenly realized that a prime proposal opportunity is coming up and needs help in meeting that deadline, I understand that. Life happens. If it is someone who just can't be bothered to do their own research and search, that's not cool. Sometimes it is just someone who wants assurance that they are making a good choice and that is understandable. There is so much to consider.

I do think it is important for the proposer to put ample thought into the process but each person's definition of ample time is different. Many here way overthink it according to most. That is okay because those who are here are passionate about gems. It is okay to be less passionate about it as long as the sentiment and care and respect for the recipient/occasion is present.

People have all different types of passions and invest their time/money accordingly. I know many who love, love, love cars. They will research and test drive and research some more. They read all the articles and spend oodles of time talking to owners on various message boards. I do a little reading, test drive the two options which sound like the best potential fit for my needs and pick one. Cars bore me. I want something that meets my needs, is comfortable for my family and is dependable. That's pretty much it.

I'm not sure why budget was brought into the discussion at all. Budget has nothing to do how much love one feels or how much one respects their partner. $3500 is a lot of money for a lot of people, myself included. Can we afford more? Now, yes. Could my then boyfriend at 19 years of age? No. He did what he could and worked very hard working full time while going to school full time to do so. No one was more loved and respected than I was and still am. I still proudly wear that diamond. The setting has changed so I can wear my mother-in-law's three stone with it now. I have right hand rings that come and go but that diamond chosen just for me so long ago will always be special ad will always be at home on my left ring finger. Not because it's specs stand up to the scrutiny of the pros but because he gave it to me with all his heart, love and devotion. That was almost 21 years ago and time truly does fly when you are having fun.

 

[kenny]

This one's my favorite.

Imagine the outcry if the caption read, woman!?!

It needs just one more knife...

ONLY one?

 

[Polished]

I guess some people coming here aren't prepared to go through the process that would help them put together a better ring. You only have to follow the threads where people have an initial idea of what they want; and see, by the end of the thread, how they have maximized their budget to stretch to something really worthwhile, to see the benefits to them, of allowing people here to guide them through.

For some I think they have been given a picture by their girlfriend of something that has caught her eye. Instead of building on this original idea and modifying it for something nicer and better quality it becomes the line of least resistance to just get her what she thinks she wants. This solution might be a match made in heaven - he doesn't care, she doesn't care. The diamond would barely be looked at, worn or cleaned for the rest of their lives. The sadder cases are the ones where the the woman might not be heavily into jewelry but actually would have loved a quality engagement to take through life with her.

This thread made me think about the way the online diamond websites are set up. Using Brian Gavin as an example. With their Signature cut diamonds clearly there before you, you could simply key in the amount you want to spend, not worry about color or clarity, because hey that might involve thinking, and still come up with a great stone. You could then browse through the solitaire settings - shut your eyes and point to one and the jobs done. The ring process could take half an hour all up or you could spend hours researching diamonds and settings in order to get the exact one that's right for you. Either way you will end up with a quality product and a lovely ring. It's not necessarily about time spent. Many women might be driven around the bend by a man who was over pedantic with diamonds and rings.