Hotel Room Dilemma With BF''s Family

[LDubs]

OMG wedding hotel room drama. Help me here:

BF''s sister''s wedding is next weekend, in another city. He talked to his mom tonight and she informed him that she had reserved two hotel rooms, "one for the girls, and one for the boys."

"the girls" meaning: Me (27yo), his younger sister (25), older sister (35), and the sister (32) that''s getting married.

"the boys" meaning: Him. And only him - b/c his other two brothers are married, and get their own room.

I think it''s totally creepy that they expect me to share a room (and a BED!

) with his sisters, especially since it''s the night before her wedding for one of them. The other two are in the wedding.

Now, they''re totally Catholic, and his mother would DIE if she knew I stayed in his room. And of course his oldest sister would tattle (it''s just how she is). So I suggested that I''m just going to suck it up and spend the $300 to stay in my own room for the 2 nights - and he''s like, "well...that''s pretty offensive, don''t you think?!" WHAT?! We''ve been dating for a little over a year - I''m not his sisters'' BFF or anything - Am I being unreasonable?

 

[MoonWater]

I would pay for my own room. No way I''m sharing a bed with people I''m not comfy sharing a bed with. To suggest that I do so is offensive IMO.

 

[kbarro1]

Hmmm.... I can totally understand being a little uncomfortable with staying in BF''s sister''s room if you are not good friends with them, but maybe you could look at it as an opportunity to get to know them a little better??? It may be a little uncomfortable for you at first, but it is only 2 nights and one of those nights you are going to be at a wedding and probably back in the room kind of late. Also, it might cause more of a ruckus than it is worth. Are they the type that would bring it up over and over that you didn''t want to stay in the room? I would consider just staying there, maybe they wanted to involve you... Good luck with your decision.

 

[diamondfan]

I think it is weird.

I would tell your boyfriend that you feel uncomfortable, with that many people in one room. I would also say that you think she should not have to have so many people there either, as it is her wedding night, and as you are not in the wedding, you just think it would be best for you to have your own room. You are not yet family and you are not a teenager. Her two sisters are in the wedding, and as they are sisters it makes more sense. But you should not have to sleep somewhere you are not comfortable.

ETA: It is not like a suite where you guys can hang in a central area and then go into your own space. I also think it is sweet maybe, but a bit odd, are they really thinking 4 people in one or two beds? Just say you toss and turn and would not want to disturb anyone, but thank you so much. Then get your own room.

 

[PearlDahhhling]

If you can afford it, I'd say get your own room. I have trouble sharing a room let alone a BED with people who I'm not particularly close with, and I think it's a little rude that they expect you to share the room/bed with these girls just because you're the same gender. I say go for your own room, plus it will give you time to relax and get ready for the wedding without all of the hustle and bustle of being in the same room as the bridal party.

 

[LDubs]

While I don''t think they''ll bring it up - it''s just a weird situation for me.

They''re a family of six kids and a single mom, so they''ve shared beds and rooms their whole life. I have one sister and god help us if we ever would have to share a bed. I don''t know if we''d make it through the night alive...

I just don''t think they realize that I have a totally different comfort zone - and especially as adult women - I don''t really think it''s appropriate. They''re also not really the ''bonding'' girly type...

I don''t want to step on toes - but it gives me the creepy jeepies just thinking about it.

 

[Izzy03]

Well the situation will probably be a little strange but you may really bond with them and have a good time! What about having the hotel put a spare cot in the room for you? Tell them you''re a messy sleeper and would keep them up all night if they shared a bed with you. I think that could be a good compromise.

 

[iheartscience]

I'd get your own room. There is no way I would ever stay with 3 people I barely know in a hotel room, not to mention share a BED with them.

Just say you're a light sleeper and you can't sleep well if anyone else is in the room with you.

ETA that I also think if you and your boyfriend want to stay together, he should tell his mother that. Just tell her you'll sleep in separate beds or something!

 

[Blair138]

I would just bring it up just as you told us-you are not comfortable sharing a bed with anyone-even your OWN sister-and I agree it''s odd to all be in ONE room with the bride the night before her wedding-as the bride I would want my own bed the night before I got married!!

This kinda happened to me on a family trip with the BF''s whole family-his cousin''s GF couldn''t stay in the same room as her bf so all the ''kids'' got separate boy and girl rooms and we were all over 22 at the time-even though I don''t mind sharing beds with other girls, I snuck into BF''s room anyways

 

[JulieN]

In my family, this would be normal. The way I would interpret this is they're trying to be nice and inclusive. FMIL is being nice by saving you money.

Do they come from a community where family is very close/important compared to American standards?

However, I don't see an pressure to stay in the room.

Just say thanks, but you'll get your own room.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/2/2008 11:37:05 PM
Author: JulieN
In my family, this would be normal. The way I would interpret this is they''re trying to be nice and inclusive. FMIL is being nice by saving you money.

I agree. I think it is a very sweet sentiment that mom feels you are a close enough member of the family to stay with the sisters. I don''t think sharing a room is weird, a bed though is weird. I would go for the cot personally if it were me...

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/2/2008 11:42:59 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 6/2/2008 11:37:05 PM

Author: JulieN

In my family, this would be normal. The way I would interpret this is they''re trying to be nice and inclusive. FMIL is being nice by saving you money.

I agree. I think it is a very sweet sentiment that mom feels you are a close enough member of the family to stay with the sisters. I don''t think sharing a room is weird, a bed though is weird. I would go for the cot personally if it were me...

I agree, the bed issue would not worry that me that much if you knew the person I mean what the worst that can happen?

A bunch of girls in a room the night before the wedding I really do not see that much sleeping being done either too much excitement, I would take it as a good opportunity to bond with his sisters who knows you might have a fantastic time .

 

[PostIt]

I would definitely get my own room. Then, you have the option to hang out with the sisters in their room and you can leave and be on your own at any moment.

 

[LDubs]

Date: 6/2/2008 11:20:43 PM
Author: diamondfan

ETA: It is not like a suite where you guys can hang in a central area and then go into your own space. I also think it is sweet maybe, but a bit odd, are they really thinking 4 people in one or two beds? Just say you toss and turn and would not want to disturb anyone, but thank you so much. Then get your own room.

Nope, no suite - it really is just a regular, 2 bed room.

His mom's old school in thought, and honestly I don't think it's about me bonding with sisters - I think it's more keeping my BF and I in separate rooms - which is fine - I'll respect that. But I'm not going to turn the stress level up 100X worse by sharing a room with the bride and two other sisters. Meeting his enormous extended family is enough for me!

 

[Efe]

I think you should go with the line that you are a restless sleeper and don''t want to disturb others and I would add that you want to hang out with the girls but that you also want to give them special sister time on this special occasion. I have quite a few sisters and when we get together it is kinda crazy and, I am sure, someone not fun for someone who hasn''t been exposed to the madness.

 

[bobbin]

I would be really uncomfortable with this too. I think the other girls are right- you should get him to tell his mother that you would like your own room because you don''t want to disrupt the other girls (or something as nice and explainable like that) and that you will pay the extra.

Some people might be ok with this arrangement but it is definately not wrong to not be ok with it.

 

[mayachel]

I agree that they may be trying to spare you the extra expense, as well as offering to include you in family activities. If you can talk to the bride, try and suss out her feelings about having you stay in the room. It may be a good idea to do it if she is really keen on having you, if she isn''t, let her know it isn''t a snub, but that you understand how stressful one bathroom and 4 women can be, etc...and you are happy to get your own room.

 

[Lauren8211]

I say do whatever makes you most comfortable. I am a very private person, and would not want to share a bathroom and bed with people that I barely know. While its a nice offer from them to invite you to stay in the room, if you''re uncomfortable, then you should do what you want. Not a big deal -- just explain to them that you''d like your own space, and would appreciate your own bed. I would not be offended if someone said that to me.

 

[Bia]

I agree with JulieN. This is normal in my family too. Whenever we go anywhere we stay together, even if someone ends up sleeping in the bathtub...lol. So I see where his mother may be coming from. She might just want to make you feel welcome and included!

However, if you don't feel comfortable, tell her that you are not used to sharing a bed and would she mind if you a.) had a cot brought in, or b.) got your own room for the night. It shouldn't be a big deal and if it is, then oh well! She'll get over it!

 

[KCCutie]

In both my family and my SOs family this would be totally normal, but if someone said they just weren''t 100% comfortable and got their own room no one would be offended.

I agree just say you toss and turn and don''t want to keep them up. I''m sure as long as you aren''t insisting that you be allowed to stay in your BF room they won''t mind that you are getting your own. The girls may even be secretly relieved that they will have a little more space.

 

[diamondfan]

Four women in one bathroom, including the bride, is ridiculous. I think three sisters together is fine, you should have your own space. You can say it very nicely, put it on you that you do not wish to disturb anyone, but you can certainly hang out in the room til bedtime. His mom is old school but you can handle that for one or two nights.

 

[cantwait4life]

I would get my own room too. If his mother gets offended, tell her not to take it personally. You can make up some crap about how you thought that the sisters should spend their last night together alone blah blah blah

Although I will tell you that you should feel flattered. I would take that as a sign that his mother and sisters sees you as family. I''m sure his mother wouldn''t stick just anyone in that room.

 

[gwendolyn]

I feel a bit torn on the issue. I think it''s sweet to have the room offered, but to sign me up there without asking if it was ok first? Eh, I''m not sure. Even if it is a sign of acceptance from the family (which it sounds like it isn''t really, just a form of manipulation to keep you from sleeping with her son), I''m a grown woman and I think I should decide where I sleep.

Also, while we''re on the subject, I am very thankful that neither my parents nor J''s parents have any issues with us sleeping in the same bed. I''m honestly not sure how I would handle it--that''s fine if your FMIL is Catholic, but her religion doesn''t have anything to do with me (in your situation) or where I sleep. However, I''m pretty sure I''d suck it up and get my own room anyway to avoid offending her, but it would tick me off that she''d try to dictate what I can or cannot do because of her beliefs. They''re hers, not mine, and her baby boy isn''t a baby anymore. Not an easy situation. Glad you sound less annoyed about it than I would be!

 

[LDubs]

Thanks girls!

I went and just booked a room for myself. I intend to say thanks to his mom, but explain a mix of the light sleeper/not intruding on the sisters'' last night story. It''s just not worth the stress. I''ll certainly post a note about it after the wedding if it causes a situation!

Gwen, while I''m sure his mom doesn''t mean it maliciously - I think you''re pretty close on the manipulation part. I think as adults, and as long as we''re paying for the room, my BF and I should be able to do as we wish. However, if it were on her ticket (which it is), I won''t put up a fuss - but I think she jumped on the rooms early just so she could dictate sleeping arrangements.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/3/2008 12:40:24 PM
Author: LDubs
Gwen, while I'm sure his mom doesn't mean it maliciously - I think you're pretty close on the manipulation part. I think as adults, and as long as we're paying for the room, my BF and I should be able to do as we wish. However, if it were on her ticket (which it is), I won't put up a fuss - but I think she jumped on the rooms early just so she could dictate sleeping arrangements.

Aye. That's why I would be paying for my room, same as you are. And I'd tell my boyfriend which room number it is in case he wants to join me.

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/3/2008 12:52:57 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 6/3/2008 12:40:24 PM
Author: LDubs
Gwen, while I''m sure his mom doesn''t mean it maliciously - I think you''re pretty close on the manipulation part. I think as adults, and as long as we''re paying for the room, my BF and I should be able to do as we wish. However, if it were on her ticket (which it is), I won''t put up a fuss - but I think she jumped on the rooms early just so she could dictate sleeping arrangements.

Aye. That''s why I would be paying for my room, same as you are. And I''d tell my boyfriend which room number it is in case he wants to join me.

More fun that way

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 6/3/2008 12:52:57 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Aye. That''s why I would be paying for my room, same as you are. And I''d tell my boyfriend which room number it is in case he wants to join me.

Normally I''d be right there with you Gwen, but in this case I''m thinking "maybe not". Although the OP is paying for her own room and can do as she wishes, this weekend IS and SHOULD be about the couple getting married. If there''s the slightest chance of getting "caught" and any drama that might mar the wedding weekend, I think I''d pass on the hook up this once. It''s just the respectful thing to do since OP is going to be part of the family soon.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/3/2008 1:30:26 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 6/3/2008 12:52:57 PM

Author: gwendolyn

Aye. That''s why I would be paying for my room, same as you are. And I''d tell my boyfriend which room number it is in case he wants to join me.

Normally I''d be right there with you Gwen, but in this case I''m thinking ''maybe not''. Although the OP is paying for her own room and can do as she wishes, this weekend IS and SHOULD be about the couple getting married. If there''s the slightest chance of getting ''caught'' and any drama that might mar the wedding weekend, I think I''d pass on the hook up this once. It''s just the respectful thing to do since OP is going to be part of the family soon.

I can definitely see that side of things, but there''s just this VERY loud voice in the back of my head shouting, "It nobody''s business but ours!" I don''t think it''s about the ''hook up'' as much as it is about two adults living as a unit, instead of being separated due to someone else''s wishes because of someone else''s value judgments and beliefs.

 

[decodelighted]

Ask him if he''d be comfortable sharing a BED with your BROTHER! Hopefully that will shake him out of his "that''s pretty offensive" mindset.

I have no idea why he thinks a perfectly reasonable sense of privacy is "offensive". But I''d guess that he''s just embarrassed that his parents might think you''re a loose woman who is hoping to lure him into your LAIR for kinky hijinks!

 

[PostIt]

Date: 6/3/2008 1:46:35 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 6/3/2008 1:30:26 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 6/3/2008 12:52:57 PM

Author: gwendolyn

Aye. That''s why I would be paying for my room, same as you are. And I''d tell my boyfriend which room number it is in case he wants to join me.

Normally I''d be right thee with you Gwen, but in this case I''m thinking ''maybe not''. Although the OP is paying for her own room and can do as she wishes, this weekend IS and SHOULD be about the couple getting married. If there''s the slightest chance of getting ''caught'' and any drama that might mar the wedding weekend, I think I''d pass on the hook up this once. It''s just the respectful thing to do since OP is going to be part of the family soon.

I can definitely see that side of things, but there''s just this VERY loud voice in the back of my head shouting, ''It nobody''s business but ours!'' I don''t think it''s about the ''hook up'' as much as it is about two adults living as a unit, instead of being separated due to someone else''s wishes because of someone else''s value judgments and beliefs.

I see it more as you should respect the FMIL''s wishes just as it were her house, since they are the hosts for the weekend.