Honeymoon or house?

[zoebartlett]

My FI had a thought last night and although I didn''t agree with it then, I''m thinking about it now. I''d love to get your thoughts on this -- unfortunately, I need to leave for work in a few minutes, so I can''t check back in until later.

My FI suggested last night that we put our honeymoon on hold and use the money we''ve saved to go towards either a house downpayment or towards the closing costs of our condo, when it gets to that point. We''d probably use the money towards the latter. What we have saved so far is nowhere CLOSE to a downpayment.

Some of you know that we changed our honeymoon plans. We''re now planning on going to QC for 1 week. We''re driving because it''s not THAT far from where we live and from where we''re getting married. We''ve made reservations in the Old Town, which is where we really want to stay.

Part of me thinks that we''d be smarter to be practical about this. We''re 34 and 36, and we want to have kids in the next couple of years probably. I can''t help it but I have this "hurry up" feeling about all of this. We''re hopefully meeting with our realtor in the next week or so to plan a timeline and to see what we should realistically be looking at (in terms of house prices). Our condo has been fine for the 2+ years we''ve lived here but I''m ready to move to the next phase before we have kids. My FI doesn''t feel as strongly as I do. He''d be fine staying here indefinitely until we''ve saved a lot more money and until we''ve actually built equity in this place.

Sorry to ramble. Should we scrap the idea of a honeymoon all together or should we still go and just start saving again once we return? Any money that we may get as a wedding gift would go towards a house fund, so at least we wouldn''t be starting over. What we''ve saved so far for our honeymoon is about $2500. Like I said, it''s not a lot but it''s enough for our honeymoon I think.

I''d love to hear your thoughts. Okay, I have to run but I''ll check back in later.

By the way, on a side note, I have my first fitting appt. today. I really hope it goes well.

 

[gwendolyn]

I think it depends on the house market where you are. If it's like where I am currently, it seems like buyers have oodles of choices for homes, so it might be a good time to get a home. I haven't bought a house, so I don't know anything firsthand, but I do know that four of my friends just bought their first homes in the past two, maybe three, months. Another friend and my parents are trying to sell their homes, and are having a tough time of it because there are so many other houses on the market. So, there's all that stuff to consider.

I also know a few friends who put off their honeymoon for various reasons (one was to buy a house, the other two were because they're teachers and were going to wait until the summer to go on a big trip), and they had mixed feelings about it--they knew it made the most sense, but they were afraid postponing the wedding for a long time would make the wedding feel less wedding-y.

If it was me, I think I'd go for the house (if the market is similar to how it is here). That would give me a good, long-term investment, set up for my future life with my hubby, AND give me an excuse to take an even better/longer/fancier honeymoon when it came time to do it.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks Gwendolyn!

Yeah, the very practical side of me thinks that this might be a good time to focus on house hunting and delay the honeymoon until we''re settled in a new place. It would also give us a chance to get our finances in order to get ready to sell our condo and look for something. We''re in New England, by the way.

The only thing is that I don''t want LIFE to get in the way of a great honeymoon, you know? If we plan on having kids in the next couple of years, now would be a good time to go on a fantastic trip.

Hmmmm, something to think about...

 

[Gypsy]

I don''t have any advice to offer as we are in a similar boat, in many ways. Just wanted to let you know that you''re not alone. It''s tough to be fiscally responsible. And balance that with allowing yourself to splurge and have fun.

 

[gwendolyn]

That is true; I don''t have kids but know that life before them is nothing like life after them--not meaning bad, but just very very different. So in that respect, yes, I think you''re right to do a big trip now, while you can. The housing market might be similar a year or two from now, but you might not want to be buying a house AND starting a family at the same time, since babies are really pretty expensive too.

I don''t know, m''dear. It''s definitely not an easy call, but I do think that whatever you decide to do, you''ll be happy because, in the end, you will end up with all of it; it''s just the order that''s up for grabs, I think.

 

[tberube]

I say buy the house!!

A home is an investment toward your life together as husband and wife...what could be more romantic than that? Not to mention practical.

My FI and I are going to take our honeymoon on our 1st anniversary. We chose this in order to have our wedding and our new home purchase in 2008. Besides, the way we see it, we can go all out saving for a whole year and really have a great honeymoon, and it''ll be like stretching the celebration of our marriage by a whole year! We''re very happy with our decision.

 

[isaku5]

Well, from a personal perspective of one of a couple who chose the house option, we are divided now. DH is easygoing so it was really up to me and I chose to be practical

Now I look at all the beautiful pictures from couples who had a real honeymoon and I''m a tad envious. On the other hand, six years after our wedding and two children, we did visit Bermuda for a week; that was to be our "postponed" honeymoon. I didn''t enjoy one minute of the trip because I felt guilty about leaving the kids with their grandparents

.

The next opportunity for "important" travel was our 25th wedding anniversary. We went back and forth about whether to have a renewal of vows with a lavish reception afterward, or visit friends in Switzerland for four weeks. Europe won!!! It was fabulous and the kids were in their 20''s so I didn''t worry about them at all.

Do I wish we''d taken a "real" honeymoon? Maybe..but things aren''t like they were when we were young: there was no living together unless you were married, or chose to be subject of small town gossip. To put it slightly more bluntly: nowadays, there''s no real objection to living together first and doing the horizontal mambo whenever you feel like it.

 

[HollyS]

Hiouse or honeymoon? Is this a trick question?

Save for a house. It''s a buyer''s market, that''s for sure.

And, in the mid-thirties, with babies on the front burner, settling down is kinda the number one priority, isn''t it?

 

[Allison D.]

And, in the mid-thirties, with babies on the front burner, settling down is kinda the number one priority, isn't it?

This is exactly what prompts me to say take the honeymoon now.

Once you have a family, everything else becomes a priority, and you're much less likely to ever follow through on that honeymoon. As Isabel points out, it's not the same much later down the road. Kids don't magically become self-sufficient even when they're first out of college, so there's no way to know you'll be in any better position then for a honeymoon.

While I normally voted on the side of practicality, some experiences in life are priceless. Hosting a wedding isn't especially 'pratical' economically, but it's something most people wouldn't sacrifice. If you are indeed going to start a family soon, your honeymoon will be one of the last times you'll be truly indulgent for just the two of you. That's an opportunity I'd not want to squander. One year won't make that enormous a difference in waiting for the house.

My question to you is this: how would you feel if you ended up never being able to take the honeymoon? Would you regret it? If the answer is yes, then I'd say take it now. If the answer is no, you wouldn't have regrets if it never panned out, then take the gamble of putting it off.

Most people's regrets don't stem from things they did; they stem from things they wished they done but hadn't.

 

[mimzy]

i agree with allison that you should take the honeymoon. it doesn''t sound like a question of WHEN like in tberube''s case, but more a question of IF, and i say you definitely need to take the opportunity. if the 2500 has taken you any significant amount of time to save, then it is likely you will be saving for the house for a while, so it seems like it''s not like you''ll have the money in a year and a half to take the honeymoon after you have your downpayment (did that make sense??). also, it''s probably true that the likelihood of you having the opportunity to do it after you have kids is slight, and it doesn''t sound like there will be a whole lot of time between the two.

all i know is that i''ve never heard anyone say that they were glad that they didn''t take a honeymoon. you''ve already had to compromise a lot in terms of your honeymoon....you probably won''t remember cutting it out all together all that fondly. you have the money set aside - there will ALWAYS be something more ''responsible'' that you can do with your money....take the opportunity to do something selfish while you have the money set aside for it and no other financial obligations, because i can''t see how taking a vacation with your DH is going to get any easier than that! (unless you plan on making significantly more money in the next 5 years).

 

[iheartscience]

I ditto Allison. You''re already skipping the honeymoon you originally wanted in lieu of a cheaper one. Life''s too short not to travel. It sounds like soon you''ll be "stuck" with kids (sounds mean but you know what I mean!) and you won''t be able to go away for a looooooong time.

Even if money isn''t an issue after you have kids, you may not be able to leave them! I know several couples with children, and these couples even have parents that are 110% willing to watch their grandkids while they go somewhere, but they still haven''t gone on a vacation with just the two of them since they had the kids 6+ years ago!

I say go on the honeymoon even if you have to stay in cheaper hotels or whatever to save $. Plus, you''ll probably get $ for gifts (not that you should count on that) so that should help with the honeymoon expense a little.

I''ve never regretted going on a trip, even in round 1 of college when it left me broke for months. Plus think about having your super special fun wedding and then going home to sit in your same ol'' condo/apartment/house...it just doesn''t seem right!

 

[Gypsy]

I agree with Allison too. That''s the way I would lean if I wanted kids. Which I don''t know if I do... which is why I said I''m in a similar boat, not the same boat.

 

[karasue91]

That''s tough, but I think I''m on the take-the-honeymoon-now boat. Not sure what you guys do for a living, but would it take THAT long to save that $2500 again? I wouldn''t think that amount of money would put off your house purchase for more than a year (hopefully less!!)

Weddings are expensive, but they are a one-time deal. You are probably already used to saving extra money for the wedding...after the wedding you can just continue the saving for your house...and this time you will be saving for something permanent, not just for one day!!

I just think it''s important to spend some time alone with your new husband, and going to QC will be so romantic, with your history as a couple there.

 

[Selkie]

Zoe, not much to add, but I ditto Al, Karasue, Gypsy, etc. Stop being so gosh-darn practical and go on that honeymoon!

I really don''t think you''ll regret it. BTW, maybe you and I will end up house-hunting in New England at the same time in a couple of years, and we can commiserate. And I bet I can make you feel better about prices there by sending you listings from my current neighborhood!

 

[zoebartlett]

Selkie! Ooohh, you''re moving to New England? Which area? That would be fun. We could have more get-togethers!

Thanks everyone for your replies. While I agree that now is a good time to be looking for a house, I do think we can swing both the honeymoon and still save for the future. It doesn''t have to be an either/or thing.

I can see the pros and cons to both decisions but we''ve decided to go on our honeymoon as planned. There will ALWAYS be something we could save for but our honeymoon isn''t something I want to put off. So thank you everyone!

 

[WTNLVR]

Definately honeymoon, even if you have to cut it back some. You''ll cherish the memories for a lifetime and after the hectic wedding planning, you''ll need the break-LOL

 

[violet02]

Honeymoooooon for sure!

A great way to start your life out together.

 

[allikatac]

I say honeymoon! I am glad to hear that is what you decided! We also debated over whether to put our money towards the honeymoon or a down payment on our house. We decided to take the honeymoon. No regrets. We had a wonderful time on our honeymoon and that was one of the best weeks of my life. My DH and I had been on many vacations before, but the honeymoon is just different. I still catch myself daydreaming about it almost everyday and it was almost a year ago! I am a very practical person so making these decisions was very hard for me and I kept on dwelling about whether I would regret it. I can say with certainity that I don''t regret it at all!

 

[onvacation]

Sorry Zoe, I don''t have an answer to your question, but can I ask a related question of my own? Why do people insist on honeymoons? When you''re first married, I would think a new house to become settled into is an adventure enough. Why not take a well-deserved rest in your new house, learn your way around it, and play newlyweds in the house?

(Of course, this would only pertain to couples who are getting a new house, or are moving in together only after the wedding. For those who have been living together for a while, I definitely understand the need for a honeymoon, to shake things up a little.)

If things were up to me, I would prefer to come back home straight away after the wedding, spend a week in bed lounging with FI. Try out the bed.

Movies and video games. Pizza. Fancy nights out. The comfort of home. Then when you''re well used your wedded life, a year or two later, go for the fancy once-in-a-lifetime trip. I think I''d savor time away with my then-DH much more then than when I''m all hyped up and tired from the wedding.

Maybe I''m not seeing the romance of a honeymoon. Would someone please shake some sense into this very disillusioned girl? *sigh.* If this all sounds like the nonsense of someone who has no clue, please let me know, too!

P.S. - Zoe, how''d the fitting go?

 

[bee*]

I agree with Alison-take that honeymoon. Once you have the house and the children, it''ll be so much harder to take it so I''d go now.

 

[Selkie]

Date: 4/9/2008 6:42:02 PM
Author: onvacation

Maybe I''m not seeing the romance of a honeymoon. Would someone please shake some sense into this very disillusioned girl? *sigh.* If this all sounds like the nonsense of someone who has no clue, please let me know, too!

Heh...so, how many months is it until your wedding? Trust me, as it gets closer, you''ll most likely get more enthusiastic about that week (or more) afterwards where you don''t have to do ANYTHING. If you''re happy to spend it at home, that''s definitely cool too, but lounging around our crappy apartment for a week after my wedding was the LAST thing I wanted to do!

 

[Selkie]

Date: 4/9/2008 4:12:57 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Selkie! Ooohh, you're moving to New England? Which area? That would be fun. We could have more get-togethers!

Thanks everyone for your replies. While I agree that now is a good time to be looking for a house, I do think we can swing both the honeymoon and still save for the future. It doesn't have to be an either/or thing.

I can see the pros and cons to both decisions but we've decided to go on our honeymoon as planned. There will ALWAYS be something we could save for but our honeymoon isn't something I want to put off. So thank you everyone!

Glad you got it resolved! I desperately want to move back to New England in the next 2-3 years, most likely somewhere in northeastern MA/southern NH. Newburyport would be my ideal town! My family is all in the area and although we probably won't have a kid, if we do, I really don't want to raise him/her in LA. Of course, it totally depends on a)finding jobs for both of us, and b)convincing J he can survive New England in the winter. Unfortunately, he's pretty entrenched here, and I can see this becoming a source of much stress down the line (even though he's known since, oh, the day we met, that I have no interest in living here for the rest of my life).

ETA: I've been regularly checking out real estate listings on Carlson GMAC for a couple of years. It's fun, especially since the drop in prices over the past year has brought a ton more houses into our reach.

 

[AmyBride]

I can understand the dilemma. Is there a way to meet somewhere in the middle? Maybe a shorter/less expensive HM but use the savings for a house downpayment. I think a HM is very important, but financial goals (such as a downpayment) are important too.

 

[mintve]

Its a tough choice as they are both very important. It is a buyers market in most cases and the house is an investment for your future. However, you can only be newlyweds on your honeymoon once. If its possible, I say take a less expensive honeymoon, but do something to get away as new husband and wife. Even if its just a long weekend somewhere close. Then you can use the rest of the money towards your house.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[violet02]

Date: 4/10/2008 4:16:18 PM
Author: mintve
Its a tough choice as they are both very important. It is a buyers market in most cases and the house is an investment for your future. However, you can only be newlyweds on your honeymoon once. If its possible, I say take a less expensive honeymoon, but do something to get away as new husband and wife. Even if its just a long weekend somewhere close. Then you can use the rest of the money towards your house.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

So after all my big ''honeymoon'' declaration I am now in the position of asking the SAME question... and wow it''s tough. We''re right now saying that we won''t take the honeymoon if we get this house that we want. It''s so expensive to buy in california that there''s no way we could take the honeymoon to Greece if we did this. And yes it''s a buyers market. The house we saw was a REALLY good value. I was telling my FI maybe we could take the honeymoon a year later or something. With the expense of a wedding coming up to it''s pretty painful to have to figure this all out. The idea of mini-moon is much more appealing now.

 

[icekid]

I totally think you should go to Quebec! You''re talking about spending 2-3,000, which is completely reasonable. That amount is not going to make or break your downpayment. It''s not as if you''re planning on wandering about Europe for a month and spending 20 grand (though it sounds fun!). Definitely go!

 

[violet02]

Date: 4/10/2008 4:32:02 PM
Author: icekid
I totally think you should go to Quebec! You''re talking about spending 2-3,000, which is completely reasonable. That amount is not going to make or break your downpayment. It''s not as if you''re planning on wandering about Europe for a month and spending 20 grand (though it sounds fun!). Definitely go!

Very true... you know my friends spent 20k on their honeymoon to south america and now they''re stressing about how they''re going to possibly afford a house.

20k!!!!! Jeez.

 

[glueck]

If you dont already have a wedding gift registry, why not organize a registry having people gift parts of your honeymoon? People in their mid thirties have toasters and mixers, but if the honeymoon is important to you then this might be a nice option. I know if I were a guest, I would feel great about giving the gift of a dinner for two at a romantic top restaurant on your honeymoon or a night in the honeymoon suite. Sure beats buying a set of knives! This time is time you dont get back, and there is more than one road that leads to Rome. Explore another option! Just a thought!

 

[violet02]

Date: 4/10/2008 7:37:57 PM
Author: glueck
If you dont already have a wedding gift registry, why not organize a registry having people gift parts of your honeymoon? People in their mid thirties have toasters and mixers, but if the honeymoon is important to you then this might be a nice option. I know if I were a guest, I would feel great about giving the gift of a dinner for two at a romantic top restaurant on your honeymoon or a night in the honeymoon suite. Sure beats buying a set of knives! This time is time you dont get back, and there is more than one road that leads to Rome. Explore another option! Just a thought!

The sad part about this is that we only registered for a honeymoon which now may have to be funneled into a house fund instead. (disclaimer: not to spark up ANY debate about honeymoon registries and how the money is used!)

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/10/2008 8:13:06 PM
Author: violet02

The sad part about this is that we only registered for a honeymoon which now may have to be funneled into a house fund instead. (disclaimer: not to spark up ANY debate about honeymoon registries and how the money is used!)

Poor violet. Once bitten, twice shy. Sorry.