How did you and your SO decide to be BF/GF?

[madelise]

I love all these stories!!

BF and I never really asked each other to be BF/GF. We both just kind of assumed that we were. There was never really any question that weren't BF/GF. I think I waited about 2-3 weeks after our first date to change my relationship status on FB. BF doesn't have a FB, but I would say that was about the time we started referring to each other as BF/GF. We still consider our anniversary to be the date of our first date because we never saw anyone else after that night.

I'm finding this to be more of the case the older I get. It is just sort of happening that after so much time it's assumed you're exclusive and that's that.

I guess this is where my confusion with it all lies. How do you KNOW you're exclusive without having a talk about it? I mean, sure, I don't need a "proposal" of sorts, but I need that conversation, or I just consider it "dating". And whilst "dating", I feel it's a free for all. You're allowed to date as many people as you want, and he's allowed to date as many people as he wants. You don't have to check in with each other, and you aren't each others' emergency contacts. This might be a Los Angeles- thing, but I know MANY people who date around for long periods of time. One particular friend that pops up in my mind at this moment is in her late 30's and has, her whole life, always casually dated people for long periods of time. She'd date them for YEARS. But they're all casually dating, and free to date others, and they're intimate and romantic and all... but not exclusive. They don't call each other BF/GF. They don't meet each others' families. Kudos to her, and people like her. I tried that for a very short period of time and could barely keep up with the text messages between more than 1 person.

wow, that's very interesting. maybe it partly depends on the region too? and you'd think that after a certain amount of time you would just know that you're exclusive...but apparently not so (to your friend and the boys she is with) if you don't actually have "the talk."

And it's not even just her~ I know many people who do this! She's one that takes it to an extreme, as one of her friends has been dating her for years. She FINALLY settled down this year and got a boyfriend. But they did of course, have a talk.

lol @ "the talk". makes it sound like the birds +bees conversation.

 

[CaprineSun]

It just happened, I guess.

We met. Became inseparable. Then one day, while on the phone with him, I asked, "So are we bf/gf?" He replied, "Of course, we are!"
LOL. I just wanted to be sure.

Boy, do I love him!

 

[sonnyjane]

I love all these stories!!

BF and I never really asked each other to be BF/GF. We both just kind of assumed that we were. There was never really any question that weren't BF/GF. I think I waited about 2-3 weeks after our first date to change my relationship status on FB. BF doesn't have a FB, but I would say that was about the time we started referring to each other as BF/GF. We still consider our anniversary to be the date of our first date because we never saw anyone else after that night.

I'm finding this to be more of the case the older I get. It is just sort of happening that after so much time it's assumed you're exclusive and that's that.

I guess this is where my confusion with it all lies. How do you KNOW you're exclusive without having a talk about it? I mean, sure, I don't need a "proposal" of sorts, but I need that conversation, or I just consider it "dating". And whilst "dating", I feel it's a free for all. You're allowed to date as many people as you want, and he's allowed to date as many people as he wants. You don't have to check in with each other, and you aren't each others' emergency contacts. This might be a Los Angeles- thing, but I know MANY people who date around for long periods of time. One particular friend that pops up in my mind at this moment is in her late 30's and has, her whole life, always casually dated people for long periods of time. She'd date them for YEARS. But they're all casually dating, and free to date others, and they're intimate and romantic and all... but not exclusive. They don't call each other BF/GF. They don't meet each others' families. Kudos to her, and people like her. I tried that for a very short period of time and could barely keep up with the text messages between more than 1 person.

Madelise, I guess to put it in simple terms, I knew he wasn't dating anyone else because he was always with me. He would call me every night and from our first week together we would spend the entire weekend with each other (Friday night to Sunday night or Monday morning).

I suppose if it was a relationship where it wasn't that obvious, I'd say as soon as one person decides they like the other enough to stop seeing anyone else, they should mention it in a direct "I like you and I'm not seeing anyone else, are you?". If they say no as well, guess what, I'd say your his girlfriend lol. If he says he is, that's when you have to ask if he'd like to be exclusive or not. P.S. if it's been a while and he says he isn't ready to be exclusive but you haven't been seeing other people, a date with an old fling will help the self-esteem lol.

 

[madelise]

Madelise, I guess to put it in simple terms, I knew he wasn't dating anyone else because he was always with me. He would call me every night and from our first week together we would spend the entire weekend with each other (Friday night to Sunday night or Monday morning).

I suppose if it was a relationship where it wasn't that obvious, I'd say as soon as one person decides they like the other enough to stop seeing anyone else, they should mention it in a direct "I like you and I'm not seeing anyone else, are you?". If they say no as well, guess what, I'd say your his girlfriend lol. If he says he is, that's when you have to ask if he'd like to be exclusive or not. P.S. if it's been a while and he says he isn't ready to be exclusive but you haven't been seeing other people, a date with an old fling will help the self-esteem lol.

Lol your response is what I respond when people used to ask me, "How do you KNOW he doesn't cheat on you?" (Seriously. WHO THE EFF ASKS THAT?!).

I really the appreciate the feedback from everybody. Some stories were way too cute.

I guess all our responses from this board is pretty much biased b/c we're all pretty much monogamists if we're on a LIW board completely 360 from the one friend I referred to. I should just go ask her. I'm curious what she'd say.

 

[sonnyjane]

Madelise, I guess to put it in simple terms, I knew he wasn't dating anyone else because he was always with me. He would call me every night and from our first week together we would spend the entire weekend with each other (Friday night to Sunday night or Monday morning).

I suppose if it was a relationship where it wasn't that obvious, I'd say as soon as one person decides they like the other enough to stop seeing anyone else, they should mention it in a direct "I like you and I'm not seeing anyone else, are you?". If they say no as well, guess what, I'd say your his girlfriend lol. If he says he is, that's when you have to ask if he'd like to be exclusive or not. P.S. if it's been a while and he says he isn't ready to be exclusive but you haven't been seeing other people, a date with an old fling will help the self-esteem lol.

Lol your response is what I respond when people used to ask me, "How do you KNOW he doesn't cheat on you?" (Seriously. WHO THE EFF ASKS THAT?!).

I really the appreciate the feedback from everybody. Some stories were way too cute.

I guess all our responses from this board is pretty much biased b/c we're all pretty much monogamists if we're on a LIW board completely 360 from the one friend I referred to. I should just go ask her. I'm curious what she'd say.

Well, I'm obviously married now, but in college and for a few years afterward, I was pretty similar to your friend. I lived in Miami, which isn't the best place to settle down. I went out with a lot of guys (ahem ahem a LOT). Some of them I had relationships with for several years. We would occasionally meet for a movie or drinks if we were both available, but we were definitely never "bf/gf". Some guys took priority in that if I had a date with a guy I'd only been out with a few times and one of the guys I'd known for much longer called, I would reschedule or cancel with the new guy, but that's as serious as it got. I'd say it's all about the person. During that time, I had no desire to settle down and swore I'd never, ever marry. It's so cliche but it stands true that when you meet the "right one", everything goes out the window.

 

[MayFlowers]

Madelise, I guess to put it in simple terms, I knew he wasn't dating anyone else because he was always with me. He would call me every night and from our first week together we would spend the entire weekend with each other (Friday night to Sunday night or Monday morning).

I suppose if it was a relationship where it wasn't that obvious, I'd say as soon as one person decides they like the other enough to stop seeing anyone else, they should mention it in a direct "I like you and I'm not seeing anyone else, are you?". If they say no as well, guess what, I'd say your his girlfriend lol. If he says he is, that's when you have to ask if he'd like to be exclusive or not. P.S. if it's been a while and he says he isn't ready to be exclusive but you haven't been seeing other people, a date with an old fling will help the self-esteem lol.

Lol your response is what I respond when people used to ask me, "How do you KNOW he doesn't cheat on you?" (Seriously. WHO THE EFF ASKS THAT?!).

I really the appreciate the feedback from everybody. Some stories were way too cute.

I guess all our responses from this board is pretty much biased b/c we're all pretty much monogamists if we're on a LIW board completely 360 from the one friend I referred to. I should just go ask her. I'm curious what she'd say.

Madelise, I knew we were BF/GF because like sonny said, it was very obvious that neither of us were spending time with anyone else. We talked on the phone for at least two hours every night and were always together on the weekends. We usually tried to see each other once during the week too. So, we both knew that neither one of us was spending time with or dating someone else.

 

[audball]

I loved reading all these stories

 

[Chewbacca]

I am dragging this thread back up, since there are some new people here! What a fun read (while I am at work, oops!).

On our second date (which we consider our anniversary), he packed a picnic and took me up north to a beautiful beach. We stayed out really late, and kissed in the car. On the ride home we were holding hands, and he said something along the lines of 'wow, I have a girlfriend' - and that was that! It was just implied I suppose - we both wanted to start a relationship, it was just a matter of getting it out in the open! The kiss did just that.

 

[BeautyQueen]

Oh fun thread , my story is pretty simple one night just watching tv and talking he asked me if i would be his girlfriend and we have been growing old together and driving each other crazy ever since.

 

[wakingdreams53]

I just started seeing someone, but we're both recently getting out of long-term relationships and aren't looking to be bf/gf for a while, but it's a very cute time! Before he met my little sister, he asked how he's been introduced, to which I replied, "You're *his name*. My friend *his name,* and if there's something more, I'm not even aware of it! "

I'll let y'all know if we get to the "are you my gf/bf?" bit lol.

Few weeks ago I asked if we're exclusive-- he said yes. Still not labeling it bf/gf, but since we're exclusive, it's basically all of that without the label. A little pointless, so I'm trying to figure out if I should just ask if he'd like to be my boyfriend haha. It's just such a silly term...no? :LOL:

 

[madelise]

I just started seeing someone, but we're both recently getting out of long-term relationships and aren't looking to be bf/gf for a while, but it's a very cute time! Before he met my little sister, he asked how he's been introduced, to which I replied, "You're *his name*. My friend *his name,* and if there's something more, I'm not even aware of it! "

I'll let y'all know if we get to the "are you my gf/bf?" bit lol.

Few weeks ago I asked if we're exclusive-- he said yes. Still not labeling it bf/gf, but since we're exclusive, it's basically all of that without the label. A little pointless, so I'm trying to figure out if I should just ask if he'd like to be my boyfriend haha. It's just such a silly term...no? :LOL:

"Welcome back", WD! I was a new LIW lurker around the time you left last time. New not-boyfriend?

 

[wakingdreams53]

LOL! Madelise, you're sweet.
I'm a perpetual lurker around these here parts. I come to see how LIW's are doing although I won't be one for a LONG while after last time. But yeah, moved across the country which is one of the main reasons why my previous relationship ended, so now I'm in a new relationship-like thing for 4.5 months. It's fun and new, no exchanges of "i love you's," we're keeping it simple... but exclusive. I try not to think about it or else I start over-analyzing lol.

 

[MBKRH]

After hanging out for a month or two and getting to know each other, we went out to a party, and I don't remember the exact words, but he asked if we were bf/gf. I said, "You never asked me." And so he said "will you be my gf?" lol............ it sounds so immature now that I think about it. But he was pretty smooth about it. Hopefully someday I'll hear him ask those four little words.

 

[madelise]

WD - oh wow, you moved x country? where are you now? what did you move for?

MBKRH - haha or something like, "are we engaged?" "you never asked me." "will you be my wife?"

 

[wakingdreams53]

WD - oh wow, you moved x country? where are you now? what did you move for?

Totally threadjacking with these back-and-forths lol! Sorry all!
Moved from NYC to Miami, FL. Family moved a while before me and with not much happening for me in NYC, especially w/o my family, I decided to move. Plus I'm still young and whatnot, so what better time to start anew.
I'm happy here now (really frickin' hot though!!!)
Where are you from Madelise?

 

[MBKRH]

MBKRH - haha or something like, "are we engaged?" "you never asked me." "will you be my wife?"

LMAO I know, right? Oh lord... let's hope it's a bit more elaborate than that!

 

[madelise]

LOL, WD, don't worry about the thread jacking! I start these random threads to get people chatting! So chat away! I'm from SoCal, so I totally get you on the HOT part! It's been in the high 90's to the 100's in the last few weeks! I've been so lethargic from the heat! I can't wait til it starts cooling down again, and I don't have to take 2 showers in a day. YUCK! How is Miami? I want to visit FL sooo badly, ever since my college geology and oceanography professor told us the east coast gets warm water ALL the time! Our water out here is FREEZING even though it's 105 out! SO's friends went to Miami Music Week last year and loved it, so I'm hoping they're going to head out there again sometime so I can tag along and enjoy the warm water!

MBKRH, lol! Sometimes I wish for an elaborate scheme of a proposal, and other times I wish he'd just spit out similar words just to get it over with!