How do you cope with a terminal illness in the family?

[sap483]

Hi Ladies. In the last year I''ve seen so much sound advice given on these boards that I was hoping you all would have some for me. My dad was just diagnosed with Glioblastoma. It''s the most aggressive brain cancer, and the average length of survival is typically under 12 months. They think it was caught relatively early, and his surgery was pretty successful in removing the tumor- however with the brain you can never completely remove everything. So his prognosis is as promising as it can be. He will be having radiation and chemotherapy for the next 6 weeks.

I''ve been really struggling with staying positive. When they first found the tumor they thought perhaps it could be a broken blood vessel. That gave us hope, since he had an incident with a malignant tumor that was removed from his lungs several years back. After surgery were were told that it was malignant but they didn''t think it was a fast growing kind. Well now we''ve been told it''s the fastest kind. I''m struggling here because everytime I have some hope, it''s dashed pretty quickly. I know I have to stay positive for my dad, but I find myself breaking down more and more.

While I know I need to stay positive, I feel like I need to prepare myself for the worst, so if it does happen I will be able to cope. I have no idea how I will ever be able to do that though. I can''t imagine my life without my dad. I was always daddy''s little girl, and the thought of at 25 no longer having him when I really need him kills me. I never imagined that 5 months before my wedding I would be questioning whether or not he''d be there to walk me down the aisle. I always thought that he''d be one of the first to hold his new grandchild- and now that may not happen.

Ultimately, I know that in order to be there for my family, I need to pull myself together. I''m hoping that you ladies can help with that. How do I get through this so that I can be strong for everyone else?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,

I''m so sorry to hear about your dad. I wish I could give you the perfect advice, but unfortunetly my dad died when I was in my teens from cancer so I was too young to properly cope. He was dx and died within six months of that.

The best I can suggest is spend as much time with your dad as you can. Life is so short and cancer is one to prove how delicate we all are. Also, it''s important to regenerate yourself to help you stay strong. Be sure to eat properly and exercise and even take time to do relaxation exercises to keep your mind/energy in balance. Try to avoid alcohol as that can depress you.

Hugs to you and my thoughts go out to you, your dad, and your family.

 

[Miscka]

Sap, I wish I had advice, but all I can say is that I am terribly sorry you are dealing with this. Hopefully someone will come along with a better reply, but I am sending you hugs and prayers.

 

[monarch64]

Oh Sap...I''m sorry to hear this and I wish your father and of course you and your entire family and network the best. My dad was diagnosed with stage IV colorectal cancer shortly before my wedding in 2003, went through several major surgeries wherein most of his lower digestive organs were removed, but he has since made a recovery and is still with us today. There IS hope.

As for staying positive and being strong...there is no rule that says you HAVE to be the strong one here. Please don''t deny yourself of getting angry, feeling sorry for yourself, and every other emotion that goes along with finding out that a parent is terminally ill. Cry, throw things, scream, get it out. The sooner you do that, the better...and THEN you can resolve to stay positive and be strong. Just don''t shove those feelings aside...

I haven''t lost a parent yet, but it is bound to happen. In some respect, I feel like when my dad was diagnosed it brought us much closer than we''d ever been before. I grew up a daddy''s girl as well...but we sort of drifted apart during my teens and early twenties. When I found out about my dad''s cancer, I went through all the grieving emotions, sadness, anger, denial, you name it...but in the end I sort of found peace knowing that every time I saw him we started making the most of our time together. It really sucks, still knowing that his cancer could come back at any time, and that he maybe doesn''t have much longer to be in this world, but I have to try to focus on the fact that we''re both here today, and try to live in the present.

I am really not the best at giving advice on this subject, but I wanted you to know that you''re not alone, and you don''t have to be the hero or always be positive and strong for everyone else. I think when we realize that we can''t be that strong person every minute of every day, it is easier for us to seek comfort in our other family members and friends and get stronger together, if that makes sense at all.

Best wishes to you...positive thoughts and vibes headed your way in hopes that your father makes a full recovery.

 

[Beacon]

I wish I had some super advice for this situation but I don''t have that much except to say I am very sorry to hear this about your Dad and I empathize with your suffering.

I would say there is little you can do except try and spend as much time as you can with him and enjoy this time w/o dwelling on the future too much.

You might also look into joining a community support group for other people going through similar circumstances. Sometimes you can find such groups through your local hospital.

I am sorry about this news. Try and enjoy each day you do have him.

 

[neatfreak]

Sap I just want to say how sorry to am to hear that about your dad.

It's never easy to lose a family member,but the best thing you can do for everyone including yourself is go through the emotions. Don't bottle it all in, and don't feel that you need to be positive all the time. You don't. It's ok to cry.

And spend as much time reminiscing about all the GOOD times with your dad. That way however much time you have with him won't be full of tears and sadness, but thinking about all the happy times.

As for your wedding dreams being dashed, would you consider having a small family only ceremony before the "wedding" with your dad there and actually getting married then? That way for sure he'd be able to be there for you?

Whatever you do...my thoughts are with your family.

 

[beau13]

Sorry to hear about your father. It's never easy hearing those words...that a loved one is very sick! My father has bone cancer and is terminal as well. My only advice is that positive thinking, and remaining positive is KEY for anyone's health! The cancer doctor told me back in July, that he gave him until February/March,(which is right around NOW) and I don't think my father knew (knows) this. I spoke with the cancer doctor privately and asked him to be upfront and brutally honest with me! My father believes the pills he is taking is a cure, and gets outside everyday for walks (he's 81, and the weather here is VERY cold), and when I give him grief about going out in the snow/ice, maybe falling, breaking a bone, he repiles with "what am I supposed to do, sit inside and stare at the walls?" He is very positive, or perhaps a bit in denial...thinking he may be cured...but I know the medication is just lengthening his life by a few months perhaps. We opted NOT to go with Chemo, thinking it would make him very sick, and if he only had approx 7 months, we want him to feel the best he can, and enjoy the time he has left. Treatment (in his case) would only extend his life by a couple months we were told. We opted for no treatment, other than drugs that strengthen the bones, and take some of the pain away. He is a stubborn old fart..LOL...and I believe that if he felt sorry for himself, and filled his head with thoughts of dying, and other negative thoughts..I think he would be in worse shape right now. I just got home with him moments ago, after seeing the Cancer specialist, and even he was scratching his head, thinking, "why are you feeling so good...putting on weight, taking walks, cooking and cleaning your apartment yourself...not in much pain at all?" I think the doctor thought by now, he would be having a difficult time with his daily routine. It's mind over matter...think positive, and BE positive, and you will attract positive energy. When you truly believe in your mind that you are healthy, in good shape, a fighter, then your body can't argue what the mind says! I have battled cancer as well..and I ONCE thought maybe my father will live longer than I will, then I immediately erased that thought from my mind, and don't think about that anymore! I believe my cancer is gone, and is NEVER coming back!! I won't allow it to come back!! I think in your father's case, you should reinforce that this disease is NOT going to interfere with LIFE!! As a family, be strong, and it is BEATABLE!! Miracles do happen, if you BELIEVE!! Best wishes for you and your family with what can sometimes be a very difficult battle, but sooooooo worth it in the end!!

I just wanted to add...you said you were 25, and YES that is too young to lose a parent, but I am the oldest child, (3 and my father was 43 when I came along. I had to listen to him all of my life, say things like "I will never see you get married, and never see my grandkids, because I am getting too old). Some of my friends thought my father was my grandfather, and I sometimes wondered if he would live to see me get married and have kids, because he was older than my friend's fathers! Well...my boys are 12 and 9, and Grandpa has seen me get married, and have his grandson's which he has adored for over a decade now!! I used to think I would lose him before he could see all these milestones in my life, (only because of his age), now I know, it's important to make the most of everyday, and not dwell on "when" or "if"...just enjoy the moments you have together and be grateful for every extra day that God gives us!! I know I am grateful for having him around longer than I had thought..which I know will prove to be the case for you too! He WILL celebrate with you on your wedding day, and he WILL be bouncing grandkids on his knee..because that is what he WANTS, and what you want, therefore it WILL happen!!

 

[snlee]

sap, sorry I don''t have any good advice. But I wanted to say I''m very sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family. I wish the best for your dad.

 

[WTNLVR]

Sorry to hear about your dad. My father was diagnosed with ALS when I was 25. He passed away 4 months before my wedding. Support of family and friends help, working with the doctors to get all the outside help you need in caring for him will also help. Other than that, it''s a rather long grieving process to go thru but as the saying goes, it does get better in time. Grief counseling helps for some, support groups may also be available in your area.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

I''m so sorry to hear about your dad. You must be devastated. I don''t have experience of a family member being terminally ill like this, but my best friend was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and the outlook is bleak. We''ve had nearly a year since the diagnosis now and I''ve tried really hard to be ''normal'' and do ''normal'' things, but I''ve also done things that we''ve been putting off, things that we wanted to do, see, experience and made a big effort to spend as much time with my friend as I can. I''ve also been upfront about these things - I wish we had longer to do this, but we''re going to have to cram in as much as possilble. One one hand, I''m trying to make my friend happy as much as I can, on the other hand, and more selfishly, I''m trying to make myself happier and store up some memories.

It''s so hard - I feel for you, I really do. I hope you can enjoy the time that you do have together. The only suggestion I can give is to make the most of every minute, every chat, every visit, every phonecall, every smile.

Thinking about you and your dad.x


Jen

 

[designchica]

Hi Sap483,

I really feel for you! My father died after a terminal illness when I was 16. He spent the last nine months of his life in a hospital 2 hours away from my home. It was tremdously stressful.

The only advice I have for you is to talk about it openly with your father. Don''t make him feel like he''s bringing you down or that its not okay to be real about the situation. Give him permission to be mad, sad, depressed. Be patient and understanding of his moods, energy levels, etc. Give yourself permission to be mad, sad, depressed. And its also okay to still have moments of happiness and joy during this sad time. Keep doing the things that bring you joy but give yourself permission to cry.

have you considered going to counseling so that you have someone to be sad with and allow yourself to grieve?

 

[Maisie]

I''m sorry that I don''t have anything to say which will be of any help. I just wanted to tell you that you and your family are in my prayers.

 

[zhuzhu]

I am so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. My family went through the same experience with my father and at the end, though he lost the fight after 16 months, we grew stronger together as a whole family.

Death is a sure destination for everyone, healthy or sick. However the attitude and the ways you address it together as a whole family can make the experience rewarding at the end. Love is the strongest support you can provide someone receiving uncomfortable medical treatment. Stay positive but don''t deny the worst possibility and prepare for it mentally.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Sap I am so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through! My family has been in a similar position for the last 5 years. When he was only 70 and still full of energy and in the prime of his later years, my grandfather, who basically raised me as a father since my biological father was not around, was diagnosed with terminal metasticized melanoma. 5 years have passed and he is still ticking along, and although we are happy that he has outlived the predictions by many years, unfortunately he is phychologically unable to cope with terminal illness and has mentally checked out and is waiting to die. He self-medicates with alcohol and prescription medications, and because of the ill effects of those drugs, he was unable to walk me down the aisle at my wedding last May. Although I am glad on one level that he is still alive, I am not at all glad to see him suffering and to see this man who was such a pillar of strength giving up all hope. The last 3 years have been stressful and terrible for him and my grandmother and the rest of us as well (we are a very small family).

I guess I have learned that as obvious as it sounds, there really is no "good time" or "good way" for a loved one to pass on. At times, I wish my grandfather had been given a quicker end so he could have avoided the anguish he has experienced over the last few years, but that outcome would have carried its own costs. I have gone through so many emotions about this issue: I am sad, lonely, angry, happy, hopeful, maudlin... and on and on. Although being positive is important, it is also important to let yourself feel all those emotions and not deny them. When you are with someone safe, maybe someone who is not as directly affected by the situation, like a friend or partner, let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. That will allow you to be stronger when you need to, like when you are with your mom and your dad and other family members who may be so overwhelmed by their own feelings that they do not have reserves left to comfort you like you would want or need. I also think it''s important to remember that staying positive can take many different forms. Sometimes it may mean maintaining hope for a cure or recovery, which is always possible, but other times staying positive can mean other things. If you are a religious or spiritual person, staying positive may mean thinking about the fact that our loved ones'' spirits or souls are never really gone. For me, I stay positive by knowing that my grandfather is loved, and gave love, and created a wonderful legacy of family that will live on long after he is gone. I have so many amazing memories of him when I was a child, and I take solace in those memories when I am feeling down. It is a sad reality of life that our loved one''s can''t live forever, and I guess whenever it happens, we feel lost and have to struggle to find meaning in life and a way to carry on.

I wil be sending you strong energy and thinking of you often! Hang in there.

DD

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I am sorry.
A close friend of mine lost her mother to brain cancer and I can only give you the advice that was given to her. Be an adult.
What I mean is, do little things to show you are grown up. My friend picked up dry cleaning and covered the cost of dinner when they went out sometimes, etc. The point was to show her mother that she was ok to take care of herself to alieviate her mother''s guilt. Her mother really felt terrible for "abandoning" her daughter so letting her mom know she was a grown up who would be ok gave her mother some piece of mind.

 

[bee*]

I''m so sorry to hear about your dad. Sending hugs.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/13/2008 2:22:14 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
I am sorry.
A close friend of mine lost her mother to brain cancer and I can only give you the advice that was given to her. Be an adult.
What I mean is, do little things to show you are grown up. My friend picked up dry cleaning and covered the cost of dinner when they went out sometimes, etc. The point was to show her mother that she was ok to take care of herself to alieviate her mother''s guilt. Her mother really felt terrible for ''abandoning'' her daughter so letting her mom know she was a grown up who would be ok gave her mother some piece of mind.

Wow, that is great advice. No parent wants to worry that their kids are not ready for them to go, so I imagine this would be very comforting to your dad.

I lost the dad who raised me when I was 21, and it is hard. I''m sorry you are facing this at such a young age. I think you should prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Spend as much time as you can with your dad, smother him with love, and try to be thankful that you have time to say goodby. Hope that if it really is terminal he doesn''t linger and suffer for a long time while hoping the doctors and your father can beat the cancer and he can be around for many more years.

Sending cyber hugs.

 

[UCLABelle]

Well, I normally don''t like responding to posts like these...only because I know from experience there really is little I can say that will make a difference...

But a year and half-ago, my grandfather passed after a terminal illness. He was above all on of my best friends, and was like a father to me. However, as close as I was to him, my mother was closer. They were best friends, and when he became ill, she did something extraordinary, she moved in with him for almost two weeks on, two weeks off (I have a younger brother that needed her, too) and she was his primary caregiver (she did a similar thing 6 years prior when my grandmother, his wife, had lung cancer and eventually died).

She never "coped" during, and somehow maintained strength by putting ALL of her energy into caring for him (and her)....However, today, she copes with the loss by knowing she did everything her power to care for them, everything. No regrets....

Somehow, as time passes, I think that is the most comforting, that and knowing they are in a better place. After so much suffering, it gets to a point where that notion can be accepted.

I am praying for you and your family...

 

[VegasAngel]

I''m really sorry about your dad. I just went through this with my dad-he had pancreatic cancer. Best advise I can give is to make the most of every day you have your dad & family. Accept help no matter what form it''s in, if you need it.

 

[Independent Gal]

Aw, honey. I think the best thing you can do is take care of yourself physically. Eat well, exercise, so that you feel ''well'', and then let yourself feel what you''re feeling. Let it out and deal with it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you adn your family.

 

[somethingshiny]

Sap, my heart goes out to you and your family.

Both of my mom''s parents passed away after battling cancer. She moved in with her mom (which was a thousand miles away from us), for about a month when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. My grandma came through and my mom came home. We ended up moving back "home" so my parents could be closer to their parents. My grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer (he had quit smoking nearly 15 years prior), and my mom moved in again. She stayed for just a few short weeks. We knew there was not much to do for him. We all got together as often as we could. My grandma got breast cancer, lung cancer, and brain cancer 2 years ago. She elected for no treatment, and passed within 4 weeks. My mom moved in again during that time. I know that she has no regrets because she was able to make their last weeks better.

Now, for GOOD news. I have an uncle who has "terminal" pancreatic cancer. He was given only a few months, but has been in remission for almost two years. My husband''s aunt has had a "terminal" brain tumor (inoperable) for the last 7 years, and a friend of the family also has an inoperable brain tumor for several years. They both function perfectly fine. I believe they both take some sort of meds daily. I have 3 cousins who were all given bad prognosis (various cancers) and each one of them has since recovered completely. There is hope, and hope combined with prayer really can result in miracles.

I pray that God give you strength and understanding, patience and well-being during this time.

 

[Sparkster]

I am so sorry to hear of your father''s diagnosis. My father was diagnosed with late stage liver cancer when I was 13 years old and he died a month before I turned 14. I can''t really remember a lot about that time as it was over 20 years ago. There''s not a lot I can really recommend as losing a parent when you are an adult is different as to when you are a child and our experiences are different.

All I can say is that you can''t be strong all of the time. I know that you will want to because you will want to provide support to those around you but remember, you also need strong people around you to provide you with comfort and support.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family over the coming period.

 

[Odilia]

Date: 2/13/2008 1:37:54 PM
Author: Maisie
I''m sorry that I don''t have anything to say which will be of any help. I just wanted to tell you that you and your family are in my prayers.

Ditto to that. Hang in there.

 

[lyra]

I wish I could say anything that would help. I lost my dad when I was 23. He was at my wedding, and I''m so grateful that he at least met my husband. He never met any of his grandchildren, so that part is sad. My mom had lung cancer that spread to her brain. She would fade in and out of lucidity. So it was important (to me) to just say everything I needed to say when I could. At the end she was out of it a lot, and in all honesty by that time I was ready to let go because I''d had the chance to talk to her like I did, and I knew she was in pain. There''s no easy way to go through this. There''s a lot of pain. You don''t have to stay strong every single minute. No one would ever expect that of you. Please take care. I''m sorry your family is going through this.

 

[FrekeChild]

I''m sorry to hear that sap.

First of all, doctors don''t know everything. (My apologies to all MDs on the board, but I''m willing to bet they''ll agree!)

My mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer in May of 2001. She had a double mastectomy and began chemo. I was 19. They told her that they''d get it, and they did. It went into remission in September 2001.

In September 2006 she went for the yearly tests to make sure that the cancer was completely gone. It had come out of remission just before the magical 5 year mark. She was devastated, as were her doctors. They told her that they''d get it again. They started her immediately on chemo. Turns out she was allergic to that particular kind, and immediately had a reaction that ended up lasting over a week. She told me that if she was going to have to do this for any amount of time, she''d rather die. But she persevered. The new chemo seemed to work, so immediately after stopping the chemo they began radiation. That was horrible. After radiation was done, they gave her a 3 month break. It was a year after her second diagnosis. They went back to see if it was gone, so she endured the tests once more. They found out that it wasn''t quite gone. So they began chemo again. Then they put her through the tests again, this time they found out that the cancer had not only moved to her liver, but had managed to grow, even while she was going through chemo. At this point she was given a prognosis of living 6 months if she stopped all treatment or she could live up to 2 years if she did chemo. She was told this the same day that my boyfriend had open heart surgery to replace his pulmonary valve (heart defect from birth). She kept it from me until she knew that BF was going to be fine.

Now it''s approaching 2 years since that grim prognosis. She''s been doing chemo since then. Recently when she had next to no immune system, because of the chemo, she caught a bacterial infection. They put her on hardcore antibiotics. When all the antibiotics killed off all the bacteria, she had a nasty bacterial infection develop in her intestine that has a tendency to take over after all the other bacteria have been killed. Other than this most recent infection, and the cancer, she''s got a clean bill of health.

Sorry for the outpouring of info, I''ve had a rough day. Mom''s dehydrated due to her infection, and the BF has mono and some kind of infection in his throat, and it''s been a cr4ppy week at school.

I would tell you that there will be very difficult times, but you really need to make the best of the best. Don''t let your dad see how scared you are, but don''t be afraid to confide in someone, like your significant other or some other trusted person. For me I have BF and I have my mom''s best friend. It''s easy to talk to them because they aren''t quite as involved as I am in it. I wish that no one had to go through what I''ve been through or what you''re going through. I consider going to therapy at least once every other day, just to have someone to talk to who isn''t involved in the slightest. I think that perhaps we should both consider it seriously.

I think that she will only give in once she knows that I can take care of myself and have my bachelors degree or I get married. Her mother passed away one month after my mom married my father, and at her wedding her mom said to her, "I''m done now, my last child is taken care of." I think that really stuck with her.

Finally, I hope that you can take solace in knowing that you''re not alone.

 

[emilina22]

2 years ago or so, one of my FI''s older sisters was diagnosed with a very rare form of skin cancer. over the past year the cancer became very aggressive and took over her body, this was hard for the whole family, especially since we found out that she was pregnant right at the begining when she was diagnosed. she gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and the sad day came 4 months later when she passed away.

the family was hit hard by this, but stuck together, prayed together, cried together, and remembered all the good things about her together. she was an amazing woman who inspried all of us in our own way.

i would say during this time, stay strong and spend as much time as you can with your dad. cancer is something that no one can really predict a life line for. My FI was that strong brother who was there for every one, but when he was alone he would let it out, be prepared for what may happen, and let things out, dont keep feelings inside, tell your dad you love him everyday.

i hope and pray that he stays strong.

 

[perry]

Sap:

I cannot put into words much of what I feel.... My father has been on his last legs for almost a year now.... I have been on an emotional roller coaster at times during the year. Sometimes I post here on the subject; but often do not.

You have recieved some great advice above.

Keys are really to be sure to take care of yourself. I have not taken the best care of myself and it has caused more problems. Only now - looking back do I realize that I should have put taking care of myself higher on the list.

Most people cannot give it all... for all time... I caution you to ration yourself. Regardless of how well things have been going - I have made a point to make a trip to my parents on a routine schedule to help - or to offer to help. Sometimes those visits are 5 minutes long as they don''t want to do anything with me - or don''t want help. Sometimes they are very long and wonderful. The key is that I have always shown up willing to help as best as I can (and willing to do whatever - knowing that I would then have a break period to recover).

My mother made a comment this last trip about how much all those trips have ment to her and dad; even when they did not want me there and I just got into the car and drove away (they live over 3 hours away in good roads and traffic).

One thing to understand. Death is a natural outcome of life, and the timing is often unpredictable. Do not be sad about it, and enjoy what moments you can. Do not act as if he is going to die soon; but, acknolwede that he - and you - will die someday. Spend some time working with your dad to build a big "life book" on what he did in his life. I am sure that he would like to pass many things on. Ask him for what his lessons learned are in his life. Now is the time to do this. Just be sure it is a very thick book and tell him that you expect him to be arround for many years to finish it off (because he might be); but that you want to get it started.

Note also, many times someone knows that they are in decline and will start to act to put their affars in order. That is a good sign - they are taking responsibility; and their is nothing to fear or be ashamed of. My father just the other weekend stated telling me who he wanted his stuff to go to when the time is right. I will work to ensure that it happens - when the time is right.

By my beliefs their is a life beyond our physical bodies. What kind of life is up to us. So, I just view death as just passing to the next stage.

Be at peace,

Perry

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/13/2008 10:16:27 PM
Author: perry
Sap:

I cannot put into words much of what I feel.... My father has been on his last legs for almost a year now.... I have been on an emotional roller coaster at times during the year. Sometimes I post here on the subject; but often do not.

You have recieved some great advice above.

Keys are really to be sure to take care of yourself. I have not taken the best care of myself and it has caused more problems. Only now - looking back do I realize that I should have put taking care of myself higher on the list.

Most people cannot give it all... for all time... I caution you to ration yourself. Regardless of how well things have been going - I have made a point to make a trip to my parents on a routine schedule to help - or to offer to help. Sometimes those visits are 5 minutes long as they don''t want to do anything with me - or don''t want help. Sometimes they are very long and wonderful. The key is that I have always shown up willing to help as best as I can (and willing to do whatever - knowing that I would then have a break period to recover).

My mother made a comment this last trip about how much all those trips have ment to her and dad; even when they did not want me there and I just got into the car and drove away (they live over 3 hours away in good roads and traffic).

One thing to understand. Death is a natural outcome of life, and the timing is often unpredictable. Do not be sad about it, and enjoy what moments you can. Do not act as if he is going to die soon; but, acknolwede that he - and you - will die someday. Spend some time working with your dad to build a big ''life book'' on what he did in his life. I am sure that he would like to pass many things on. Ask him for what his lessons learned are in his life. Now is the time to do this. Just be sure it is a very thick book and tell him that you expect him to be arround for many years to finish it off (because he might be); but that you want to get it started.

Note also, many times someone knows that they are in decline and will start to act to put their affars in order. That is a good sign - they are taking responsibility; and their is nothing to fear or be ashamed of. My father just the other weekend stated telling me who he wanted his stuff to go to when the time is right. I will work to ensure that it happens - when the time is right.

By my beliefs their is a life beyond our physical bodies. What kind of life is up to us. So, I just view death as just passing to the next stage.

Be at peace,

Perry

Very comforting and wise advice.

 

[Kaleigh]

Sap,
I am sorry. I have dealt with cancer more times than I''d like. Be good to yourself. I know that''s the last thing on your list, but caregivers need help too. I hope you can spend as much time with your dad, and make this journey home one that is peaceful.
Never give up hope, so prayers to you and your Dad.

 

[ringster]

sap, i am so sorry to hear about your dad. i wish him, you and your family all the best and hope that he gets better.

i second UCLAbelle''s advice to spend more time with your dad. i am sure you are but just want to highlight that. also, think about things that you always wanted to do for your dad or do with your dad and try to do them. this way you can look back if the time comes and not have any regrets.

spending time with your loved one and letting them know how much you care for them is the most important thing you can do for both of you. you never know how much time you will have with your loved ones so live each day as if it is the last and don''t hold back expressing your love for them or putting in the time to be with them.

i speak from personal experience as i lost a sibling and didn''t wrap my head around the fact that we were going to lose him until it was too late. everything happened so quickly. i took alot of solace though in the fact that during the past several years i had decided to put my efforts into helping him out and spending more time with him. he always wanted to go visit our relatives on the east coast but due to his disabilities he couldn''t go alone so we went together and visited them - hadn''t seen them since we were young. i was so glad that we did that. even our relatives expressed their thanks to me after he had passed as they said they were glad that had a chance to see him all grown up.

my other brother spent every evening at his bedside taking care of him. he too was glad that he was able to do this for our brother and so did not any big regrets when he passed.

so spend time with your dad and do whatever you can to cherish the time you have with him whether it is a few months or several years or decades.