How do I get out of feeling bad?

[zhuzhu]

Thanks for your great suggestions. But actually, it was my DH who did NOT want to tell his parents beforehand. I WANTED HIM TO CALL THEM, but he said they will be very disappointed for not being able to be there with us. Another thing is the distance. I hate to confuse you more, but DH's family all live in Boston, he currently lives near Pittsburgh, I live in San Diego and our home purchase is in San Diego, AND he is moving here in the summer. So his visit of 4 days that particular weekend includes getting married, signing a house, inspect the house, getting house credit based on inspection result...... It was for sure a chaotic weekend and we really had no time (or mind) to explain our action over the phone to 2 families from his side (divorced and both remarried) .

I personally hoped he had told his parents beforehand, but gave him the credit of the doubt that he knows his parents best, but WHAT DO MEN KNOW? I am the one suffering the consequences now! SO not fair!

OK the truth is his parents are not mean or anything, they each sent us a card and gardening books respectively, they just aren't as warm as I would like them to be... (I am the huggy kind of person who expresses emotion directly)

 

[miraclesrule]

Oooooohhhh, you''re moving their son across the nation. Are you joing us on May 18th??
Personally, right now, I still have a stake in my heart from a "Lying Cheater" in Boston that turned out to have a "LIVE-IN GIRLFRIEND" while seeing me in San Diego and going on a vacation with me and was even planning to attend a wedding with me, but I got very suspicious and had to actually find out myself and dump him like a hot potatoe....so I am so biased about anything Boston right now.

OMG, my heart just suffered a brief case of PTSD from having my heart so wounded.

Your hubbie is smart to want to move here to San Diego.

As Ricky would say to Lucy" You''re hubby has some "splanin'' to do". He needs to "man up" and tell his parents that this is not entirely your fault. It''s his.

I have to get in the shower for work right now, although I would really rather be at the beach....look at this weather of ours? It''s so awesome, isn''t it?

 

[LittleRock]

I would be irritated if one of my sons'' ran off and got married BUT I''d get over it. I mean ultimately as a parent I''m trying to raise children that make smart choices and are independent (hopefully) in their life at some point.

Like you said, he knows his parents best and went with that decision. (My 8 year old son was by my side and reading my post, I made sure he knew that if he ever ran off and got married I''d be a little upset. He''s like, what are you talking about? Girls? Yuck?) sigh.....

So, you can''t really expect a lot of warmth and welcome if his family isn''t around then? Was the family "warmer" before the marriage and you actually saw the difference. Sending a card and books is effort on their part, if they were truly a little upset.

Just give it time. It is what it is. Try and focus more on your new life together, you really can''t do anything about what they feel/think about things. I have to add this too, what would you do if you knew they "were" upset about the sitution and clearly giving you the cold shoulder and being distant? Seriously, by just the gesture of sending you something was showing effort that they do care on their part.

Good Luck

( I told my son he could add the smiley of his choice when I was done typing, sorry)

 

[LittleRock]

Date: 4/21/2008 10:41:58 AM
Author: miraclesrule
Oooooohhhh, you''re moving their son across the nation. Are you joing us on May 18th??

Personally, right now, I still have a stake in my heart from a ''Lying Cheater'' in Boston that turned out to have a ''LIVE-IN GIRLFRIEND'' while seeing me in San Diego and going on a vacation with me and was even planning to attend a wedding with me, but I got very suspicious and had to actually find out myself and dump him like a hot potatoe....so I am so biased about anything Boston right now.

OMG, my heart just suffered a brief case of PTSD from having my heart so wounded.


Your hubbie is smart to want to move here to San Diego.

As Ricky would say to Lucy'' You''re hubby has some ''splanin'' to do''. He needs to ''man up'' and tell his parents that this is not entirely your fault. It''s his.

I have to get in the shower for work right now, although I would really rather be at the beach....look at this weather of ours? It''s so awesome, isn''t it?

You crack me up! Got a good laugh from the Lucy quote!

 

[D2B]

Ditto to everything the other mums have said. If my son grows up and doesnt have the courtesy and love to tell me he is getting married, I will feel so hurt, betrayed and cry my heart out. I would always think, how could I not get even a phone call to let me know that this spur of the moment wedding is happening, why was I excluded from knowing about it IYKWIM. i would also wonder how my loving son could do this to me and think (rightly or wrongly) that his new wife must have had a hand in it (a mums way of protecting herself??), anyway, talk to her, apologise and make up on lost ground.

marriage, birth, death, they are the biggies in life, and whatever petty arguments etc might have been going on I would still want to know and be invited or at least be informed before hand.

good luck, it is obvious you care and want a good relationship, so let her know this .

d2b