How do you respond?

[ams0124]

When I began working at my company 2 1/2 years ago I was one of about 5 unmarried/not engaged women (all of under the age of 30). Presently I am 1 of well....1

I started my day this morning with the news that the last (not including me) girl at my work got engaged last night. Although I''m extrememly happy for her, this news has now shifted more attention towads me and when I''m going to be getting engaged/married....I wonder/worry/obsess over this topic enough (hence my connection to this forum) I don''t need my office doing it too...

I am not quite 2 hours into my day, and there is no shortage of people coming into my office asking "did you hear about so and so and that she''s engaged? When is it your turn" or "we all thought you''d be first" or "now your the lone ranger" or some other jokingly but not too funny phases that is office banter.

So I was thinking...I''m looking for "smart but cute at the same time" responses to these types frequently asked questions...

The only two that I have are:

Q: When are you getting married?
A: Well I have to get engaged first

Q: When are you getting engaged?
A: When gas prices fall and he can afford a ring (I work for an oil & gas company...it kinda makes ''um laugh)

Do you ladies have any other responses that you''ve used in similar situations?
I thought it would be fun to share...Kind like "Knock Knock" or "Your Momma" jokes....

 

[sklingem]

Answer to "when are you getting engaged" (what a stupid question)
- I have decided to ask him on "date" and "exact time" and at "exact place"
- WE have decided on "date" and "exact time" and at "exact place" (in a joking fashion)
- When my SO asks me (duh!)
- When my SO thinks it is a good time to get engaged (duh!)
- Before we get married
- How the %838ck am I supposed to know????? (slightly irritated)

 

[ash313]

Sorry you''re feeling yucky. I get this question aallll the time. I know how that feels.

SO and I always talk before we go to a wedding where we know we will get the question about how to make people understand how rude of a question that is. We see it as a deeply personal decision, and try to make that clear when people ask.

Our favorite, and we''ve never actually had the gumption to use it:
"I don''t know, that''s kind of a personal question. How much do you make per year? You tell me and I''ll tell you."

Usually we say something along these lines:
"When we decide to."
"I don''t know, but you''ll be the first to know!" (I like to use this one, because the people that ask will likely not be even close to among the first to know, and they typically know that. So it''s sort of ironic, and they definitely stop asking questions after that.)
"Maybe never."
"We got married yesterday. Shhh, don''t tell anyone, it''s a secret."

pretty much anything to lighten the mood, but we do make it clear that we''re not about to discuss this with them. Unless of course, you want to discuss it, many people do! That''s ok, too, we just see it as something personal between us.

That said, I do realize that anyone who asks is just curious and would be excited if we got engaged. That is kind, but I do think it runs along the same lines as "when are you having kids?" These timelines are personal, and really no one''s business. I just want to be clear that I don''t hold a grudge against people who ask, I just don''t appreciate their asking, so don''t give them any information.

Ok, hope that made sense....

 

[Italiahaircolor]

In all honestly, they are probably only trying to be supportive, but it can grate those LIW nerves...

Just put a smile on your pretty face and gush over SO & SO and her new bling...it''ll be your turn soon!

 

[Pushin40]

Date: 8/14/2008 11:31:33 AM
Author: rob09
Answer to ''when are you getting engaged'' (what a stupid question)
- I have decided to ask him on ''date'' and ''exact time'' and at ''exact place''
- WE have decided on ''date'' and ''exact time'' and at ''exact place'' (in a joking fashion)
- When my SO asks me (duh!)
- When my SO thinks it is a good time to get engaged (duh!)
- Before we get married
- How the %838ck am I supposed to know????? (slightly irritated)

Yeah the last one is my fav!!

Good one, Rob!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I used to reply, very simply, "when the time is right". I also used to look at people asking me when my then SO and I were going to get married as a compliment - to me it meant they thought my SO and I were a good match and people saw the potential for a future in us. As frustrating as it feels to be asked, can you imagine how awkward you might feel if no one was asking you?

It''s all in your perception...if you let these things get under your skin you will be bothered but if you can find ways to shift your focus, these questions may not bother you quite as much.

 

[FrekeChild]

Q: When are you getting married?
A: Eventually.

Q: When are you getting engaged?
A: That's a good question. Why don't you ask him?

 

[Bliss]

I would BEAM and say, "Soon, I hope!"

I know it''s annoying. My parents'' friends used to ask us all the time and then they''d say, "TIME TO HAVE A BABY!" I was 26 when this started. It was craaaazy.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Am I the only one who has NEVER been asked this? Maybe we haven''t lived together/been together long enough yet.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 8/14/2008 1:13:10 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
Am I the only one who has NEVER been asked this? Maybe we haven''t lived together/been together long enough yet.

Haha, lucky!

Although I think length of relationship is irrelevant, only the pushiness of random person is relevant!

FF and I were asked this at his brothers wedding, when we had been dating only about a year, and the people asking didn''t even know if we WERE dating, let alone how long.

 

[Clairitek]

Since FF and I bought a house together we get that question ALL THE TIME. It was always assumed that we''re engaged when we were applying for loans and insurance (''You and your fiance...'' ''You and your husband...''). Then when they would ask for my marital status for the application I would say single and it would confuse them further. The neighbors actually asked FF what his wife''s name was when I wasn''t around one day.

When people ask about the status of our relationship and impending engagement I just laugh and say, "Not yet! We''re just doing things a little out of order and wanted to take advantage of the fact that real estate is a buyers market right now!"

I would take the curiosity as a compliment ultimately because of all the reasons others have said in their replies. They just want to be excited for you!

Good luck dealing with the questions at work. I bet after the excited of the latest office engagement dies down they won''t harass you as much.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 8/14/2008 11:23:29 AM
Author:ams0124
When I began working at my company 2 1/2 years ago I was one of about 5 unmarried/not engaged women (all of under the age of 30). Presently I am 1 of well....1

I started my day this morning with the news that the last (not including me) girl at my work got engaged last night. Although I''m extrememly happy for her, this news has now shifted more attention towads me and when I''m going to be getting engaged/married....I wonder/worry/obsess over this topic enough (hence my connection to this forum) I don''t need my office doing it too...

I am not quite 2 hours into my day, and there is no shortage of people coming into my office asking ''did you hear about so and so and that she''s engaged? When is it your turn'' or ''we all thought you''d be first'' or ''now your the lone ranger'' or some other jokingly but not too funny phases that is office banter.

So I was thinking...I''m looking for ''smart but cute at the same time'' responses to these types frequently asked questions...

The only two that I have are:

Q: When are you getting married?
A: Well I have to get engaged first

Q: When are you getting engaged?
A: When gas prices fall and he can afford a ring (I work for an oil & gas company...it kinda makes ''um laugh)

Do you ladies have any other responses that you''ve used in similar situations?
I thought it would be fun to share...Kind like ''Knock Knock'' or ''Your Momma'' jokes....

I could have written your post seriously. People were harrassing me here nonstop, claiming it was because they "cared" for me. Whatever you do, don''t let them see you sweat. LOL

There are three women that all they talk about are engagements, weddings, and babies. We can''t be next to them for 5 minutes without them asking. I have won about $25 in bets with the guys to see how quickly they''ll jump on that subject

. Some of my real life responses:

Q. It''s 2008! Do you think you''ll get engaged this year?
A. Not sure. Do you think you''ll have some kids this year?
~~Asked by a girl at my job that knew I hated these questions but would still ask. And I knew she hated being asked about having children so I threw it right back at her

Q. When are you guys getting married?
A. I don''t believe in marriage. People end up divorced anyway and having a wedding is such a waste of money.
~~That day I laughed so hard seeing their faces.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 8/14/2008 11:23:29 AM
Author:ams0124
When I began working at my company 2 1/2 years ago I was one of about 5 unmarried/not engaged women (all of under the age of 30). Presently I am 1 of well....1

I started my day this morning with the news that the last (not including me) girl at my work got engaged last night. Although I''m extrememly happy for her, this news has now shifted more attention towads me and when I''m going to be getting engaged/married....I wonder/worry/obsess over this topic enough (hence my connection to this forum) I don''t need my office doing it too...

I am not quite 2 hours into my day, and there is no shortage of people coming into my office asking ''did you hear about so and so and that she''s engaged? When is it your turn'' or ''we all thought you''d be first'' or ''now your the lone ranger'' or some other jokingly but not too funny phases that is office banter.

So I was thinking...I''m looking for ''smart but cute at the same time'' responses to these types frequently asked questions...

The only two that I have are:

Q: When are you getting married?
A: Well I have to get engaged first

Q: When are you getting engaged?
A: When gas prices fall and he can afford a ring (I work for an oil & gas company...it kinda makes ''um laugh)

Do you ladies have any other responses that you''ve used in similar situations?
I thought it would be fun to share...Kind like ''Knock Knock'' or ''Your Momma'' jokes....

hee hee, too cute! I get those questions too at work ( i am the only person under 50). Boyf gets them... from his guy friends!! I just always respond - "when we''re ready too!"

you could always say "why, want to know when to send the present?"
orr my fav (only becuase i work with a bunch of older conservative people) "after the baby is due"

lol... there is no baby

Freke - ha! i''ve used that before (#2) with boyf in the room

 

[princesss]

What about "Never! Why buy the cow, you know?"

In all honesty, I think I''d snap. I really hate pushy questions like that. Sure, they think it''s caring and nice. Really, it''s nosing in to places that aren''t any of their business.

 

[vita*dolce]

Date: 8/14/2008 4:04:32 PM
Author: princesss
What about ''Never! Why buy the cow, you know?''

In all honesty, I think I''d snap. I really hate pushy questions like that. Sure, they think it''s caring and nice. Really, it''s nosing in to places that aren''t any of their business.

haha, love it!! i''m definitely going to use this one next time!!

 

[wishful]

If I''m getting hounded (which I have before) I tend to take a more "frank" approach.

I would simply say

"My BF and I are not at that stage in our relationship right now. When we are and when something significant happens I will be sure to let everyone know as I''m sure you can imagine any recently engaged woman would do."

 

[trillionaire]

How about, "Oh wow, I hadn''t really thought about that..."

 

[ams0124]

I knew this post was a good idea! I''m getting some great responses..

Lee: I love your just got married yesterday line....I think I might change it up and tell the next person "I was going to tell everyone that I got married last night...but I didn''t want to steal so and so''s thunder"

Rob: I think I like your 1st one...I work at a pretty conservative place and I''m sure their expressions when I tell them and I am actually going to do the proposing would be priceless

Italian: Eveyone loves big smiles!!

Absolut_Blonde: So when are you getting engaged?

lol...I thought for sure someone would reply with "The Question"

Clair: I give it a week (or most likely till Mondy) It''ll all be back to business as usual here...

Fieryred: I love your second one!! I''m pretty sure I wouldn''t be able to say it with a straight face...

Jcarly: I like the baby reason....Although I dont'' think I could say that with a straight face either...

This is fun...Let''s keep playing!!

Q: When are you getting married?
A: Nah...marriage isn''t for me, I''d rather be a bridesmaid.

Q: When are you getting married?
A: Why fix it if it''s not broken?

 

[vita*dolce]

how about, "oh, geez, this is awkward... we''re getting married next month... you didn''t make the cut. maybe next time!" then give ''em a little pat on the shoulder and just walk away.

 

[tessari]

This one is on the snarkier side and I would never have the guts but there was one case with a hated co-worker where i was just dying to say it:

-Why do you care? You won''t be invited anyway.

And one of my friends uses this one (and it''s true for him!!)

-We are waiting until same-sex couples are allowed to marry.

 

[tessari]

BTW: I will definitely use that "why buy the cow" line bc I live with my BF--it works so well!!! Thanks!

I have guy friends that grab my left hand for an examination everytime I see them. Jeez.

 

[WishfulThinking]

This must be SO irritating... even when the people are meaning to be nice, it''s a really invasive and personal question to ask.

A few people asked us this, and we were sort of puzzled.
Conversation:
Them: "So when are you and S planning on getting married?"
Me: "Um.. you realize that we''re not even allowed to be married, right?"
Them: "Oh really? WOW, that''s so weird! It''s still not legal?"
Me: "No. When it is we will be." [In my head: "HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT? Do you even follow basic politics?!"]

I love some of the responses posted here. They''re totally hilarious! You are a very well-prepared and witty bunch!

 

[purrfectpear]

Q: When are you getting married/engaged?

A: Well we thought we''d pop out 2 or 3 kids first, just to make sure it takes ya know?

 

[ash313]

Date: 8/14/2008 8:33:16 PM
Author: WishfulThinking
This must be SO irritating... even when the people are meaning to be nice, it''s a really invasive and personal question to ask.


A few people asked us this, and we were sort of puzzled.

Conversation:

Them: ''So when are you and S planning on getting married?''

Me: ''Um.. you realize that we''re not even allowed to be married, right?''

Them: ''Oh really? WOW, that''s so weird! It''s still not legal?''

Me: ''No. When it is we will be.'' [In my head: ''HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT? Do you even follow basic politics?!'']

Threadjack: Wow, no kidding! It''s pretty basic stuff. Just read the newspaper about once a year.

I also know of more than one heterosexual couple waiting until same sex couples can marry. I so admire their selflessness, and really love that they are able to turn an invasive question into a way to advance gay rights!

Looking forward to seeing what happens in CA this November (I actually have a girlfriend who married her boyfriend in CA after the most recent decision who had been waiting until same sex marriages were legalized - it was cool).

End threadjack

Ok, I LOVE the snarkier responses, I must say. My favorite is the "awkward-you-didn''t-make-the-cut" line. so funny!

 

[Bliss]

OK, since now we're coming up with funny ones, here are some responses!

Q: When are you getting married?
A: Well, we keep hearing married people don't have sex, so we're trying to live it up before that big loooong dry spell...you know?

Q: Why aren't you engaged yet?
A: I'm waiting for him to come into his trust fund.

Q: Are you guys next?
A: My family's still putting the finishing touches on the pre-nup...but soon.

Q: Isn't it about time you got married, too?
A: Longer wait, bigger rock ya know.

And I wanna BIG one.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I really don''t mind people asking EXCEPT for the people who are implying pity in their question. So, my friend asking, "So, any new developments? What''s going on!!?" is more than okay.

Lady at new job: "So your fiance, err byforiend, err... is stationed at the navy base? So what do we call him?" That didn''t bother me.


But my grandmother looking at me with a pitying look: "So, has Mr. GP expressed any interest to you? Because frankly, he hasn''t shown me that he has intentions. When are you getting married?"

I just laughed and said, "Why on earth would he express his intentions to you, Muncie. Of course we talked about it, or else I wouldn''t have moved across the state to be near him. I promise I''ll let you know!"

I just hate the looks and questions when I know the person is implying that I''m a fool for waiting so long. Then I think it''s none of their business.


As for funny responses, here''s mine from when I was completely single and would get this question.
Q: When are you getting married?
A: As soon as I decide which guy I want to date exclusively... so many men, so little time.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 8/14/2008 8:50:52 PM
Author: leeNY

Date: 8/14/2008 8:33:16 PM

Author: WishfulThinking

This must be SO irritating... even when the people are meaning to be nice, it''s a really invasive and personal question to ask.



A few people asked us this, and we were sort of puzzled.


Conversation:


Them: ''So when are you and S planning on getting married?''


Me: ''Um.. you realize that we''re not even allowed to be married, right?''


Them: ''Oh really? WOW, that''s so weird! It''s still not legal?''


Me: ''No. When it is we will be.'' [In my head: ''HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT? Do you even follow basic politics?!'']

Threadjack: Wow, no kidding! It''s pretty basic stuff. Just read the newspaper about once a year.


I also know of more than one heterosexual couple waiting until same sex couples can marry. I so admire their selflessness, and really love that they are able to turn an invasive question into a way to advance gay rights!


Looking forward to seeing what happens in CA this November (I actually have a girlfriend who married her boyfriend in CA after the most recent decision who had been waiting until same sex marriages were legalized - it was cool).


End threadjack


Ok, I LOVE the snarkier responses, I must say. My favorite is the ''awkward-you-didn''t-make-the-cut'' line. so funny!

No kidding! I think it''s such a nice gesture when people wait to get married until we''re all allowed to. It is one of the nicest symbolic gestures I can think of, really. At the same time, though, part of me just makes me want to assure them that it''s alright and as long as they support us in any productive way they can, I''m sure no one is going to hold it against them if they do get married. I myself feel some weirdness about contemplating getting legally married while my gay friends in other states still cannot. When it comes down to it, though, my not getting married isn''t actually going to help anyone, and not having those legal rights when you can snag them can be quite inconvenient and scary.

About November... I spend more time than I ought to obsessing about it. That vote will determine whether my marriage to my fiancee will be legally recognized. We''re planning to marry in June, so it''s the deciding factor. It scares me to think we''re so close and yet it might be taken away again. /off topic

Some of the responses here are making me laugh out loud. I keep checking back to see what else people contribute! I, too, love the "didn''t make the cut" response and the babies thing is just too funny!!

 

[Deelight]

Date: 8/14/2008 12:55:55 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Q: When are you getting married?

A: Eventually.


Q: When are you getting engaged?

A: That''s a good question. Why don''t you ask him?

I use both of those, the second one shuts people up quickly for some reason it is more then okay to pester a girl but heaven forbid you ask him.

I also use this one interchangeably between when are you having children/married/engaged: Sometime before 40 I think, I am 28 so it gives people a timeline.

Most people that ask don''t ask because they care (well that''s been my experience) they ask to get a reaction like oh poor you do you feel less worthy because he has not given you a ring

heaven forbid you be happy and committed to each other and have a loving relationship that has lasted longer then most peoples marriages.

After 10 years together I have heard this question so many times I am so over it.

 

[ash313]

[/quote]

No kidding! I think it's such a nice gesture when people wait to get married until we're all allowed to. It is one of the nicest symbolic gestures I can think of, really. At the same time, though, part of me just makes me want to assure them that it's alright and as long as they support us in any productive way they can, I'm sure no one is going to hold it against them if they do get married. I myself feel some weirdness about contemplating getting legally married while my gay friends in other states still cannot. When it comes down to it, though, my not getting married isn't actually going to help anyone, and not having those legal rights when you can snag them can be quite inconvenient and scary.


About November... I spend more time than I ought to obsessing about it. That vote will determine whether my marriage to my fiancee will be legally recognized. We're planning to marry in June, so it's the deciding factor. It scares me to think we're so close and yet it might be taken away again. /off topic


Some of the responses here are making me laugh out loud. I keep checking back to see what else people contribute! I, too, love the 'didn't make the cut' response and the babies thing is just too funny!![/quote]

One more quick threadjack: Wishful, please know you and 'S' have a large community of allies in Michigan working to do everything we can. Yours in the struggle, LeeNY

 

[WishfulThinking]

Thank you so much, Lee. You have no idea how much that means to me, and I''m sure to many others. The LGBT community in Michigan needs all of the allies they can get as well, and my thoughts are with them often. Your supreme court recently made one of [if not the most] most restrictive rulings about benefits to LGBT couples when they ruled that allowing same sex couples to have insurance benefits was "marriage-like" and forbid state employers to allow it. It was horrific and sad and I''ve campaigned hard in the last few months to make progress there for them. /threadjack [sorry!]